Remus was frantically pacing the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place.
"Would you calm down?" Sirius asked, rubbing his temples with his fingers. "She's coming back, you know."
"She's late, Padfoot," replied Remus. "What if something happened to her?" He reached for a goblet and filled it with Calming Draught.
"How much of that have you had this week, Moony?"
"Enough that it would put you into a coma," Remus replied. "Werewolf metabolism," he explained.
"You're one meltdown away from me forcing Draught of Living Death down your throat," grumbled Sirius. "If you and your pathetic love life weren't my only entertainment…"
A crash was heard above the two men in the kitchen, followed by a series of expletives from both a portrait and a familiar young woman's voice. Remus perked at the sounds and let out a low whimper. He rushed to the foot of the stairs leading to the kitchen, only to be knocked over by a turquoise-haired blur in the form of Nymphadora Tonks.
"Remus!" Tonks cried, upon finding herself thrust on her boyfriend's chest.
"Tonks," he choked out, voice muffled from the Auror's elbow crushing into his windpipe. "You – you're – back!"
"I missed you!" Tonks readjusted herself and helped Remus back on his feet.
"I missed you too, Tonks." He wrapped his arms around Tonks and held her tightly, greedily inhaling her scent. She smelled strongly of salty sea air, likely from the trip from Azkaban over the North Sea, but her sweet, warm scent made it past the salt to his nostrils.
"Did ya miss me?" interrupted Sirius.
"Of course I did, Sirius!" Tonks declared. Remus reluctantly let Tonks go so she could greet her cousin.
"I am so glad you're back, Tonks," Sirius said. "Moony here has been insufferable without you."
"Is that so?" Tonks whipped around. Remus felt the heat rising to his cheeks, and huffed slightly at Tonks' gleeful, cheeky grin.
"Is it so wrong to miss one's girlfriend?" Remus offered. Perhaps "missing" was putting it lightly, Remus thought. "Pining after" might have been more accurate.
"It is if you're torturing your best friend in the process," grumbled Sirius. "If you'd been out any longer, I'd have gone to Azkaban to get you myself."
Remus scowled at Sirius, while Tonks stifled a laugh. Despite his anger at Sirius, he was undeniably relieved to see Tonks returned safely.
"Can I take him off your hands for the night?" Tonks asked. "Kingsley will be here soon with a report for you."
"Please," begged Sirius. "Never thought I'd be this happy to be alone again."
"Goodnight, Sirius!" called Tonks happily, as she grabbed Remus' hand and made her way up to the top step of Grimmauld Place to apparate back to her flat.
Tonks let herself and Remus through her wards to her flat and led Remus to the sofa, as he peppered her face with kisses. Ophelia meowed loudly in protest at being disturbed from her sleeping spot on the sofa.
"You missed me, huh?" Tonks grinned mischievously. "Doesn't look like the cat did, though."
"More than I care to admit," Remus replied. "I'm not sure if missing one's girlfriend is usually this painful, or if I'm just pathetic."
"It might be a little bit of both," Tonks said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't have you any other way." She smiled at him, and he felt his heart melt into a puddle. How did I ever get this lucky? Remus wondered.
"I cooked for you!" Remus blurted. "I expected you earlier, but it's all under a Stasis Charm. Are you hungry?" Remus eyed Tonks; she was slightly thinner than he'd remembered.
"Starving," Tonks admitted. "We had loads of paperwork to do for Scrimgeour and the Order before we could get back." Tonks made her way to the kitchen and found the food Remus had saved for her. She squealed softly at the sight of Remus' cooking, and Remus felt himself smiling stupidly at her joy.
"Please, eat all you like, Tonks," Remus offered. "Save room for the chocolate cake though." Tonks, now pink-haired, slammed into Remus again and kissed him roundly on the lips.
"You're the best, you know that?" Tonks beamed and helped herself to Remus' lasagna and homemade garlic bread. "I dunno what I did to deserve you," Tonks said, stifled in between bites of lasagna, "but I am one very lucky witch." Remus' heart soared. He never felt truly worthy of Tonks, or her affections, but he felt confident in his abilities to care for her, as long as she wanted it.
"Aren't you going to join me?" Tonks asked, now serving herself a second helping of lasagna.
"I hardly noticed I was hungry," Remus confessed, now hearing the rumbling in his stomach. "I've had enough Calming Draught to sedate a hippogriff. It kills my appetite." He found a plate and served himself food, sitting across from Tonks at her kitchen table.
"How was it this week?" Remus ventured. Tonks was remarkably chipper after spending a week in the most depressing place on Earth.
"Unsurprisingly useless for the Ministry," Tonks replied. "Surprisingly useful for the Order."
"Oh?"
"Fudge is convinced Sirius wants to help everyone else escape Azkaban," Tonks began. "When we saw some of the Death Eaters' Dark Marks look darker and let Fudge know, he told us it was Sirius' doing, the bloody idiot. Just means Voldemort's back but he's too daft to see it." Tonks shook her head, her hair now turning an angry red.
"Did any of the Death Eaters have anything new to say?" Remus asked.
"Not really," Tonks replied, now slicing herself a piece of Remus' chocolate cake. She sat back down and placed a forkful of the confection into her mouth; her hair returned to its usual pink. "Auntie Bella renewed her vows to murder me, so that was sweet."
"SHE WHAT?!" Remus bellowed. Tonks nearly fell out of her seat, apparently startled from Remus' outburst. Remus felt as though a cauldron full of lead had been hurled into his midsection, and he struggled to breathe.
"Hey," Tonks said softly, placing her hand on Remus', which was now white with tension. "Look at me."
"This isn't anything new for me," Tonks explained. "It happens every time I get anywhere near her."
"Evr-every time?" Remus asked, incredulously. "This has happened more than once?" Remus felt himself grow red with rage and willed himself to calm down; he wished desperately for another goblet full of Calming Draught.
"The first time Bellatrix threatened my life, I think I was a baby," mused Tonks. "Mum and Dad used a Fidelius Charm for awhile." Remus' jaw dropped at Tonks' admission.
"I was 7 or 8 when Bellatrix went to Azkaban after torturing the Longbottoms," Tonks continued. "We moved around a lot with my Granny Tonks till then, 'cause Bella wanted all of us dead." Tonks took another mouthful of chocolate cake. Remus heard a faint buzzing in his ears as Tonks continued her tale.
"'Course, we had to move a lot 'cause I couldn't control my morphing very well. Mum and Dad could use Polyjuice to change their appearances, but it doesn't work on Metamorphmagi," Tonks clarified. "Obviously no kid wants to stay inside all the time, and we couldn't be anywhere near Muggles without a call from the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. One time I turned my nose into a duck's bill at a pond and a load of Muggles had to be Obliviated." Tonks laughed softly at the memory.
"When we went out to Wizarding areas it wouldn't take long before someone found us," Tonks continued. "Bella was relentless, so my mum and dad spent Merlin-knows-how-many-Galleons to get me an invisibility cloak they stuck to my clothes with a strong Sticking Charm."
Remus was feeling slightly hazy, but nodded faintly for Tonks to continue.
"I turned eight right around Bella's sentencing," Tonks recalled. "Mum threw me the biggest birthday party to celebrate."
"When I decided to become an Auror, Mum was terrified 'cause I'd have to go to Azkaban for training," Tonks elaborated. "Sure enough, Bellatrix recognized me right away and promised to murder me next chance she got." Tonks shrugged. "So, y'know, nothing new for me."
Remus sat silently for several minutes as Tonks finished her cake and licked chocolate frosting off her fingers.
"How could they let you go to Azkaban?" Remus finally sputtered. "How?!"
"Because I was the right person for the job?" Tonks said, in a strained voice. "Because I'm a trained Auror?"
"They – let – you – go – to – Azkaban." Remus emphasized each word, trying to get Tonks to understand the danger she had been placed in.
"You're being pretty fucking patronizing right now." That took Remus off-guard. Patronizing?
"I'm a fully trained Auror, Remus," said Tonks. "I'm more than capable of handling myself."
"I know, but…"
"But what?" Tonks' hair flashed back to its angry, fiery red. "You don't think I'm good enough at what I do? That I can't fight for myself?"
"No," Remus heard himself say weakly. "This is – something else – it's on me."
"Excuse me?"
"It's not that I don't trust you, Tonks," Remus replied. "I'm afraid for you."
"So's my mum," Tonks said, flatly. "Don't get in my way, Remus."
Remus was taken further aback and grew angry. "I'm in your way because I want you to be safe?" Remus demanded, in a raised voice. "Do you have any idea how important you are to me? Or how cavalier you're being about your own safety? Do you know how worried I was all week? Or how terrified I am knowing that your aunt is after your life?"
"So it's all about you then, isn't it?" Tonks seethed. "What you want. I can't be trusted to make my own decisions, can I?" Tonks was now glaring at Remus; he suddenly realized the precarious situation he was in. He was fighting with her. The one woman who had captured his heart, mind, and soul and who had graciously allowed him into her life, despite knowing of his lycanthropy. What the fuck am I doing? Remus thought. It was bound to end sometime, wasn't it?
"I have to leave," Remus decided. "I should go."
"What the fuck, Remus?"
"You don't deserve this." This is why I should never have been involved with her in the first place; she deserves someone else, more secure, better at everything.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm so sorry."
"For what? Insulting me?"
"Everything."
"No."
"What?"
"You heard me. No. Tell me why you are apologizing."
"I'm not good enough for you."
"No. That's not what you need to be apologizing for."
"What do you want me to tell you, Tonks?" Remus was struggling.
"Don't give me the I'm-not-good-enough-for-you bullshit, Remus. That's not what this is about."
Remus hesitated. "It's not that I underestimated you," he began slowly. "I knew that being an Auror's boyfriend meant I would worry about you."
Tonks looked at him, now with a puzzled expression on her face.
"It's one thing for me to see you get hurt or put into dangerous positions," Remus continued. "I expect that from your job, and I know you love it and deserve it, even if it worries me. You're more than capable to do what you do."
"I don't understand," Tonks interjected. "What's this fuss all about?"
"This fuss," Remus emphasized tersely, "is that while I knew Bellatrix, a Death Eater, is your aunt, I just learned she desperately wants to murder you. I knew being an Auror's boyfriend would mean I'd worry, but being the boyfriend of Bellatrix Lestrange's niece is another matter altogether."
"What are you saying then?" Tonks asked. "You don't want to be with me?"
"NO!" Remus cried. "You being an Auror is the least of my worries now, compared to Bellatrix's threats and attempts on your life. What if she'd gotten to you? What if she'd hurt you?" Remus was panicking; one mistake and Bellatrix could escape. One mistake and she'd hunt Tonks. One mistake and he'd lose her.
"Remus, she's in one of the most secured cells," Tonks explained. "She couldn't have done anything to me even if she wanted to. Moody was there the entire time. Trust me, Auntie Bella isn't going anywhere." Remus' hands were shaking, but Tonks took them in her own small, steady ones.
"I shouldn't have told you about Bellatrix," Tonks said softly. "I didn't mean to worry you so much." Remus clenched his hands; how did she think keeping this would be helpful? Perhaps she was worried about my reaction. I yelled at her. How could I? Remus felt shame wash over him; she didn't deserve his insecurities.
"Please don't keep things like this from me, Tonks," Remus said, unclenching his hands. "I'm sorry I responded so poorly. I don't think you understand how much I care about you. I'll try to respond better next time. Can you forgive me?"
"I know you're worried for me, sweetheart," Tonks said. "Of course you're forgiven. I'll try to be more…tactful next time." Tonks smiled sheepishly at Remus, who was looking downcast.
"Let's clean up dinner, yeah?" Tonks offered. "Open a bottle of wine, maybe?" Remus nodded weakly. Tonks attempted to clean the dishes, but succeeded only in breaking them, cursing under her breath in the process.
"Help?" Tonks asked. Remus smiled, despite his unease. He cast a few repairing and cleaning charms on the broken dishes and dirtied floor. Within seconds, the kitchen was clean again, earning Remus a huge grin from Tonks. She wrapped her arms around him and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.
"You still want to be with me after I yelled at you and insulted you?" Remus inquired, nervously. He was shocked she hadn't thrown him out of her flat for being so condescending, even if it was merely misplaced, overblown worry.
"Yes, you daft man," Tonks rolled her eyes. "Excessive anxiety aside, you're still my favorite person."
"I am?" Remus wondered aloud. "Really?" His ears and neck flushed red and he grinned stupidly at Tonks again. What kind of magic is this? Remus pondered. It has to be magic, what she does to me.
"Yes, really," Tonks said. "Now d'you mind waiting for me while I shower? I want to wash the salt out of my hair."
"Of course, Tonks, take your time." Remus was surprised again when Tonks stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the tip of his nose before hurrying off to the shower. He decided to sit back on the sofa with Ophelia, gently petting the feline while her mistress was showering.
A few minutes later, Tonks stepped out of the bathroom wearing only a towel around her body. Remus gaped at the sight, feeling a familiar hardening in his trousers. The sight of so much exposed skin was unbearably tantalizing. Tonks' hair was now in Remus' favorite shade of pink, already dried into a soft quiff. He felt his erection twitch slightly as Tonks readjusted the towel around her body. Noticing he was staring, Remus quickly averted his eyes, guilty at his own lecherousness.
"You don't have to look away, you know," Tonks suggested softly. "It's not like I'm naked, unless you want me to be…" Her voice trailed off, while Remus felt throbbing against his waistband at Tonks' suggestion. He looked back up at Tonks, still clad in her towel but licking her lips in anticipation.
"We don't have to do anything," Tonks said. "I'm up for it if you are, but I don't want to force anything on you." Thank Merlin I have some self-control, Remus thought, or I'd have ravished her by now.
"I'll get dressed and we can sip wine on the couch, yeah?" Tonks offered. Remus saw her go behind the screen to find the dresser next to her bed. She let the towel fall to the floor as she bent to get clothes from a drawer. Remus' erection was now painfully hard as he saw the silhouette of Tonks' breasts and bum from behind the screen. Without thinking, Remus stood and followed Tonks behind the screen.
...
"Was that okay for you?" Remus finally managed to say, after twenty minutes of silence.
"Abso-fucking-lutely," Tonks replied, smirking at him. "You're a natural. I can't believe I was your first."
Remus sighed in relief. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"Any sounds I made were from pleasure," Tonks replied. "Your size took a little getting used to, though," she admitted. "I've never felt so…full."
"That's a good thing?"
"Definitely." Tonks beamed at him.
"You came too?" Remus was suddenly worried; he didn't want Tonks to think he was taking advantage of her body.
"Yeah, surprisingly," Tonks said. "It's harder to get off that way." Remus sighed in relief again, feeling pleased with himself. He'd heard enough horror stories from others' first times that he felt his went as well as it could've possibly gone.
"I love you," Remus blurted. Fuck, that wasn't supposed to escape his subconscious.
"Do you really?" Tonks asked. "Or am I that good in the sack?" She smirked cheekily at him.
"I think I might," Remus admitted quietly. "Your, ah, skills in bed certainly don't hurt though." He smiled warmly at her, looking down at her still-naked body curled around his own. "How did I ever get so lucky?"
Tonks kissed him on the forehead. "I think I'm the lucky one," she mumbled.
"We should probably get cleaned up," Remus suggested. "I'm afraid I've made a bit of a mess on your quilt." He looked down at the collection of bodily fluids that stuck to both their bodies and the bedclothes. Tonks stifled a laugh and grabbed her wand, muttering the incantations to clean up the mess they'd made. She threw on a jumper and shorts, and tossed Remus' shirt, boxers, and trousers to him. He dressed himself hastily, leaving all his buttons undone.
"Luckily, that's one of the few spells I'm decent at," Tonks chuckled. Remus sat up straight, suddenly panicked. "Preg-protect-prev?" A smattering of sounds came out of his mouth, leading Tonks to look at him puzzled once more.
"Tonks, did you – were careful? Can't get you pr-preg," Remus stammered. He'd never needed contraception charms before; he didn't remember Tonks casting anything. He couldn't get her pregnant.
"Oh! We're all set, Remus," Tonks supplied. "Monthly potions work better for me, I can never remember the charms on time."
"Did you ever have any, um, incidents?" Remus attempted. Tonks looked at him thoughtfully.
"One time in seventh year I was late and panicked till Madam Pomfrey did the spells on me," Tonks said. "Turns out stress from N.E.W.T. revising wreaked havoc on my cycle. Madam Pomfrey gave me the first dose of the potion that week and I haven't looked back since."
"This may be a bit personal, Tonks, so don't feel like you've got to answer," Remus hesitated. "How many, ah, um, partners have you had?" Tonks looked thoughtful again. "I was going to ask you before," he rushed, "I thought if I had a lot to compete with I'd be more nervous."
Tonks laughed softly. "You've got nothing to worry about. There've been six before you. That's not too much, is it?" She looked genuinely concerned. "None of them were as well…endowed as you." She smiled weakly at him.
"You're with me now," Remus replied. "That's all that matters. I didn't want to disappoint you." He thought for a few moments before he added, "But I really don't like the idea of you with anyone else."
"I'm not that kind of witch," Tonks said. "I would never do that to you." She tossed a blanket over herself, cozying into her mismatched pillows.
"It's the wolf, I think," Remus commented. "I think it's become – possessive – of you." He shuddered slightly, hating himself for revealing the unfortunate animal instincts that invaded his life and relationships.
"Do you think that's why you were so worried about Bellatrix?" Tonks inquired.
"That's – I didn't think of that," Remus confessed. "I know the wolf can make me more aggressive, but this possessiveness feels…different. I'm not sure how to explain it."
"No need to explain yourself, Remus," Tonks noted, her voice sounding sleepy to her boyfriend. She yawned widely. "Would explain a lot though." Remus was pensive. The possessiveness he felt for her was, indeed, unusual.
"Go to sleep, love," he murmured to Tonks. "It's late. I'll wake you in the morning." Remus moved to get up, but Tonks grabbed his arm.
"Stay in bed with me?" Tonks asked drowsily.
"Of course, Tonks. Anything for you." Remus tucked himself into bed next to her, thoughts swimming with the eventful evening.