Shayera sighed as she laid on the bed in the Medbay. She made sure her back was to the door as she glared directly at the wall before her.
Not only did Shayera currently feel foolish, she also felt concerned. She had nearly gotten herself killed. Not only that but she had sustained injuries that could not have only affected her.
When they first got on scene, Shayera had engaged in combat with Black Mass initially. He managed to punch her on the side of the head, which admittedly had given her a rather bad headache, and had also managed to land a punch directly to her gut.
She knew how lucky she was to be a Thanagarian and not a human at that moment. Shayera released another sigh. Had she been a human, she could only imagine what would have happened.
"You're a fucking damn idiot," she muttered to herself.
After all of her reassurances to Bruce and Alfred. Her big talk how she could keep this baby more safe than anyone else. She viewed herself as nothing more than a useless hypocrite and an already terrible mother. She also realized that Bruce and Alfred had been right all along. She shouldn't have been on active duty at all. She should have sidelined herself when she first found out.
Now that she thought of it, had she placed herself on the reserve list, it would have raised questions. Namely from John himself on why she would have done so. It would have made telling him so much easier as well instead of the blowup the two had. Though Shayera was still concerned over the fact that John had made it perfectly clear in the past that he did not want to follow destiny's path. As much as this was the future she wanted, she was aware it wasn't necessarily the future that John may have wanted for himself.
Shayera then swallowed. That still didn't excuse her for what she had said in her anger nor did it excuse what John had said either. Admittedly, Shayera was still angry at him for calling her a filthy hawk and the insult still hurt. She did also feel remorse at the same time for what happened. She was certain John felt the same as well. He did, after all, come after her on that League mission. So that had to count for something at this point. He at least still cared about her wellbeing.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it," Shayera quietly said as she wrapped her arm around her stomach.
John had not been the only person she had let her anger out on. Shayera bit her lip. What did John even think of the whole situation now? She had made it sound as though she didn't even want to have this baby to begin with. She honestly could give a rat's ass if the child was half-human. It was still her child either way. Hopefully John knew she had said what she did out of anger alone.
"So how's Shayera?" Wally asked John, after shoving a burger in his mouth, as they sat in the cafeteria.
John shrugged, "Okay I guess. She got a bit banged up on that mission but she seems fine otherwise. She wasn't happy to see me at all."
"You know how she is," Wally gave him a goofy grin and waved him off as he scooped up a fist full of fries. "She holds a grudge for a day and gets over it. She'll be all over you again before you know it."
John snorted, "She was never one to be all over me to begin with Wally."
"I guess that is true," Wally mumbled before shrugging. "So you think Shayera is happy about this? You know the whole baby thing? She doesn't seem the type honestly. Though I never would have pegged Shayera as the type to get married either."
John was silent for moment, "What I'm about to tell you, Wally, you cannot under any circumstances repeat in front of Shayera. Got it?"
Wally saluted him, "Boy Scout's honor GL. My lips are sealed."
"Look, this was years ago when Shayera was still Hawkgirl and we were first dating. We were having this conversation and she had offhandedly made a comment about when she had her own kids one day. I've known for a very long time that Shayera has always wanted kids so I don't doubt for a second that she's ecstatic about this."
"Seriously?"
John nodded, "Seriously but I'm not entirely sure how well she can be a mother. She wants to be a mother but I don't know how well she'll do at it. Don't get me wrong, Shayera is a very loving person and I'm sure in that aspect she'll be fine at. I'm more concerned over the actual raising part, disciplining and that kind of stuff."
"I mean she could go all military drill sergeant," Wally mentioned as he pointed a French fry in the Green Lantern's direction. "She might not even realize how tough she's being on the kid."
John sighed, "That's what I'm afraid of. Plus I don't know what Thanagarians do when it comes to raising kids. I'm sure it different in some regards to how we raise kids on this planet."
Wally scratched the back of his head, "I mean you gotta feed them, bathe them, and make sure they don't walk off of a cliff. I'm sure it can't be much different to however they do it on Thanagar."
John rolled his eyes, "It's a little more detailed oriented than that Wally."
Wally shrugged, "Yeah but that's the gist of it really."
"Remind me to never let Shayera come to you for parenting advice," John dryly stated with a raised eyebrow.
John took a deep breath as he stood outside of a door in the Medbay. He had given Shayera the entire day to cooldown. Hopefully she still wasn't too angry at him. He released the breath he was holding and stepped towards the door. The door slid open and he walked into the room.
He noticed that Shayera had her back to the door and didn't make any indication that she heard the door open. Part of him didn't want her to know that he was there. He sighed as he leaned against the wall and just stared at the bed. There was a small possibility Shayera was asleep. It was technically night and they both had woken up rather early this morning.
"Shayera," he sighed once more. "I know you won't be able to hear this, and I'm going to say this again later, but I need to get it off of my chest. I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean any of it. I was angry and was an idiot for saying any of it to begin with."
"What do you want Lantern?" Shayera asked without even turning her head to look at him.
John raised an eyebrow and looked somewhat shocked, "You heard me?"
"You're going to need to speak up," Shayera said as she got up and stood. "You sound like you have a mouth full of marbles."
John silently looked at her. She was lightly glaring at him and still frowning. He couldn't blame her for being angry still. Though he could also see that she looked very tired. Just as John opened his mouth to speak he was interrupted by Shayera.
"Look, I have something I want to say to you and I really don't think I want to hear your response," she quietly said. "I'm sorry for what I said but that doesn't mean I'm still not angry at you. If there's one thing I hate, more than being called Hawkgirl, it's being called a filthy hawk and you knew that. Those humans down on Earth, that's all they think of me as. Hell even up here, there's some League members that still regard me as that."
John exhaled as he looked downward. He knew she wasn't going to let his comment slide that easily and he couldn't blame her. He was somewhat surprised that she was apologizing though. Shayera was never one to apologize first out of the two of them. Normally he had to start the apologies and then she would offer her own.
He then saw her swallow as she averted her gaze before continuing, "I also know you never wanted to be destiny's puppet. I know you never wanted this and I'm sorry this happened. I guess I'm also sorry for punching you." Shayera lifted her gaze up to his, "Is your jaw okay?"
John offered her a small smirk and shrugged, "You got a mean left hook still Shay."
Shayera softly snorted, "You're lucky I pulled my punch smartass."
"Shayera," John began but was cutoff.
"I'm not done quite yet," she stated with a small frown. "I know why you told me about Rex back then. You were the only person who knew that I wanted kids. You knew that I wanted you back. You purposely dangled that in front of me and I even realized that back then. Honestly I don't know what hurt more. What happened this morning or back then when you toyed with my desires." Shayera then paused for a moment, "What I still want hasn't changed since then. I still want to have kids. I don't give two flying fucks if they are half-Thanagarian or not. I'm still going to love them no matter what."
"I figured," John mumbled.
Shayera rolled her eyes, "John you need to speak up. I can't hear you, remember?"
"I said I figured," he repeated himself louder. "Look I want us to have a full conversation but I don't want to have it when you can hardly hear me. I'm going to come back here tomorrow morning. Hopefully you'll be able to hear me better and we can talk."
Shayera slowly nodded, "Alright tomorrow we'll talk, hopefully."
John silently walked over to her and Shayera tilted her head in curiosity. He then hugged her, "I love you Shayera. Nothing is ever going to change that."
Shayera blinked back the few tears that threatened to come forth as she hugged him back, "I love you too."
John let her go and kissed her forehead, "Get some sleep Shay."