Author: NebulaSpider
Rating: G
Title: Beautiful
Summary: Vignette from an unusual perspective.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bones or any of the characters from the show. I am certainly not making money off of this fiction.
He didn't tell me she was beautiful.
I shied away from the thought. I always hide from it, but somehow, it always manages to surface when I least expect it. Restless, I wander aimlessly around my apartment. He would be off work soon, and we were supposed to go to dinner. We would make conversation, exchange heated looks. I would remember how complete he makes me feel.
I ended up in my bathroom, slowly getting ready for our date. I know I am beautiful. I can't deny that I use my attractiveness as much as I use my mind; they are weapons and tools. As a female corporate lawyer, you use everything you can in order to get ahead of everyone else. I am very, very good at it. There is talk about making me a partner in my firm very soon. If the senior partners agree, it will make me the youngest female partner in the Washington D.C. area and the only female partner in the firm.
I am beautiful and smart. I am successful. So why do I feel like something is missing?
There is a picture in the corner of the vanity. I drift toward it and let my fingertips run across my boyfriend's face. Seely Booth. He is so handsome. His dark, sexy eyes look at me and he has this rakish, bad-boy grin on his face. I smile, and don't even realize I am doing it until I turn back toward the mirror. The smile is undeniably the silly, happy expression of a woman in love.
I stop for a minute and let the truth of that sink into me, as relentless as the tides. I know that truth will define me, at least in part, for the rest of my life. Still smiling into the mirror, I indulge an impulse leftover from high school. "Tessa Booth." The words fall from my mouth. They sound good. They sound right. I think that maybe one day I would like that to be my name. Tessa Booth. It sounds smart, professional.
If I ever have a chance to make that my name, that is. The hateful thought I had earlier drifts to the surface of my thoughts again and this time I let it. I have already admitted that I am in love; it is stupid not to admit that Seely might not feel the same way.
I look into the mirror again, my eyes searching the blue eyes reflecting back at me. Suddenly the space between my reflection and me became the space I felt between Seely and I. Facing each other - so close! - yet always separated by an indefinable barrier.
Seely rarely talks in depth about his work as an FBI homicide agent, but he does talk about the people he works with. It is impossible to miss his growing affection for the "squints" as he likes to call the forensics team members. I often hear about Jack Hodgin's conspiracy theories and Zack Addy's uncertain brilliance. I hear stories about Angela Montenegro's reconstruction work and her quirky personality. I even hear about Dr. Goodman and the co-conspiratorial air between him and Seely in gaining the cooperation of the forensics team. The stories have evolved from impersonal dissertations, to irritated rants, to frustrated amusement and finally, to complete trust.
I hear about all of them, but he rarely mentions Dr. Temperance Brennan. When he first started working with her and her team, I heard about her inability to connect with others on a "normal" level and her invaluable and amazing skills at reconstructing scenarios and crime scenes. I heard about her reluctance to leave her primary work on the back burner while Dr. Goodman forced her to work on Seely's cases. I heard about her dedication, her intelligence, her determination and her books.
One day I noticed that he stopped talking about her as much as her team. I look back and realize it was a gradual slackening. I don't believe the omission is deliberate. I don't believe he even realizes he doesn't talk about her. Nothing is going on between them, but interest is there even if he doesn't realize it yet.
I know Seely is not cheating on me; he is not that type of man. I take comfort in the simple fact and from that comfort comes a sense of determination.
He never told me she was beautiful. I had to learn that on my own, when I met her. Dr. Brennan is beautiful, and smart, and successful. But I am beautiful, too. I am smart and I have achieved success in my chosen field as high as she has in anthropology.
Seely is dating me, not Dr. Brennan. I will do everything I can, starting tonight, to make sure things stay the way they are. I finish applying my makeup and put on some small pieces of jewelry. The doorbell rings and I rush to answer it, smiling up at my boyfriend as he stands in my doorway with a small bunch of flowers. In his eyes I see appreciation as he tells me I am beautiful.
Tonight, it is enough.
Just a little vignette that demanded to be written. I hope you enjoy it, even though it is a little bit different from the norm here. :)