Later that afternoon, Zuko returned to his training spot outside the city. He had discovered quite independently that two separate training sessions, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, worked best. By the time he returned to the ridge in the late afternoon, his spirit had recovered from the morning workout and he had some new ideas. Instead of beginning the training immediately, Zuko sat on the ice seat and called the water dragon out.
"I've been thinking about what I decided this morning," he told it. "There's one problem with my idea: there is too much water around here. The smallest amount of water I could move would carry away a house. How am I supposed to use my inner grip routinely when I can't use it inside the city?"
The water dragon tilted its head to one side, then the other. Then it held up one barbel. I've got an idea! It turned to face down the ridge and gestured outwards. The floor of the ridge turned to water. But the ice below was clearly visible; it was a very shallow pool of water. The dragon turned back to Zuko and gestured Come here. It guided him to the edge of the pool and indicated he should walk across.
Zuko shrugged and did so, expecting to walk across the water like usual. Instead, his feet sank in. He stared downwards in amazement. "What are you doing?"
The water spirit tapped him on the shoulder. It pointed at him. You. When he didn't react, it pushed forward with both barbels. Go on.
Zuko's eyes widened. Use the water to carry myself? He looked down at it again and concentrated. He gripped the whole area of the ridge and held it still so none of it would move. This meant he was unable to pull his foot out of the water. He relaxed his grip, went back to shore and did it again. Then he stepped onto the water. The surface of it shuddered. He had to tighten his grip, and he did so forcefully enough that the ice all around cracked. But the water held steady beneath him.
"Every time I travel around the city, do this to cross the canals," he said. "Once I learn how to do it without cracking ice. Makes sense. But what am I supposed to do - cross canals all day? This isn't enough."
The water spirit gestured for him to come back. It waved a barbel again, and the bottom of the pool disappeared. It was now very, very deep. Make a wave, it ordered. But small.
"I can't make a small wave."
You can make a wave that looks small.
Zuko took control of most of the pool and lifted it up, but only a little. He was still controlling a vast amount of water. But most of it remained below the surface, where nobody could see it and it wouldn't affect anything. He could move it around as if it was a small wave and nobody would be the wiser. "Neat, but the only place I could possibly use this is on the canals. It's not good for anything."
The water dragon tilted its head. I'm not so sure of that. It lifted its fins and let them fall: a draconic shrug. This is the same as other things. Ice is also water.
"Ice is a more dangerous form of water. I don't have the control to safely move ice."
Then learn.
Zuko sighed. "Go away." It was time to begin training.
.
That night, when Zuko returned, Iroh was ready.
He had dinner already prepared. He watched carefully as the door flaps moved aside and Zuko came into view. Zuko looked mild. He wasn't actively angry, at least. Iroh congratulated himself on choosing the perfect time to act. He allowed Zuko to sit down silently and passed him food, also silently. They ate. Halfway through, Iroh lowered his bowl. "Zuko, we need to talk."
"I don't want to," Zuko replied.
"I wasn't asking permission." Iroh fixed him with an Ultra Serious Iroh Look (™). "Something has to change, Nephew. You've been lashing out at everybody lately, especially those who've done nothing to deserve it. You've been stewing in your anger. You've finally made it to the Northern Water Tribe, just where you wanted to go, yet you haven't smiled for almost a week. It's unhealthy."
"Yeah, well, my life hasn't exactly been going great," Zuko shot back. "I wasn't able to get rid of the water spirit. This training program is just a placeholder while I figure out what to do. In the meantime, it's still trying to get its hooks in and manipulate me."
"That is no excuse for being rude to everyone you meet, including your own family," Iroh replied. "It's time you learned self restraint. You can feel as badly as you want, but you cannot make it everyone else's problem."
Zuko clenched his fists. "What are you saying?"
"Stop snapping at people," Iroh ordered. "I mean it, Nephew. You cannot develop a habit of doing that. It will get you in trouble with everyone you meet."
Zuko snarled. He plainly did not like hearing this news. Between the look on his face and the hunched position of his shoulders, he resembled nothing so much as a wild boar. Iroh did not want him to resemble an ugly wild boar. He wanted his nephew to resemble a beautiful dragon.
"I think the root of your problem is your anger," Iroh told him. "You lash out because you're unhappy, and you're unhappy because you spend all your time hiding away in the wilderness alone. In order to change, you have to become happy. That's another thing I want you to do, Nephew. Do something that makes you happy."
Zuko swept fire across the room, singeing the carpet. "You have no idea what I spend my time doing, yet you're going to judge it as worthless? You have no idea what you're talking about! You have no right to order me to do anything, you ignorant old man!"
"I know what's in your best interest, and if I have to order you to do it, I will," Iroh countered. "Are you really going to complain about me asking you to do something that makes you happy?"
"Yes," Zuko snapped.
Iroh closed his eyes and shook his head. "You would rather stew in your misery and anger? That is a sad, sad way to live. I don't want such a life for you. I won't let you have it."
"You have no idea at all what my life is! You're talking nonsense!" Zuko shot to his feet. "And I will have whatever life I want. I won't let you stop me." He turned and ran out the door.
Iroh sighed. Unlike all his other sighs, which consisted of sadness, this one contained some aggravation. All he asked was that Zuko not snap at people, and do one thing to make himself happy. One thing. To make himself happy. Who in their right mind would resist that? Iroh just wanted to help. Why was he making it so hard?
.
The voice was right. He doesn't like me anymore. He only wants me to go back to being the kind, obedient little nephew he liked. Now that I'm taking control of my own life and not glued to him 24/7, he's mad that he's lost control over me. He doesn't care about what I want. He only wants to shape me in the way he wants.
Zuko stopped to kick a pile of snow. He panted harshly. I was thinking of telling him, too. I was going to tell him I'd thought of a whole training program all by myself. I thought he would be proud of me. But no. Apparently everything I do that he doesn't see is worthless. He doesn't think I can do anything useful or good when I'm by myself. Why? Because he thinks I'm a stupid child! Zuko stomped off in a random direction, not caring where he went.
After several minutes of this, his rage began to subside. He wants me to make myself happy? Fine. I'll make myself happy. I'll show him that I can do it, that I'm not some helpless victim of my anger who needs to be saved. I am not pathetic! He crossed his arms and leaned against a wall. Everyone thinks I'm just a big angry jerk. I'll show them all.
He just needed to figure out a way to do it.
It was very hard to think of things that made him happy while his mind was still full of the lingering aftereffects of rage. He refused to do anything that could be considered childlike or pathetic according to the voice in his head. That eliminated nearly everything that had ever put a smile on his face. He struggled to think of something useful and mature he could do that would also make him happy. I can't get rid of the water spirit. I can't capture the Avatar and go back home. What else can I do?
After he had spent a while thinking, he cooled down enough to consider other possibilities. What do I like to do? I like fighting. I could train my firebending. But I can't do that inside the city where people could see and there is no way I'm bringing Uncle out to my training spot. It is My Spot. What else do I like? I like…flying. But there are no gliders around here. Zuko tried to remember things that had made him feel good in the past. I liked helping Aunt Wu save her town from a volcano. I like hanging out with Momo. I liked lecturing the Avatar about fire.
He tried to go on thinking of other things that made him happy, but he kept remembering the lecture he had given during his training with Master Jeong Jeong. No way. Not possible. He's the Avatar, and they hate me now anyway. But that was the only thing he could remember that was physically possible. There was no volcano to save anyone from and Momo had hissed at him last time they saw each other. The Avatar would probably do likewise. But, being human, there was a chance that he would stand still long enough to listen. Zuko shook his head. It's better if he hates me. That's a good thing. He should hate me. I'm the prince and he's the Avatar. We are enemies. He pushed off from the wall and kept walking.
As he walked, he tried to think of someone else he could talk to about the elements. He couldn't imagine anyone else who would find his knowledge at all useful. Iroh would just point out everything he was wrong about. Master Pakku wouldn't want to be disturbed, least of all for a lecture by a youngster. The Avatar's friends had no reason to want to know about spirits, and therefore would never listen. Animals, while friendly and uncritical, wouldn't understand a word he was saying. This was a stupid idea. I'll find something else to do that makes me happy. Maybe the water spirit can make me a glider out of ice. The water spirit jabbed him once, hard, in the chest. He gripped his chest and shivered. Or not. Fine. I'll think of something else.
He could not think of anything else. He ended up in a broad alley that opened onto the water. A bridge crossed overhead. He checked; there was nobody up there. He sat down against the side of it and sighed. I can't teach the Avatar about spirits. It's not possible. I made it impossible. He hates me, and that's how I want it. But if it was so not-possible, why did his mind keep returning to this idea?
That was a good question. Everything between them was settled. He had no more need to see the Avatar, no need to speak to him, until the time came to capture the boy and drag him back to the Fire Nation. Everything was fine. But the more Zuko tried to convince himself of this, the more something felt not-fine. Something was nagging at him. He looked down at the water and projected his thoughts at his own face. I do not need to see him ever again. Everything between us is as it should be. We are enemies, and that is good.
The water rippled. Zuko's reflection was broken up. His heart skipped a beat. He lunged the other way, away from the deep, black depths of the water. His stomach quivered, making him nauseous, and the next moment his throat closed. He struggled to breathe. What's happening?! Am I dying? He backed himself against the farthest wall and leaned against it, his teeth chattering, his whole body shuddering. His eyes darted around the open space where it opened on the canal and the sidewalks. He glanced repeatedly up at the bridge. He saw nobody. If anybody appeared… I will do whatever I have to. I will fight if I must! Anybody he saw right now would be an enemy.
After what felt like an eternity, the panic attack subsided. His heart slowed down to a wild galloping beat, but at least it wasn't trying to smash his ribcage from the inside. He recovered the ability to breathe. Zuko gasped for air and sat down, his head spinning. What was that?
It had all begun when he saw his face flicker in the water. In a flash, Zuko remembered his near death encounter. He'd almost succeeded in repressing the memory of it, but now it was back and stronger than ever. He kept shivering. I almost let go. I almost let it take me. I almost gave up. I wanted to. Each thought scared him more and more. But I didn't, he reminded himself forcefully. I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm alive. I did not give up, I did not let it take me, I did not let go. It didn't happen. It's fine!
His attempts to reassure himself weren't working very well. Every time his eyes caught a glimpse of the canal, he flinched away from it. And I will be fine in the future too, he told himself. There is nothing to worry about. There's a reason I didn't give in. The reason is -
It's the Avatar.
Zuko stopped shivering. What? He turned and faced the memory for the first time since it had happened. He remembered thinking of the Avatar and of Katara. Because of that, he hadn't let go. Because of them.
He saved my life. Zuko struggled to believe it. How? Why? He shook his head. He struggled against this idea for several minutes before conceding. He saved my life somehow. It's insane, but… It was true.
And if it was true…
I have to find a way to repay him. Zuko sighed. I can't believe this. What am I thinking? Repaying an enemy for saving my life? Enemies do not do that. But if I had died that way - Every fiber of his being resisted. He could die in battle, die in a fall, die of being trapped, of being burned in an Agni Kai. Anything but die in a way that he willingly allowed. I have to repay him. And her. I owe them both.
Zuko gulped. Compass?
.
"Aang!" Sokka called as he ran through the door. Aang and Katara looked up. "Master Pakku's planning to do something really bad to you. Yue told me about it just now."
"He already did it," Aang told him. "He lectured me, then kicked me out of the class."
"What? First he said Katara couldn't learn to waterbend because she's a girl, and now he's kicking you out of his class? What is wrong with him?!"
Katara held up her hands. "Wait. Sokka. He had his reasons, and I have to admit that they sounded pretty good."
"There are no reasons good enough for condemning the world to a Fire Nation takeover," Sokka shot back.
"He didn't say I couldn't come back," Aang said.
"Come back?" Sokka got himself under control enough to sit down. "What do you need to do before he'll let you back in?"
"I need to become a better student," Aang said. "I haven't been learning from him, and he said the problem's on my end, not his."
"It seems like Aang's being distracted by personal problems," Katara said. "If we solve the problems, he'll be able to focus on his waterbending again." She turned towards Aang. "What's bothering you?"
Aang looked down. He was ashamed. "Zuko."
"Zuko? But we haven't seen him for several days. Good riddance." Sokka brushed invisible dirt off his shoulder.
Aang closed his eyes. "I know. I should be able to let it go. He doesn't want to see us, and we don't want to see him. We're enemies again, just like before. Nothing's changed. It's fine." His fists clenched. "But I don't feel fine. I can't stop thinking about the horrible things he said. And every time I think of it, I get angry. I want to punch him." Aang gripped his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do about my feelings. I've never been so angry before."
Sokka took out a blanket from his pack and rolled it up. "Punch this." He held it up. Aang doubted it would work, but he punched the blanket as hard as he could. He punched it over and over, imagining it was Zuko's face.
After a while, he had to force himself to stop. "This isn't working. I feel even worse."
"Try screaming into it."
Aang took the blanket and screamed into it. He was startled to discover that he didn't need to force a scream; one arose of its own accord. He looked at the balled-up blanket, then screamed into it again. "This helps," he reported.
"I knew it would," Sokka declared confidently. "Now you can waterbend with no problem."
Aang took Katara's water and tried to make a circle. His circle wobbled and twisted. He pressed it harder, then relaxed, but wasn't able to find the right amount of force. "Come on, you stupid water -" It splashed in his face. "Ugh!"
"Looks like screaming into the blanket didn't solve everything," Katara said. "Don't worry, Aang. We'll find something that works."
Aang didn't look at her. He didn't share her optimism. How could he solve a problem when he could not figure out what it was? There was nothing wrong. Zuko didn't want to see them, and they didn't want to see him. So they were currently not seeing each other. Everything made perfect sense. What was the problem?
His heart beat fast with fear. He had suspicions, ones he refused to think about too closely. He also refused to mention them to anyone else. If they were true, how embarrassing would that be? Nobody would understand. So he sat down and pretended the whole matter was an unsolvable mystery to be left for another day. Katara put a pot over the fire, mixed together some ingredients, and soon dinner was cooking. It smelled delicious.
There was a knock on the inside of the door, just behind the flaps that covered the entryway.
The three of them turned to look. A flap moved. Aang's eyes widened. In walked the last person he expected to be paying them a visit: Zuko. "Hi," Zuko muttered awkwardly. "I've, um, come to make an offer."
Katara rose to her feet. "No." She stomped towards Zuko. The firebender flinched backward before her. She stabbed an accusing finger into his face and told him, "You aren't welcome here. You said you didn't want to see Aang's ugly face ever again. Guess what? The feeling's mutual. I don't care what you're spewing out of your mouth now. We're not going to listen. You got your second chance, and you blew it. Goodbye." She raised a wave of ice and shoved him out the door.
.
Zuko fell backwards onto the ice and hit his head, but barely noticed. The pain in his head was nothing compared to the pain in his chest. As he lay there on the ice, his throat squeezed so tightly that he could not have squeaked, much less spoken. He gasped, struggling for breath, but the muscles all over his chest and abdomen had gone rigid from pain. His hands shook. As he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, the sight of the doorway that might as well have been filled with bricks made his face flush with heat. Ow. Ow. He stood up and wobbled on his feet. His vision blurred. What kind of naiveté had made him think it was possible to turn around and try to be kind?
.
Kalika raced to get ready. She wracked her brain for a few more minutes, then decided she had no more to add to the very special scroll she'd spent most of her day making. She packed her previous set of notes, as well as writing materials. She was an optimistic doctor. Then, as fast as she could, she swallowed down a small amount of food and hurried off toward Mushi's house. Her haste was because of what had happened that morning. She didn't know how late they ate dinner. If she didn't hurry, Lee might insist on going to bed, and she would lose another precious opportunity to make progress.
By the time she arrived, Lee wasn't there. Mushi invited her to sit and join him for an after-dinner tea. "I tried to be firm with him," Mushi said. "He didn't take it well. He'll calm down and come back eventually."
Kalika accepted a cup of tea and took a deep breath. "It's just as well," she said. "I should be calm when I see him." She sipped her tea. "I am one of the best spiritual healers in the Northern Water Tribe, and I'm confident I can help him with enough time. But he is an unusually difficult patient, and I know you came here with the Avatar. I assume you won't be staying for very long."
"I don't know how long we'll be staying," Mushi told her. "We're not with the Avatar. He gave us a ride as a favor."
"Oh." Kalika let out a relieved sigh. She might have more time than she had thought.
They enjoyed their tea together. When they had both finished their cups, Lee still had not returned. "It could be a while," Mushi admitted. "He holds onto his anger very stubbornly."
"Does this sort of thing happen often?"
"Sometimes. It's best to give him a whole day to cool down."
Kalika wondered if she should take out her notes and scribble additions in the margins. Why hadn't she thought to bring a blank scroll? "Once he gets angry, he tends to stay that way for a long time?"
"Yes," Mushi said. "Let me tell you what I did to set him off. As we were eating dinner, I told him that he couldn't snap at people anymore. It's a bad habit, and it won't help him. I also asked him to do something to make himself happy."
"Hmm." Kalika took out one of her scrolls and found some blank space on it to write down the gist of what Mushi had said. Lee angered by orders not to snap and to be happy. She reread it and thought about it carefully. Which part was Lee angered by? Was he angry at being ordered around, at being told he was doing something wrong, at the insinuation that he needed to be told any of this? Based on his earlier statements, Kalika guessed it was a combination of 1 and 3. He probably wasn't angry at the actual content of the orders, but rather at the fact that they were given.
"Based on what he said yesterday, I think he was angry that you gave him any orders at all," she told Mushi. "He accused you of not trusting him anymore."
Mushi sighed. "I don't know if I do," he admitted. "He's not acting in his own best interest, or anyone else's, and I don't know why. He's become too unpredictable to fully trust."
Kalika smiled sympathetically. "I've seen it before. Troubled patients put stress on the people who love them. That doesn't make him a bad person. It's normal. He's not acting any worse than other troubled people, and you're not handling it any more poorly. You're doing pretty well, in fact."
Mushi smiled back at her. It disappeared quickly. "I know," he said, "but it doesn't comfort me. My younger brother, his father… We aren't close anymore. The responsibilities of our family's position changed him. He's become a hard person, nothing like the little brother I was raised with. I'm afraid that I'm losing my nephew the same way."
Again, Kalika's heart raced. Mushi clearly was very invested in his nephew. The pressure she felt to succeed increased. "Don't worry," she said. "You're not alone this time." As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. What was she doing? By saying things like that, she was effectively taking Mushi as a second patient. He wasn't her responsibility! She needed all her energy to focus on Lee. His uncle could wait. But Mushi was such a kind and friendly man, and she couldn't help but feel bad for him. It was the doctor's curse: wanting to help everyone in the world, but not being able to.
Mushi poured himself another cup of tea. "I have some friends here in the city. I've asked them to help talk to him. Between all of us, I'm confident that he won't go the way of his father."
"That's good to hear." Though it made her job much harder; now she would have to expand her list of the important people in Lee's life and keep herself informed of all the other influences he was getting. Her time commitment would increase drastically. But she would take all the help she could get.
They enjoyed a second round of tea. Kalika had drunk half of hers and happily noted that she was calmer when suddenly, a flap rustled. She turned, a friendly smile on her face. It soon died. Lee staggered in. He was bent slightly, like an old man, and struggled to breathe. His face was flushed. By all appearances, he was deathly ill.
Kalika jumped to her feet and went to him. She took off her gloves and placed a hand on his forehead. He was hot. He batted her hand away. "Lee? What's happened?"
He did not answer her. She knew by now that that was normal, and not a reason for concern. He walked past her, heading for the staircase. His movements looked like those of someone in great pain, but she couldn't see any injury. She raised a hand, telling Mushi to stay where he was, and followed Lee up the stairs.
He walked a good distance away from the stairs and sat down heavily against the wall. His breathing was still hard. Kalika knelt across from him. Intuition told her to say nothing. A closer look at him as he sat there made her more and more sure of her diagnosis. He was in pain. As time passed, she began to consider an audacious idea. Would it be too much, or would it be barely enough? Should she? Could she?
She scooted over to his right side and gave him a hug.
Lee didn't push her away. He shivered. He reached up and took hold of her arm, firmly at first, as though he meant to peel her off of him. Then, it seemed, he changed his mind. He held onto her arm gently. She held onto him just as gently, listening to and feeling his breathing. Slowly, it eased.
When his breathing was mostly normal, she relaxed her grip, slowly, so as not to spook him. He was vulnerable. Around vulnerable creatures of any species, the thing to do was make no sudden movements. Slowly, she scooted around until she was sitting in front of him again. She placed comforting hands on both of his shoulders and looked firmly into his face, projecting all the benevolence she could.
He looked up and saw it. They sat there, staring into each other's eyes, for a long while. His twitched back and forth, glancing all around. His eyes narrowed, then widened. His brow furrowed, then relaxed. Kalika knew that they were in the middle of an all-important moment. How he judged her now would make or break his ability to trust her. If she did something wrong, he would never be vulnerable in front of her again. But she was not afraid. It was like being in free fall. One could be afraid of a fall before it happened, or afterward, but never in the moment. In the moment, there was no past or future. There was only now. Kalika and her patient hung suspended, motionless, like figures in a snow dome. Moments like these were one of her favorite parts of being a doctor.
Lee swallowed. Tears came to his eyes, though he shed none. His eyes left hers. The judgment was over. She had passed.
Kalika took her hands back. Now she had to figure out what to do next. But she felt no anxiety, because the experience of being in the moment was not over. She knew exactly what to do and how to do it. This was what she had spent all day preparing for. She took out her special scroll. "I would like to know more about you," she said gently. "May I ask you some basic questions?"
Lee nodded.
Kalika's hands shook with excitement as she opened the scroll and fixed its ends in place with ice. This scroll was the result of sudden inspiration on her part. If it worked, it would break down all the walls between her and Lee, allowing the healing to begin. She cleared her throat and reread the questions on the scroll carefully. They were written down because, if they weren't, she feared she would forget to ask them. They were very special questions.
She took out her charcoal and got ready to write. "What is your name?"
"Lee."
"How old are you?"
"Sixteen."
She took a deep breath. "Species?"
Lee looked up at her. He stared at her warily. After five seconds of silence, she cleared her throat. "Are you a human, an animal, a spirit being, something else that I haven't thought of, or a combination of any of the above?"
He continued to stare at her. His mouth was open. Eventually he mumbled, "Human."
She wrote that down just as seriously as she had written down his name and age. "Gender?" she asked next. "Are you a man, woman, or something else?"
His face twitched in interesting ways. He sat up. "Man."
"Which world were you born in? The physical world, spirit world, or another?"
"Physical world."
"Which world do you currently reside in most of the time?"
He hesitated. "Well…"
Kalika realized she really should have added a note beside this pair of questions. "Excuse me," she said. "Let's go back to the previous question for a moment. Which dimension of the physical world were you born in?"
"The normal dimension, where we're sitting."
She added that to his previous answer. "Which world do you currently reside in, and which dimension of it?"
"Physical world, spiritual dimension."
Kalika made a mark next to that answer to indicate that it needed revisiting. Did he really mean that he normally lived outside of his body, or did he mean something else? She would ask him to elaborate another time. Now was the time to move on to the really interesting questions. She'd thought of them after being struck by another burst of inspiration. She cleared her throat. "Have you at any point in your life had a father?"
"Uh… Yes."
She wrote that down. "Have you at any point in your life had a second father, beside the one you just told me about?"
Lee blinked. He thought about it, and his fists clenched. "...Yes."
She wrote that down. "Have you at any point in your life had a third father, besides the two you just told me about?" By all the watchful spirits! Her chart of his family relationships was going to need a complete rewrite.
"N-" He stopped himself. His eyes darted around. "...Yeah," he said, sounding stunned. "I guess I do."
Kalika wrote that down and wondered how much revision she was going to need to do. "Have you at any point in your life had a fourth father, besides the three you just told me about?"
"No."
Well, that was a relief. "Have you at any point in your life had a mother?"
"Yes."
"Have you at any point in your life had a second mother, beside the one you just told me about?"
"Yes."
"Have you at any point in your life had a third mother, besides the two you just told me about?"
"No."
"Have you ever had any siblings?"
"One," Lee said. "A younger sister. We're related through, uh, Mother 1 and Father 1."
Kalika was definitely going to have to redesign her whole chart. She had originally recorded his family in the typical tree format, which did not allow for multiple sets of parents. "Do you have any siblings through your other parents?"
"None that I know. It's possible that we've met, but I haven't been properly introduced."
Kalika wrote Possible other siblings. "Aunts or uncles?"
"One uncle, who you know. He's related to me through Father 1. And I guess I have an aunt, through Mother 2."
"Cousins?"
"One. My uncle's son. He died when I was eight. He was a lot older than me; I didn't know him very well."
"None through your aunt?"
"Maybe. But if we've met, I was not introduced."
Mother 1 and Father 1 appeared to be his blood relatives, the ones that Mushi had told her about. Who were these other relatives, that had children he easily could have met but not recognized? Kalika wrote down Possible cousins and made the same mark as before, indicating that these questions also needed revisiting. "Any grandparents?"
"One. My grandfather, through Father 1."
Kalika tentatively drew a revised chart to try to illustrate what she was writing down in words. It looked like a tangled, sprawling bush. That format wasn't going to work. "Have you ever had any other relatives I haven't asked about?"
Lee thought about it. Kalika rejoiced. She had worried that her tactic might fail, that he might find her questions silly and think she was making fun of him. If anything, he was taking her questions more seriously than she did. She hadn't really expected her questions about other parents to lead anywhere. Truly, the idea that she could demonstrate respect for him by starting at the beginning of beginnings had been sent by a benevolent spirit. "None that I can think of," he answered.
Kalika was so happy about the productivity of this line of questioning that she decided to go further. She applied a binding agent to her charcoal writings, removed the ice, and flipped her scroll over to write on the back. She hated to do that; it was bad for her organization. But she really, really needed a blank scroll right now. "Lee, I would like to ask for your help. Can you draw for me a chart to represent your family?" She moved over to his side so they would be looking at the scroll from the same angle and offered him the charcoal.
He took it. He bent over the scroll and, after a bit of thought, placed a dot right in the center. He wrote Lee next to it. Around that point, he drew a circle. He then drew a larger circle around that. He drew a line through the point, cutting the circles in half. He labeled one side Human Family and the other side Spirit Family. He put one dot on the smaller circle on the human side, and labeled it Sister. He put two more dots on the larger circle on the human side and labeled them Mother 1 and Father 1. He drew a semicircle beyond that, creating yet a third level, and added Grandfather. He put his uncle in the blank space between the second and third circles and drew an arrow connecting that dot to Father 1.
Beyond the second circle on the spirit side, he drew a dotted semicircle. "Not grandparents, but a different kind of spirit. A higher kind," he explained. He put Father 3 on the second circle, and Father 2 and Mother 2 on the dotted outer circle. Right next to Mother 2, he put Aunt on the same circle. "There it is," he announced, handing her the charcoal back.
Kalika picked up the scroll and studied it. She moved back to her former position sitting across from him and pulled out the scroll on which she had first recorded his family. She saw that her first scroll also had a line drawn through it. On one side, his human family. On the other side, nothing except a couple notations suggesting he had some friends his uncle didn't know about. Though one of those notations was Secret life?, it didn't at all suggest the magnitude of what Lee had revealed to her now. Kalika looked at the second scroll. There was almost the same number of individuals on the spirit side as the human side, nearly doubling the size of his known family. And, she noticed, the first scroll said Secret friends? The second scroll said family.
"Are these other family members the same people you've been describing as friends to your uncle?" she asked.
Lee nodded. "They're adoptive."
"Your uncle doesn't seem to know anything about them."
"No one does."
Kalika looked up at him in shock. He met her gaze steadily. His face was transformed; how had she not noticed? He looked at her gently, warmly. Trustingly. Kalika hadn't fully absorbed the implications of his answers to her questions until now. Her special scroll had worked. He trusted her. He trusted her more than anyone else in the world, literally. Her throat dried. That was a great responsibility. She nodded.
As she rolled up the scroll, she muttered, "Nothing said in this or any future session will be shared without your explicit permission." She said it in the tone of voice used to refer to the blazingly obvious. He nodded.
With that, the session concluded. They stood up and went to the stairs. Just before descending, Kalika stopped. She turned to him. "Are you all right?"
He looked away. His next breath was slightly more strained. "I'm fine."
"If you ever want to talk about it, I'll be here. Or if it can't wait, you can usually find me at my hut. It's 3 huts away from the hospital, on the left side of the path as you walk in."
"Thanks."
Kalika went down the stairs first, rushing so she had an opportunity to give Mushi a thumbs up. He looked past her and saw Lee no longer staggering and fevered, and smiled. "I've already put the dishes away," he announced. "Now it's time for bed." He went to his bed, and Lee knelt down to put out the fire. Kalika waved goodbye to him as she left.
She still didn't know what had happened to him. But whatever it was, she was grateful for it. Great progress had been made from his pain.