The next several weeks passed rapidly for Remus. Despite the covert missions of the Order that nearly always ended in close calls for his or his assigned partner's lives, Remus' mind was kept steady on being able to see Tonks again. His motivation to end Voldemort's power and recruiting had always been for the protection of others, but with Tonks in his life now, his devotion to defeating Voldemort had never had more ardor. For Tonks, he thought, for a better world for her.

In the back of his mind, Remus thought of what could happen if Voldemort were defeated. Could he and Tonks have a future together? Could the world be friendly enough for the two of them to be together, openly? These thoughts entered Remus' mind when he least expected them – during a stakeout at a Death Eater's residence, when he held Tonks in his arms in the early hours of morning, when he checked the dates for the next full moon with his calendar.

The overwhelming failure of recruiting more people to the Order of the Phoenix stopped these hopes. While new Death Eaters were being made daily, the Order struggled to add members. If they were to defeat Voldemort, they needed further numbers. If he and Tonks were to have a future together, they would need more support.

Now that it was September, the kids had been whisked off to Hogwarts and Sirius' mood had been worse than ever. The amount of activity at Headquarters had decreased significantly, leaving only Sirius, Remus, and Buckbeak as Headquarters' residents. With so few residents, Remus felt comfortable spending September's full moon at Grimmauld Place.

"Tonks is coming over tonight," said Remus. "I hope you don't mind if she stays the night." Remus was now preparing dinner for himself, Tonks, and Sirius. After admitting that her cooking was atrocious, Remus felt more confident in being able to make her dinner for many of their dates. The little I provide, I can share, he thought.

"Just put some silencing charms on the door and we'll be all set, mate," Sirius said, grinning. "No need to hear you going on with my cousin."

"It's still not like that, for your information," said Remus, tersely. "Let alone the night before a full moon."

"Still?" asked Sirius, incredulously.

"As I've already told you, it's not happening any time soon. She needs to know what she's getting into, whether she likes it or not."

"Whether I like what or not?" asked Tonks, who came tumbling down the stairs to the kitchen.

Remus rushed to her side. "Are you alright?" He helped her back up, and Tonks smoothed her robes down and dusted herself off.

"I've had plenty of experience with stairs, thanks," Tonks said. "I'll think I'll make it through the night."

Sirius barked laughing, while Remus looked put out. "Just because I want her to be safe," muttered Remus. He returned to the brick oven to remove the steak and kidney pie he had prepared for dinner.

"You didn't answer my question – whether I like what or not?" Tonks looked up at Remus, her bubblegum pink hair disheveled from the fall down the stairs.

"We weren't talking about you," lied Remus. I should have put a silencing charm on the door, he thought, and we could have avoided this matter altogether.

Tonks eyed Remus suspiciously. "Whatever you say, dear," she replied, putting her hands on her hips.

Sirius whistled at Remus, and said, "Looks like I'm not the only one who will be in the doghouse tonight." Sirius boasted another laugh, while Remus glared at him.

"That's enough, Padfoot."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "You two deserve each other," she chuckled. "Steak and kidney pie, huh? One of my favorites!" She smiled at Remus, and he embraced her in a tight hug, saying "I missed you."

"It's only been three days, you muppet."

"I still missed you."

Tonks stood up on her toes and kissed Remus. He bent down to wrap his arms around her waist, bringing her closer to him. Her scent, heat, and feel overwhelmed him; this close to a full moon, he felt ever more possessive, wanting her all to himself.

"Oi! You two are going to ruin my appetite. You could have the decency to wait until after dinner," Sirius grumbled. "Or obliviate me."

Remus broke away from Tonks, blushing furiously, while Tonks' face was set and defiant. "If you had lips like that, you'd never want to leave them either, Sirius," Tonks said.

Remus stuck his chest out at this, feeling proud that he had elicited such a positive response from Tonks. Though kissing was a somewhat newly acquired skill, he felt pleased that he had not managed to disappoint the young witch…yet.

"So let's eat, then, shall we?" asked Sirius. "Then you can go back to whatever that was."

"Enjoying the best kisser, you mean?" Tonks asked. Remus blushed again, but busied himself with serving the three of them with the pie and butterbeers.

"He's hardly the best," laughed Sirius.

"How would you know that?" asked Tonks.

"Yes, how would you know that, Padfoot?"

"I have it on good authority that I impressed many a witch in my time at school," replied Sirius. "Unlike a certain werewolf I know."

"Ooh, tell me all about it!" Tonks exclaimed. "Remus has yet to mention any past romances."

"He hasn't mentioned any, has he?" asked Sirius, a mischievous grin forming over his face. "How mysterious of him."

Remus felt his face grow hot. Tonks, fortunately, had not been his first kiss, but he had yet to complete many firsts in relationships. He felt his dating life was nothing short of pathetic compared to Sirius' many successes before his time in Azkaban.

"If Moony's the best you've had, you must've not had many good experiences," chortled Sirius.

Tonks laughed, while Remus glared at Sirius. Remus cleared his throat loudly, and changed the subject, asking after Tonks' workday, hoping that would deter the conversation away from past romances and experiences, or lack thereof.

…

"You know, you haven't actually told me about any of your past romantic trysts," Tonks said. Remus was sitting with her in the drawing room; Sirius had not-so-discreetly excused himself to tend to Buckbeak, leaving the pair in the room now only illuminated by the fireplace. Tonks was curled up on a settee, legs tucked underneath her. Remus sat on the ancient Persian rug, leaning against an armchair for support.

"There's not much to speak of, really," mumbled Remus. "My dating history is rather sparse."

"Who was your first kiss?" asked Tonks.

"Lily Evans."

"Isn't that Harry's mother?"

"Yes. I think she took pity on me that I was nearly 16 years old without having had a first kiss," replied Remus, grimacing. "She kissed me on my sixteenth birthday."

"That's sweet of her," said Tonks, smiling.

"Sirius and James had put her up to it," said Remus. "I believe pity was the motivating factor."

"Hush now, I'm sure that's not true."

"I'm sure that it is," muttered Remus. He thought for a moment and then asked, "Who was your first kiss?"

"Charlie Weasley," Tonks replied. "Third year, I was 14. We didn't get to shagging till fourth year though; he was my first for that too."

There it was. Remus realized that this conversation had been far more than first kisses and previous romantic attachments. He shifted uncomfortably in his spot, awaiting the dreaded question to come. He ventured a reply.

"You must have broken up with him at some point, then," he offered. Keep her talking about her past, distract her, anything.

"Obviously, or I wouldn't be with you," Tonks coyly smiled. "Who was your first shag then?"

Remus hesitated, but felt the inevitable coming. He reluctantly replied, "I haven't gotten there yet." He winced and turned his head to look away from her. Within seconds, he felt the shadows around him flicker. He felt Tonks settle down beneath him on the floor and take his hands into her own as she knelt in front of him. She took one of her hands and placed it underneath his chin, gently moving it so that she could see into his eyes.

""Have you been afraid of telling me this, Remus?" asked Tonks, softly.

"Less fear, more crippling embarrassment," murmured Remus. "I didn't want you to take me on as a project, or rather, I didn't want you taking me for a lecherous old man lusting after you."

"You know that's not how I see you," replied Tonks. "You are not a project and you're not lecherous, as you put it. I've had plenty of experience with both and you're neither.

Tonks' face was set, her eyes blazing, her expression fierce. She continued, "You aren't some sort of project for experimentation, and you've treated me with nothing but respect. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean I look at you any differently." Tonks paused, "Though it explains a lot." She sighed quietly.

"How do you mean?"

"You want to go slowly," Tonks replied, simply.

"There are a lot of reasons for that, Tonks."

"Is this one of them?"

"Yes." Remus turned his head again towards the fire and away from Tonks' gaze. He felt inadequate. At 35 years old, he still had not had sex with anyone, and this spunky young witch had years of experience. He couldn't possibly compete with any of her previous partners.

"You know I don't care about that."

"I know-"

"-but?"

"But what?"

"You always say but when you have that face."

Remus chuckled softly. Tonks had been in his life for barely over two months and she had studied his expressions, his reactions, and his weaknesses. Despite her clumsiness, he thought, this is what made her an outstanding Auror.

"But," Remus emphasized, "I've never taken that step with anyone because of the potential consequences."

"Consequences?" Tonks asked. "As in feeling great?"

"No," Remus sighed. "As in not hurting anyone or worse yet, getting anyone pregnant, if that's even possible."

"I trust you, Remus," murmured Tonks. "I really don't think you'd hurt me, ever."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that, Remus. You've never hurt anyone you care for, have you?" Tonks' expression was searching Remus. Though she was right – he had never intentionally hurt his loved ones, at least not physically – his inner wolf could be dangerously unhinged if he let it.

"It's not me I'm worried about, Tonks. It's the wolf inside me. Before and after the full moon I can get especially aggressive, and I just can't take that out on you." Remus was trying to convey his concern in the clearest way.

"Then we avoid the days before and after the full moon, problem solved." Tonks crossed her arms over her chest and huffed at him.

"I can't tell you how much I want to, Tonks," Remus groaned. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you, or anyone else for that matter." Remus saw the fire blazing in Tonks' eyes again. Maybe, just maybe she was right, he thought, maybe if we were careful we could avoid the worst of the wolf.

"We could try sometime though, when you feel ready," Tonks suggested. "When you feel the most you. We'll go slowly too. I'm willing to wait for you."

Remus smiled weakly at Tonks. She was far too generous and patient with him. Perhaps her patience would wane eventually and she would give up on him before anything got too dangerous. He couldn't dare hope she would wait too long. No matter how sexually suppressed he felt, her safety was of the utmost importance. The lustful wolf must keep waiting.

"Besides, I don't want kids," Tonks said. "Being a pregnant Auror would be miserable."

"Be that as it may, we couldn't even chance it. We could possibly try to be…intimate…" Remus winced at his choice of words, and saw Tonks' eyes glimmer slightly. "But I could never get you pregnant, if that were even possible. You may even change your mind." Remus sighed heavily. Tonks had yet to turn 23. What if she changed her mind in her later years and wanted children? He could never give them to her.

"You realize there are charms and potions for that sort of thing, right?" Tonks asked. "I'm serious. I don't want kids, and I've been very effective at avoiding it so far."

"Yes, Tonks," Remus admitted. "I know about the charms and potions. I'm not completely clueless. I'm trying to make you understand that I could never – ever – pass my condition onto an innocent child. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"You also realize that lycanthropy can't be passed through sex?" Tonks asked, brow arched. "Or conception?"

"You don't know that."

"I do, Remus," Tonks sighed irritably. "There is zero evidence to show that werewolves are made in any other way but a bite from a fully transformed werewolf at the full moon. I've done plenty of reading on this."

"You have?" Remus asked, incredulous. "Why?"

Tonks' cheeks grew slightly pink. "Because I thought this is what you'd be afraid of, and I didn't want you to be afraid anymore."

Remus paused to think. She's really thought about this. While there may not be evidence of lycanthropy-at-conception, were there any cases of non-werewolves willingly debasing themselves to be with werewolves?

"I know what you're thinking, Remus," Tonks said, gently. "You're wrong."

"Wrong about what?" Remus spat, bitterly. He hadn't meant it to come out so harshly. Why did Tonks insist on having so many blunt, difficult conversations?

"Be kind to yourself, Remus," Tonks murmured. She took his face in her hands, looking into the flickers of light that played with the flecks of gold in his eyes. Remus could see the glitter in her eyes, and his chest filled with emotion.

"Can you promise me you'll think about it?" asked Tonks, quietly. "I'll wait until you are ready."

"What if I'm never ready?" Remus lamented. "I can't do that to you." It was a half-lie; he and the wolf both ached to have her in his arms, taste her, take her. He tried keeping the wolf at bay; no matter how badly he wanted to have her, the wolf would always be there, waiting to strike her or hurt her.

Tonks had a mischievous look in her face; her eyes blazed with passion again, her lips curled into a crooked smile. "You'll get there. I know you will," she whispered into his ear.

Their foreheads were now touching. Remus felt his heart thumping in his chest, listening intently to each heavy beat. The room was quiet; only the crackle of the fire and their own ragged breathing came to his ears.

Tonks brushed her lips against Remus', wrapping her arms around his neck. He kissed her more furiously and urgently, slipping his tongue out to part her lips. She welcomed his tongue into her mouth, feverishly tasting him, letting out a mewl that lit Remus' nerves aflame. She tastes like chocolate, he thought, sweet, silky chocolate. He broke off from her lips to kiss against her jawline and her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. It was intoxicating, mesmerizing, all-consuming; the wolf yearned to bite, the man holding back to place gentle kisses on her face, returning to her lips to taste her again.

Remus felt his hands graze to Tonks' waist, feeling the bare skin exposed between her shirt and jeans. His hands crept up under her shirt, moving slowly to feel every inch of her back. She responded, straddling Remus while he sat on the floor, back against the armchair. She sat on his lap, facing him. Remus felt painfully aware of the hardness now pressing into her abdomen. She didn't seem to mind, and her movements kept increasing the tension now pressing into his trousers. Remus felt Tonks' hands rub his hardness through the cloth of his trousers, leaving a groan escape from his throat. Tonks' hands now moved to finger Remus' belt; Remus' nerves were on fire with desire, and the wolf within begged to be released. The man heard another crackle from the fire, bringing him to his senses.

Remus broke away from Tonks, looking into her eyes. "Not tonight," he whispered. "Soon, love. Soon."

"Promise?" Tonks murmured.

"Promise."