Tonks sighed happily into her tea. She was visiting her parents late Sunday afternoon, just before her twenty-third birthday.
"Dora, what's gotten into you?" her father asked. "You've been looking doe-eyed all afternoon."
"Is it a boy?" her mother asked excitedly. "Doris from across the way brought her new grandson for tea last week, you know."
"I'm only 23, mum," Tonks sighed. "Too young for babies."
"Your father and I were barely twenty when we had you!" Andromeda insisted.
"You were also married and had been together for years," Tonks retorted. "It's only been a few months for us." Tonks covered her mouth. "Shit, I didn't mean that," she added.
Ted snorted into his tea. "Who's the lucky fellow?" he asked, an amused expression on his face.
"Bloody Slytherin tricked me," muttered Tonks, glaring at her mother. Her father, chuckling softly, waited patiently for his daughter to answer.
"His name is Remus, if you must know," Tonks conceded. "He's kind, respectful, and loves taking care of me. He always has chocolate and his cooking is to die for. He accepts me for who I am and never asks me to morph for him. I like him. A lot. We make each other happy."
"Does this Remus have a surname, Dora?" Ted asked.
"Lupin. His name is Remus Lupin."
"Lupin? Sounds familiar. Wasn't he a friend of your cousin, 'Dromeda?"
"The sandy haired boy? Scars on his face?" Andromeda recalled. "Isn't he a tad old for you, Nymphadora?" her mother eyed Tonks suspiciously.
"He's a bit older, yeah," Tonks divulged. Her parents stared at her. "He's 35," she finished, lamely.
"That's quite an age gap, Dora," Ted observed. "Are you certain he's after, er, you, and not er, um, 'Dromeda?" Ted shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked to his wife.
"Your father is worried that this Remus may be taking advantage of your youth, Nymphadora," Andromeda replied airily. "What does he do for work?"
Tonks felt awkward. On the surface, the facts were damning: she was barely 23 and held a highly valued job; her boyfriend was a 35 year old werewolf without a job, despite his many talents and efforts. Facts be damned, she thought. Remus more than made up for his "shortcomings" by devoting himself to her every need and want. He loved her, and she had her suspicions it might be more than that...
"Dora!" Ted called. "Daydreaming again? Your mother asked you a question." He looked sternly at her before returning to his bemused expression.
"Right," Tonks started. "Remus is in between jobs. He taught at Hogwarts for a year, the Defense position. He works with Dumbledore on other jobs." Close enough.
"Lupin at Hogwarts?" Andromeda furrowed her brow. "Isn't that the…" Andromeda's eyes grew wide as she connected the dots her daughter had left.
"Nymphadora, you cannot be serious," Andromeda said, flatly. "Do you know how dangerous this is?"
"Care to explain, 'Dromeda?" Ted asked quizzically.
"Our daughter appears to be in a relationship with a werewolf, Edward," Andromeda said curtly. "A 35 year old werewolf. How did you even meet him?" she demanded.
"I've been doing a few er, jobs, with Dumbledore too," Tonks explained. "Moody brought me into it, and Remus was there. He really didn't want me to be with him at first," she added hastily.
Seeing her parents' puzzled expressions, Tonks decided to continue. "He knows he's older and doesn't have as much gold as I do. He knows he's a werewolf and that he can be dangerous one night a month. He told me I deserved better, and I told him no," she elaborated. Ted snorted loudly at Tonks' admission.
"Why did you tell him 'no'? He had every reason to refuse you," Andromeda demanded. Tonks was unable to read her mother's expression; ever the Slytherin, ever guarded.
"Because I didn't want him to refuse me, mum," Tonks said, exasperated. "He didn't really want to refuse me either, he just felt sorry for himself and didn't think he deserved to be happy!"
"He's the kindest, gentlest man I've ever known," Tonks continued. "He's been nothing but respectful, patient, and honorable towards me. He's fiercely protective of me and wants me to be safe. It's almost annoying." Tonks rolled her eyes. "He's as bad as mum with worry." She smiled to herself; Remus' constant worrying had filled Sirius' free time with potion brewing, much to the latter's annoyance.
"You should've seen the way he reacted when I told him about Bellatrix," Tonks explained. "I'd never seen him so angry."
"Was he angry at you?" Ted asked sharply. "He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Tonks saw her father's kind eyes darken with rage momentarily.
"No, dad, he wasn't angry with me, not really," Tonks replied. "He was upset when he heard about my dear auntie's renewal of her vows to murder me when I visited Azkaban last week. I half-expected him to rip Bella apart himself right then."
"SHE WHAT?!" Andromeda bellowed. "Why were you sent to Azkaban? Why did Scrimgeour allow this?"
Tonks laughed loudly, so much so that her sides began to hurt with effort. Her parents were utterly bewildered.
"Mum – that's – that's exactly how Remus reacted," Tonks chocked out, in between giggles. "He's just as bad as you are with worry." Tonks kept laughing to herself, amused by her ability to have found a partner whose anxiety matched her mother's own.
"I should certainly hope he was worried after hearing about this!" Andromeda cried. "How could they have let you go there?"
"'Dromeda, our girl is capable, and Bellatrix is well contained," Ted soothed. "I worry, too, but this doesn't help Dora." He nodded sagely at his daughter, who burst into another fit of giggles.
"Don't they say you fall in love with someone like your parents?" Tonks giggled. "I never thought Remus would be just like mum, and I'd be dad!" Tonks' eyes were now wet with tears of laughter at the absurdity of the situation.
"Unlike this Remus, Nymphadora, I am not a werewolf," Andromeda snapped.
"Is that really your only objection, mum?" Tonks asked.
"Perhaps it's not the lycanthropy itself, sweetheart," Ted ventured. "It's more of the problems that arise with his condition. Lack of employment, constant illness, and werewolves are dangerous at least one night a month unless they brew or buy that outrageously expensive Wolfsbane Potion." Andromeda and Tonks looked at Ted contemplatively.
"I don't think your mother and I care all that much that he's a werewolf," Ted continued. "But rather that his being a werewolf puts you in the position of breadwinner, nurse, and master potioneer all at once. It's a lot to ask of you, sweetheart."
Andromeda looked at Ted knowingly, and nodded at Tonks. So it's not that he's a werewolf, but the 'lifestyle' it entails, she thought. I can work with that. We can work with that.
"I've given it a lot of thought, you know," Tonks responded. "I'm an Auror and make good money for both of us. Remus has been a werewolf since he was four years old – this left both Andromeda and Ted gasping in surprise – and he knows how to heal himself. He's done it alone for a long time. He's also managed without the Wolfsbane. He's got a cottage that's really well-warded for his transformations. He doesn't let me anywhere near him right before and after the full moon."
"Besides, it's a lot like you and dad!" Tonks cried at her mother. "Dad worked and you stayed home with me, mum. You can't be so old fashioned that you're uncomfortable with it being the other way around!"
"He'll be caring for your children?" Andromeda asked incredulously. "What about his symptoms before and after the full moon? Babies don't stop crying because the moon is full."
"We don't really plan on having children," Tonks mumbled. This was the worst part of it all, Tonks thought. Not that she wanted children, but her mother was going to have a meltdown when she learned she wouldn't be getting grandchildren.
"Why not?" her mother demanded. "Is he stopping you?"
"No, mum," Tonks sighed. "It's quite the opposite, really."
"He wants children?" Ted asked. "And you don't?" He cocked his head to the side again, eyeing his daughter suspiciously.
"I don't know if he doesn't want children," Tonks began. "He's terrified he'll pass on lycanthropy to children, which is stupid, because it can't be passed down that way." Tonks huffed impatiently. "I think he might want children one day," she confessed.
"I don't want children," Tonks elaborated, cutting of her mother's protests. "I'm an Auror, mum. Pregnancy and babies don't really suit Aurors. There's a reason I'm only one of three female Aurors. Remus is worried I'll change my mind and want children, and he won't be able or willing to provide them." Tonks sighed heavily.
"I'm afraid he's going to want children one day and I won't be able or willing to provide them," Tonks divulged. She held onto the hope that if the other ever changed their mind, they'd somehow come to an agreement on kids.
"You talk as if you'll be spending your lives together, Dora," Ted observed. "Is that what you want?"
"Right now, yeah," Tonks said. "It's only been a few months, but I just can't shake this feeling that he's it for me."
Andromeda's face was unreadable. Her lips were tightly shut and her eyes were set in a steady gaze on her daughter.
"We want our girl to be happy, don't we, 'Dromeda?" Ted said.
"Are you quite certain this Remus makes you happy, Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked.
"Of course I'm sure!" Tonks exclaimed. "If I could, I'd get him to move in with me already." Andromeda and Ted's jaws dropped. Tonks barreled past their incredulity and continued. "He's an outstanding cook. He cleans my flat, no matter how messy I get it. He just adores Ophelia, and the little tyrant loves him right back. He listens to me, really listens, and never asks for anything in return. You'd both really like him, I promise." Tonks smiled earnestly at them.
"I can't say I'm happy about all this, Nymphadora," divulged Andromeda. Her face changed into a resigned grimace. "You also need to think about what your Aunt would do to you if she ever escaped. Her knowing that you're with a werewolf would be unthinkable."
"We're keeping it really quiet, mum," Tonks offered. "Not that I want it that way, but Remus insisted for my safety."
"He seems to be very concerned for you, Dora," observed Ted. "I'd like to meet this bloke. Bring him by next Sunday tea? 'Dromeda?" Ted looked to his wife, who scowled at his suggestion.
"If your father insists, Nymphadora," Andromeda gritted through her teeth, "then you may invite your boyfriend for your birthday tea next week."
"Thanks, dad!" Tonks wrapped her arms tightly around her father, grateful for his even, calm temperament. "I'll bring him by next week. Best birthday yet!" Tonks beamed and left her parents' home feeling accomplished.
...
"Remus, what do you know about werewolf mates?" Tonks asked. It was Friday night, two days before Tonks' twenty-third birthday. Remus had insisted on cooking her a veritable feast that evening, as he would be away on Order business on Saturday, and they were due to visit her parents' for tea on Sunday, the day of her birthday.
Remus looked slightly taken aback at Tonks' question and sat on the sofa sipping wine; his brow was furrowed, deep in thought. Tonks loved what she called his "thinking face," as it usually led to marvelous insights or discoveries.
"I know enough, I think," Remus replied, cryptically.
"Aaaand?" Tonks pressed. "What do you know?"
"What would you like to know?"
"Are they real? Werewolf mates?"
"They are," Remus replied. "I've only seen a few werewolf mating pairs, myself."
"Mating pairs?"
"Werewolf mates, er, aren't just for companionship," Remus said uncomfortably. "That's primary, I think, but like wild wolves, werewolf mates are meant to reproduce. You know, mate."
"What happens when two werewolves mate?" Tonks asked.
"At the full moon, or otherwise?"
"Erm, both." What did it matter if werewolves mated at the full moon?
"At the full moon, if werewolves successfully mate, they'll produce actual wolf cubs," Remus delicately explained. "They're rumored to be highly intelligent wolves, but wolves all the same. I've heard rumors this has happened, but no confirmation of it." Remus scratched his chin, deep in thought.
"If not at the full moon…I'm not sure," Remus admitted. "My kind don't usually breed," he said, bitterly.
"The mating pairs you knew weren't, um, reproducing?" Tonks asked nervously. She began to wonder how a fledgling werewolf embryo would succeed if its werewolf mother would be going through monthly transformations. It couldn't possibly survive that, could it?
"The werewolf mating pairs I know of were already paired before they were infected," Remus said. "Married couples who were both infected with lycanthropy without their knowledge or consent; they had had children already, before becoming infected."
"Does werewolf mating mean anything special? Or is it like wizard marriage?" Tonks wondered aloud. "Why have mates at all if you don't, you know, mate?"
"It's why mating pairs are so unusual, Tonks," Remus explained. "My kind don't usually breed because female werewolves can't hold onto their pregnancies; it's part of the curse, to be able to reproduce but not bring the new life to term. Mating doesn't really benefit anyone if they don't actually mate. It makes the bond stronger when reproduction is achieved, or already achieved for partnered werewolves who've already had children."
"There's a bond with werewolf mates?" Tonks asked, her mind now brimming with thoughts of werewolf cubs and werewolf families.
"There is," Remus replied tersely. "It's a sort of protective, possessive bond. A werewolf's mate and their bond are important, but only really make a significant impact once mating is achieved."
"Can werewolves bond, or become mates, or whatever, with non-werewolves?" Tonks asked. "Is it like marriage?" She was slightly afraid to hear the answer; she never thought of herself as the marrying type, thanks to her job, but Remus' entrance in her life had disabused her of the notion that she would be entirely alone till she died. Now, all she imagined for her future was Remus and a stack of freshly laundered Auror robes.
"They can," Remus replied curtly again. "But it's never been recorded. I doubt it ever will." Remus hung his head and looked to the floor of her flat.
"Why not?" Tonks asked. "There've got to be others like us, one werewolf and one not? Surely others would want the same bond?"
"No, Tonks," Remus replied as gently as he could. "There is no one like us, at least as far as I know. Most sane people would run screaming from me if they found out I was a werewolf. What in Merlin's name would they do to you if you were known to be sleeping with and bonded to a werewolf?"
"But let's say hypothetically, Remus," Tonks pressed. "How does the werewolf mating or bonding work?"
Remus eyed Tonks suspiciously, but continued. "Choosing a mate is the 'easy' part, I suppose. An alpha male usually mates with the alpha female, beta with beta, and so on. I was never high-ranking enough in a pack to find a mate easily – not that I wanted one," he added hastily. "I found the idea of mating with another werewolf female and dooming the cubto death repugnant." He scowled at the notion, but Tonks wanted to know more.
"Making the cub was enough – true mating – to seal the bond, if you will," Remus said. "It's why there are so few true mating pairs. Most werewolves are still men and women who don't want to subject themselves to a pregnancy that can only end in miscarriage, even if it makes their bonds that much stronger."
"How much stronger?" Tonks asked.
"Reproducing makes a pack," Remus said. "A pack means protection and devotion. Wolves mate for life, and once they've successfully mated, even if it doesn't result in a true cub, it triggers the pack bond. It's unbreakable, only until death."
"So, like marriage?" Tonks wondered aloud. Wizarding marriages were far stronger than Muggle marriages, because they tied their magic together. Wizarding marriages were nearly impossible to undo; only death could end them.
"Stronger than marriage," Remus replied simply. "Werewolf mates' bonding means the mates cannot leave one another. Leaving the other mate would be physically painful and could only be done under extreme circumstances, perhaps to protect the other mate from mortal peril. Self-sacrifice, if you will." Remus looked pensive; he was rubbing his chin with his hand and looking off to the side of the room.
"It's a strong sense of devotion – and for alpha males, it can be to control his mate – so that's why mates are more often found in alphas," Remus grimaced. "I don't know of any self-respecting males who would force themselves on a woman so she'd be bonded to him that way."
"Wait – that's a thing?!" Tonks was alarmed.
"Werewolves are still people," Remus said flatly. "Werewolf alpha males know that if they mate properly with a female, werewolf or not, she'll be bonded to him for life, whether she likes it or not."
"Is that why you're so terrified I might get pregnant?" Tonks asked softly, in further understanding of Remus' prior virginity. He really was an upstanding gentleman.
"Yes," Remus said. "It's why I panicked the first time. I didn't want to accidentally mate with you and force you on me for the rest of your life. That wouldn't be fair to you. Not to mention the cub-child; even if it wasn't affected with lycanthropy, it would be forcibly bonded to both of us, but more so to me, since I'm the wolf."
"Why would that be so bad?" Tonks asked. "Any child, cub or not, would be lucky to have you as its father."
Remus looked horrified. "Lucky? I'd be dooming them to monthly, dangerous transformations. A penniless, itinerant life. A father of whom it would always be ashamed. They wouldn't even have the luxury of a choice, unlike you." Remus' face softened, looking on Tonks' own.
"I chose you, Remus," Tonks said. "If anything happened and we did…mate…I'm sure we'd be just fine."
Remus snorted. "It can't happen, Tonks."
"I know," Tonks said, almost sadly. "We've been through this before. I'm trying to tell you that if it does happen, it won't be your fault. I want you as much as you want me." Tonks rubbed her thumb on Remus' cheek and kissed him softly.
"Is that all you wanted to know about werewolf mates?" Remus sighed.
"What you said earlier – mates are chosen?" If unsavory werewolves could force themselves on others, mates could be chosen, couldn't they?
"Mostly," Remus replied. "Alphas mate, betas mate. It's not difficult to determine the alpha male and alpha female of a pack. When werewolves aren't in a pack, any mate can be chosen, not unlike dating in general. Unless they reproduce or marry – if they're both magical – then the bond can be broken."
"Am I your mate?" Tonks asked, now overcome with curiosity. Remus had chosen her, and she had chosen him. Surely that would be enough.
"Erm, yes and no," Remus answered awkwardly. "My wolf thinks you're his mate and really wants to seal the bond. After finding out about Bellatrix last week and you noticed the possessiveness, it became painfully obvious that my wolf has bonded to you." He grimaced, while Tonks had to keep herself from squealing in joy that she'd captured his heart so completely.
"You're my girlfriend, so I do have a bond with you, but you wouldn't become my true mate unless we married or reproduced," Remus continued. His brow furrowed, his eyes showing he was apparently deep in thought.
"Do you want to get married?" Tonks asked, much to Remus' alarm. "Not to me!" she added hastily. Remus looked even more despondent. "No, no, that came out wrong, fuck," Tonks continued. "I meant, do you want to get married someday whether or not it was me?"
"I never really considered it," Remus said, after a few moments of painful silence. "Having a girlfriend seemed very much out of the question until now." He smiled weakly. "Werewolf women are rarer, but I never wanted to bond with another werewolf, anyway. Witches were always a sort of faraway dream for me. I never thought one would want to be with me, knowing all I am and knowing what I could do to them." Remus looked at Tonks with a soft, loving gaze. Her heart melted whenever he looked at her this way, as if she were the only person who mattered.
"So you do want to be married?" Tonks asked, the corners of her lips creeping up into a smile.
"It's not a question of whether I want it, Tonks," Remus said. "I would only marry a witch, but it would ruin her life completely to be with me that way. I couldn't do that to her."
"Do you mean me?" Tonks ventured, her heart pounding.
"You're the only one who I've ever considered," Remus admitted quietly. "And no, I couldn't do that to you."
"We can still be together though, can't we?" Tonks asked. She felt a little hurt that Remus was so hung up on marriage. She'd never thought of herself as the domestic, traditional sort, but marrying Remus felt different. She could share everything she had with him, wake up next to him, and share their magic. It surprised her, how willing she was to share everything she had – magic included – with her boyfriend.
"As long as you'll have me, love," Remus said softly. "I know it's not the same bond, but this is as far as I think we can go. I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet. "If this isn't enough for you, I understand."
"You're enough for me, Remus," Tonks said. "I never saw myself as the marrying sort, but if you ever changed your mind, maybe I would too." Remus looked up at her with a mixture of alarm and hope. If his worry weren't so exasperating, she'd find this face downright adorable.
"We'll see where this takes us, yeah?" Tonks offered. Remus turned to face her and pulled her close into his warm body. She began kissing him, and before she knew it, they were throwing themselves down on her bed for the evening.
...
The morning of her twenty third birthday, Tonks woke to the satisfying smells of sizzling bacon and freshly baked cinnamon rolls. Remus. He'd promised her favorite breakfast for her birthday and she was jumping out of her warm quilt to the small kitchen, where Remus was waiting for her.
"Happy birthday, love," Remus wished, pulling Tonks into a deep hug and kissing her forehead lovingly. "Breakfast is almost ready."
"Thank you, Remus! This is the best birthday morning I've had so far," Tonks said, stuffing a piece of bacon into her mouth.
"Really?" Remus' ears grew pink at the praise. She loved telling him just how appreciative she was of him; while he was self-conscious about so many other parts of his life, she knew he shone when it came to taking care of her.
"Last year on my twenty-second I woke up with a concussion from one of Moody's training sessions," Tonks said, stealing another piece of bacon. "The year before, I woke up at St. Mungo's and threw up a vial of Skele-Gro from shattering my forearm while playing Quidditch with some of my friends."
"Let's hope you don't injure yourself, today, then," Remus smiled as he plated a steaming cinnamon roll for Tonks.
"How many of these did you make, Remus?" Tonks asked, looking now at another plate stacked precariously with cinnamon rolls.
"I wanted to bring a few to your parents'," Remus said sheepishly. "I hope they like them."
"I'm sure they'll love them," Tonks replied. "Just like they'll love you." Tonks stuffed another bite of the cinnamon roll into her mouth and kissed the tip of Remus' nose. As she swallowed the bite of the cinnamon roll, she suddenly remembered what she'd gotten them for her birthday.
"I have something for you!" Tonks shouted to a disconcerted Remus.
"For me?" Remus asked, puzzled. "It's your birthday."
"It's for both of us, then," Tonks rolled her eyes. "Wait here." She turned on her heel and went back in the direction of her bed and dresser. She pulled out two soft packages from the bottom drawer of her dresser, happy she'd thought ahead for once.
"This one's for you," Tonks said, handing Remus a poorly-wrapped parcel. He took it and unwrapped it gingerly. A soft, hand-knitted maroon jumper emblazoned with a gold lion looked at him.
"What do you think?" Tonks asked. "I had Molly make this one for you, and one for me." She unwrapped her own parcel and a honey-yellow jumper fell out, her own emblazoned with a black-and-white badger.
"I wanted us to match today!" Tonks said excitedly. "Do you like it?"
Remus nodded furiously, looking genuinely touched at the gesture. "You didn't have to get me anything for your birthday, Tonks," he said, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "This is incredibly kind of you."
"Molly was glad to do it," Tonks explained. "The woman really loves taking care of people," she chuckled. "Put it on for me? I want to let Molly know if it fits."
Remus took off his own worn jumper and put the new one on. He looks so handsome in this, Tonks thought. I should send Molly concert tickets for that Celestina Warbleck she loves so much.
"You like it?" Tonks asked. Remus nodded, feeling edges of the soft wool at his sleeves.
"Thank you, love," Remus said, hugging Tonks tightly. "You'll put yours on?" he asked.
Tonks smiled and ran back to her closet to get dressed. She donned black denim jeans, black boots, a soft white undershirt, and pulled the badger jumper over her head. She looked at herself in the mirror, morphed a few dark circles away, and brightened her eyes slightly. Finally, she decided to go with glossy chestnut curls for the day. They were close enough to her natural mousy brown that her mother would approve of.
"You look lovely today," Remus commented. "The jumper suits you, too."
"Just wait till you see my parents'!" Tonks said excitedly. "Ready to meet them?"
"Not in the slightest," Remus frowned. "I've never done this before."
"They're going to love you," Tonks chattered. "You remind me a lot of my mum with all her worry. I'm more like my dad, I think. He's a lot more calm and keeps my mum grounded. They already know you're a werewolf."
"They do?!" Remus panicked. "They're still allowing me into their home?"
"Calm down, Remus," Tonks said. "When I talked to them about it, they said they didn't really care about you being a werewolf, more like the complications of what being involved with a werewolf means."
"Oh," Remus said lamely. "So they don't want me to be with you?"
"I wouldn't say that, exactly," Tonks said truthfully. "I think they're afraid of what they don't know. Once they see how happy you make me, they'll understand. I'm sure of it."
"That makes one of us," grumbled Remus. "What if they don't understand? I would understand if they didn't approve. Not many people want their only daughter involved with a werewolf."
"If they don't approve, they don't approve," Tonks sighed. "It's not up to them who I date. They can have their opinions, and I can have mine. It's my life and my choice, and I choose you." She smiled up at Remus' worried face and kissed him.
"Now, don't be a prat and ruin my birthday," Tonks ordered. "Let's clean up here and visit my parents for tea. I'm sure they'll have a lot to tell you."
Remus nodded feebly and quickly cleaned up the remains of breakfast in the kitchen. Tonks saw him pack the extra cinnamon rolls meant for her parents. She led them out of her flat and Apparated to her parents' home, ready to take on the next challenge.