Pain of the Past

By Hikari Tsuki Chi

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, for it is the brainchild of Watsuki Nobuhiro-sama.

Note: I'm putting Millennium I on hold for a while, for I need to go over it and clean it up a little and find out what happens during the Yugi/Malik duel and figure out how I want to fit in and these things that I've heard through various stories and author's notes about the "Egyptian arc" that everyone seems to know about. So if you're a fan of Yu-Gi-Oh! and you know a site where I can find all this stuff out or a site with Yu-Gi-Oh! manga translations then I'll be a very happy camper indeed.

Chapter 4- Words

Hitokiri wa shosen shinu made hitokiri.

A manslayer is a manslayer until death.

The words spoke through his mind, haunting him. Spoken by a gray-haired man with a wakizaki sticking out of his chest, they spoke volumes to Kenshin. Even after he had woken from his doze and stumbled through the rest of his students' papers, dinner, and a shower, finally falling into his bed at a quarter till midnight, the dreams didn't stop. "Now if you'd only turn over that odd blade…we'd have our Hitokiri-sama back."

"Sessha wa rurouni…this one is a wanderer."

"Demo…why does your sword still have a sharp edge?" The voice at the edges of his mind whispered.

"I never said I wanted Battousai to stay! What I was trying to say is that I want the wanderer to-"

"To protect Kaoru-dono, I will once again become the Hitokiri."

"As long as Sessha has the strength of the rurouni to protect the people in Sessha's life then Sessha no longer needs the strength of a hitokiri…of a satsujin…of a murderer…de gozaru yo!"

"Then even as the Rurouni, you're a failure."

"Mou korosu."

"Mou korosu? That's my line."

Vainly trying to regain his control, but too weak to fight anymore, not in the heat of battle. He would tear him apart and leave him down in the void of their mind. The battle ending, talking, trying to steal control. Finally, a crack, big enough for him to punch himself, shocking Him back into the void.

Months later, peace. Surprise. Happiness. Shock. Blood spurting, staining her favorite yellow kimono. "Shin…ta…" Anger, rage. Control slipping, but not caring. For stealing his second happiness, he deserved the Hitokiri, the one without judgment yet with the ability to punish. Judge, jury, and executioner in one fell swing. Wounds, pain, rage. Turning over the blade, dealing the deathblow. Tainting and defiling a holy sword, created to protect the new generation and era created by the swords of the old. Strength leaving, falling, darkness filling his vision, white plum and jasmine surrounding him. Those words again. "Hitokiri wa shosen shinu made hitokiri."

Gasping awake, Kenshin sat up, breathing hard. A dream…just a dream. But why do the things shown in them seem so familiar? Glancing at the clock, he groaned. It was barely 5AM. Thank God I don't have classes today, I'd fall asleep. Knowing that if he tried going back to sleep, he'd just have more dreams; he got up, and dressed. Only later when he looked in the mirror did he pause and notice his tears, the ones trekking through his scar coming away tinged with blood. Damn, why am I letting these dreams get to me? No…it's not the dreams getting to me…it's the words spoken that are getting to me. Those words that I heard in my dreams are ones that had a profound effect on me…or whomever I've been dreaming about. All this started when that first scar appeared one morning. Reaching up to his scar, after brushing away his tears, he brushed his fingertips against uneven skin. "You make it rain blood."

Kenshin closed his eyes, grimacing at the voices. "I will not die…I don't want to die…To…mo…e…"

He slid to the floor, and put his head in his hands. With all the dreams and the voices messing with his head, it's a wonder that he didn't go insane from them. And if they don't, then I will go insane. A hitokiri is a hitokiri until death. He can never be anything else. Hitokiri wa shosen shinu made hitokiri. Shinu made… Breathing heavily, Kenshin whispered, "Who or what am I…?"

Kaoru

Kenshin wasn't the only one plagued by strange voices in weird dreams. Kaoru had them as well. But hers were…a little less violent. "Sessha doesn't think that your late father wouldn't want trade his daughter's life for his sword style, de gozaru. Sessha is sure that what your father wished for always, would be your happiness first Kaoru-dono."

"If you insist on going, you could at least tell me your name before you go. Battousai is a warrior name, so what is your real name? Or don't you want to tell me?"

"'Himura Kenshin'. That's the name Sessha goes by now."

"I want to crush the man the songs call the strongest of the Ishin Shishi!"

"You think of Kenshin as 'Hitokiri Battousai' only!"

"When I say I'll kill you…all you can do is die."

"A sword is a weapon. Whatever pretty names you give it, swordsmanship is a way to kill. But in the face of such awful truth, the sweet naïve lie she tells is so much better. If Sessha had a wish, it would only be that the sweet naïve lie she tells becomes the truth of this world."

"Don't…go back there…don't become a hitokiri…don't…"

"But you've always been able to go back to normal before!"

"Thank you for everything. Sayonara, Kaoru-dono."

Falling to her knees, silent tears trekking down her face. "Ken…shin…"

If this keeps up, Kenshin…Kenshin will…disappear…

"There's no way to stop the two of them."

"The next attack will decide who wins this battle. Life, death, or will they kill each other?"

Reaching out, to stop him. Failing, pulling back, more tears, can't watch.

"Stop!"

Sudden halt. Words said. A sudden punch to the face. "Sessha isn't the only one involved anymore de gozaru."

"You're back to normal!"

"…stay with me…"

Gasping, Kaoru sat up, sweat literally pouring off her, her breath ragged. She panted, breathing through her mouth, trying to calm her racing heart. It hadn't been like the others, where there had been fights, but a 'slide show' of images and sounds. Stumbling into her bathroom, she chanced a look in the mirror.

Her reflection looked normal enough, if you ignored the dark circles under her eyes and her pale skin, but as she looked, it wavered like water and changed. The red-haired man was trying to leave again. "Sessha…sessha doesn't want to but you in danger Kaoru-dono. Sayonara."

Her grabbing his hand, stopping him. "Stay. Stay with me. Onegai."

His eyes widen slightly in surprise, then warmed with love as he smiled. He moved closer, covering her hand with both of his, bringing it to between their faces. Kaoru looked away at that point, biting her lip and shutting her eyes tightly. Chancing another glance at the mirror, she saw only her reflection. "What was that?" she whispered, left alone as voices from the past whispered in the back of her mind as she turned on the shower. "Dame…don't become a hitokiri again. Da…me…"

"Hitokiri wa shosen shinu made hitokiri. He can never be anything else."

End of Chapter 4

How was it? I'm gonna be shameless and beg for reviews…please…?

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