Remus was gathering firewood in the secluded forest. It was just after the second full moon with Hadrian and his pack. His new pack was enough that he didn't injure himself terribly from lonely moons, but it was still a pack. Remus found himself in the same place as he was nearly fifteen years earlier. It was to a werewolf pack that he had turned when there was no one else left. When the Potters had been killed, Sirius had been imprisoned, and he thought Peter had been murdered, Remus was left with no one. He fled to the only werewolf pack he knew of: Fenrir Greyback's. It was there he'd met Hadrian and his other werewolf contacts.
Now, Sirius was gone forever – dead. Peter had been dead to Remus for years. He had had Dora in his life, but he could never be with her again. He was alone, as he always suspected he would be. Remus felt more alone than ever, now that he was in a pack with two mated couples. Still, it kept him alive. Not that Remus felt he had much to live for these days, but defeating Voldemort (and by extension, Bellatrix) might help the two people Remus felt he could live for: Harry and Dora. Harry could grow up to live the life his parents had always wanted for him, and Dora could live the life she so rightly deserved. He promised himself he'd live long enough to see their happiness, or die trying.
"You're unhappy here, Remus," Hadrian called in his hoarse voice, from a clearing in the woods.
"I wouldn't be happy anywhere," Remus said curtly. "My best friend is dead and I can't be with the woman I love."
"There's no reason you can't find happiness," Hadrian said. "Have you considered having your own pack?"
"And mating?" Remus asked incredulously. "Absolutely not."
"You don't need a mate to have a pack," Hadrian suggested. "Nor do you need to inflict this curse on anyone else." Remus pondered this for a moment; werewolves like Fenrir Greyback bit as many as possible, especially children, in order to lure them into his pack. The larger his pack, the more power he had. Yet another reason Remus utterly despised Fenrir.
"I don't know of any other packs," Remus said quietly. "Nor do I know where to find other werewolves. I'm afraid having my own pack would be out of the question. It's not as if I'm easily trusted," Remus added somberly.
"You're on a mission for that Dumbledore, aren't you?" Hadrian asked. "He's asking too much of you."
Remus stayed silent. Hadrian continued, "We're not involving ourselves in this war," Hadrian declared. "My pack is small and self-sufficient. We don't need to choose a side to continue living as we do."
"What about your granddaughter?" Remus asked. "She has werewolves for grandparents and an uncle. Won't she be affected by this?"
"Moira can be educated at home," Hadrian shrugged. "All but Vera were educated at Hogwarts before we were bitten. She can learn magic without needing the formal education."
Remus was at a loss for words. Hadrian and his pack wouldn't join Dumbledore, but they wouldn't join Voldemort, either. They lived in their secluded corner of the woods, far from any communities. Theirs was a simple, but self-sustaining life. They didn't need anyone else.
"I see," Remus said simply.
"If you choose to mate, you're welcome to rejoin our pack, Remus," Hadrian said seriously. "I don't believe staying here will help you."
"Do you have any suggestions for where I should go? I do not trust myself to stay alive without others' help," Remus sighed.
"I've written to my friend, Caspian," Hadrian offered. "Caspian leads a commune of sorts in Northern Ireland. None are mated," Hadrian added. "By choice, I believe. You may find it a better fit for you."
"Thank you," Remus said softly. "I appreciate what you've done for me."
"I hope you find what you're looking for, Remus," Hadrian said kindly. "It isn't here, though. Our pack is better suited for mates. Family. This is where they're located." Hadrian handed Remus a piece of parchment bearing an address in Northern Ireland.
Family. It's what Remus longed for. He wasn't sure if he would find family in this 'commune,' at least not like the one he once had with Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail. But, having no other options, he accepted the parchment from Hadrian, and made his way to collect his things. It was time to find a new home.
….
Remus Apparated to the location given to him by Hadrian; the werewolf commune was located between the Mourne Mountains and Rostrevor Forest. Remus was told little of the 'commune,' led by a werewolf called Caspian. Remus approached the settlement; it smelled of campfire smoke and wet dog. Bracing himself, he walked towards the small throng gathered around the fire.
"Are you Remus?" one werewolf asked, looking up and sniffing the air. "We've been expecting a newcomer."
"I am he," Remus said warily. "I was told to look for Caspian?"
"I am he," the werewolf replied, "Caspian."
"Pleasure to meet you, Caspian," Remus introduced, offering his hand to the man. "Hadrian told me about your, err, commune. I was hoping I might find a place here."
"You are not mated?" Caspian asked. "We do not accept mated wolves here."
"I am not," Remus replied. "I have no mate."
"Follow me," Caspian ordered, leading Remus to the gathering around the fire. Caspian cleared his throat, announcing his presence to the other werewolves. Remus looked around at those gathered; all were men, ranging from what Remus assumed were younger men in their twenties, to older men, perhaps in their fifties. All were ragged, thin, and worn.
"This is Remus," Caspian announced. "He comes to us through a mutual friend. I believe he is seeking a new arrangement?" Caspian looked to Remus for confirmation; Remus nodded in return.
"Tell us about yourself, Remus," an older werewolf beckoned. "We have a sort of democratic process of allowing newcomers to our settlement. I'm Darrin."
"Hello Darrin," Remus nodded politely. "I am Remus Lupin. I am thirty six years old and have been a werewolf since I was four years old." A few shocked faces looked back at Remus; it was next to unheard of for a werewolf to have existed outside of werewolf circles for over three decades.
"I have no mate," Remus repeated. "I had a girlfriend once, but it was unwise for us to continue the relationship. We never considered mating, anyway." Remus hoped that by explaining this, it might commend him to joining the settlement.
"I was brought up by a wizard father and Muggle mother. I had the opportunity to attend Hogwarts while still a werewolf," Remus continued, as more faces looked on in disbelief. "Precautions were taken to prevent me from infecting others. Following my education, I lost nearly everyone I loved. My parents and closest friends," Remus added. "I turned to Fenrir's pack for a while, but did not find it to my taste. I was eventually able to handle transformations on my own, confined to the safety of my small cottage." The werewolves said nothing, so Remus took the opportunity to continue his tale.
"Three years ago, I was given the opportunity to teach at Hogwarts." The werewolves, again, showed expressions of surprise. "Unfortunately, at the end of the year, there was an incident involving my transformation in front of three students. Luckily, not one of them was hurt, due to the fortunate assistance of a long-lost friend. That friend, who I had believed to be long gone, was a support in the last two years of transformations. I saw him die earlier this summer, and the turmoil of this loss prompted me to seek out a new arrangement. I do not believe myself capable of surviving full moons alone anymore. I have never had an interest in forming my own pack or mating," Remus added. "I simply couldn't do that to someone else."
"Is that all?" Darrin asked brusquely.
"Yes," Remus said, looking down at his worn shoes.
"Any questions?" Caspian called. A few werewolves came forward. Caspian gestured for the others to begin their questioning.
"Are you one of them, or one of us?" the first werewolf asked. "Kirk," he said, gesturing to himself.
"How do you mean?" Remus asked, unsure of what Kirk was asking.
"Wolf or wizard?" Kirk clarified.
"Both," Remus said quickly. "I am both wizard and wolf."
"You have a wand?" Kirk asked suspiciously.
"Yes," Remus replied briskly.
"How do we know you won't use it against us?" a new werewolf asked. "I'm Eustace," he added.
"I have no reason to use my wand against family, if you'll accept me," Remus answered diplomatically. "I'll gladly use my wand to heal and help, but not to hurt."
"You Dark?" Eustace asked, eyes narrowed.
"I do not support Voldemort, if that's what you mean," Remus countered, as he saw the men shudder around the campfire at the use of the Dark wizard's name.
"You with the Ministry?" another werewolf asked. "Adam," the new werewolf introduced himself.
"I am not," Remus said simply.
"Who are you with, then?" Adam asked, looking cautiously at Remus.
"I have long supported Albus Dumbledore," Remus replied, thinking some honesty might be the best option in the current situation. "Although I have not come on his behalf."
"He couldn't help you?" Eustace interjected. "Keep you alive, as you put it?"
"He's a busy man," Remus replied noncommittally. "He's got his hands full with the war."
"Werewolf not worth his time?" another werewolf asked. "Andrew," he presented himself.
"I wouldn't say that," Remus answered nervously. "He helped me through my education and employment. I am grateful for the help he offered, and I am seeking to support myself now."
"What can you offer us?" Andrew inquired. "Other than a wand?"
"You-you want my wand?" Remus asked, taken aback.
"Not your wand, no," Caspian interrupted, clarifying Andrew's question. "A few of us have wands, but if you were fully educated, you'd have more training than most."
"I can heal," Remus replied quickly. "I brought several potions and salves with me for healing that do not require wand work. I am no potions master, but I've made do with my own remedies I've perfected in the last three decades," Remus continued. "I can gladly share them with you, if you'll have me."
Remus thought of another talent he managed without magic. "I can cook, as well," Remus added. "My mum was a Muggle and taught me how to do everything without magic. I've been told my cooking skills are quite good." Remus felt a pang in his heart; the last time he'd been complimented on his cooking, it had been Dora. As if on cue, the next question pertained to her.
"You had a girlfriend," the next werewolf spoke, introducing himself as Garrett. "You didn't want to mate with her? Was she one of us?"
"No," Remus replied. "She is a witch." Expressions of surprise and shock ran through the other werewolves' faces. "Did she refuse you when she found out about your lycanthropy?" Garrett asked.
"No," Remus answered. "She seemed unconcerned with it."
"And yet she left you?" Kirk rejoined the questioning. "Why would you leave a witch who accepted your lycanthropy?"
"I left her," Remus sighed sadly. "Her family took issue with our relationship, and I couldn't, err, continue under such conditions. It was for the best," Remus lamented.
"You are not over her," Kirk stated bluntly. "The attachment is still strong."
"I'm doing my best," Remus said lamely. "Surely you can understand my predicament. I was putting her in danger by simply being with her. I…had to leave."
"Our settlement accepts only unmated, male werewolves," Darren informed. "We are brothers here and we are faithful to one another only. Distractions are unacceptable." Remus was beginning to see the pecking order in the settlement; Caspian, even if he wasn't called alpha, was undeniably the leader, while Darrin appeared to be the beta.
"I'm sorry I arrive with baggage," Remus apologized. "I'm working through it as best as I'm able."
"We could offer a temporary welcome," Caspian suggested. "I propose three moons." Caspian looked around at the other werewolves, who appeared to be deep in thought over the suggestion.
"We vote, then," Darrin announced. "Ayes for rejecting Remus?" Remus was shocked at the rapidity with which his welcome was being considered. A few 'ayes' were heard from the small gathering, including two of his interrogators, Garrett, and Adam.
"Ayes for allowing Remus a temporary welcome?" Several more werewolves expressed their 'ayes,' as Remus breathed a sigh of relief.
"Welcome, Remus," Caspian said, offering his hand. "We will reassess in three moons. For now, allow me to show you where you will sleep."
Remus followed Caspian to one of the makeshift shelters. There were several shelters – huts, really – surrounding the large campfire. Each hut appeared to house two to three werewolves apiece, based on the names crudely etched on the hut walls.
"You'll be here, with Eustace and Clarence," Caspian noted. "You met Eustace earlier. Clarence is a younger wolf, no more than twenty, we think. He's temporary for now," Caspian explained. "You'll meet him later. He's out hunting." Caspian showed Remus the hut he would share with the two other werewolves. It was indeed small, and sparsely furnished. Three thin, single mattresses lay on the dirt floor. Remus' mattress would be the one in the middle, as it lacked bedclothes. Nothing a good Cushioning Charm couldn't fix, Remus supposed.
"Thank you, Caspian," Remus said. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
"Thank Hadrian," Caspian said absentmindedly. "We don't welcome newcomers so easily." If that was 'easy', Remus thought, he dared not think about the welcome other werewolves might have had upon finding the settlement.
"You can cook and you can heal, yes?" Caspian summarized. Remus nodded. "Both useful skills for our settlement. Can you gather ingredients for salves and food from the forest?"
"I don't know what is native to Rostrevor, but I can identify most herbs and plants that are useful for healing or eating," Remus supplied.
"We'll have you gather for now," Caspian decided. "Go into the forest and find what you can. Present it for dinner, come sundown."
"Yes," Remus agreed. "I'll be there." Caspian nodded at Remus and left the hut, allowing Remus to stow and secure his meagre possessions at the foot of the mattress. It was time to gather.
….
Remus was deep in the forest foraging for materials. He was unfamiliar to Rostrevor Forest or the foothills of the Mourne Mountains, but the land was indeed rich and beautiful, and was proving plentiful for finding healing and cooking materials. There were no magical herbs or fungi; however, Remus' many years with only Muggle resources for healing were demonstrating their usefulness. All in all, in his first day of foraging, Remus had managed to find wild onions, wild garlic, cabbage, and even several sizable potatoes for eating, and a wide array of herbs for using in both cooking and healing. Feeling pleased with himself, he Apparated back to the werewolf settlement to offer his bounty.
"You're back," Darrin greeted, with a slight look of surprise on his face.
"I was told to come back near sundown?" Remus asked, unsure of the greeting. "With gathered materials?"
"You actually found something?" Darrin looked at Remus in disbelief.
"Yes? I was told to gather what I considered edible or useful for healing, and so I did," Remus explained anxiously. "Is there something wrong?" Remus pulled his rucksack off from his shoulder and opened it, showing the vegetables and herbs he'd found.
"Where did you get that?" Darrin demanded.
"The forest and foothills," Remus replied. "It's all there, if you know what to look for. As I become more familiar with the territory, I'm hoping I'll find more."
"OI!" Darrin shouted to a werewolf behind him. "CLIVE!" The other werewolf, apparently called Clive, looked up and approached Darrin and Remus.
"Whaddaya need, Darrin?" Clive asked.
"Get Caspian," Darrin commanded. Remus began shifting from one foot to the other; had he done something wrong? He'd merely followed Caspian's direction and had returned with what had been expected of him. The werewolf called Clive returned moments later with Caspian, who also held a similar face of surprise upon seeing Remus with his bounty.
"Hi, Caspian," Remus began. "I'm not sure if I did something wrong, but I did as you asked. I've brought materials from the forest and foothills." Remus gestured to the onions, garlic, cabbage, potatoes, and other herbs his magically expanded rucksack held. "Most of it is good for both eating and healing." Caspian, Darrin, and Clive all looked at the bounty wide-eyed.
"I'm impressed," Caspian finally said. "This wasn't meant to be easy or possible."
"You don't normally gather or garden?" Remus asked, slightly confused by Caspian's admission.
"We eat what we hunt," Caspian replied briskly, eyeing the items Remus had brought from the forest. "You've proven yourself uncommonly useful."
"Thank you?" Remus responded, unsure of what was happening. "Would you like me to prepare these foods? It shan't take long," he added. "If you've a cauldron or pot, it will be easier."
Darrin grunted, and gestured for Remus to follow him towards another end of the settlement. Here, too, were a few small fires. Each fire appeared to be used for cooking, although nearly all of them were currently occupied with deer carcasses or roasting hares. The sight was revolting to Remus, as the meat had been crudely prepared before cooking, but he supposed he would eat what he could.
Darrin led Remus to a small campfire, and brought him a sizable stockpot. "There's a stream beyond that clearing if you need water." Remus looked at Darrin quizzically, until Darrin smacked his head with his hand. "I forgot you're a wizard. Use your wand, then." Remus nodded gratefully and began working.
The stockpot Remus had been given was filthy, but a few well-cast cleaning charms restored the stock pot to usability for human (or wolf, he supposed) consumption. Remus looked around towards the other campfires; most were monitored by a few guarded werewolves. The stockpots around the other fires were also filthy; Remus made a mental note to clean those when he had the opportunity.
Remus filled his stockpot with water with a quick Augamenti!, and proceeded to cast charms on the onions, garlic, cabbage, and potatoes to dice themselves before placing them in the pot to simmer. Remus sorely wished he had butter or oil, but he made do with parsley and rosemary, adding a pinch of each to the pot to enhance the flavor. As Remus cooked, he noticed the other cooking werewolves eyeing him closely. They were watching him intently and appeared mystified with Remus' ability to prepare the foods so effortlessly. It was all wand work. Remus promised himself that he'd attempt to help the other werewolves manually prepare foods, as soon as he was able to find surfaces on which to prepare them.
As the sun went down, more werewolves made their way towards the campfires, apparently curious with the new scents arising from the campfires. Remus supposed they were well-accustomed to the scents of roasting venison and hare, but perhaps not with the scents of boiled vegetables. Caspian, Darrin, and the other higher-ranking werewolves approached the campfires as well, seemingly impressed with Remus' work.
Several pairs of eyes were fixated on Remus as he finished his work. When the sun had set, Remus looked up to see Caspian approaching him.
"What have you prepared, Remus?" Caspian asked, looking into the contents of the stockpot.
"A cabbage and potato soup," Remus replied. "I lacked a few fresh ingredients, but I can use the fat and marrow from the venison to improve the flavor for next time." Caspian looked into the stockpot and inhaled deeply. Remus was as satisfied as he could be with the concoction, especially as he lacked fresh butter or cream, but Caspian didn't seem to mind, as he produced a tin bowl and filled it with Remus' stew.
Remus held his breath as Caspian took several gulps of the stew. To Remus' relief, Caspian nodded gratefully at Remus, and beckoned for the other werewolves to approach Remus. One by one, each werewolf took a bowlful of the stew, before proceeding to the roasting venison and ripping off hunks of flesh to place into their bowls. Remus followed suit, digging up the last bowlful of his stew and carefully extracting the meat from the carcass. Remus took a surreptitious bite of the meat alongside a gulp of his stew and was pleasantly surprised that the two foods complemented one another quite well. The venison was tough, but Remus accepted it for what it was: free food.
Remus followed the other werewolves to the main campfire, where large boulders and tree stumps had been gathered in a circle around the fire. The werewolves were conversing with one another; Remus supposed that there were nearly thirty of them total in the settlement. He looked around, attempting to find a place to sit, until Eustace, his new hut-mate, beckoned for Remus to join him and another, younger, werewolf.
"Hello," Remus greeted Eustace and the younger wolf. "I don't believe we've met," Remus addressed the younger werewolf. "I'm Remus."
"Clarence," the younger werewolf replied. "You're to join me and Eustace, huh?"
"I am," Remus replied. "Caspian told me you were new here as well?"
"I've been here five moons," Clarence said sullenly. "One more moon before they decide to keep me or chuck me."
"Is that how it usually goes?" Remus asked.
"Most newcomers get between one and six moons with us," Eustace interjected. "Few make it past three moons."
"Can I ask – why is that?" Remus wondered aloud.
"Life is hard here, Remus," Eustace said gruffly. "We need to be able to rely on one another to survive. Anyone who appears to be unable to do this is asked to leave."
"I see," Remus said, deep in his thoughts. "Does everyone have a job here?"
"Yes," Eustace replied. "Each has his place."
"I hunt," Clarence interrupted. "I get the smaller game for now, but I hope I get deer soon."
"In time, Clarence," Eustace chided. "You're still new to us." Clarence looked downcast, but continued eating. Eustace stood, making his way to meet with Caspian, Darrin, and the other high-ranking werewolves.
"You made this?" Clarence asked, looking up at Remus, once Eustace appeared to be out of earshot.
"The stew, yeah," Remus replied. "I gathered what I could from the forest."
"They made you work for your spot, eh?" Clarence said, chuckling softly.
"How do you mean?" Remus asked.
"Like Eustace said, most don't last long here," Clarence replied. "I've seen six or seven already get chucked since I've been here. They want you all in."
"Devoted to the settlement?"
"Something like that. They don't take well to laziness or distractions."
"Why no one has a mate, yeah?"
"Yeah. Caspian and Darrin don't want this to be some substitute for mate bonding. We're bonded by brotherhood, so they say."
"What brought you here, Clarence?"
"Eustace is my sire, and my father," Clarence said darkly. "I hadn't seen him for years but I sought him out, and here I am." Clarence stared bitterly towards Eustace's direction.
"I thought those in this settlement didn't bite innocents," Remus said sharply. "Or children."
"It was before Eustace's time here," Clarence informed. "I've been a werewolf since I was ten years old. My dad accidently bit me. They never told me he was a werewolf," Clarence said angrily.
"They?" Remus asked quizzically.
"My mum and Eustace. He got bitten when I was five or six and they made up some story about work-related travel to explain why he was never around," Clarence explained. "He left us when he got bitten. I think it was the mate thing, thought he was a danger to us. Mum didn't want him to leave, but he did it anyway. Not that it mattered, in the end," Clarence said irritably. "He came back most full moons 'cause we were his pack, but mum never bothered telling me why the howling outside our house was always the worst at full moons. I thought we had some wolves nearby, but not a fucking werewolf." Remus paled at Clarence's account; how could Eustace have been so careless with his family?
"One full moon, I wanted to see who the wolf was that kept howling outside, and it was Eustace. He must not have recognized me right away, and he bit me. I nearly died, but Eustace realized what he'd done, healed me, and left us again," Clarence lamented. "Said we were better off without him, but left mum with a kid werewolf, even though they were mated at that point. He shouldn't have been able to leave, but he did anyway."
"I thought mates could only leave one another if they believed they posed mortal danger?" Remus asked.
"Eustace said it was more for my mum than me," Clarence explained. "Mating bond is stronger for males and their mates rather than their cubs. Mating bond is stronger for females for their cubs, rather than their mates. Mum couldn't leave me or Eustace, but Eustace could leave her and me, thinking we, but mostly she, were in danger from him."
"Your mother is a witch then? To have been able to bond in that way?" Remus asked.
"She was a witch," Clarence emphasized. "She died a few years ago, and that's when I went looking for Eustace. It took me years to find him. I've only been here five moons. They're making me wait the full six moons, 'cause of my relationship with Eustace."
"I noticed you don't refer to him as father or dad," Remus noted. "Is that due to the settlement and its restrictions around relationships or attachments?"
"I called him Eustace long before now," Clarence spat. "He stopped being my father when he left us. I prefer referring to him as my sire, but even that has implications. He'll always rank higher than I do here."
"Because he was your alpha?" Remus clarified.
"Is and was," Clarence exhaled heavily. "Is higher ranking here, was our alpha when it was me and mum. It wasn't till he bit me that I felt the alpha bond and its implications more strongly. Part of what helped me find him, really."
"Why did you stay, then?" Remus asked. "If your feelings towards Eustace are so strong?"
"The bond," Clarence said simply. "Feels like home. Belonging. They're not keen on a father-son bond, but neither of us can really help it. Besides, I don't want a mate. I never want anyone to feel the way my mum and I did when he left us."
"I don't mean to defend him, I don't," Remus said hastily, "but I understand how he felt." Clarence looked at Remus angrily but stayed silent. "I recently had a witch as a girlfriend, and she had a family member who really didn't like that we were together. I couldn't stay with her."
"Did you love her?" Clarence asked.
"I still do," Remus admitted. "It's why I left her."
"You shouldn't have," Clarence replied. "If you loved her, you should've stayed. Eustace said the same thing when I came looking for him."
"My situation may have been a bit different," Remus explained carefully. "My ex," Remus winced at the words, "her aunt literally tried to kill her in front of my eyes a few months ago while also threatening my own life. That's not something to easily forget or dismiss."
"You didn't mate with her then," Clarence deduced. "Otherwise, you'd have killed the aunt or died trying."
"Yes," Remus replied tersely. "The aunt in question has long been threatening her life, due to blood prejudices in the family." Clarence looked aghast at the declaration.
"Pureblood shit, huh?" Clarence remarked.
"You don't know the half of it," Remus said darkly. "But I felt it was too dangerous to her to stay. We hadn't mated or married, so there wasn't a bond. It almost destroyed me to leave her. It's why I had to go looking for other werewolves. No way I'd have survived a transformation without being with others." Clarence was silent for a few moments before he spoke again.
"I can't believe you left her," Clarence finally said. "You had a witch want to be with you, despite the lycanthropy, and you left her."
"It's for the best," Remus said lamely. "I hope you never have to see a loved one nearly murdered by her own family to understand how I feel."
"Suit yourself," Clarence said. "You'll have to work out this attachment if you want them to take you here. Your cooking and gathering skills will only take you so far."
"I know," Remus said, with a sigh. "I'll work on it."
"Good luck with that," Clarence said disparagingly. "If you had the stones to leave her, it means you had a bond, whether you like it or not. It'll take more than three moons to rid yourself of it." Clarence stood from the stump he was sitting in, returning towards the larger gathering by the campfire.
Lost in his thoughts, Remus stayed rooted to the spot, staring at the flames licking the firewood. It would be a long three months indeed.