After lunch, Zuko slept the day away. He held onto sleep with a fierce grip, relinquishing it suddenly and reluctantly when he was asked to eat dinner and then going right back to it. Iroh barely had time to comment on his good appetite.
On some level, Zuko knew why he was eating and sleeping so well. That night, as activity levels dropped and other patients went to sleep and most of the hospital staff went home, his eyes opened. He took several deep breaths. My whole body still aches. I'm so tired. But this was a kind of tiredness that he had felt before. He could handle it. He rolled onto his stomach, stiffened as he felt the pull on his newly healed wounds, and pushed himself up slowly. A brief bout of dizziness made him sway, but no more; he'd been expecting it. He rose to a crouch, made his way to the wall and tried standing. At every stage his heart beat wildly to keep up. His breathing was loud. Zuko doubted he had the ability to make it as far as his new training grounds.
Not that it was going to stop him from trying. He had to know. Unfortunately, he was not going to be able to leave on his own. He faced the wall of the hospital. Training exercise number one, he thought forcefully. Obedience. Open up. The wall turned to water. He walked through it, slowly but steadily, and found himself outside. The wall turned back to ice behind him.
He walked away from the hospital and looked around. Why did this place seem familiar? The hospital was but a larger, sprawling version of the rounded houses that surrounded it. It must have been within carrying distance of the very hut he had walked into, the one that Katara was in. He briefly wondered if she had looked after him, then forgot about it and shook his head to remind himself of other things. With his body in the condition it was in, he couldn't move very fast. All he could do was shuffle slowly and steadily around the other buildings and hope nobody was home to spot him. Nobody was.
He reached some stairs and descended with a careful hand on the railing, then sat on the bottom step to catch his breath. Now I know what it's like to be old. I've never been so weak before. I've never had to pay so much attention to every single move I made before. The mental strain alone was tiring. He wanted to go back to sleep. But no; he had to find out how far he could go. He got to his feet and kept walking.
His memories of the previous journey were vague. He remembered stumbling along thinking he was a compass, but nothing about the appearance of the streets he stumbled along or which turns he took. Try that compass trick again, he ordered. A sharp-feeling needle of ice appeared inside. It did not feel pleasant. He shivered. This was not a navigation trick he should try unless he really had no other option.
Zuko noticed immediately that the needle was pointing across a canal. Oh no. He knew for sure that he was too weak to find another way around. With a sigh, he stepped onto the water and walked across. It's nighttime. Everybody's asleep. Nobody's looking, he told himself. He told himself that every time he had to cross a canal, which happened several times. Being able to cross the street directly made travel around the Northern Water Tribe so much easier; he came to the side of the city in no time. He entered the tunnel and sat down to take a second breather.
After that, he began to climb. He did so carefully, watching the floor and the walls with a care that bordered on paranoia. If going down a flight of stairs had been so hard, how much worse was going up a featureless tunnel going to be? Luckily, his body seemed to have gotten used to exercise. His blood pressure held out and he did not faint. But he did grow dizzy and see the blood vessels in his own eyes pulsing, which forced him to stop and take a break. Three such breaks were required along his journey through the tunnel. He took another break just beyond the overhang at the tunnel's exit, where he considered it not to count towards his total. He shivered, and not from cold. He knew what that voice would say about taking four breaks in a single climb. He waited, but did not hear it. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
He expected trudging through the snow to be another grueling endeavour, but it wasn't - the snow held firm beneath him just like the liquid water did. Thanks. He made it to the ridge easily. He looked down with a gulp. He had a lot more respect for the broken icy walls of the ridge now. He patted his ice coat gratefully, dropped to his side and slid down. The bumping aggravated his wounds slightly, but all he had to do at the bottom was pull his coat down from where it had ridden up.
I did it. I made it here. He smiled. Now he could sleep. His eyes drooped… But he thought of another goal just in time. He opened his eyes again. "Come out," he mumbled.
The ice along the bottom of the ridge turned into a deep pool of water. Deep inside it, part of the water turned back to ice. The water dragon swam up to the surface and leaped ashore, shaking its head and spraying drops of water everywhere. Zuko turned and looked at a bulge of ice, which made itself more prominent and flatter and just the right height to sit on. He sat on it and looked at the water dragon. "We need to talk about how this is going to work," he told it.
The dragon dipped its head. Tell me and I will listen was the meaning of that gesture.
Zuko took a moment to think. He hadn't actually decided what he wanted to do yet. His hands curled into fists. How am I supposed to train an all-powerful spirit that can do whatever it wants?
The water spirit flapped its fins. It flared its gills to their fullest extent and held its head up as tall as it could, waving from side to side. "Fine. What's your idea?"
Use me.
Zuko narrowed his eyes. "I don't need to learn to use you. I'll be getting rid of you."
Just in case.
He considered the idea. "I don't need any training to walk on water. What else would I ever use you for?"
He meant it rhetorically, but the water dragon flared its gills and tilted its head. You know. It held that position until he understood what it was implying.
"No!" he snapped. "Absolutely not!" Oh, no. No no no. I didn't really do that last night. It was a dream. It had to have been a dream! He began to hyperventilate. It can't be a dream. The fire spirit stopped my firebending. It's been in control of my firebending this whole time! The water spirit, then - He couldn't finish that thought. It was too scary. Finishing the thought would have made him start screaming and running like a madman until he landed himself in the hospital again. As it was, he shook so badly he was in danger of falling off his seat, his teeth chattering audibly.
The water spirit cracked a water whip right in front of his nose, getting his attention. It shook its head. No, no.
"Then what were you saying?!"
The water spirit moved closer. It raised one barbel and traced a line from Zuko's forehead straight down to his stomach. He put a hand on his stomach and remembered the strange form of internal bending he had learned to do. His breath eased slightly. Yes, that might be acceptable. It was entirely internal. Nobody would recognize it.
"Okay," he said. "I'll learn to take control of you, myself. I'll be in charge of your waves from now on. I won't have to beg you for help anymore."
The water spirit nodded. It flapped its fins. Fin-flapping signified happiness or excitement. Zuko got through half a second of wondering whether he should rethink any plan of his the water spirit was happy with. Then exhaustion washed over him and he couldn't think of anything anymore. He struggled to keep his seat. When the water spirit raised a wave, he was powerless to resist. The water surrounded him and lifted him up, perfectly supportive. It laid him down on top of a snowdrift that had suddenly gathered together in that spot. The snow, too, was perfectly supportive. It molded to him like liquid water would have. He was out instantly.
The water dragon placed a blanket of its softest snow over him, tucking it in gently. It stroked his head with one barbel. It watched him for a while, then turned its dragon form to water and made it part of the ridge again. Zuko slept silently and seemingly alone. But in truth, the spirit of water was all around him, watching over him.
.
Katara was surprised to find her brother already there when she and Aang returned. "How was Princess Yue?" she asked.
Sokka looked up at her from where he was sprawled on his back using his pack as a pillow. "Complicated. As usual. After your fight with Master Pakku, she said she had to talk with her dad. I haven't seen her since!" He rolled over to lie on his stomach. "Katara, you're a girl, right? Please tell me what's going on with her."
"Not every girl is the same, Sokka," she told him. "If you want to know what's going on with her, ask her."
"I never have a chance to!"
"Fine. I'll try to figure it out." Katara went over everything he had ever described of Princess Yue's behavior. "Did she really tell you to get lost last night?"
"No," Sokka admitted. "She changed her mind about our date and ran away."
"Maybe she does like you, but she's afraid that she can't be with you," Katara guessed.
Sokka sighed. "I wish she would just tell me that instead of confusing me. I would understand if that's true. I'm a peasant. She's a princess. I'm not worthy of her." He buried his face in the carpet. "I just wish she would tell me that instead of going back and forth."
"Like Zuko," Aang said.
The house went silent. Sokka raised his head to shoot Aang an angry look. Aang stammered, "I just meant, that, that it looked kind of similar. I'm sorry. I won't mention him again."
"He is a prince," Katara said. "Maybe royal families are taught not to be open and honest with their feelings." She said this to lead herself back to the topic of Princess Yue and away from the betraying jerk who'd taken her fledgling trust in him and stomped all over it. It didn't work. This time, the detective part of her mind refused to be taken off the case. If Princess Yue's behavior was best explained by the hypothesis that she really did like Sokka, was Zuko's behavior towards them indicative of the same? No, it couldn't be. Katara had reached that conclusion only after hearing that the princess never actually said anything hurtful to Sokka. There must be something else to explain Zuko's weird behavior. Or maybe it was a combination of things -
"Ugh!" she exclaimed. "Aang, why did you have to bring him up?"
"I'm sorry," Aang apologized. "It just popped into my head all of a sudden. I said it without thinking."
Sokka sat up and put a hand on both their shoulders. "Don't worry, I've got the perfect distraction," he told them. He went back to his pack and pulled out a shirt. "We can put this shirt on Momo and make him talk!" Momo hopped off Aang's shoulder and ran away. Sokka put the shirt back. "Or I could ask you guys how waterbending training is going."
"Aang and I are doing well," Katara reported. "But it's hard, and Master Pakku never says anything good about our progress."
"We made water loops today," Aang added. He scooped up some water and started swooping it back and forth. "Doing this before I make the circle helps," he explained. He swooped right and followed his own momentum upward, bending the water back on itself and forming a circle. The circle quickly lost its form, but at least it didn't snap open and splash him.
"Oh no, a circle, the Firelord's least favorite shape," Sokka muttered sarcastically. "That'll defeat him in no time."
"I know," Aang replied, "but I think I understand why Master Pakku's making us do this. If I can control the water enough to make it an even circle, I can make it do anything." He tried to even out the circle, but it twisted on itself instead. He jumped out of the way as it broke so it sprayed water into Sokka's face. Sokka spluttered and rubbed his face.
"I'm not so sure that was the point of the lesson," Katara said. "He said you have to let the water flow. That sounds like giving up control."
"Flowing water isn't going to defeat the Firelord either!" Aang snapped. "I'm not going to beat him by pushing him into a river. I need to be able to throw ice at him!" He tried making a wave of ice in an area of the floor that wasn't carpeted. He pushed up a bulge of ice that shattered, sending Momo racing for cover.
He sighed and returned to the center of the room, flopping down next to Sokka. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and he won't tell me!"
"I still think you're being too forceful," Katara murmured.
"Well I need to be forceful!"
Katara's eyes widened. Had Aang just yelled at her? The way he turned around so quickly, the tone of voice he said that in… It was familiar.
Aang backed down almost immediately. "Wait, Katara, I didn't mean -" But she was already gone.
She stood outside in the darkness and tried to control her trembling hands. Aang had always been so sweet and kind. He wasn't supposed to act like that. It scared her.
She bit her lip and tried to be something other than afraid. She thought about how he hadn't been like this before Zuko came with them. Maybe Zuko was to blame. Her hands stopped trembling and clenched. Yes, that must be it. Zuko ruined everything! It was all his fault.
Even so, she hesitated before going back inside for dinner. When she finally did, Aang was all apologies. She breathed a sigh of relief and tried to forget about it. Zuko wasn't part of their lives anymore. Without him, everything would get better.
She was just about to drift off to sleep when a part of her mind suggested that what would really best explain it was if Zuko was two different people! That woke her up. She pulled her pillow over her ears and tried not to think. It took a while to drift off again, and she spent most of it being angry at her own mind.
.
The next morning, Kalika arose with a yawn. She went about her morning routine with the usual care: she brushed and combed her hair, braided it, changed out of her bedclothes, put her coat on. Only then did she start thinking about her patients. Her heartbeat jumped. She went to her healing hut as fast as she could and gathered all her notes, more blank scrolls and writing utensils in case opportunity struck, and a necklace made of round wooden beads that her mother had given her and which helped her discreetly calm herself. She then went to the hospital. "Is Lee in?" she asked the flustered-looking head nurse.
"No," the woman whispered. "The night nurse made rounds shortly after midnight, and he was gone! She's forbidden from seeing any patients until we find out how he slipped past her." The head nurse tried to look stern, but she was clearly very worried.
"Don't worry," Kalika said. "I think I know where he is by now. And don't be too harsh on her, Mistress. It might not be her fault." She turned and left the hospital, heading straight for Mushi's residence.
She found him making breakfast. Lee was nowhere in sight. "Early again!" Mushi said with a laugh. "Care to have some tea?"
"He's not here?"
Mushi stopped laughing. "No. Is he not at the hospital?"
"He escaped around midnight."
Their eyes met, and she saw that they shared the same worry. Mushi stood up, ready to do whatever must be done. Kalika began to hope and pray that he hadn't died before she could even start working with him. Then the flaps rustled behind her. She turned. Lee walked in, stiffly but surely. "Is breakfast ready?" he asked.
"Nephew!" Mushi darted forward with surprising speed. He grabbed his nephew by the shoulders. "Don't you ever do that again. You're already badly injured, and now you're running off so nobody knows where you are? In the North Pole? You could get trapped somewhere and freeze to death! You're not strong enough to go off on your own yet. You need to be where people can help you."
Lee's expression hardened. He brushed Mushi's hands away. "I was fine, Uncle," he snapped. "You worry about me way too much."
"No, I think I haven't been worrying about you enough," Mushi said. "You don't care about your own wellbeing. Someone has to, so the responsibility falls to me. I wouldn't have to worry if you would look after yourself."
"I. Was. Fine!" Lee repeated. "I was perfectly safe. I don't need you to look after me."
Mushi sighed, visibly holding himself back from further argument. He took a step backward. "Nephew, this is Kalika," he said. "She's the lovely lady that healed you up. She's also a very good healer of people's spirits, and she would like to work with you."
Lee shot her a flat look. "I don't need a doctor."
"It's always good to have one available," Kalika said, trying to be diplomatic. "I'll check in with you here at breakfast and dinner. If anything happens that you would like to talk about, I'll listen."
"The only thing I want is food," Lee said as he walked past her. "Uncle, this fish is overdone."
Kalika sighed. They were off to such a great start. She wondered what Yagoda would think of her progress, which reminded her why she had come in the first place. "Lee, how did you get out last night?"
"I might be injured, but that doesn't make me a weakling who needs a nanny 24/7," he snapped.
"I meant it literally. The nurse on duty last night is in trouble for deserting her post. Did you sneak past her, Lee?"
His hunched shoulders relaxed. "No, I didn't. The water spirit turned the wall into water and I walked through. There's no reason for her to be in trouble."
"I thought so," Kalika said. "I'll tell them that right now. Thank you." She hurried back to the hospital, where she found the night nurse and head nurse sitting outside. The night nurse looked like she had been crying before and was ready to start again. The head nurse had a comforting hand on her back. They both looked up hopefully as Kalika approached. "Lee has a water spirit that's been helping him with things," she explained. "It turned the wall to water so he could walk out. There's no way you could have caught him unless you were in the room with him."
The night nurse swallowed. "He's alright?"
"Yes. It watches over him. He was never in any danger." Suddenly, Kalika understood why Lee had been so insistent that his uncle didn't need to worry about him. He really had been perfectly safe. Mushi would have understood and backed off if he had just said that the water spirit kept him safe. So why hadn't he said that? "I was just seeing him now. Excuse me." She went back to Mushi's place.
Lee had finished breakfast and was busy stuffing food into his pack when she got back. "What are you doing back here?" he demanded.
"The night nurse is very relieved to hear that you're safe," Kalika told him. "Also, I have a question to ask you."
Lee clenched his fists. "I won't answer."
"I wasn't going to ask you to," Kalika said. "Not here. Is there a place where I can ask you my question in private?"
Lee stared at her for a while. Kalika's fingers itched to reach for her beaded necklace. She knew she was being assessed, and judged. "I guess we could go upstairs," he finally muttered. He put the pack aside and went to the staircase in the corner. She followed at a respectful distance.
The upper floor of their building was broad and empty, intended for occupants who could fill it with their own possessions. Lee sat against a wall. "What's your question?"
"Why didn't you tell your uncle you were safe because the water spirit was watching over you?"
"That's not why I'm safe," he said. "I don't need the water spirit. Sure, it helps sometimes, but I am perfectly capable of doing things by myself. I am not a child. I don't want him to think I'm only safe as long as I'm supervised. Does he think I'm stupid?"
"The observable fact that is beyond dispute is that very recently, when left alone, you decided it was a good idea to pick a fight with a water spirit and nearly died," Kalika said in as neutral a tone as she could manage. "It doesn't matter why that happened or what you were thinking. All he knows is that leaving you alone resulted in your near death. He's afraid that will happen again. He needs to hear something reassuring. He can't just will himself not to be afraid."
Lee did not respond to her with either words or a change to his facial expression. He got up and went down the stairs silently. She followed, waiting to see what would happen. "Uncle," he said. "This was a one time thing."
Mushi looked skeptical.
"There is only one way to make the water spirit angry, and I managed to do it," Lee said. "I won't do it again. So it's never going to get angry with me again. I'll be fine."
"You know this how?"
Lee huffed and threw up his hands. "Why are you suddenly doubting everything I say? You used to trust me once. Now it's like you think I'm a helpless child."
"I don't know what's going on and you aren't telling me anything," Mushi said.
"So it's my fault that you have decided I'm useless? I don't think so." Lee turned and marched toward the door. "I'm starting the training today. Don't try to stop me." He picked up the pack, pushed a flap aside and was gone.
Kalika stared after him. That was what she had to confront, perfectly, under time pressure. She gulped. Then she looked back and saw Mushi staring up at her, his eyes wide and shimmering and sad. "Please help my nephew," he begged her. She agreed, because what else could she do? As she walked away, Kalika knew she would have to dismiss any other patient that came seeking spiritual healing. In order to heal Lee, she would need all of her own spiritual strength. Hopefully it would be enough…