Disclaimer: Do not own. Really…shifty eyes
Mort was getting bored. The author, who had forgotten about him since he didn't get any reviews, had just LEFT him with Little Bo Peep.
"Bah. All that pathetic author does is dance around singing David Bowie songs…" muttered Mort, on that couch. You know the couch I mean. Morty loved that couch. Many things had happened on it. It was where he first discovered the love of his life (sleep), his favourite past time (sleeping), excitement (dreaming) and adventure (hunting for the corn fallen down the side).
"Don't worry Mort. I was having a hair cut. If you want, I can make sure you have a wild time tonight with Bo Peep over there" Winks me, the author.swings shiny hair
"You had a hair cut! Why can't I have a haircut? Morty wanna haircut!" Wails Mort. Little Bo Peep hears the racket and tries to soothe Mort. She gently sings him a lullaby...
"What is that CRAP? Why do I CARE about a bloody STAR? I don't like things that twinkle…only corn. Corn, with its sweet, delectable style and grace as it tosses its hair as it steps out of the ocean…hang on, that was a movie! Oh well…"
Audience stares at Mort
"What?"
More glaring from audience
Mort shrugged, he didn't notice the author magically change the time so it was night time. So as not to be torn apart form the fan girls (who had by now finished their strawberry ice-cream) she made sure the stars did not twinkle with her Bruce Almighty like powers. Using these same powers did Bo Peep (hereafter known as Puddin' Head) come down the stairs. Wearing revealing lingerie. fan Girls glare. Author ignores them, yet even she is embarrassed at how Puddin' Head is walking down those stairs. Normal woman do not wiggle that much. Or have an ass that perfect. Author agrees with Fan Girls that she must have had liposuction and start to write a trashy tabloid article on her…
"Mortimer…" She whispered, "Close those scary, ragged curtains on the lonely wilderness(he lives alone…all alone in this place)…"
"Okay…I guess." Replied Mort, telling the voice in his head to stop wolf whistling…
"Do I look okay? I mean really, my perfect toned body is a little odd sometimes…"
And that was when the fan girls burst through the window, screaming for blood.
As mort tried to fight them off, he got his wish. A haircut.
While the chaos raged, the author stands calmly in the background…
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Look, is this about you or Mort?" Asked the audience,
"Mort, definitely Mort shifty eyes. Now…who wants to dance? nervously sings "Video killed the Radio Star"…."
Mort was exhausted, he didn't care anymore, those fan girls could do anything and he wouldn't care….
"NOOOO! NOT THE CORN!" says Mort, who spoke just that little bit too soon.
He looked around, stroked the facial hair once more (there has been much speculation about why he does this, I say to get food out of it. Others say to make it grow so he can look like a proper hobo).
He looked around Bo Peep was knocked out, there was a conveniently placed shotgun left by the house cleaner and he was the only one who could stop them…
"Meh, I'm going to get some well earned sleep on my couch… sleep"