"No! Is this fun for you guys? Pick a med student and harass him for the rest of his career!"

"John, calm down." Weaver suggested.

"What about you Deb? Think I need to be locked up too?"

"John."

"You won't be locked up, you just have to attend the clinic everyday." Susan commented. "You've been there before so it wouldn't all be new and strange territory for you."

"Oh thanks!" he answered sarcastically, "because that makes it oh so much better."

Abby waited outside, randomly looking through patient charts to make the time pass by.

"Abby?" Neela asked.

"What." Abby said a little to fast and a little to severe.

"Um…can you assist me on a knee lach in 3?"

"I'm in triage." She responded quickly, flipping through the papers.

"You're in the nurses station."

"Neela-"

"What are they doing in there?" Neela commented, nodding in the direction of the lounge.

"Nothing." Abby said, grabbing a stack of folders and heading towards the elevators. "If anyone asks…I'll be in the psych lounge."

Neela passed by the lounge doors, trying to be subtle about peeking through the tiny window that graced the wooden door. Still walking by, but not taking her eyes off the window, she bumped into Pratt as Frank passed by.

"Spying for the bloody Iraqi's." Frank commented.

"Watch out girl."

"Sorry Dr. Pratt."

"Tryin' to figure out what's going down in there?"

"No."

"I already tried. They're talking to Carter about something; all of the attendings are in there."

"I think Abby has something to do with it."

"Thought so too. Didn't really by that story about her falling down the stairs."

"Same."

Luka sat in the corner sipping his coffee. He was amused by it all; everyone telling Carter how to feel and deal. After his whole family was bombed, he didn't have to go to therapy. But then again, he didn't resort to drugs either. He had tuned out and hadn't noticed everyone's attention diverted towards him.

"Luka." Weaver repeated herself.

"Yes?"

"Do you think John should have to travel to Atlanta?"

"No comment." He said politely, taking another sip from his coffee.

"Fine, majority rules. You leave in three hours." Everyone filed out one by one leaving a frustrated Carter and an unyielding Weaver. "Abby will be accompanying you."

"No, I don't want to drag her into this again."

"You already have. And if you don't go I'll fire you and send an invoice to all Chicago area hospitals and private practices about your history."

"All right. Where is she?" Carter asked taking off his lab coat.

"You'll have to find her."

Carter slammed the lounge door behind him and walked towards the nurses' station. Neela was squatting on the floor looking for an old file when she saw Carter's head appear. "She's in the lounge on five." She admitted quickly trying to avoid his gaze.

Pushing the elevator button for five he waited impatiently for the doors to open. Fidgeting with his tie, he crossed the floor towards the door in the corner of the hallway. Carter peeked through the window to see if she was still in there. Abby was there all right; laughing with that doctor who had driven her away on a motorcycle one night. Carter wished he could smile like that again. Or at least make someone he loves smile. Abby caught Carter's face in the window and her watched her innocent grin grow slowly into a concerned frown.

Carter stepped back from the door spotting a row of chairs. He sat down in the middle of three when Abby emerged from the lounge, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He loved it when she did that.

Without saying a word, she sat down beside him, waiting. Minutes passed by, patients passed by. After thinking for a while, Carter let out a heavy sight and looked at Abby's wrist.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"I know." Abby said. She stood up and walked to the elevator. "Aren't you coming?" she asked, a little annoyed by the situation. They took the elevator down to the second floor, then the stairs to the first as to avoid Haleh and Chuny-the gossip queens of the ER.

In her apartment, she grabbed two suitcases and put them on her bed. Looking around, Carter noticed a vase of 'alive' flowers sitting in the middle of her kitchen table.

"Waiting for them to die the slow way?"

"My brother sent them. He said he saw them and that they reminded him of me." She said.

She walked back towards the kitchen and sat her suitcases down. Opening the refrigerator door, Abby started to toss food into the freezer. Standing back up she noticed Carter's expression, or lack there of. It was if it were just there; unmoving, unchanging. His hands were embedded to his jean pockets and his hair was disheveled.

Taking the car from her apartment, he had insisted that they stop at a Quick-Trip to pick up some Advil.

"Planning to overdose on those?"

"They're for your wrist."

Driving in silence the rest of the way, they pulled up in front of his apartment complex.

Taking the keys from his coat pocket, he opened the door quickly and walked inside without asking Abby of she could come in. She assumed to enter and took off her jacket and placed it on a nearby chair.

On the plane Abby had chosen the aisle and Carter the window. A huge disgruntled man at in between them, constantly blowing his nose every five minutes.

Abby took the passkey from out of her back pocket and opened the hotel door with her foot. Flipping on the light switch she groaned.

"What?" Carter asked, still standing in the hallway.

"I asked for two beds, they gave us one."

"I'll sleep on the floor." He suggested.

"No."

"You're not sleeping on the floor-"

"I know…I'll call to get us another room."

"Abby." Carter stepped inside grabbing the key from her hands. "We can be adults about this. You can have the right while I'll sleep on the left. Just because two people are sharing a bed doesn't have to mean anything."

Abby just stared at him as he brought the rest of the luggage in. She dismissed her comment and started to help.

"You know, we're going to have to find an apartment soon. The hotel will be expensive."

"I know." He said quietly, rolling up his sleeves and scratching at the back of his head.

"Want to start looking tomorrow?"

"Ok."

"Do you want to go out to eat or stay in?"
"Don't care."

"You know, I'm loving your two words answers here."

"Just tired."

"Why don't we order a pizza!" she said in a rare upbeat tone.

"Pepperoni!" they both said in unison, sharing a brief smile.

Switching on the TV and grabbing her second pizza, she turned to Zoolander on PPV.

"…Or maybe it's because I'm like ridiculously good looking …" Abby mimicked.

"This movie is stupid."

"But funny." Abby pointed out. Thunder bounced against the windows and the lights flickered. The power went out.

All of a sudden a flash light clicked on.
"Where did that come from?"
"In Africa, we learned to keep a flashlight in our pillowcases at all times."

"Oh."

Minutes later they found some candles and lighted them. Both sat on the bed, legs crossed, at a loss of words. Abby had been avoiding the subject of why they were there in the first place. So was Carter. He stood unexpectantly to busy himself but Abby gently took hold of his arm and pulled him back down to her.

"We need to talk about this." She insisted trying to catch he gaze.

"I know." He let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you want to start?"

"Sure." He paused, "It's simple. I've relapsed completely and have resorted to shooting up again. I went as low as stealing the cases from work."

"What?" Abby said more than asked in surprise.

"Yep, that was John Carter; hopeless doctor and failed father."

A moment of silence passed, Carter continued, "I was feeling lost and afraid and lonely all at the same time. I wanted to turn to you first and I know you would have helped me, but I didn't want you to in the beginning. A part of me is still mad at your for leaving me with Gamma, but I knew that was selfish with me. Then I went to go hide in Africa and made the mistake of getting Kem pregnant while at the same time suddenly ending what we had. But that mistake turned into love and joy for Kem and me. I loved her, I really loved her with or without our son." Silence engulfed the room. Abby sat still waiting for Carter to resume his monologue. She ran her hands through her hair and he smiled in his heart. "But then I realized she was right. I liked her in the beginning yes, but love? That only came after I knew she was carrying my son, but not in love with her…I don't know anymore." He started to ramble, "All this is so messed up. I was so in love with you. I wanted to marry you! But I was in love with my son too and…shit! What is love? Maybe I'm just incapable of loving one person and-" and he stopped.

Abby once again sat in silence, not knowing what to say or do, whether or not to say everything will be ok or to say that life is shit so get on with it. But then she thought of how she could relate…she too had lost a child had she not? Abby placed her hand under his chin and lifted it so that he caught her gaze, but his eyes quickly diverted back down to the flowery sheets beneath them. "Look at me." She asked and he obliged. "I had an abortion." She waited then quickly added, "With Richard…I lost a child that I never knew. And I don't know how or why but I know that I love that child and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him or her. What you're going through is hard…it's tough. But you, you John Carter that deep down in your stubborn heart that there was nothing that you could have done to save your son. Nothing. But neither you nor me will ever forget them. Just remember that."

"I took drugs. I made me feel…still…just there."

"And I turned to alcohol."

"I don't want to be that person."

"And as long as I'm around I'll make sure of that. And you the same for me."

"Thank you." He whispered as he gave her an uncanny pat on the back (even though he wanted to give her something more to show how much he cared for her but…) and collapsed into the armchair.