Chapter Seven: A Thousand Blank Signposts - Alice
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire Cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.
- Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland
Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - Thursday, September 1, 2004
The sound of the impact shattered the future as echoes of vanishing timelines rippled through eternity. The shadows of that third mysterious thread of fate suddenly parted, and a new path asserted itself. There was no other destiny now.
I tried to untangle the jumbled mess of threads of this new future. It wasn't just dense and complicated, there were thousands of different possible variations, and that was just in the immediate aftermath of Edward's choice. As I tried to understand the scope of what had happened, I could see billions of branching possibilities spread out before me, like endless unmarked roads leading to something I couldn't quite make out.
"No…" I muttered to myself, as I realized despite the seemingly limitless possibilities, they almost all lead to some future event that was utterly shrouded from my sight. After that point, there was nothing.
I pulled away from that ball of shifting darkness and looked at the closer present. In practically every variation on the events unfolding in the next day, Bella survived. Either by Carlisle's deft hand or by one of us turning her before she succumbed to her injuries. Angela was also important, but I couldn't see her path very clearly. Looking ahead all I could discern was that the months ahead would determine many things, and by Bella's eighteen birthday we would have some answers. I knew that much, but that was really all I knew.
So I watched helplessly as Edward made the best of a bad choice. He saved her life in a respect, because if he hadn't intervened she would've been dead instantly. But he could've done so much more. Then I stood in the middle of the parking lot in shock, as Angela stepped up and became a hero. She didn't even hesitate, as the twisted wreckage cut into her she didn't flinch. She did the right thing by immobilizing her neck, then she ordered Tyler to help her. I was utterly impressed by her ability to act under pressure.
"Alice?" Emmett said approaching me, concern etched on his face. I started to reply when the first scent of blood crossed my nose. We both turned to each other and we knew we couldn't stay. I ran in the opposite direction from Emmett and straight to the hospital. I took the familiar route to Carlisle's office and found him looking at his computer, likely researching as usual.
"There's been an accident." I said feeling sick and wishing I was human so I could feel that sickness fully.
"Someone hurt?" He asked almost rhetorically.
"Bella, she was crushed between a van going around ten miles an hour and her truck which was stationary." I tried to be dispassionate about it, but all I wanted to do was cry. I had already accepted Bella as my future sister, and in that sense I loved her.
"My god, did Edward…?" Carlisle started, but I shook my head.
"He didn't do much but prevent the fatal injuries. I got halfway there but it was too late. I thought he cared. I mean I saw them together, and now our future is twisted and dark almost as if my gift was blinded to a degree. I never knew one person could affect so much." I was terrified, my visions had always been a reliable source of information for me. I could easily push myself along a good path, the consequences of choices laid out like a never-ending cheat sheet.
"It's okay Alice, your sight will return. Meanwhile, could you let the rest of the family know what happened?" He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and I nodded once. I took my time running home, sure that Emmett would have filled Esme and Rosalie in on the news. They had been out of town on a shopping trip. I thought idly if Rose had found the bolt of cloth with the pattern I was looking for, but shook my head at the shallowness of the thought.
When I got home, I could hear Rosealie humming to herself in her room, and Esme upstairs at her easel, likely painting another masterpiece. I couldn't hear Emmett at all, which was odd. I wondered where he went. Rose and Esme both stopped and made their way downstairs to greet me, I wasn't sure what else to do so I just waited for them.
The instant Esme saw me she rushed to my side. "Alice? What's wrong?" I felt desperate for solace, so I just pressed myself against her, taking comfort in her embrace.
"It's Bella, she was hurt badly." I whispered into her shoulder, not really knowing how else to explain what happened.
"Was it Edward?" Rosalie said through clenched teeth.
"No, and yes." I said finally, pulling away from Esme who kept me close by wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"Which is it, yes or no?" Rosalie said, looking mildly confused.
"Tyler was driving like an idiot and hit a patch of ice. He slid into Bella's van, and into Bella. Edward was right there; he was the only one who saw it coming and was fast enough to get there." I knew my words were coming out as sobs, and I wanted nothing more than for there to be tears accompanying them.
"Why? I don't understand." Esme said with a frown, "I know how much he cares about her."
"Maybe he was trying to protect the family." Rosalie nodded as if understanding his actions somehow.
"You would've done the same?" I asked, feeling like my sister was betraying me somehow.
"No, I like Bella and I would've done whatever I could. But we don't know how Edward truly thinks or feels about her. He might've been trying to weigh our secret against the risk of exposure. I can't imagine what she will have to endure, but you seem confident that she will be a part of this family." Rosalie's reasoning had some validity to it, and I was happy to hear she had started to warm up to Bella.
"I'm not sure of anything anymore. Edward's actions have thrown our future into chaos. I cannot see much beyond next week let alone next year. As to your point, think about it like this. What if it was Emmett, he was still human, and you could've saved him from that bear attack and chose not to." As I spoke the words, I felt indignant. No matter the practical reason, it was one devoid of passion or emotion. Rose closed her eyes for a moment in contemplation. When she opened them she was boiling with anger.
"Insufferable chauvinistic asshat! She deserves better than him! Actually, I hope she dies from her injuries so that he will understand the stupidity and arrogance of his actions!" Rose's eyes went wide as she realized what she had said, and flinched at her own anger. Her expression fell, and I could see intense shame and sorrow in her eyes. Then she turned and ran out into the woods without another word
"Rose!" I yelled after her, hurt by her declaration. I couldn't fathom wanting Bella to die in the hope that it would hurt Edward.
"It's okay Alice, she didn't mean it. She just needs to cool down." Esme said gently caressing my hair. I sighed and pulled away from Esme.
"Thank you mom, I needed that." I forced a smile and hugged her again, before going up to my room.
I sat down in the middle of the floor and folded myself into as small a ball as I could. I thought about Jasper, wondering where he had gone. He hadn't gone to school, and I wasn't sure if he had left again. I thought about calling him, at least telling him the news. I wanted his comforting words. No, I wanted his gift to make me feel better. I shut my eyes tightly and pulled out my cell phone and dialed him. It rang three times before it picked up.
"Alice." He said somewhat neutrally.
"Where are you?" I asked with a touch of desperation.
"What's wrong?" He said knowingly, he could tell just by the sound of my voice.
"Bella was hurt badly. Carlisle is operating on her now." I had trouble saying the words out loud, as sadness and anger made my voice quiver.
"I'll head back right away. Charlotte is having some problems with another nomad, and Peter is away with Garrett for the next few weeks. She asked for my help, sorry I didn't let you know." He sounded off, and I couldn't figure out why. His time with Peter and Charlotte was good in one respect, he always came back in a good mood. Yet the more time he spent with them the greater his struggle seemed to be resisting human blood.
"It's okay, you don't have to abandon her. I have Esme to lean on."
"Are you sure?" He said with what sounded like relief, or joy at being released from an obligation.
"Yes Jazz, I'll be okay." I said with fake confidence.
"Alright, I'll see you in a few weeks. You might as well pull me out of school, I doubt I can go back." It was as if he was leaning into his reaction to my releasing him from coming back. That's when I knew it was the wrong choice. I hesitated for a split second, I almost just said that would be too bad and there was always next cycle, but instead I felt the need to question him.
"Why would that be?" My tone was flat, perhaps a bit accusatory.
"I'll tell you when I get home." His evasion made me sad in a way I had never experienced before.
"I love you." I said desperately, begging him to confirm at least that we were still together.
"Me too." He said in such a perfunctory way that I wasn't sure he meant it. I wanted to hold onto him, keep him on the line so that I could make him explain what was going on. But the line clicked dead.
"Goodbye." I said to myself in the intervening silence. I curled back up and continued to stay as still as possible so that I could control my emotions which were threatening to overwhelm me. The more control I had the better I could see a way through this mess.
Esme came to get me a few hours later, and forced me to get ready. We were going to visit Charlie in the hospital, we needed to show our support. Emmett and Rose were waiting outside by the car when I got outside. I immediately went over and pulled Rose into a hug, she rested her forehead against my shoulder.
"I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean it. I truly hope she survives this." Rose's sincerity was enough to give me a fleeting second of peace. At least I didn't have to worry about my sister rejecting a potential new sister. Which was absurd when I thought about it in such terms.
"She survives, that much I've seen." I said hoping that would relieve her own guilt about saying such a blatantly hurtful thing.
"That's something." Emmett said, he still looked angry. "Sorry I vanished, the blood was too much so I went hunting."
"Makes sense. So let's do this." I said with more confidence than I felt.
It was surprising to find Angela there, her right shoulder covered in a big thick bandage. She pulled me into a quick conversation, where I had to dance around the truth far more than usual. It was clear she had started to notice my family wasn't quite normal. It didn't help that I wanted to tell her everything, but couldn't be selfish enough to doom her to our life. I even slipped up, and hinted at my abilities, and making that promise to tell her the truth one day was cowardly at best.
Emmett was telling his famous horse story, which he had adapted over the years to sound like an equestrian event. Horses were still in common use when he actually had the accident that nearly took his life. The fact that he could turn such a story into a joke spoke to his personality. Even Charlie cracked a smile, for a second.
We did our best to give him a lift and distract him for a few hours, and for the most part we succeeded. Angela helped, joining in and offering little bits from her own life experiences. While limited, she had a way of understanding the world which was uncommon for someone so young. When the family left I stayed behind, hoping to reinforce the fact that I was her friend and I cared about what was happening to Bella. Then I went home, and I tried to disappear into my room again, Esme wouldn't have it. She dragged me into her studio and forced me to sit for another portrait.
"I must capture this hair style." She said as she started to pose me like a doll.
"There's this new thing called a photograph." I said with biting sarcasm.
"Yes, and I have plenty of those. It is time to replace your portrait in the gallery, we've put it off for too long already." She answered, ignoring my implied reluctance.
"I posed for one less than a decade ago." I complained, knowing full well there was no use in arguing. Once Esme set her mind to something she was rarely dissuaded from her goal.
"It was ten years almost to the day Alice, and you were in a goth phase at the time. I've had to look at you in that strange black lace for far too long." Her distaste for my more popular fashion choices was a running joke for me. Half the time I wore things I partially disliked just to get a rise from her and Carlisle, but only in good fun. The idea that she was actually upset with one of her paintings due to a wardrobe choice bothered me. Of course I wasn't really in the right state of mind to say as much, so I just frowned.
"You just don't want me to mope." I was pouting at this point, but she actually laughed slightly in response.
"You're right." She looked at me and sighed. "This will only take a couple of hours, then you can go back to your room if you like."
"Fine, let's just do this." I locked myself in position and let loose one last sigh before she started. After a little while a question occurred to me. "I heard you painted Bella."
"It's not a proper portrait, just a representation from memory. Would you like to see it?" She looked at me again examining my hair in particular, a soft smile on her face.
"I always love to see your work. It's a shame she may never see it." I said mournfully, Bella's fate was still up in the air despite my confidence in her survival. Esme set down her palette and cleaned off the brush she was using then moved to another easel tucked into a corner of the room. A paint stained drop cloth was covering it, and she pulled it off to reveal a stunning portrait of Isabella Swan. She was in that dress I'd put her in on Friday, her bright smile a fleeting moment in time. I wondered how long it would be until I saw that smile again, or if I ever would.
"Yes, quite. I still cannot understand what Edward was thinking." She sighed slightly at the portrait, she was right it didn't quite match the rest of our family portraits in the gallery, but as Bella's human representation it was glorious. It was also the last image of her whole, and might be a cherished memory for her later in life.
"He's thinking that he has to save her soul. In the future where he didn't let her get crushed, they had this conversation where he explained why he wouldn't turn her. It's strange, I could only see so much, but she was a part of our lives. A sister to me." My explanation felt clumsy, but there was no other way to explain it. We all were aware of Edward's position, that we were soulless monsters. I didn't share that position, but I was pretty sure Carlisle was convinced we were at least damned. It was easy to forget they both came from a deeply religious background.
"And a daughter to me." Esme looked to be at a loss, more than just sad, almost angry with fate. It was something I had seen so seldomly that it made me try and conjure that other world that had been lost. I found fading images of Bella treating us as family and Esme specifically as an adoptive mother.
"A true daughter, perhaps more so than Edward." I pondered, thinking about Edward's tendency to distance himself from the family. I knew it was partially because of loneliness, but sometimes I had to wonder how he truly felt about us, his adoptive family.
"I don't see how that is possible." Esme shook her head in disbelief.
"I'm not saying that your love was greater for her, but that she treats you more as a mother than Edward ever has." I wondered what Bella's past was like to adapt to a new mother figure so quickly.
"Or she did." Esme said, pursing her lips into a thin line.
"Perhaps that will still be true. I can see several paths to a decision next September. Carlisle hasn't made the choice yet, but it will determine the next step in this journey." As I explained, I could see that much clearly. There were some branches before, but they were minor. Edward, Rosalie, Carlisle, Angela and even Bella's mother Renee held the most sway. From what I could see Bella had almost no autonomy over the course of her recovery, and became so isolated internally afterwards that she let people literally push her around. Angela had some influence over Bella's confidence and self-esteem, and in at least one strand of fate they ended up figuring out our secret and confronting us about it. But that depended almost entirely on Edward, and his ability to accept what he had done.
"A year… that's not so long." Esme mused, as she sat down to continue her painting.
"Not for us, but he doesn't exactly have the perspective of a mortal." I reflected on how time passes, for us the passage of time was fleeting. A minute, an hour, a year all felt relative. We lived in the moment because we never changed.
"None of us do any more. I will be one hundred and ten next year. I have spent nearly four times my mortal lifetime as a vampire, and to be honest I barely remember what it even feels like to be human." I had never heard her talk about her age out loud. I wondered how close we were in age, it was 1920 when I awoke as a vampire. I appeared to be in my mid to late teens. I could've been born as early as 1900, barely five years younger than Esme herself. Edward and I had always shared a birthday, because I did not know mine and it was easy to celebrate as twins. Although I could be a bit older or younger than him, there was no way to be sure.
"I suppose we're young as far as others of our kind are concerned. But at least you have those memories. I have eighty four years as a vampire and that's it." I wasn't upset about my past anymore, but it was still a source of concern and anxiety.
"Sorry, I know that is painful for you. I wish we had some way of finding out about your past." Esme gave me a sympathetic glance, before returning to her work. Her brush strokes were precise and quick, using a method of layering oil paint devised by someone named Bob Ross. Emmett swore he was one of the best things on television but I'd never watched his show.
"That ship sailed a long time ago, I'm over it." I bit my lip in hesitation, I didn't want to sound impulsive but I had to get it out. "I think we should turn Bella sooner rather than later. Tell her the truth and let her choose."
"She may make the choice for the wrong reasons, being healed from her injuries would be an incredible motivator." Esme warned, as she flashed me a serious look.
"Why shouldn't that be the reason?" I almost shook my head in confusion, wasn't the point making her whole again?
"Because she may have a full life." Her simple response made my blood boil, it was exactly the kind of thing that Edward would say.
"You sound like Edward." I said my reaction out loud, hoping to provoke a response.
"That's not what I mean, and don't be too hard on him. I know he feels incredible guilt for what he has done." She sounded confident, but I wasn't so sure.
"I'll figure things out with Edward later, but for now I want to know what you mean." It was a promise now, so I at least had to make the attempt to mend things with Edward. Perhaps after I gave him a piece of my mind.
"That it should be her choice. Yet informed consent in this matter is problematic for a number of reasons. Although if you can confirm how she would react, perhaps from that over life. Then maybe it wouldn't be a concern. From what you've described, it sounds like in that other life she and Edward fell in love and he told her about us." She sounded hopeful, but again I almost shook my head.
"Not exactly, it's mostly faded now. But from what I remember of that branch of the future she actually figured it out on her own and kind of forced it out of him." Again the specifics were fuzzy and now fading, but it was an interesting point that she had the wherewithal to put the pieces together.
"Fascinating, then maybe what we should do is plant clues so that she can figure it out on her own." Her idea almost made me move in excitement.
"Wouldn't that be just as problematic." I said playing devil's advocate, when in fact I loved the idea.
"Yes, but it would give her time." Esme said furrowing her brow and staring at her work for a few seconds. Then turned back towards me and started to sketch my lower body. I'd wished I had picked a nicer outfit, but this wasn't too bad. At least it fit my current sense of style, which was the whole point of this.
"So that if the opportunity presents itself she can make an informed decision, based on her situation after careful thought. I like it. Anyway, I have a feeling Angela is going to figure it out first, and she will probably tell Bella." I had to tell someone about my conversation with Angela, or at least the context. I knew they had heard our conversation, but I doubted that any of them realized how observant Angela could be.
"That's a concern." Esme glanced at me with a worried look.
"I'm not worried about Angela finding out." I said almost casually, I was half convinced that Angela would be a part of our lives too. The family on the other hand wasn't really aware.
"Why?" The question was loaded, and I wasn't sure how much to say.
"Her fate is even more confusing than Bella's, but I caught a glimpse of her future before things changed and she had been turned and adapted to our lifestyle and joined our family." It was a partial truth, but again I wasn't even sure if she would continue to be a part of Bella's life. There were pathways where they split as friends.
"The things you see. I wish it were as simple as turning them both right now." Esme sighed wistfully and made a few more careful brushstrokes.
"They may both remain human, this timeline is screwy and nearly impossible to unravel." I confessed, feeling a bit anxious about the idea of Bella staying human.
"I guess we just have to wait, and see how things unfold." Esme gave me a half smile and that essentially ended the conversation.
We spoke a bit more, but mostly she painted and I sat still. It turned out to be a perfect opportunity to play with the strands of the future. To try and figure out more details of this new path we were on. Yet the more I plucked at the strings of fate, the more I found myself with discordance and tragedy. I was only able to narrow down a few things, but none of the three pieces of the future I gleaned before it fully opened up were in my purview. I could not see us interacting with the Volturi, so Aro would have no opportunity to invite me to join the guard. Angela didn't meet anyone new in the following year, and I was no closer to figuring out whose voice made that threat. I gave up in frustration just as Esme let me go.
I went back to my room only to find Rose waiting for me. She motioned towards the window and the forest without a word and I followed her silently. Once we were fully alone she leaned up against a tree and took a deep breath before speaking.
"What're we going to do? I don't know if I can just sit back and condemn those poor girls to our life." She had been listening, and was more aware of Angela's role in Bella's life.
"I wish I knew. The future is a mess right now, and I am a bit lost on what to do next." It was times like this that I wished my siblings could see what I could see, the simple short hand would be convenient, since it was so difficult to explain sometimes.
"Do you know how bad it will be for Bella?" She asked worriedly.
"If she remains human…" I glanced into that pathway and immediately shut my eyes in pain. "Ten years of pain, alcoholism and loneliness. She eventually pushes Angela away and dies in her late twenties from liver failure."
"Because of her disability?" She asked with more than a little curiosity. I shook my head, while her physical condition did contribute to her death, it wasn't the cause at least in most of the timelines.
"No, because of the pain. She starts with pain management, but it is never enough. It just gets the better of her and she ends up drinking herself to death. She never writes a book and she never has a real relationship." The truth was difficult, but Bella was oddly effective in pushing people away. It was the only reason why Angela ended up parting with her as a friend. In the one branch where Angela weathered her abuse and stood by her friend, Bella made it to thirty before her organs began to fail. While she lived another three years, they were spent in agonizing pain.
Pain crossed her face. "Is that the only possibility?" Then looked at me with hope, masking a deep worry.
"That's the question really. While there are a few other possibilities, most roads where she remains human lead to that dark fate. There are a few decisions that directly affect those particular timelines that I cannot see past, like always." I didn't want to list all the various iterations of Bella's short life.
"I thought you couldn't see beyond this year." She sounded confused. Which was my curse, I could never fully explain what I could see, it was too difficult for even a vampire mind to comprehend most of the time. Even Edward who could see my visions second hand was on occasion completely befuddled by my second sight.
"It gets complicated if Carlisle chooses to bring her into the family. But since there are so many permutations to that choice, I simply cannot see anything past it. You have to remember, until someone actually makes a choice those are all potential futures and they are as hazy and half remembered as dreams most of the time." Admitting the limitations of my gift was always a double edged sword. It reinforced that I was not infallible, but it often felt like I was undercutting myself.
"I know, but right now with so much in the air we are depending on you to help guide us. And while I refuse to push or manipulate Bella into making a choice that benefits us, I'm not going to get in the way if Carlisle or Edward, or even you or Esme decide to turn her." She was looking down with a thoughtful expression, clearly thinking about the situation. "It is almost funny. Last week the idea of Edward choosing a mortal girl felt absurd. Now I'm actually worried about her. I blame you for that."
"You're welcome." I almost stuck my tongue out, but instead gave her a big toothy grin.
"So what happens to Angela in that human-only future?"
"Oh… um." I looked into Angela's path along that same branch and found myself frowning. Once separated from Bella she pursues her musical career and writes a hit that gets her fame. It isn't short and tragic like before. She resists the temptations because she saw first hand what it did to Bella. She becomes a legend in the industry, and dies in her mid-seventies from heart failure. She never has a lasting relationship or children, but has a large circle of friends that are the same as family to her.
"It isn't so bad for her. She ends up as a music god with an adoptive family of friends." Cutting out most of the details was the easy part, glossing over that their split in friendship was the cause for Bella's decline was hard. How had their fates become so intertwined?
"That's not too bad. Can she have that future if Bella is turned?" At least Rose seemed to be aware of the connection between them.
"No, Bella and Angela's fates are entwined right now. You push one in a direction, and the other is affected. So much so that I honestly do not know what will happen anymore." I shook my head in frustration, I hated having so few details about a situation. Especially when it could affect the entire family.
"Well you're no help." She gave me a thin smile and shook her head in bemusement.
"Sorry. We should get back, I need to be there when Edward shows his face." I knew that Rose would want to confront Edward too, and I could see that he would be returning home soon.
"Me too." She said with a bit of anger.
We returned and no one said a word about our absence. I waited in the living room, and it wasn't until the next day before Carlisle returned home, and Edward was with him.
"Months of recovery Edward and she'll never walk again." Carlisle said, which seemed a bit like it was something he had already argued through once before.
"Yes, but that's human. She's human, and I want to keep her that way." Edward rebutted, his usual refrain.
Once he was inside with the door closed I moved up to him and slapped him across the face so hard that his check cracked for a second.
"I guess I deserved that." Edward said, while rubbing his cheek.
"Can I have the other cheek?" Rosalie asked with a sneer, as she entered the room with Emmett in tow.
"Lets not Rosalie." Carlisle sounded disappointed, but I honestly didn't care.
Esme also joined us, and for the first time our entire family, save for Jasper, was in the same room since the accident.
"Edward, she is a part of our lives and when the time comes, I'll turn her." I didn't want her to suffer longer than needed. The thought made my body shake with anger.
"You made that choice without telling any of us. It was foolish and reckless." Edward lashed out, clearly angry that I had approached Bella without his "permission". I resented the very idea and felt my anger boil over.
"Says the boy who let the woman whose scent drives him mad to be torn apart by a car crash." I lashed back, my utter disappointment and frustration with him outweighing any rational argument he could make.
"Stop it, I will not have this kind of argument continue." Esme said stepping between us, she rarely raised her voice and we both backed down immediately.
"Sorry mom." I said immediately, and she nodded once at me then turned towards Edward.
"Right, sorry." Edward said mostly to Esme but he did glance at me.
"The point may be moot anyway. Her heart is still too weak to survive the transition. She needs to heal." Carlisle said, sitting down looking oddly exhausted. Of course it was mental exhaustion and not physical, but it affected him the same regardless. Even a vampire had limits, and performing three multi-hour surgeries had to be overwhelming.
"I know I destroyed the future, but please tell me what you see." Edward said, trying to make nice, and I frowned at him. Then pulled up the rats nest of tangled fates he had created with his decision to not save Bella from the crash.
"Dear god. You must be going mad trying to sort through all of that." He managed to sound sympathetic.
"We had two real paths forward, honestly one path forward. You saved Bella from that accident and the two of you fell in love. That was how it was supposed to go. It was complicated and at times dangerous. Huge swaths of it I couldn't see, but it felt right. At least as right as any other fate I could see. Now, now… because of your actions we're totally fucked." I didn't swear often, but this felt warranted.
"Alice, I know you are fond of this girl, but how can one mortal cause so much strife?" Carlisle asked with a curious expression, this was a genuine question not a stance on Bella in particular.
"Because she was always going to be a part of us. She's one of the missing pieces." It was a difficult thing to discuss, given that my visions were often subjective based on personal decisions. Yet I was convinced there was a touch of predestination about certain things. Isabella Swan felt like one of those things.
"Missing, you're saying that we're missing a part of our family?" Esme asked, clearly taken aback by my declaration.
"Yes. I know how this will sound, but I've always known that something was coming. I didn't realize it would take fifty years But here we are, she's here, and you erased her future. Our future with your selfishness." I threw at Edward one last time, hoping he would understand his part in all of this.
"Is it selfish to wish that she retains her soul?" Edward's old argument was tiresome, and I was sure it wasn't even valid. Yet how could you argue against something so intangible?
"Edward has a point, even telling her condemns her to our life." Carlisle said, trying to mediate the dispute.
"I know you Edward, you care about Bella. Why fight so hard against her being your mate and equal?" Esme said pleadingly, and I smiled at her approach to the argument.
"If she were turned, I would accept her happily. I just cannot condone willfully robbing her of a chance to be human." Edward reiterated his only point, this time it was starting to feel a bit flimsy.
"She'll never be normal again, and her human life will be short and painful. Are you ready for death, my son?" Carlisle asked, finally capping the point with a question that Edward clearly wasn't ready to answer.
"Death? You would think I would give up my life for hers?" He was confused, but Carlisle knew him too well. If he truly did care for Isabella, he was dramatic enough to pull a Romeo.
"You do, if she stays mortal. That's the only future I'm sure about. She lives another ten years and dies. You are so in love with her that you set an abandoned building on fire and wait while it burns down around you." I had to admit watching that future turned my stomach, as much as I was upset with him, he was my brother.
"And they call me dramatic." Rosalie said under her breath, but of course we could all hear it.
"You killed Royce in your wedding dress." Edward shot at Rosalie, clearly upset and feeling attacked.
"And you kill yourself over unrequited love." I said with disdain. Yes, I still loved my brother, but he was being pig headed and downright unlikeable.
"That would be my choice. Now I am going to go watch over her recovery. I hope when I return you are able to hold a civilized conversation." Edward dashed out of the house without another word. I looked around the room at everyone, trying to gauge their reactions.
"Is it just his choice?" I asked no one in particular.
"That's a good question." Carlisle said out loud.
"It should be her choice." Rosalie said after a long minute of silence.
"Can she make that kind of choice? She's human, and young. I still haven't determined if she can have children yet, so her life may be a full one." Carlisle offered; his argument again anchored in ethics. The side effect of centuries in the medical profession.
"Her life may be quite fulfilling without children, Carlisle. As I mentioned to Alice earlier, Informed consent is dubious, none of us had it when we were turned. None of us could have made that choice in our condition. We've all had different reactions to this life, and we have no way of knowing how she will react. That's why we think she should be clued into our truth, so that she can make that choice over time." Esme's own transformation was as complicated as the rest of us. While happy, a part of her would always mourn for the child she lost.
"I would've chosen no." Rose said easily, a sentiment she has repeated every so often. Emmett squeezed her shoulders in support but that only made her frown. "But I am happy, most of the time."
"So, my idea really is the best option. We bring her into our life slowly and let her know her options." I said hoping the rest of the family would agree with me.
"I don't think we have a choice in bringing her into our lives, Edward is determined to be at her side until she passes. Unless you can think of a way of untangling him from her, I don't see your option working." Carlisle said with a frown. "Because sooner or later we would have to tell her about his choice, and I cannot imagine she would simply forgive him."
I wasn't sure that mattered, but I shook my head and left the room without another word.
Author's Notes:
I hope that this wasn't too confusing. Alice's visions always thread that line. I also want to mention that Edward is not going to be a villian in this, he is just in a very bad place. I had another chapter planned next, which would be an Edward POV but that is being scrapped because it is really covering the same ground as these last two chapters. It does show his immediate reaction to the situation, but I can touch on that in the next chapter. Speaking which, the next chapter will be a bit of an experiment for me. So I'm honestly not sure how long it will take.
Next Chapter: The Lament of Autumn - September 7, 2004 - October 23, 2004
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