Chapter Nineteen: The Lonely God - Angela

"Heart beats fast. Colors and promises. How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone.
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow." - Christina Perri (A Thousand Years)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

"One of you, please talk." Carlisle begged, and Alice took a deep breath.

"There's too much to explain, and I don't think it would help." Her voice was quiet and she spoke slowly, her gaze fixed on the floor. Whatever she had seen shattered her emotions and left her deeply upset and perhaps a bit broken.

"Alice, why did you look at me like that?" I asked as softly as I could, but Alice shook her head violently. Almost like a child throwing a tantrum.

"I can't!" She shouted. "I don't know what I saw." She looked at me with wild terrified eyes, continuing to shake her head slightly.

"Alice, you've been evasive for a year and now we need to know what's going on." Esme pleaded as gently as she could, and Alice seemed to lose it and ran to her. Esme wrapped her up in a motherly hug and Alice kept shivering.

"Oh god… I wish I could be sick." She took another steadying breath and looked at me directly. "I saw death and pain, and I haven't the first clue how to stop any of it." She stopped and closed her eyes again. When she opened them up again she looked more stable, the wild fear gone, in its place steely determination. "But I will, I just need time to properly go through it all. We have some time before the first nexus event."

"Alright, I trust you in interpreting your visions. However, I must know what happened, why were you unconscious and why did it affect Edward?" Carlisle demanded more than asked, he was clearly disturbed by Alice's emotional state which made me think that she rarely reacted like this, if ever.

"My visions just evolved in the most dramatic way possible, and I have no idea why." Alice's voice was dark and angry, which felt like the opposite of my friend.

"I may be partially responsible." Mason's deep voice quieted the room into utter silence. We all looked at him, and Rose in particular threw him a hateful glare.

"Explain." Rosalie threatened, her eyes wide with implied violence.

"Simply put, part of my gift allows me to amplify the abilities of those around me. I realized Edward wasn't strong enough to break through her fugue state, so I pushed him a bit. Edward you're capable of far more than you currently utilize. In fact, you all are very powerful, each in your own way." Mason looked around the room meeting everyone's eyes but lingered a bit longer when he looked at me.

"What do you mean? Is that why I could interact with her vision?" Edward asked, his face darker than I had ever seen it. He wasn't just upset, he looked almost hollowed out. I glanced over at Bella and pulled her closer to me and put an arm around her shoulder. She gave me a thankful smile, and looked hard at Edward for several seconds before turning away.

"What do we do?" Emmett asked, moving around me on the opposite side of Bella, close enough to keep me safe but no longer intrusive. Alice gave him a strange look, which caused Rosalie to move over to him. He silently snaked an arm around her waist and hugged her tightly as he and Alice continued their strange wordless conversation.

Alice shook her head, glanced at me for a second and then addressed the room. "I think we have to let things play out, there are so many variables. We must be wary of whom we interact with, and how we present ourselves. Especially the wolves, we have to make peace." She let a note of desperation slip into her voice again.

"I've called a parlay with Billy Black and the new leader of the pack down there Sam Uley." Carlisle said hopefully.

"We need to play nice, if they were allies it might change everything." Alice presented the possibility as if it were a far-fetched notion.

"Or at least reaffirm the treaty so that we don't have to worry about them attacking us." Edward suggested it as a safe secondary option.

"What if we can't do either?" Bella asked, furrowing her brow and clearly unsure of the politics of what they were proposing. She let go of me and I dropped my arm, and she immediately crossed her arms as she spoke.

"We die." Alice said with the darkest look I had ever seen.

"Wait, pack?" I asked curiously.

"The Quileute, some of them have a genetic predisposition to turn into wolves when one of our kind is around. A natural enemy." Carlisle explained easily, although he was unaware of how that simple explanation blew apart my already fragile hold on reality.

"Werewolves." I said, feeling a little ill.

"Yes, werewolves are real. In fact, there is a strain of were-creatures all together more frightening, but the Volturi have hunted them to the brink of extinction." Mason said off hand and then looked towards me and his face fell. "Sorry, I have entirely too much useless knowledge and it comes out at inappropriate times… occasionally."

"I've heard of the Children of the Moon, but last I heard there were none outside of the Baltic countries." Carlisle said with a tilt of his head, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Not in quite some time, yes. A discussion for another time perhaps." Mason said with a terse smile, glancing sideways at me with worry in his eyes.

"Alright, so the wolves were a part of it. I saw the aftermath of a great battle, we all fought desperately. We were outnumbered, attacked by two different groups at the same time, but I couldn't see how it started, or why. Then the Volturi were there. They did nothing to stop it and did nothing to help either. They just stood in silence and waited for the aftermath to claim the survivors. They wanted Kate, Bella, Rosalie, they took you too Angela. We kept fighting but… only one made it out." She looked down, a refusal to look at anyone and confirm who had been the sole survivor. Yet the math was simple, it had to be Bella, Rose or me.

"We lost to a bunch of wolves with the Denali fighting with us?" Emmett scoffed.

"The wolves were one of those groups, and an army of newborns was the other. From Jasper's stories I know that is the kind of army that was common in the south as vampires vied for control." Alice scrunched up her face, and I could tell she wanted to say more but couldn't find the words.

"Someone creates an army to send against us?" Rosalie said indignantly.

"Why would anyone have that kind of vendetta with us?" Esme asked as she moved over to Carlisle and pulled him into a comforting embrace.

"I have no idea." Alice said, shaking her head.

"The vision was different from anything I've seen before." Edward added, furrowing his brow and tilting his head as if what he was about to say was difficult to put into words.

Carlisle cut him off and directed a question towards Mason. "Is this the amplification you spoke of?"

"Perhaps, could you describe it Edward?" Mason said with a slight nod.

"I don't know if I can. It was as if I were in Alice's vision. Able to walk around and interact with her, and we could even talk to one another." Edward partially shook his head a couple of times, trying to wrap his mind around what was clearly something difficult to understand.

"You projected, which is a reasonable extension of your gift. And Alice, these visions are more intense as if you were physically there?" Mason answered, although I wasn't sure if it was conjecture or a secret he was keeping from us.

"Yes. I wasn't just an observer. I've always thought of my visions like snippets of a movie. This was more like being in virtual reality. Except I was totally immersed in the vision. I don't like it." Alice frowned, I couldn't tell if her worries were based on fear, or a lack of control. "If my visions will be like that from now on, tell me how to shut them off. I don't want them anymore." Alice was clearly upset.

Then she blinked and shot a look at me again. "Angela I'm so sorry for putting you through that." Alice jumped up and dashed across the room. She pulled me into a hug tightly for a second then pulled away. I just smiled at her. I wasn't about to hold her responsible for something out of her control.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You couldn't have known what would happen, even if you do see the future." I gave her a playful smile and tried to reassure her that there was no reason to be upset.

"I'm still sorry." Alice lowered her head in dejection.

"Apology accepted. Can we get on with figuring out how to not die?" I felt less than confident, but somehow I sounded confident. Then I really absorbed the context of her vision. I was an active participant in that battle. "I do have one question before we continue; in this vision was I human?" Alice looked up at me and her face twisted.

"No. You were one of us." Alice answered in a tiny whisper. I held back the gasp, when Carlisle suggested the possibility it was just that, a possibility. This vision was something else, she had seen a horrible future where I had been turned into a vampire. I just nodded again then investigated each of their faces for a moment. My eyes lingered on Mason's face the longest. Was he a part of that future?

"So be it. Can someone take me home? If I have to leave my family soon, I want to spend as much time as I can with them." Esme nodded and walked over to me. I could see the look on her face; she wanted me to join the family, and I had to admit that a strong part of me wanted it too, I just didn't want to give up my life to do it.

"No, I'll take her. I need to think things out anyway." Edward volunteered unexpectedly, and Esme nodded once with a smile.

"I'll call you Angela. I promise." Bella said, and then pulled me into another hug. I closed my eyes and hugged her gently, feeling contentment knowing she was there. Then I let go reluctantly. "You better come back soon." She said playfully but was making an unspoken point that she needed me too. Mason watched as I left and I waved a little, making him smile, as he waved back.

Edward led me to the garage and we left in his Volvo almost too quickly. He had the look of a man who didn't know where to go.

"There was more she wasn't telling us." I guessed.

"Yes, but I've always been bad at interpreting her visions."

"Tell me something?"

He clenched his jaw and looked over at me and his eyes narrowed, then without another word he slammed on the brakes and pulled a quick and dangerous U-Turn. His face twisted, angry, yet somewhere deep in his eyes there was something that looked relieved.

When we reached the house, he honked the horn twice, and the family spilled out onto the driveway. Mason stood apart from the rest of them and was staring at Edward almost expectantly. So, it wasn't much of a surprise that the instant the car was parked, Edward practically flew out of his seat and stopped less than three inches from Mason's face

"What did you do to me?" Edward spoke so low and dangerously that I barely heard him as I exited the car.

"I was afraid this might happen, but there are no absolutes when it comes to our kind. When I nudged your power so you could see what was wrong with Alice, it appears as though I might have pushed too hard. Your mind has shut down your gift, possibly to grow. I don't feel atrophy, so your power will likely return soon enough." There was no anger, just truth in Mason's words and expression. I quickly glanced to see Edward's reaction and I could see a quiet resignation descend over his face.

"I don't know if I should hit you or thank you. You say it might return, and I want to believe you. But this is too much, you've overstepped again." Edward still looked angry, and somehow almost thankful. I had never thought about the idea of hearing all thoughts all the time. To finally have silence after as many years as Edward had been alive. To him it must be both terrifying and liberating.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." I interjected. Edward shot me a kind look, and then turned towards Mason again.

"You've been shaking things up, changing our perceptions, and now you've nudged my powers beyond my own limitations. What do you want from us?" Edward gave him time to react, but Mason spent barely a second in thought. I wondered how long that felt like to him, for me it felt almost instantaneous.

"I honestly don't know." Mason paused and looked around for a moment before continuing. "If you'll excuse me, I think I should leave now." He headed past Edward, a second of tension passed between them as Mason waited for Edward to block him. Thankfully Edward didn't move a muscle. A slight change in posture and shoulder position let me know that Mason was relieved he didn't have to resort to conflict.

As he passed by me, he gave me a soft smile, his beautiful unusual eyes peered into mine greedily. It was almost as if he was trying to look straight into my soul. I felt naked and vulnerable, and a great desire to look away overcame me, but I resisted the urge and didn't break eye contact.

"Could I speak to you?" I touched his sleeve lightly as he was walking by me. He nodded and motioned towards the long stretch of driveway.

"What would you like to talk about?" Mason asked after we had gotten some distance from the rest of the Cullen's who I could tell were watching us.

"You saved my life, and I owe you so much right now." I tried not to sound obligated to him, but in so many ways I was. I wanted this man to be a part of my life, even if he was only ever a friend.

"You owe me nothing except to live your life, I seek no exchange for saving you." It felt like something other than a dismissal of my feelings, and it took a second to realize he was simply a refusing to accept anything but gratitude for his actions.

"I know, what I meant was I hate to see them in such pain. Especially Alice, do you think your presence causes this horrible vision?" I frowned deeply, I didn't want to imply he wasn't welcome. Or perhaps I just didn't want him to leave.

"If I had been responsible in any way I have no doubt given the newness of my association with your family I would be accused without hesitation. Alice barely looked at me. That gives me pause, and I wonder what fate she has foreseen for me." He did look a touch worried, of course he had seen her reaction and anyone would be worried after seeing that.

"That's good, I couldn't deal with anything hurting them, I would gladly become like you to defend them." I knew it was the truth, but I still shuddered involuntarily at the thought of giving up my life.

"A human defending a family of vampires… There are many things in this world that are wondrous. I never thought I would encounter a human… you are a beautiful and puzzling creature." He took a deep breath and looked away from me for a moment into the forest. Then looking back at the Cullen's, he continued.

"Honestly, I'm in uncharted territory here. A thousand years ago I was in a coven, and I was their leader. But I'm not sure how to exist in a family like this one, especially with danger and death on the horizon. I am loath to say that I don't even know if my presence here is the danger to them that Alice foresaw, but I feel the need to protect them, I want them to survive. I just don't know what to do." He seemed so vulnerable. This seemingly ancient monster was looking to me for advice. I felt insignificant, and I couldn't believe that anything I could say would hold the weight of experience and significance needed for this kind of question.

"I'm stealing liberally from television here, but just because you've seen the future doesn't mean you can't change it. Follow your instincts and listen to your heart and you should find the right answer." I almost cringed. The words felt hollow and trite, I was inadequate for this task and I knew it. He looked at me with gentle eyes, but it was probably a mask to hide his true opinion.

"I'm not sure which to follow, my instincts or my heart, since they're pulling me in opposite directions." He wasn't laughing and he seemed to take my words seriously. I paused to process that for a moment. Then responded with what felt like the right answer.

"Then follow the one that feels more important to you. What are you really asking yourself? Can you answer that?" I said with as much compassion as I could muster. He seemed to be struggling, and I didn't want to appear flippant, or oblivious to his feelings.

"It's a matter of survival, versus something unknown and potentially frightening. I guess there isn't a choice. I've been alive and alone for so long that it feels natural for me. Yet, I would be a fool to pass up this life. I don't know if I deserve it though, I've caused so much suffering, and I've destroyed so many lives. I don't know if I'm even worthy to be a part of their lives… or yours." He growled slightly and shook his head. "Please ignore my prattle. This isn't something you should concern yourself with." His face got hard and distant. All the emotion that was bubbling to the surface disappeared abruptly.

"Don't shut off, you were getting somewhere. Do you want to spend eternity as a lonely god, or a lifetime with love and family? If chaos and death are the price for love then personally, I would gladly pay it, but what I think isn't important. I'm just a scared little girl consorting with mythical monsters." I chuckled a little, and more than a touch of fear came through the laugh. My train of thought brought back the very real vision that Alice had of me, and it frightened me to no end to think I would soon no longer be a member of humanity. It was both exhilarating and an utterly brain numbing concept to think about.

"Mythical monsters. You know we're only mythical because the world doesn't want to see us. We've been there throughout the ages, hiding in the shadows, and humanity has noticed us. They just refuse to admit we're real. Also, you hardly seem like a scared little girl to me." He looked down at the gravel loosely scattered across the ground and kicked a large stone deep into the forest. The kick was impressive enough that I didn't hear the impact of the rock.

"I... ah... thank you. I think. You know, vampires sticking to the shadows is probably for the best. I mean I don't think people would handle it well. Individuals can be rational, but groups tend to be ruled by the mob mentality. Destroy first, ask questions later. As a species that thinks it's at the top of the food chain, how would we react to the humbling knowledge that we have a natural predator? I know I'm still a little bit in shock, and I've had a fairly good experience going in. Then there are the ones who would endlessly hound you guys to be changed, and the zealots that would try to hunt you. There are too many unknowns to simply tell the world you're here. Wait, that wasn't the topic we were talking about, I got a little distracted there… sorry." I felt silly, abdicating for the rights of a vampire to remain hidden from the world. It was such a silly thing to contemplate, except that if Alice was right, I would be a vampire soon.

How could I leave my family to suffer my death? There were no words to explain the guilt I would feel over that. Unless I was dying, unless I was mortally injured and one of them rescued me. I grimaced at the morbidity of that train of thought, though I didn't have to think about it for long. Mason started to speak again almost immediately.

"Don't be sorry, it is a very valid point of view. I've watched people for longer than I care to remember, and you're right. As individual's I respect and value humanity. As a species... there are things that I've seen committed for reasons flimsier than impulse that would set your soul on fire with rage." He looked up in the sky, with a long distant stare, as if he were trying to suppress memories he didn't want to be reliving. I tentatively reached out to touch his shoulder, and his face shifted slightly, and he closed his eyes in what looked like contentment.

"You have no idea what that means to me." He said with a smile. I withdrew my hand wondering if I stepped over a line I didn't mean to cross. He glanced at me then, and then looked down.

"I've been alone for a long time. I haven't been touched in such a casual way in even longer." He seemed almost embarrassed by the confession. It made me want to hug him, although that would be a bridge too far. I could see something deep inside of him that wanted to come out, to be alive again.

"I don't know if you want to talk to a human about your troubles, but if you ever need someone... I could be there for you." I couldn't quite look at him as I spoke, I wasn't used to putting myself out there like that.

"Thank you." Was his simple reply. Yet the emotion he somehow conveyed in those two words was enough. It forced me to look him in the eyes, and I found myself smiling. My heart began to beat a little faster, and I knew I was headed down a dangerous path. Yet I wasn't sure it mattered, if I was going to become a monster, I could do a heck of a lot worse than Mason as a partner. I just couldn't give in to my hormones, I had to keep a clear head. I immediately thought of something that could change the subject back to what I wanted to speak to him about in the first place.

"Not to change the subject, but I need to know. How you justified manipulating their powers, I believe you meant well but was it ultimately helpful?" I said trying to sound as impartial and serious as I could be. He examined me for a moment, and I felt humbled by the weight of his stare. After a moment of thought he shook his head but furrowed his brow in mild confusion.

"I'll completely admit that I've tapped into Edward's power and at the time it was to gain information. Then I pushed him beyond his personal limitations, but Alice I never touched her power. It didn't occur to me until just now that there is no reason for hers to change like this." I nodded because he seemed genuine, and his honesty disarmed my suspicions. The family reacted, and they all rushed over to us.

"What the hell do you mean you haven't touched my powers?" Alice said with fury in her eyes.

"I haven't. Unless for some reason my presence is affecting you. Which would be a first, it would mean your power is tied to this reality in a way that is beyond my knowledge." Mason looked upset and was frowning deeply.

"I don't know where my visions come from, but they change based on decisions. The future is nowhere near as set as we would like to believe." Alice said with a small shrug.

"I guess fate is a fickle lover." Mason said with a small smile. "As I said before, I should go, before I can cause more harm."

"If you can amplify powers, can you explain what I could potentially do with my ability?" Edward asked, before Mason could leave. Mason frowned slightly, but nodded at Edward.

"Telepathy is a variable gift. Aro's version of it is very invasive but requires touch. Talia, a vampire who died many centuries ago could not just read the thoughts of others, but implant her own thoughts as well, allowing for almost unlimited communication over as far as a mile. She was Aro's most powerful tool, until she decided she was done with the Volturi and they killed her for trying to leave them." Mason scowled, the story clearly dredging up painful memories.

"Did you know Talia well?" Esme asked, trying to understand the man in front of us.

"Not really, my coven mate Katherine was close to her. They were in a nomadic coven before I met Katherine, but parted ways years before." Mason clarified.

"Katherine, we have a cousin named Kate, but it is not a common name among our kind, at least for those older than me." Carlisle looked confused, "Or Talia for that matter, and I lived with the Volturi for years."

"The Volturi horde secrets like they collect our kind for their guard. Katherine was executed for supposed crimes after my coven disbanded. It is part of the reason I have been alone for so long." Mason scowled and shook his head in pain. "I suspect they killed her for my secret." Mason said quietly, obviously still affected by her death.

"What secret could be so important that the Volturi would break their own laws to uncover it?" Carlisle asked incredulously.

"You must understand, this isn't something I reveal lightly. I wasn't sure when, or even if I was going to reveal it to your family. It is dangerous and would alter our world forever if it were ever revealed to the world. Yet, trust is important." Mason looked around at everyone gathered, and then at me for a few seconds before returning his gaze towards Carlisle. "For every gifted vampire, many have no gift at all. It makes the gifted special and valuable. Or at least that is what is known." Mason pursed his lips and waited for a reaction.

"If I grasp what you're implying; all vampires have gifts? Can that be right?" Bella asked, trying to understand or clarify what Mason had said.

"Yes. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, most never develop that latent gift into something useful. However, I can help draw out that ability to the surface so that any vampire can learn their unique gift." He had broken eye contact and was looking at the sky again.

"I'm sorry, but could you run me over with that again?" Emmett spoke up, he seemed excited.

"Your family is special, but more than I originally conveyed. All of you have unique and special talents. I would love to have the opportunity to work with you all to uncover them. Plus, if Alice's vision is true then it might tip the scales in our favor. It's a secret I've kept for a long time, primarily from the Volturi. If they knew what I know about our kind they would be ruling the world." There was no evasion or heightened drama, just a casual exposition of information. I looked at the rest of the family, this time there was shock and confusion, and in a couple of cases a little bit of anger. But none of it was directed towards Mason.

It took a few seconds to sink in, but Emmett almost jumped up for joy. He shouted, "WOOHOO!" Rosalie rolled her eyes but looked at Mason again.

"Really, you can hardly expect me to believe that you mean all of us have powers, even me?" Rosalie said with more hostility than I'd seen in her in quite a long time. Mason looked at her for a moment, and then chuckled to himself for a couple of seconds.

"I'm not sure if it's what you want to hear." Mason said with a small shrug.

"Dazzle me." Rosalie said with biting sarcasm.

"Your will is powerful, harnessed you could learn to inspire and dominate others to do your bidding." Mason sighed slightly; it was clear to me at least, that he was showing his hand far earlier than he was ready for.

"Not really dazzled, you're saying I can do the classic vampire mind control trick. How would that help in a fight?" Rosalie said with more than a little venom in her voice.

"With practice you wouldn't even need to raise a hand, you could simply stop your opponent before they could throw their first punch. You could mesmerize a room to believe you were a giant dragon, or even disappear from their sight. You could inspire someone to change their way of life by altering a fundamental ideal. You could even compel someone to commit suicide. The applications of domination are as endless as your imagination. It's a very powerful gift, but it does take a long time to refine." Rosalie's eyes were wide, clearly thrown by the information.

"Excuse me." Rosalie said, running into the house without another word or even a look back at the family. Everyone stood in silence for what felt like minutes, until finally Carlisle broke the tension by clearing his throat.

"As much as I would love to hear a rundown of our gifts, I feel that given tonight's events now would not be the best time. Mason, perhaps you should leave for now, a few hours away so that we can have a family discussion?" Carlisle smiled at Mason, who nodded thoughtfully.

"Not at all. Thank you again for your hospitality." Without another word he was gone, although he did smile at me briefly before turning away. I stared at the forest where he disappeared into the tree line for a few seconds trying to push down my feelings. I wasn't sure if I was just attracted to the mystery of a man so ancient that he could casually refer to a time a thousand years before I was born, or if there was something more. Eventually I turned towards Carlisle.

"Let's all adjourn to the house. We have much to discuss." Carlisle turned to lead the group inside.

"Um, I'm not a member of your family." I said feeling out of place.

"Yes, you are dear." Esme just held out a hand for me. I looked at her hand and felt my mind race over the implications of accepting their love and the implicit offer of eternity with their family. I felt my body start to tremble, but I quickly pushed down the fear threatening to overwhelm me. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, and when I opened them, I took a step forward clasping Esme's hand tightly. I felt a small tear form in my left eye, and in the next instant I found Bella holding my other hand smiling at me broadly.

"I guess this means you've accepted Alice's vision?" Bella looked at me with sisterly love. I nodded at her and tried to smile but couldn't help the sadness from coming through.

"I've accepted that I love every one of you, and I could think of a much worse fate than spending eternity with this family. If that means giving up my life and becoming a vampire, so be it. I'll have to find a way to do it and keep my parents from pain. I won't subject them to dealing with my death." It was more of a desperate need, and I could tell they understood.

"We'll figure it out. I promise." Carlisle said as we walked inside to figure out as a family what to do with more drama and terror than I could even begin to wrap my head around.

Author's Note:

This was originally two separate chapters one from Bella's POV and one from Angela's POV. I combined them because they were basically just two parts of the same scene, and Angela's voice made more sense than Bella's. I have also decided that I am going to split up posting the story into three parts. Part One is nearing completion, but there is about ten more chapters before we reach that conclusion. Part Two will be delayed for a little while so I can catch up with other projects, but it will be posted within a reasonable amount of time. I will post at least a chapter a week in Part 2 and at the moment it consists of 16 chapters. In retrospect I should've split this up into four parts, but I'm not going to take this down to repost anything at this point. Part 3 is going to take the longest, it is only half written and that includes the end of the story.

Next Chapter: Mirror, Mirror - Rosalie

Thank you for reading up to this point, I hope you continue until the end!