Shayera sighed as she silently sat across from Bruce in the study of Wayne Manor. She slowly inhaled as she ran her hand through her hair. She looked up at Bruce and finally spoke, "Where do you even want me to start?"

Bruce stared at her before answering. Without her even needing to say a word, he could tell she clearly had a lot of issues weighing her down. He could only imagine why she didn't want to talk about them. He could also tell she was absolutely guilt-ridden by whatever she had done throughout her life. He was also somewhat surprised that it had only taken her a week to cave in and come talk to him. He had expected that he would have had to badger her over it constantly.

"I want you to start from the beginning," he vaguely replied as he moved a pawn on the chessboard in front of them. He figured the game could help calm her nerves a bit and relax as she talked.

Shayera raised an eyebrow as she gave him a confused look, "The beginning of what exactly?"

"Your life," he bluntly stated. "Start from the very beginning. What your earliest memories were up to before you came to Earth."

"My earliest memories?" Shayera tilted her head as she leaned forward in her seat and bit her lip. "Probably when I was a kid in the military academy."

"Was that typical on Thanagar?"

Shayera lightly nodded as she moved her knight, "Everyone went through the academy. It was required under Thanagarian law. Once a child could stand on their own and could function without a parent, they were dumped into the military academy. By the time we were four or five we had already learned how to fly. Combat started shortly after a child learned how to fly."

"So you learned how to fight at a very young age?"

"No," she quietly replied with a curt headshake. "I purposely didn't learn how to fly until I was a bit older."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, "How much older?"

"I was around seven or eight I think. All I know was that I was the oldest kid participating in flight lessons. Eventually I didn't get a choice anymore and I had to fly."

"You love flying though. Anyone who isn't blind can see the passion you put into it," Bruce stated. "That makes me question why you did that."

Shayera went to move her bishop but instead went for her rook, "As crazy as it's going to sound, I didn't like violence. I didn't like fighting back then."

Bruce felt his eyes involuntarily widen a bit, "You were a pacifist?"

She nodded as she lightly chuckled, "Yes I was. I didn't think fighting served a purpose and I thought it was senseless."

"Obviously something changed, you changed. What caused that?"

"Just the constant combat drills, day in and out. Over and over, it never ended. Eventually I just snapped one day. I just couldn't take it anymore and I got so angry," she sighed. "Paran had been, not a friend, but more like a tolerated acquaintance. I just...I lost it on her one day. The argument was petty and I should have just walked away. I never felt anger like that before."

Bruce slowly nodded, "Those were your suppressed emotions, from over the years, finally coming to the surface. You can only hold back your emotions for so long, especially negative ones. I know personally how they can eat at you. Gnaw away at your psyche. I'm guessing from there is when you became more aggressive?"

"Gradually I did," Shayera replied. "It wasn't an overnight change but I did become more aggressive and I did eventually become very short-tempered. As I became an older teen it became life or death at that point. Our performance in the academy solidified our positions in the military. I eventually came to realize that I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to be that soldier who was on the frontlines and was the first to die."

"Your basic survival instincts kicked. You wanted to live," Bruce moved his knight and captured one of her pawns.

"And I didn't want to be like my parents," she quietly said as she moved her own knight to capture his bishop. "I didn't want to be a weak, simple soldier. I wanted to be so much more than that."

"Were you close to your parents?" He asked as he looked over the chessboard. When he didn't receive a response he looked up at her, "Shayera?"

Shayera closed her eyes as she deeply inhaled, "I didn't know them at all. Well except their names and their military ranks. That's normally all children know of their parents on Thanagar. We didn't have families. Not like here on Earth at least."

"It was as though you were unconsciously seeking their approval. Even though they probably couldn't pick you out of a lineup of other Thanagarians."

"Not like I could have picked them out either. I have absolutely no memories of my parents," Shayera opened her eyes and shrugged. "That was just typical Thanagarian life though. They died when I was about nine or ten, I think? I just remember that they died as simple, frontline soldiers. They never amounted to anything. I didn't want that for my own life. I wanted to do better. To carry on our legacy, no matter how small it was."

"So you began to train harder I presume?" Bruce asked her as he watched her move her rook and take his knight. "Damn that was a sloppy mistake."

"You're a bit rusty Bruce," Shayera smirked. "But yes I did begin to take the combat training more seriously at that point. I'm sure you could tell that I'm a bit smaller and shorter than everyone else. I was always the weakest because of my petite frame but I learned how to fight effectively. I didn't need power if I had speed and brains behind my moves. That's what ultimately saved me."

"You were always rather cunning," he replied as he moved his bishop back to protect his king. "Brains always triumphs over brawn. Even when it appears you're just swinging your mace without a care, you did put thought and reasoning behind your attacks."

"I don't strike without reason, normally," she lightly smirked as she moved her rook down and captured his remaining knight. "While I wasn't placed on the frontlines, I still wasn't that high up in the military. Our rankings are a bit different from the ones on Earth. I was a Private. The lowest we had were the Officer Cadets. They were the frontline soldiers. Privates were the second wave after the frontline went in."

"You worked your way up?"

"Yes, over the decades I served in the military. I fought in many wars throughout my tenure," she replied and then frowned. "I...I did a lot of terrible things in my career."

"Like what?" Bruce quietly asked her.

"Genocide, murder, torture," her tone was barely above a whisper. She then sighed, "It was just typical in a Thanagarian conquest. We very rarely took prisoners of war. If we did it was just to interrogate them and then kill them afterwards anyway."

"How many people do you think you killed over the years?"

Shayera bit her lip as she thought, "I honestly can't even put a number on it. Probably a few hundred at the very least."

Bruce wasn't surprised by her reply in the least. He honestly was expecting the number to be higher. Though it was very possible that she just couldn't remember the actual number because she had become numb to the killing. Though, he had his doubts on whether or not she had it in her to kill a fly at this point.

"Killing didn't make you a Lieutenant though," Bruce gave her a pointed look. "What did you do to gain that title?"

"It started during our war with Rann," she said as she averted her gaze. "The Thanagarian Empire wanted to acquire their data on Zeta-Beams. It was the first time I had been put in charge of a small squadron of my own. We went into enemy territory and I ended up getting chased by a Rannian military officer." Shayera sighed before continuing, "I managed to outmaneuver his ship in the air and caused him to crash. The issue was that, apparently, his son had been watching our entire fight. I didn't even know he was there until the debris was falling from the building right over him. I never had the chance to even attempt to save him."

"Was it an accident though right?" Bruce asked the Thanagarian sitting across from him.

"Of course it was," Shayera vehemently insisted. "I didn't mean for it to happen. If I had been paying attention I could have saved that boy. The Thanagarians never would have bombed those shelters."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, "What shelters?"

Shayera bowed her head in shame as she refused to make eye contact with him, "After that had happened, the Thanagarians had the fantastic idea to bomb the shelters where the Rannians were keeping their young protected. I caused the deaths of so many Rannian children during that war."

"Or you could have been killed instead if none of that had happened. Everything happens for a reason," he stated. "But that's not what's bothering you."

"It's just," she sighed. "Why should I have a child when I led to the death of thousands? Why would John want me, of all people, to be the mother of his children or even his wife? He can have any human woman yet he still chooses me. He can do better than me and he knows it."

"Because he loves you. To him you're perfect the way you are, no matter your flaws. He'll always view as such regardless of how you view yourself."

"He's not going to think I'm so perfect if I tell him about everything. He's going to see a piece of the real me. A side that I never wanted him to see. He's going to hate me."

"But that's not you Shayera," Bruce lightly frowned. "You crafted Lieutenant Shayera Hol out of your fear of being weak. From your fear of dying before you could become something. Hawkgirl was simply the metamorphosis of you and Lieutenant Shayera Hol becoming one person for a time."

Shayera tilted her head slightly, "Who I am then if not Hawkgirl or Lieutenant Hol?"

Bruce lightly smirked as he looked at her, "The superhero who is sitting in front of me right now. The real Shayera Hol is that pacifist, little girl who didn't want to fight. She became the same person who came to love John Stewart. The person who came to see Earth as her home and protected the humans that lived on it by sacrificing everything she held dear. While Shayera Hol can be brutal in battle, she is also very selfless, loving, and caring. That is who you are."

Shayera sighed as she looked back at the chessboard, "If only I could believe that."

"It's not believing Shayera, it's being able to see that for yourself. That is who you are, whether you want to acknowledge it or not."

Shayera didn't respond as she folded her hands together and rested her chin on top of them. Perhaps Bruce did have a point. Yet she couldn't, for some reason, see herself in the same light that apparently he and John could. Even after all of these years, these humans could still surprise Shayera in some ways.

"I never did say this and you could probably stand to hear it," Bruce began as Shayera slowly made eye contact with him. "You're going to be a good mother."

Shayera softly smiled, "I'll have to thank Alfred when I see him but thank you. Also," her smile turned into a smirk as she picked up her queen and moved it down the board, "Checkmate."

"Nice play, up for another game?"

Shayera shrugged, "Sure but could we not talk anymore about my life on Thanagar? I had enough for one day."

Bruce nodded, "That's fine. When you want to talk again you know where to find me."

"We will don't worry Bruce. That was only the tip of the iceberg," she then smirked once more. "You ready to lose again?"

Bruce likewise smirked, "You're delusional."