The Annoying, Pesky, Perverted, Sweet, Arrogant,
and Just All Around Stupid Notes from James Potter
AN: Okay! This one was really fun to write! I originally wasn't going to publish it, but my friend, Rae, told me I should sooooo...here it is! Basically, it's a collection of notes from James to Lily, much to her displeasure, with Sirius thrown in their randomly because Sirius rocks, and I like his character. It's a little confusing so, here is the guide as to who is talking:
James: Normal type
Lily: Italic type
Sirius: Bold type
Cheers, Godric
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter or the characters. Just the plot. Yep.
Charms class: the 12th of November
Hi Lily Flower! How is the loveliest, prettiest, most fair and kind girl in all of Hogwarts?
Bugger off Potter.
Now, now, Tiger Lily. Don't say that! People will get the impression that you don't like them.
Wonder why?
Why?
And here I thought your stupidity was all an act, and just a gimmick for attention.
Really Lily, you can't very well say something questionable and not expect someone to inquire to it!
Yes, I bloody well can.
Lily! I am appalled!
Good. Now go away!
Transfiguration class: 2nd of December
Psst! Lily!
Go away James. I'm trying to concentrate!
Oh, but Lily, I really need to talk to you!
About what?
Ummmmmm...wait! Did you just say what I thought you said?
" About what?"
No, no! Before that! I thought I heard you just call me James.
Oh. No, no! I didn't say that! I obviously said Potter.
No, I distinctly heard you say, " James."
Well, you heard wrong.
No, no I'm quite sure that I didn't.
Lily?
Ummm...you still there?
History of Magic class: It could be the end of the world and I still wouldn't notice cause I'd be bored to death.
Lily! Help me! I am drowning in the boredom! Quick! Save me! Help me! I don't have much longer! choking noise
Stop being such a drama queen.
Excuse me, drama king, if you will. See, I am a male, and while we're on that fascinating subject, would you be so kind as to go out with —
No.
Oh, but why-
No.
Lil-
No.
But-
No.
Whyev-
No.
Have I finally done it? Have I actually silenced the great James Potter?
Nope!
Figures. Just knew it was too good to be true.
Yes, of course you did. Now, onto business: what is your favorite colour?
Huh?
Being ignorant does not suit you. Please refrain from it.
What?
Lily dearest, what did I just express?
Uhhh..your wish that I refrain from being ignorant?
Exactly.
Exactly what?
What is your favorite colour?
Fine. I'll play along. I happen to fancy-
James Potter?
Actually, not in the least. I'm rather attached to yellow.
Awww...well alright.
James? Uh, I mean, uh, I meant Potter. Yes, that's what I meant. Obviously. Yeah, Lily, girl, Potter. Not James. Exactly. Right. Yeah.
Divination class: 16th of December
Well, most unfortunately, Lily Love isn't in this class today, so I've had Sirius here fill in for her. This one day Sirius, one day only.
Got it James.
No, no, no! You have to act like Lily! Lily would never have called me James! Well, except yesterday...
What? You mean to say that the lovely Lily called you something other then Prat, Toerag, Idiot, and-
Alright Sirius! We get the point! Now act like Lily.
Well, mate, that might be rather hard. The fact that I'm not Lily aside, remember the last time I tried to pose as a girl?
Oh yeah! You were giggling and squealing for weeks whenever Jerry Johnson passed you in the corridors!
If your not going to be nice...
Okay, okay, Padfoot. Let's talk about something else then.
Very well.
Ummm...what do you want to talk about?
Hmmmm...how bout' my lovely date with Veronica.
Oh, yeah! What year was she in again? You never see her at Hogwarts.
She, er, wasn't.
Huh?
She, uh, wasn't exactly in school.
Oh really? And how old was she?
Um, 21.
And, how old did you tell her you were?
Jamesie! I am offended! You honestly think I would lie about my age to a beautiful and quite nice young women?
Yes.
I told her I was 23 and had a job as a dragon tamer in Romania.
Ha! The farthest thing from the truth! Ha!
What, so you can't see me being a dragon tamer in Romania? And it's not that funny. I'm gonna see her next weekend when I have, " time off."
So, Padfoot, dear friend, what are you going to do?
I'm going to be my normal, gorgeous self.
Your kidding right? I hope you are, cause if your not, then you're a pretty good actor. Gorgeous, ha! You must be kidding.
Ouch James! My ego is listening!
Well, if it's damaged, I wouldn't worry too much. It should heal fairly quickly. Didn't you say something yesterday about you being, and I quote, " God's gift to the women of England?"
Ahhhh...so I am.
I'm leaving. We have Defense next.
Lunch, yummmmmm...:20th of December
Lily! Hi! How was Arithmancy?
None of your business Potter.
Oh, what happened to James?
It went on a package tour of Tibet.
Oh. Well, could you be a dear, and send it a fruit basket and my wishes that it returns home safely?
Ouch! Lily love, smacking people is not a way to get them to like you!
I have disposed of the problem. You didn't see anything. Oh! Cookies!
Defense Against the Dark Arts: 22nd of December
Ah! James! Why did you throw paper at me! Idiot! Ewwww...your all sweaty!
Do you like that?
No! Go take a shower!
I'm sure I could use an escort, darling.
Pervert! What have you been doing anyway?
Well, Todd, the " slave driver," insisted on a half hour practice during our free period! I mean, what good captain would make us practice between classes!
Mmmm...isn't Todd the tall, handsome one?
Todd! Well...I suppose he is rather tall, and one could debate about whether his hair is-wait! You like Todd?
Maybe.
She-devil. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ice-Woman, I need to go break Todd's nose and cause him random bodily harm.
James? I, I mean Potter?
Your not really going to break his nose, are you?
Yep. He is.
Sirius! Get out of here!
Christmas break: Uh, I don't regularly check the calender when I'm not in hell, I mean school.
Urgh. I hate detention. Except...this makes it so I've had exactly 267and1/3 more detentions then Padfoot! Yayyyy!
Bloody, effing, dammit, crap, hell, get it!
I can't believe it! Lily just cursed! Profusely!
I hate you!
Hate is a strong word. I prefer strongly dislike. And whyever why do you hate me? Wait, that sounded weird. Never mind!
You landed me in detention!
Er, if you want to get technical about it, the cauldron actually landed you in detention.
URGH!
Christmas Eve: I think you know when Christmas Eve is.
I have stolen this little book because I needed something to write in. I think I'm in trouble.
Why, you ask? Quite simple, really. I'm sure that in the depths of this book, Potter has told you all about his seemingly bottomless pit of wit, charm, class, and just everything else.
As he calls it, " The Potter Charm." Well, I think that I've finally...uhhhh...well, erm...fallen...forJamesPotter!
I'm pitiful aren't I? Well, it all started after that detention. I started thinking about how much I hated him, when I started thinking about his irresistibly, messy, black hair, and those deep hazel eyes I could just get lost in, and-
Oh, Merlin! I've got it bad haven't I? Oh, I hate this! It was sooooo much easier when I was simply hating him!
Christmas Day: Don't care! Besides, you should know!
Merlin's purple, spangled bloomers!
Boxing Day: 26th of December
Sirius here! See, Prongs is stuck in Lily-Land with no way out. It seems dear, darling Lily wrote something in here yesterday, and Prongsie is up in the dorm trying to figure it out.
But, never fear! Prongs gave me explicit instructions to write something specific in here. Ahem,
" Sirius, A.K.A. Padfoot, is the best person in the world. I am not worthy enough to be his friend. He is so handsome, and gorgeous, I could never compete with him. And I, James Potter, wear purple boxers to-"
PADFOOT! SHUT UP! Retard.
New Years Eve: If you don't know when New Years is, then your dumber then Sirius in a room full of shiny things.
You know, this Christmas is proof that dreams really docome true.
Yes it is.
See, dear Lily here, finally came to her senses.
And darling James, finally learned how to deflate his head to the point where it could fit through the door.
Ha, ha, yes I did!
Brrrrrr...is it still snowing outside?Oh! Look! It's almost midnight!
So it is.
Yep.
Sirius! Welcome!
Get out.
Oh, but Lily, I want to be here with Prongs, and you! It's so exciting how you two are finally together!
Sirius, I've changed my mind. Shall we chuck him out Lils?
We shall.
It's midnight.
So it is.
Can't you guys get a room or something?
Sirius, you are my best mate, but now I must ask something of you...GET OUT!
Now, where were we?
That is such a cheesy line. Too cliche.
Why are you still talking?
I don't know.
Are you quite done yet?
SIRIUS!
SIRIUS!
THE END
AN: You have no idea how much fun that was to write! I love those three! Their a lot of fun!
Cheerio,
Godric