Remus looked up at his shabby cottage on the Yorkshire moors. The full moon was a week away, and he had yet to find a place to transform safely. Grimmauld Place was out of the question; now that Sirius had died, its ownership was unknown. He couldn't face Headquarters, anyway. It had been Sirius' final prison. He simply couldn't go back.
The cottage's cellar was his usual place of transformation. It was heavily warded, as was the cottage in general. He wondered what kind of wards he'd need now that Voldemort was out in the open.
Dora could get through the wards. She could break through them. He couldn't risk her looking for him. What if she went looking for him, right as Fenrir or Bellatrix were hunting him down? No, he needed a different solution. Remus paced the worn floorboards of the shabby cottage. He could simply die here, he thought. He could let the next transformation take him in the cellar. He'd die alone and bloodied, as he always thought he would. No. He couldn't.
Remus couldn't let himself die without seeing Dora again, at least once more. He wanted to hold her once more, bring her body close to his own, inhale her scent. He would have to live long enough to do all this just once more. If he could hold her just one more time, he could die a happy, but broken man.
The idea came suddenly – the Fidelius Charm! He could place the cottage under the Fidelius Charm and make himself the secret keeper. Fenrir, Bellatrix, even Dora could Apparate inches from the cottage and still be unable to find it. That doesn't solve the problem of dying alone in the cellar. Remus sighed. He knew what he had to do. Remus cast the Patronus and waited. While he waited for the reply, he undid the various wards around the cellar and the cottage. What need would he have of them, if it was all under the Fidelius Charm? Just as he finished undoing all the wards and enchantments, a crack of Apparation rent the air. Remus stepped outside the cottage and found the intended recipient of his message: Andromeda Tonks.
"Andromeda," Remus said quietly. "Thank you for coming."
"This is your cottage?" Andromeda looked up at the shabby place; as usual, Remus hadn't a clue what was going through her head. Disappointment, likely, he thought to himself.
"I am disappointed," Andromeda said airily. "Not with the cottage. It's charming, in its way. I'm disappointed in you, Remus, but I've told you this."
"I know," Remus said guiltily. "I have a favor to ask of you, if you're willing." Andromeda merely looked at him impassively, so Remus summoned the courage to open his mouth again.
"I am going to place my cottage and cellar under the Fidelius Charm, with myself as secret keeper," Remus explained. "I am going to share the location with you, and you only, as you have the pendant tied to my life now."
"As I would be unable to Apparate to you if you did not tell me the location, yes?" Andromeda summarized.
"Yes," Remus replied. "Although I don't expect to be transforming here anytime soon. It's merely a…precaution."
"You don't want Nymphadora to go looking for you?" Andromeda's brow furrowed.
"I don't want her anywhere near me," Remus said ruefully. "For her own safety. I can't have her here if someone else comes looking for me…" Andromeda stared at Remus with the same, cool, collected gaze he'd been scrutinized under so many times.
"I understand," Andromeda finally said. "Place the Charm, and I'll be on my way." Remus proceeded to cast the Fidelius Charm, making himself secret keeper. Then, he spoke the location to Andromeda, binding her to the Fidelius Charm as well.
"Thank you, Andromeda," Remus said softly. "I know I've disappointed you. I hope you'll forgive me one day."
Andromeda gazed at him again, but said nothing. She merely nodded at him, and, leaving the safety of the cottage, Apparated away.
…..
Remus was walking briskly through the streets of London, on his way to meet Kingsley Shacklebolt for lunch just outside the Ministry. It was the next task ahead of him, after ensuring his cottage remained safe from all intruders. Remus would have normally have Apparated from his cottage, but his mind was too full of worries. He took the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron, and went on his way.
Walking had always helped him clear his thoughts. He walked, then, through the streets, weaving through crowds of Muggles on their own lunch breaks. Remus envied them in the moment. They were blissfully, blessedly unaware of the war that was threatening their lives, merely for being non-magical. If only he could be unaware, too.
Remus reached the spot where he'd meet Kingsley for lunch: the magical-Muggle coffee shop frequented by Ministry employees and Muggles alike. Remus stepped through the threshold and through the enchanted door, leading to what the Muggles assumed was a loud, overheated roasting facility, but magical individuals would step through to find a cozy shop with oversized poufs and self-pouring coffee.
Kingsley was seated along the west wall, seated on a comically oversized, frilly pouf. It seemed like the sort of place Dora would like to frequent. A pain shot through his heart – Dora. It had been days since he moved out of the flat, but Dora was unlikely to know it for another day or so.
"Kingsley," Remus greeted the Auror with a tight smile. "Thank you for meeting me."
"My pleasure," Kingsley said. "I'm sorry we lost Sirius. I know he was one of your best mates."
"He was," Remus agreed sadly. "I'm sorry to have lost a brother." Kingsley put his hand on Remus' shoulder, and gestured for him to sit on the empty pouf across from Kingsley's own.
"I admit I was surprised to get your owl, Remus," Kingsley said. "You have a request of me?"
"I do, but I would like your utmost confidence. It concerns Dora," Remus said lightly, as he cast a few well-placed muffling charms and silencing charms in the space around them.
"What's happened to Tonks?" Kingsley asked suddenly, noticing the effect of the sound-altering charms. "Is she alright? I just saw her at St. Mungo's – we thought she was healing nicely!"
Remus shook his head; he should have been more direct, he thought. "No, it's not about her health, not really," Remus said quickly. "I'm happy to hear she's doing better."
"You haven't seen her?" Kingsley asked abruptly, looking down at his watch. "Not the right time of the month for you, is it?" Kingsley looked perplexed.
"I haven't seen her, no," Remus said softly. "I ended our relationship." Kingsley's facial expression demonstrated that whatever he had been thinking, it hadn't been the end of a relationship.
"Why?" Kingsley asked. "What happened?"
"Her aunt," Remus mumbled. "I knew Bellatrix was after Dora, but the way she and the other Death Eaters were talking, it felt so…personal. Direct. I knew I couldn't be involved with her anymore."
"Did you talk to her about this, Remus?" Kingsley asked. "I don't mean to pry, but Tonks is an adult. She understands the risks she takes."
"We've talked about it," Remus said tightly. "Perhaps not to this extent, but we've discussed it." Remus hoped the tone of his voice would indicate the finality of the topic. Kingsley narrowed his eyes slightly at Remus, but decided to drop the matter.
"How can I help you, Remus? If it concerns Tonks, that is," Kingsley asked.
"I know she's going to be healing for a while, and she hates desk work," Remus began. "Is it possible for you to convince Scrimgeour to place her somewhere safe for her next mission? I haven't a clue where that might be, but please, Kingsley, I'm begging you to help keep her safe. As far away from her aunt as possible, without condemning her to desk work."
"You don't want Tonks knowing of your interference?" Kingsley asked suspiciously.
"She hasn't taken my, err, opinion, of the danger of her work very well in the past," Remus said sheepishly, as Kingsley narrowed his eyes further. "Not that I doubt her abilities or talents, of course," Remus added hastily. "It became a lot worse when I learned how badly her aunt wants to end her life. It's why I'm coming to you. Please help keep her safe and alive. Anywhere but where Dora might run into her aunt."
"I can't promise we can keep Bellatrix away from the whole of Britain," said Kingsley. "But I think I can convince Scrimgeour to place her somewhere safe." Kingsley paused momentarily, furrowing his brow, deep in thought.
"What do you think of Hogsmeade?" Kingsley asked, after a few moments of silence. "Placing her there for the school year, to protect students and faculty?"
Remus breathed a sigh of relief. Hogsmeade! Nearly as safe as Hogwarts, being so close to Dumbledore. Dora would be safe at Hogsmeade. Not desk duty, not out hunting Death Eaters. Hogsmeade.
Remus smiled genuinely for the first time in days. "Hogsmeade sounds perfect, Kingsley. Thank you," Remus replied softly. "Thank you."
"I don't want to lose Tonks, either," Kingsley assured. "I think I can convince Scrimgeour to place her and one of the other Aurors there for a long-term assignment."
"I appreciate it, Kingsley," Remus said. "I know her parents will, too. They're as worried as I am," he added softly.
"Don't mention it," Kingsley replied. "Do me a favor, though."
"Anything, short of endangering Dora's life," Remus replied quickly.
"Mad-Eye, Arthur, and I were thinking of seeing the kids off from the train next week. Arthur and Molly thought it would be nice to show Harry our support. Would you be willing to join us? I know it's a day after the moon, but I think it would mean the world to Harry and Molly to see you there," Kingsley explained.
"I'll be there," Remus said. "Will, umm, Dora be there too?"
"I don't know," Kingsley admitted. "She's expected to be released from St. Mungo's tonight or tomorrow, but I can't say if she'll be returning to work immediately. Don't let that stop you from supporting Harry, though."
"I won't," Remus said anxiously. "I'll be there. For Harry."
Kingsley nodded and placed his hand on Remus' shoulder again, giving it a light squeeze.
"You'll be alright, Lupin," he said kindly. "I'll see you next week." If I survive the next full moon, Remus thought, then yes, you will.
…..
Remus approached the isolated cabin near the Scottish border. It had been a few years since he had visited the area, but he felt he had no choice. The full moon would be that very evening, and he would be risking his life if he were to transform alone. Although he had the two doses of Wolfsbane Potion that Dora had brewed him for his birthday (he was saving them in case his situation became truly dire) and Andromeda held the pendant tied to his life, he did not want to rely on his backups before he tried other avenues. Thus, with exhaustion of the approaching full moon weighing on his aching body, Remus traveled north to the border.
This cabin, set deep into the woods, was one of the few places he could transform safely and not die of self-inflicted injuries the following day. He approached the cabin carefully, and knocked gently on the weather-worn door. He heard shuffling sounds from behind the door, which creaked open. Remus found himself face-to-face with a familiar, greying face.
"Remus?" the hoarse voice asked.
"It is I," Remus replied. "Hadrian?" The older man nodded, looking warily at Remus, but opened the door to allow the younger werewolf entry.
"I'm surprised to see you, Remus," Hadrian said. "What brings you here?"
"I'm in need of your help, Hadrian," Remus replied. "My usual transformation spots are compromised."
"Ah," the older man noted. "Have you anything in return?" Remus hated this part; his few remaining werewolf contacts had always regarded Remus with some suspicion, as he was so immersed in the Wizarding world. Remus never felt truly at ease in either world; werewolves said he was too much of a wizard to belong to them. Wizards wrote him off easily for his lycanthropy. If Remus needed a favor from another werewolf, particularly an alpha, he always needed to offer something in return to establish his own, lower-ranking place.
"Here," Remus said, offering Hadrian a few of Remus' own healing salves. "They work rather effectively." Hadrian regarded the salves with some reluctance, but accepted them. Remus exhaled gratefully. This moon would be survivable.
"Who else will be joining us?" Remus asked. "I haven't kept in contact with much of anyone in the last few years."
"My son, Adeodatus, and his mate, Vera. I don't believe you've met her," Hadrian replied.
"I hadn't realized your son had found a mate," Remus noted, slightly taken aback that his old friends' son had mated, unless he and his mate had already had children. "Are you, then, a grandfather?"
"Not through Adeodatus," Hadrian said curtly. Adeodatus had mated with a fellow werewolf, Remus concluded.
"Is your mate joining us as well?" Remus asked. Hadrian and his wife, Gwendolyn, were among the few werewolf mating pairs Remus was aware of who had children prior to being bitten.
"She will be," Hadrian confirmed. "She is caring for our granddaughter for now."
"I had not known your daughter had a child. Congratulations," Remus offered.
"Moira will be two this winter. Her mother is raising her alone," Hadrian explained. "As soon as the child's father learned what we were…he wanted nothing to do with his daughter. Philomena was devastated, and so Gwendolyn now helps care for Moira."
"A shame that a father left his child," Remus noted. "Especially given that neither you nor Gwendolyn live anywhere near them."
"It's the principle of the matter," Hadrian lamented. "Association with werewolves has never been a pleasant one."
"I know," Remus said darkly. "It's very much why I'm here."
"Dumbledore can't help you anymore?" Hadrian asked, brow raised.
"It's not that," Remus replied. "Dumbledore has done as much as he can for me. I've a new project for the time being, but that will have to wait for another time." Hadrian nodded, sniffing the air more intently now.
"I can smell her on you," Hadrian stated. "Not a mate, and not a werewolf, but something."
"My…ex," Remus said, straining his voice. "We just ended it."
"Because of the lycanthropy," Hadrian said, matter-of-factly.
"Not in so many words," Remus said. "It's complicated."
"Isn't it always, with us?" Hadrian said knowingly. Remus and Hadrian both turned their heads towards the door, as someone had arrived.
"Gwendolyn?" Remus asked. Hadrian nodded, and stood to meet his wife and mate at the door.
"I thought I smelled a newcomer," Gwendolyn greeted. "Remus, it's been a while."
"A few years," Remus admitted. "Hadrian has kindly allowed me to join your pack for the evening."
"What brings you here?" Gwendolyn asked.
"I'm in between places of transformation at the moment," Remus replied evenly. "My previous place became unavailable."
"You were with an Animagus friend, no?" Gwendolyn inquired.
"He died last week," Remus said matter-of-factly.
"Ah yes," Gwendolyn nodded sympathetically. "Such turmoil cannot be suffered alone in your state. I'm glad Hadrian accepted you for the evening." Remus forced a smile. Gwendolyn may have been the alpha female of her pack, but it was the alpha male's permission he needed to join them. Remus hated the pack order and all its intricacies.
"Adeodatus and Vera will be arriving soon," Hadrian interjected. "Remus has yet to meet Vera."
"Not who I'd have chosen to be my son's mate," Gwendolyn added sourly. "They mated without realizing the consequences."
"He was not aware of the bond that come from mating?" Remus asked sharply.
"She was not aware of the bond," Hadrian glowered. "She was a recently bitten werewolf who did not know that true mating would result in the bond they now share, or the loss of their only child. Adeodatus was livid when he learned what they had made, but the damage was done. The child did not survive the pregnancy and the two were mated for life."
"Adeodatus had not told her?" Remus asked incredulously.
"He thought she knew," Gwendolyn said softly. "They are now reaping the consequences." She sniffed at the air for a moment.
"You have someone, don't you?" she asked gently. "A witch."
"I did," Remus said bitterly. "We ended things."
"The lycanthropy," Gwendolyn said sadly.
"More or less," Remus repeated. It was too complicated to say it all; it wasn't just the lycanthropy. It was Bellatrix. It was the risk to Dora's life. It was his poverty. It was his age. It was everything that lycanthropy brought to his miserable existence.
"Perhaps she'll change her mind," Gwendolyn offered.
"It's not hers that needs changing," Remus said despondently.
"Your wolf thinks she's your mate," Hadrian interrupted, his expression now showing his understanding. "But she is in danger. You've left her."
"Yes," Remus said through gritted teeth. "Painful and necessary."
"I'm sorry to hear this, Remus," Gwendolyn said kindly. "If Hadrian allows, you may join our pack for now."
"Tonight for now," Hadrian decided. "It's been many moons since we had a new addition to our pack."
"I understand," Remus assented. He would be safe enough for the evening; the next moon, he may be able to return. Being itinerant was one of his least favorite aspects of his lycanthropy.
A new set of voices could be heard from the other side of the door; Remus could smell the female and male werewolves from where he sat.
"That'll be Adeodatus and Vera," Hadrian notified. He stood from his chair and opened the door; indeed, it was Hadrian's son and his mate at the door.
"Is that…Remus?" Adeodatus wondered aloud. Remus stood up and offered his hand. Remus was to Adeodatus what Hadrian was to Remus; an older, mentor werewolf.
"Good to see you, Adeodatus," Remus greeted. "This must be your mate?" He looked at the other werewolf, scrutinizing her.
"Vera," the other werewolf said, extending her hand to Remus. "You're joining us tonight? Hadrian allowed it?" Vera looked at Remus with an air of doubt.
"I did," Hadrian interrupted. "Remus is welcome. You and Adeodatus are almost late. Moonrise is in twenty minutes. We must be going." Hadrian led Remus and Adeodatus outside to the north end of the cabin; they removed their clothes and wands, leaving them safely within the cabin. Vera and Gwendolyn would be changing on the north side of the cabin; evidently, the couples typically undressed in front of one another, but with Remus joining them, the women preferred to keep their modesty as intact as possible, given the circumstances.
Remus, Hadrian, and Adeodatus sat naked on the north side of the cabin, waiting for moonrise. Remus felt his entire body was on edge; his bones, joints, and muscles ached. His breathing became ragged as the pain rose and fell with his every breath. Moonrise approached, and with it, the horrifying, excruciating pain of bones shifting and breaking. Remus was not alone in his howling; the cries of five werewolves rent the air as they transformed. Mere moments later, the wolf took over.
…..
Remus woke in the early summer light, groaning from exhaustion. He scanned his body, as he always did after a full moon, to determine where he'd been injured. He was sore, sweaty, and muddy, but few injuries were present on his body. He felt a trickle of something – probably blood – dribbling down his shoulder. He'd either cut or scratched himself near his neck or collarbone. He could breathe easily; it wasn't his throat.
He turned over to see Hadrian, Adeodatus, Gwendolyn, and Vera slowly stirring. He quickly averted his eyes from the women. Though he had seen plenty of naked bodies in the morning after full moons, it felt different, almost wrong to see them. They weren't Dora. They weren't his mate. They weren't his anything. Dora isn't your anything, either, anymore. You saw to that last week, Remus told himself.
Wincing, Remus slowly stood from his spot and limped towards the cabin. He was the first one to reach the cabin, and hastily dressed himself in the early light of day. He had survived another full moon.
"We should get that wound healed, Remus," Hadrian announced. "My doing, I think."
"It's not fatal," Remus said briskly. "No need to rush."
"Remus, come," Hadrian ordered. "You need to heal."
Against his own wishes, Remus followed Hadrian to attend to the wound. This was part of the curse of belonging to someone else's pack. He was less independent, especially around the full moon. He submitted to the will of his alpha. The longer he stayed with Hadrian, the harder it would be to resist. The closer they were to the full moon, the worse it would be. Remus sighed and hung his head.
Hadrian tended to Remus' wounds. "I did this to you," Hadrian confessed. "You submitted."
"Yes," Remus said flatly. "Only one alpha."
"Adeodatus must have gotten you here as well," Hadrian noted. "He's beta."
"Naturally," Remus replied curtly. "You are the alpha, and he is your beta. Father and son."
"Don't get cross with me," Hadrian admonished. "You chose to come here and you're alive."
"I'm sorry," Remus murmured. "You know as well as I do that the full moon does nothing to improve one's mood."
"No, it doesn't," Hadrian admitted. "But it doesn't give you the right to be an arse to me."
Remus looked away from Hadrian, feeling guilt and shame wash over him. "I've got an errand to run today," Remus told the older werewolf. "I will return with more potions and salves for you once the errand is complete."
"Seeing the witch?" Hadrian asked warily.
"No. The closest thing I have to a son is coming home from school today," Remus confessed. "Before he goes off to his relatives, I'd like to see him. My Animagus friend was his godfather."
"You should see your boy, then," Hadrian conceded. "It's what fathers do."
"I'll be back once he's safely with them," Remus said. "Until then." Remus shook Hadrian's hand, and stepped outside. New pack, same old shit, Remus thought, before Apparating to Yorkshire.
…..
The Hogwarts Express was due to arrive soon. Remus had spent the day in Muggle London, aimlessly walking the streets. His anxiety over maybe seeing Dora this evening was high. Kingsley had not known if Dora would be seeing Harry and his friends off for the summer. Remus was torn between tremendous hope that she would be there – so he could see her again – and overwhelming fear that she wouldn't be there, and he'd miss the chance to see her again before he returned to his new pack.
It was nearing 6 pm, and Remus turned towards the last few blocks before he arrived at King's Cross. He glanced around the area; there wasn't a pink-haired Auror anywhere in sight. All the heads of hair were shades of blonde, brunette, black, and grey. Dora wasn't there; Remus' heart sank, but he mollified himself by the reminder that this was for the best. This was for Dora's safety. This was for Dora's life.
Remus approached the barrier to Platform 9 ¾, where parents were waiting for their children's return from Hogwarts. Just as Remus arrived at the barrier, he found none other than Mad-Eye just arriving through the barrier as well.
"Alastor," Remus said kindly. "How are you?" Moody grunted a response. Dora once said the grunts were signs of affection, in Moody's own way.
"I'm glad you're doing well," Remus said, hoping he had interpreted the grunt correctly. Moody said nothing, so Remus assumed Dora's advice had been correct. Dora! She was straight ahead, standing next to Molly, Arthur, and Kingsley. There was something off about Dora. Her hair was her natural mousy brown. Remus knew she hated it, but Remus thought it was as charming as any other color she wore. Her skin was paler than he remembered, and she was slightly thinner as well. Perhaps she's still healing, Remus thought. That must be it.
Dora appeared to be wanting to move towards Remus, sending his heart into spasms. He couldn't talk to her. He couldn't face her. Not after what he'd done to them. To her. He had put her in danger. She might never forgive him. He couldn't bear to lose her so brutally, nor so publicly. Fortunately, Arthur had a different idea in mind, and the redhead took long strides towards where Remus stood.
"Remus, Alastor," Arthur greeted, shaking both their hands. "So good of you to be here for the kids. Say, I had a little thought," Arthur said with a devious smile. "Those relatives of Harry's never treat him kindly. What do you say to putting a little fear of Merlin into them?"
Remus smiled softly; putting the fear of Merlin into Vernon and Petunia Dursley sounded like just the right distraction from his broken heart. Just as Alastor and Arthur discussed their plans, Remus heard the familiar roar of the scarlet steam engine arriving. Students were poking their heads out of their compartments, and some of his previous pupils had even caught his eye and waved at him. Remus longed for the ability to teach again in the place he loved most.
Remus saw the students rapidly, chaotically descending the train and running into their parents' waiting arms. If things had been different…well, they could have never been different. Remus had the chance of parenthood taken away from him many years ago. He looked over to where Tonks, Molly, and Kingsley stood. Hermione was chatting excitedly with Tonks; he smiled, thinking of the bushy-haired girl's kind nature. Hermione and Ginny both broke apart from Tonks, and Remus saw her hugging Harry tightly. The poor boy looked gobsmacked at Tonks' affection. Harry had been that way for years. He was always surprised when someone showed him love. It broke Remus' heart to see the teenager so resilient, and yet so capable of loving others.
Dora had told something to Harry that had made him smile, and she gestured over to where Remus was standing. Remus' heart threatened to jump out of his chest as Tonks looked his way, and he quickly turned away from the pair as he saw the Dursleys ahead.
Alastor was gleefully threatening the Dursleys as Arthur and Harry watched in amusement. Remus felt quiet joy at threatening the Muggle, especially after he and his wife had done so much to make Harry suffer. Soon enough, it was time for the family to leave, and a melancholy Harry was off with his mother's relatives for the summer.
Remus wanted to turn around and have Dora run into his arms, but he knew it would never be so. She would hate him now, for daring to love her. For putting her life in danger. For everything.
Remus excused himself from Arthur and Alastor, shaking both their hands. He began walking away from the barrier and the station, but as he was walking, he heard her voice.
"Remus!" Dora's voice called. He refused to turn around; he couldn't bear to be publicly humiliated and despised. Not by her. Not yet. Not even if he deserved it.
"Remus, please!" Dora was insistent. She was trying to get to him. "Please, I need to talk to you!" Remus walked faster, trying to outmaneuver her.
"REMUS LUPIN YOU TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW!" Dora was now yelling loudly into the street filled with Muggles, shocking him. What in Merlin's name was she thinking? Here? In a street full of Muggles? Was she really going to berate him in such a place? He turned around to find himself face-to-face with the Auror who held his heart.
"What?" he asked. "I told you not to contact me," he said briskly. I'm not good for you. I'm not good enough for you. I shouldn't love you. These thoughts threatened to slip out of Remus' mouth, but he kept them within, for fear that she might break his heart more than it had already been broken .
"I need to talk to you," Tonks said, huffing. "Please." Her face was red, and she was panting and huffing with exhaustion. The look in her eyes was fierce – there was a look in it that he had only ever seen in her mother. The last time he'd seen that expression in Andromeda's eyes, it had been to tell him she was disappointed in him. It was one thing to hear it from Andromeda, Remus thought, but Dora? Oh, he couldn't bear the thought of hearing how disappointed Dora was in him. He would have to salvage this himself.
"No. We're through. I made that clear," Remus said, as evenly as he could. It broke his heart again, but he needed to make it clear that she was safer without him. "Do not attempt to contact me again," he added, each word filling him with hatred for himself, for doing this to her.
"But you love me," Dora nearly shouted. "You told me so, in your letter!" Remus was taken aback. His love for her was the reason, the only reason he had to let her go. What did his love have anything to do with her anger? Her disappointment in him?
"That is irrelevant," Remus decided. His love was irrelevant. It couldn't matter anymore. He continued, "I've made myself perfectly clear. We are done. You need to accept that." Every word broke his heart; couldn't she see that it was all for her? He was trying to save her from death, from ostracism, from the pitiful life she didn't deserve.
"But – you love me," Dora said, as Remus saw her jaw clench. "How is that irrelevant?" she asked. Remus looked at Dora, at a loss for words. He hated himself for everything he had done to her. He would hate himself more for what he needed to tell her, to keep her safe.
"It just is," Remus snapped. "Leave me alone." With those last three words, the tears threatened to escape, and he decided to turn around and walk away as fast as his legs could take him. The entire exchange was breaking him again and threatening to torture the last scraps of happiness from his life. His last conversation with Dora wouldn't be one with her forgiving him, but with her angry at him for loving her. Angry at him for leaving her. Angry at him for taking advantage of her.
"Wait, Remus! We have to talk!" Dora's voice carried through the crowd. "Remus, please, listen to me!" Dora called again through the throng of Muggles. Remus' tears were now falling down his face in earnest, having to walk away from the woman who had given him the greatest happiness he had ever known. He couldn't bear to have her stomp on his heart any more than he had stomped on it. He knew he had wronged her; he knew he had broken her. He had to make right what little he could. He could leave her to find someone else, anyone else, who could make her safe. Happy. Protected. Loved in the way she deserved to be loved.
He turned into the first alleyway he could find, and turned on the spot. He found himself in a forest outside Cardiff. Sinking to his knees, he looked up to the night sky, and wept.