Part Two

Snow melting. Blossoms slowly coming to bloom. The sun peeking out between the clouds. Hints of spring filled the Chicago air as the busy city began to emerge from its icy chamber. Med students beginning to dream about their May graduations; at least the fourth years did.

Neela walked around the slushy ambulance bay thinking only she had three months left before she would become Neela Rasgotra, M.D. Her thoughts were diminished as Susan and Abby greeted her with a simple hello. Luka followed from just eating breakfast at Ike's, then Pratt, then Deb. By then Neela figured it was about time to start her day, slaving away in the ER. She could see Weaver already yelling at some nurse as Frank welcomed her with a racial slur. In the lounge, she disposed of her coffee and pulled on her lab coat. Something caught her eye; a silhouette of someone staring out the window with a mug in their hand. She had seen this same figure everyday now for a couple of months. Never changing, never moving.

"Good morning Dr. Carter." Neela tried. He gave a weak smile and raised his mug as if giving her a toast. She quickly displaced the moment in her mind. The board was calling her like a moth to the flame. She was tired of drug seekers, tired of them all. Deb pushed by her, not saying sorry, and pulled five charts from the rack.

"These are for you."

"I just got here."

"So did half of Chicago. Find me if you need any help."

"But Dr. Carter is my attending." Neela persisted.

"Just come to me."

Neela just rolled her eyes. She never liked Dr. Chen anyways.

Chuny and Haleh cornered Abby at Jerry's computer.

"So…tell us."

"Yeah, are you and Carter back together?"

"What are you going to do about Kem?"

Abby looked at them both, in disgust.

"We're not back together."

"But I saw you two hugging in drug lock-up."

"You know, friends do hug." Abby said trying to push by them.

"Well it seemed to me you were doing a lot more than just hugging."

"Ummm hmm."

"You guys," Abby whispered with a serious tone, "he just broke down and-"

"Dr. Carter three o'clock." Haleh hissed, scurrying to the fax machine.

"I'll call social services on that kid Abby." Chuny chimed in.

Carter threw his bagel out in the trash and stood next to Abby. She glanced over in his direction, trying to read his face to see if he had heard any of their conversation. His face was blank as usual, so she thought nothing of it. Abby started to move away but he grabbed the chart in her hand.

"I'd appreciate it if you would stop spreading rumors about me."

"I wasn't, I-"

"I just saw you with-"

"I know, Chuny and Haleh, ER's biggest gossip queens. Don't worry, they didn't get anything out of me." He sighed. "They thought we were making out." She laughed.

"It's not funny."

"Sorry."

Weaver stood in the middle of the nurses' station and coughed to get everyone's attention. She was holding up a vial of vicodin and codine.

"Would someone please care to explain why there is only one vial left of each of these?" Everyone shook their heads no and shrugged their shoulders. "No is going home if the others aren't found!" A den of groaning filled the space. Murmuring curse words under their breaths, everyone went their separate ways.

"Wonder where they went?" Carter said a little too happy as he grabbed some charts to leave.

"Yeah." Abby whispered, walking in the other direction.

Carter disappeared just as fast as he had come. Who would steal fifty cases of painkillers besides some drug seeking SOB; Abby thought to herself. It was going to be a long day if no one figured out where the missing cases were. All day people questioned one another so they could go home. It finally reached the twelve-hour mark of the day shift. Weaver gathered the staff once again, but before she could yell anymore, Sam stepped forward.

"Kerry. Maybe someone stole; a patient, I mean. None of us need have it, none of us need it."
"Well, that is a good point but-"

"But what?" Pratt sighed.

"Fine. But Sam, order new ones and file a complaint with risk management."

"Sure." Sam mumbled.

The day shift finally out as the night shift came in. Abby was working a double so she collapsed on the couch in the lounge. She soon drifted off to sleep and dreamed about…everything. Abby dreamt about that Carter and she were still together. She dreamt about the morning he had unexpectedly pulled her into the shower with him. She remembered when they had walked along the beach and he tried to explain the chaos theory to her. "No, your just chaos in general." He had said. Still sleeping, she could hear open into the lounge. A few minutes later she awoke with Carter staring at her. Abby didn't open her eyes all the way, so he didn't notice that she was awake. His look was different. It was as if he wanted something; he was yearning. Abby waited until he got up and fixed himself a pot of coffee.

"Hey." Abby murmured, pretending to be sleepy.

"Hey." He simply answered.

"You pulling a double too?"

"No."

"So, what are you still here for?" she laughed getting up from the couch, sitting at the table.

"Best to keep busy right?"

"Sure." She said with somewhat of repose. He joined her. Abby pondered the thought of telling him about her abortion. Maybe it would help him. Maybe it wouldn't. In a way she too had lost a child. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm ok I guess."

"Do you miss her?" she wondered why she asked.

"A lot." Abby sighed. He didn't deserve this. He spoke again. "Remember that time we were walking along the beach?"

"Yes." Abby smiled, but not hopeful.

"And we were talking about the chaos theory."

"Correction, you were explaining it to me."
"Well, I think Kem is a part of it too.

"Oh." Abby's smile disappeared into a frown.

"Anyway, got to go to work. Right?"

"When did you last eat?"

"Why?" he asked a little disturbed.

"You just look thinner."

"Please don't be Gamma."

"You have circles under your eyes and-"

"Abby…don't."

"I'm worried, John."

"Don't be."

"Are you going to be ok?"
"I will be."

"It's just that I never see you go home or eat."

"Thanks Abby. Just tell me I look like shit."
"That's not what I-"

"I have to get back to work."

Abby was right; he thought. I do look like shit. Carter stared at his reflection the mirror. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a clear bottle from the back. Atlanta my ass. He sunk down in the corner of his bathroom. Carter felt the warm tingling feeling trickle through his veins, taking over his whole body. Soon later, he passed out, his head hitting the cold tile floor.

The next morning Weaver was complaining about the lack of discipline of the hospital staff. Sam had misplaced a lab and Carter was late…again. The ER was over whelmed and too busy. Susan threatened to close down the ER, but weaver wouldn't hear of it. All the gossip was about Carter, as usual. The whole staff was hoping Abby would "fix" him. No one knew. They just seemed to notice that he talked less and less about Makemba.

During the lunch hour Abby decided to give Carter a call. No answer at home, no answer on his cell. Patients slowly became less and less. Luka swung by to pick Sam up so they could takes Alex to the movies. Abby's shift ended in a couple of minutes. She didn't have to be back until eight the next morning for her psych rotation. Abby walked by the El deciding whether or not to take it to Carter's. She saw Susan boarding and ran up the stairs to meet her. "Hey!" Abby said, out of breath.

"Oh…hey!"

"Is Chuck with the baby?"

"Yeah. This isn't your line, is it?"

"No. I just-"

"You should. He's lucky to have you right now."

"Thanks. It's just that he won't talk."

"Do you know what's wrong?"
"Yes, but it's really not my place to say."
"I'll respect that. Anyway, you still haven't given me answer for May 2 yet."

"What's on May 2?" Abby said smiling, caught off guard by the major change of subject.

"My wedding! Don't tell me you forgot."

"Yes. I mean no. No I didn't forget and yes I'll be the maid of honor."

"You know Carol, right?"

"Carol…?"

"Hathaway."
"Yes. Why?"
"She and Doug are flying in from Seattle with Tess and Cate."

"Doug Ross was the father?"

"Yep." Susan beamed.

"I never knew." Abby smiled.

Susan got off at her stop as Abby moved to a seat closer to the sliding doors. She dialed Carter's number again, but still no answer. She knocked on his door three times. On the third, the door swung ajar. "Carter?" Abby ventured in. The place was a mess. Trash was all over the floor, dishes unwashed, and the abandoned TV droned on in the background. Only the rays from between the blinds let any light in. She quickly found the light switch and walked further into his apartment. Abby saw a ripped up picture of him and Makemba lying in the middle of the hallway. She picked it up and placed it on a nearby table. Down the hall the sound of rushing water came into focus. Abby pushed the door aside and found Carter brushing his teeth in only his boxers.

Carter caught the sight of Abby in the mirror and quickly turned around; toothbrush still in hand, paste still in mouth.

"What are you-" spit, "doing here?" he yelled.

"Your door was open." She said calmly.

"So you just walk in?"
"I broke my phone." He laughed.

"This isn't funny."

"What are you doing, making house calls now?"
"Look at you. I can see your rib cage." She said, gesturing to him.

"I've been working out." He said, throwing on his shirt that was on the floor.
"I'm calling a pizza." Abby said turning away from him.

"Told you my phone was broke."

"On my cell."

Carter crossed in front of her and plopped down in the sofa. He turned the TV off and grabbed a box on the floor and motioned it to Abby.

"What?" she asked, starting to open it.

"Here. I can't stand the stuff." She looked inside. She found baby clothes, books, and toys.

"Carter-" she started to say.

"No. Take it. I don't need the reminder. Give it to Kerry or Susan." He waved his hand in the air as to hurry the box away.

"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." he simply said.

"It always helps to relieve stress."
"Don't go doctor on me now."
"As a friend."

Abby sat on the opposite side of the couch, finishing a piece of pepperoni. He just stared.

"Yes?" Abby smiled; her only response to his quietness.

"You're presence is soothing."
"Um…ok. I'm going to go to use your bathroom." She said standing up, crossing in front of him and running her hand through her hair. When she reached the bathroom, Abby immediately started rummaging through the cabinets. There was no way he could be acting this way without any help. She reached the medicine cabinet and found a close to empty bottle of painkillers. She opened the cap and found only three pills left. It was prescribed that morning. Abby could hear Carter walking down the hallway and quickly slipped the bottle into her bag.

Carter leaned against the door, folded his arms, and sighed.

"Hey Abby."

"Yep."
"Thanks."