The morning of September first dawned crisp and clear over the village of Hogsmeade. The villagers were on edge. The students would be returning to Hogwarts that evening, and as a result, the village had nearly a dozen Aurors patrolling the area, in addition to the two young Aurors they had grown accustomed to.
Tonks had become familiar with many of the villagers and shop owners in Hogsmeade. Despite being surrounded by new faces, however, Tonks felt lonelier than ever in the charming village. Alfie was completely insufferable. He attempted to spend any non-patrol hours cozying up to her; she attempted to spend any non-patrol hours avoiding him. She had taken to spending her free time either holed up in her room at the Hog's Head, or wandering aimlessly throughout the Shrieking Shack. All in all, Hogsmeade village notwithstanding, Tonks felt lonely, frustrated, and longing for Remus.
As evening pressed on, Tonks and Alfie made their way to the Hogsmeade station to await the arrival of the students. Theirs would be the first faces the students would see upon arriving at the station; other Aurors would be inspecting their belongings by the gate. Yet more Aurors were strategically placed around the castle and village to ensure the students would be safe.
"Do you ever miss being a student?" Alfie asked, as they waited for the Hogwarts Express to arrive at Hogsmeade station.
"Not really," Tonks replied. "I liked learning, but hated the rules."
"You weren't a prefect?" Alfie asked.
"Hah," Tonks exhaled. "Professor Sprout said I lacked the ability to behave myself, so I was never made prefect." Tonks smiled softly at the memory.
"How'd you become an Auror, then?" Alfie asked.
"Auror training doesn't require having been a prefect," Tonks replied tersely. "The right N.E.W.T.s and personality do."
"Of course," Alfie conceded. "How'd you get from what Professor Sprout said to Auror training, then?"
"When you have a family like mine and realize what they're capable of, you'll do damn near anything to prevent other tragedies," Tonks replied, slightly annoyed. In the distance, she could hear the familiar roars of the steam engine.
"I think they're almost here," Tonks announced.
"You'll take this end, and I'll take the spot closer to the gate?" Alfie suggested.
Tonks nodded and proceeded towards the gate, just as the Hogwarts Express began to roll into the station. With a few more whistles from the steam engine, the train came to a stop and the students began to descend from their compartments.
"FIRS' YEARS THIS WAY! FIRS' YEARS FOLLOW ME!" Hagrid bellowed from the other end of the station, where tiny first years were making their way towards the boats. Older students began walking towards the gate, as Tonks surveyed those who were arriving.
"Hello, Tonks," a dreamy voice called. Tonks turned around and found herself face-to-face with Luna Lovegood, one of the students she had briefly seen at the Department of Mysteries.
"Err, hello," Tonks said nervously. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"
"Luna Lovegood," the girl said. "I liked the pink hair you had."
"Thanks," mumbled Tonks. "I did too."
"I'm sure it will come back," Luna said kindly. "Grief takes its toll, doesn't it?"
"Excuse me?" Tonks asked, slightly taken aback by the girl's bluntness.
"Sirius Black was your cousin, wasn't he?" Luna asked. "He was Harry's godfather also."
"He was," Tonks said sadly. "I miss him."
"I'm sure you can still find him, if you know where to look," Luna said serenely, looking up at the night sky. Tonks was at a loss for words at the girl's admission, but she seemed relatively harmless.
"I'll be off now," Luna announced. "I hope you feel better soon." Tonks stared as Luna skipped away and began petting the thestrals pulling the carriages.
"Luna's a little odd, but she means well," Hermione greeted Tonks, as Ron snorted loudly at Hermione's side. "It's good to see you again, Tonks. How have you been?"
"Fine, really," Tonks said evenly. "You've healed since the battle?"
"I have," Hermione smiled. "And you?" Hermione and Ron both eyed Tonks carefully, as Tonks sighed heavily. Her mousy-brown hair was lank and stringy. Tonks had dark circles under her eyes, and looked perpetually haggard.
"Doing as well as can be expected," Tonks decided, as she took in the scene before her. Hermione and Ron were standing together, bearing their prefects' badges. Ginny and Neville weren't far behind.
"Say, Hermione, Ron," Tonks said suddenly. "Where's Harry?"
"Dunno," Ron said. "He was in our compartment but went off somewhere. Probably had his Cloak on him."
"I'll keep an eye out for him, then," Tonks said. "You lot get up to the castle. You shouldn't be out much longer." Ron scowled, but Hermione nodded knowingly, leading him to the carriages.
The crowd of students was now thinning, and few students remained behind. From where she stood, Tonks saw the Malfoy boy emerging from a compartment with closed blinds. Tonks had never interacted with her first cousin before; the gulf between Andromeda and Narcissa was simply too wide to bridge after Andromeda had been burned off the family tree. As a result, Tonks had only ever seen the Malfoy boy from a distance. This time was no different. The boy looked gaunt and almost sickly; perhaps it was his paleness, Tonks thought.
Having not seen Harry, Tonks began to suspect foul play and decided to board the train, making her way towards the compartment the Malfoy boy had emerged from. Tonks cast a quick "Homenum revelio!" on the compartment, causing Harry's Cloak to fly off him. She unbound him, finding his nose had been broken. Evidently, Harry had been eavesdropping on Draco and his friends, and when Draco had noticed, he took his revenge on Harry.
Tonks cast her Patronus, hoping it would reach Hagrid. She walked Harry to the gate, and to her dismay, it was Severus Snape who found them.
Tonks handed Harry over, but not before Snape had an opportunity to berate her. As she made to leave and return to Hogsmeade, Snape spoke to her:
"And incidentally," said Snape, standing back to allow Harry to pass him, "I was interested to see your new Patronus." He shut the gates in her face with a loud clang and tapped the chains with his wand again, so that they slithered, clinking, back into place. "I think you were better off with the old one," said Snape, the malice in his voice unmistakable. "The new one looks weak."
Tonks felt her face redden, but found she had nothing to say to the hateful potions professor. She felt the tears well up as she went walking back down the hill to Hogsmeade. On her way into the village, she stopped by the Shrieking Shack and sat on the dusty floorboards of the once-handsome parlor. She cast "Expecto patronum!" and saw the silvery-blue wolf emerge from her wand. It sat patiently in front of her, watching her for a few moments before disappearing. The tears fell against the floor, and Tonks let them fall freely.
If loving Remus made her weak, she didn't want to be strong.
…..
Tonks was nursing her third Butterbeer for the evening. It was now mid-September, and nothing suspicious had arisen from the school or the village. Alfie had claimed he had paperwork to catch up on, so Tonks had taken the opportunity to enjoy a night at The Three Broomsticks without his presence. Tonks was staring out into the distance when Rosmerta disturbed her silent contemplation.
"Tonks," Rosmerta began. "We've gotten to know each other a bit, haven't we?"
"I suppose so," Tonks sighed.
"You don't seem very happy, Tonks," Rosmerta noticed. "Need an ear?"
"I had a rough summer," Tonks began. "Boyfriend chucked me. My favorite cousin died. I almost died."
"You mentioned the boyfriend first," Rosmerta noticed. "What happened?"
"He didn't think it'd be wise to be with me anymore," Tonks said, trying to keep as much to herself as possible.
"Whyever not? Young, pretty witch like you?"
"I'm afraid it took more than that to want him to stay," Tonks lamented. "He's quite a bit older than I am, and gets ill a lot, so it's hard for him to keep a steady job. My, err, family didn't want me to be with him."
"Muggle?" Rosmerta eyed suspiciously. Close enough.
"Yeah," Tonks lied. "Has this Muggle illness that makes finding work practically impossible. My family didn't want me to be with him."
"Blood prejudice is a terrible thing," Rosmerta lamented. "Terrible."
"Err, yeah," Tonks agreed. "But he's up and left me, so."
"Couldn't work it out?" Rosmerta sympathized.
"He said he loved me, but it was for the best for me," Tonks moaned. "Didn't bother to ask for my opinion on the matter, either." Tonks scowled.
"I don't care that he's older. I don't care that he doesn't have a lot of money. I don't care that my family doesn't like him. I just don't care, but he made all the decisions for me," Tonks complained.
"Sounds like you're lucky to be shot of him, really," Rosmerta noted. "Any man who doesn't listen to you, Muggle or not, isn't worth your time or trouble."
"It's more complicated than that," Tonks said. "I'm not explaining it correctly." Rosmerta looked curious, so Tonks went on. "He's lovely. He was always so gentle, kind, and patient with me. He loved taking care of me. I'm a terrible cook, and he made me anything I could ever want."
Tonks smiled warmly, thinking of Remus' cooking. It had been too long since she'd enjoyed his cinnamon rolls. She had tried to make them in the Hog's Head kitchen, but had sobbed so violently over the batter that Aberforth had come running into the kitchen, wand raised and ready for battle, assuming Tonks had been attacked. Tonks hadn't dared trying to make the rolls again.
"He loved me," Tonks said softly. "He might still. He said he wouldn't have left me if he didn't love me as much as he did, but it still hurt."
"You'll find someone better, dear," Rosmerta consoled. "Someone who won't be afraid to be with you."
"Maybe. For now I'm stuck here with Alfie," Tonks sighed.
"You and Alfie…?" Rosmerta asked, wiggling her eyebrow.
"Oh, Merlin, no!" Tonks shouted, horrified at the implication. "No, no, I meant I'm with Alfie here for the assignment, not with him in any sort of relationship. Good Godric, that would be terrible!"
"Sometimes we all need a little distraction," Rosmerta smirked. "He fancies you, you know."
"I'm well aware," Tonks said harshly. "Never going to happen."
"Let's talk about your cousin, then," Rosmerta suggested. "Tell me about him."
"He was my favorite cousin," Tonks smiled. "My only one, really, as we weren't close to my mum's family. He had a rough life, didn't deserve what happened to him. I miss him terribly."
"I'm sorry for your loss," Rosmerta said quietly. "You nearly died too?"
"I did, yeah," Tonks said. "I think that's why I'm here, as Hogsmeade shouldn't be as dangerous as what I had to go through over the summer."
"We're lucky to have you, Tonks," Rosmerta said. "Never would've thought that girl with all the multicolored hair would be sitting at my bar a few years later, protecting us all." Rosmerta smiled warmly. "Do they not allow you to wear your hair in other colors?"
"There isn't a rule about it, no," Tonks said. "My morphing was affected this summer too. Injuries, probably."
Rosmerta eyed Tonks with a look of sympathy? Pity? Tonks was coming to hate the pity; she was beginning to understand why Remus had hated the pity others had given him for his lycanthropy.
"I should go," Tonks said. "Reports to finish, and all that."
"Drinks are on the house tonight, dear," Rosmerta said, gazing upon Tonks pityingly again. Tonks wanted to protest, but simply smiled weakly at the barmaid. No wonder Remus hated charity and pity, Tonks thought. It makes me feel smaller than ever.
Nodding at Rosmerta, Tonks exited The Three Broomsticks, walking towards the Hog's Head on the other end of the street. She was looking down at the ground, and so did not notice when she ran headfirst into none other than Alfie.
"I've been looking for you!" Alfie said enthusiastically.
"You were? I thought you had paperwork," Tonks groaned.
"All done!" Alfie claimed. "Thought you might want a drink with me at The Three Broomsticks?" he suggested hopefully.
"I was just there," Tonks informed quickly. "Had a few Butterbeers already, so I'm all set, thanks."
Alfie looked crestfallen. "You were on your way back to the Hog's Head?"
"I was," Tonks replied briefly.
"Might if I join you there, then? I could use a few drinks, and you look like you could use some company," Alfie rushed.
Tonks sighed, but relented. "Fine, but only for a bit. I'm dead tired."
Alfie brightened considerably and began chatting with Tonks animatedly up until they reached the door to the Hog's Head. They entered, giving a brief nod of greeting to Aberforth, who had busied himself by cleaning the various glasses behind the bar.
"D'you want anything?" Alfie asked. Tonks shook her head, but Alfie returned with two Butterbeers all the same. "Just in case you change your mind," Alfie noted.
"What was the paperwork you had to do today?" Tonks asked. She hoped that by keeping Alfie on work-related topics, the conversation might pass as pleasantly as possible.
"I've been doing some work for the Wizengamot Administration Services," Alfie replied. "Hoping to take a seat on the Wizengamot one day."
"I had no idea you were that interested in law," Tonks observed.
"I've always wanted to be on the Wizengamot, but since my family isn't from old money, I had to go the other route and become an Auror first," Alfie explained. "Haven't you thought about what you want to do with your life?"
"This is it," Tonks said tonelessly. "Auror for life, like Mad-Eye."
"Isn't that a bit dangerous?" Alfie asked. "Don't you want a family?"
"No," Tonks said, eyes hard with fury. "A partner or husband, maybe, but not children."
"Why not?" Alfie asked. "You don't like children?"
"Alfie, I'm not even 24 yet," Tonks said hotly. "I've got years to think about that, and right now, I'd rather be an Auror without the risk of pregnancy or children."
"Is that why you never see anyone?" Alfie asked. Tonks balled her fists and clenched her jaw. For every time Alfie did something nice, or even neutral, comments and questions like this made her skin crawl.
"What does seeing someone have to do with being an Auror?" Tonks asked angrily. "Not all relationships end with marriage and babies, Alfie."
"True, but if you want a partner or husband, wouldn't you be looking to settle down?" Alfie asked. "Or at least find them?"
"It's not just a question of finding, Alfie," Tonks groaned. "The right person and the right time are often two different things."
"You think you've met him, then? Your partner?" Alfie looked hopeful again. "But just not the right time?"
"Something like that," Tonks growled. "Just drop it, Alfie. Now's not the time." Alfie frowned but then had a peculiar expression on his face. Tonks realized her mistake; 'now's not the time' implied there might one day be a time to talk about this dreadful topic.
"Fair enough," Alfie decided. Just then, Aberforth came lumbering towards the duo, and brought out a plate of cinnamon rolls.
"Thought you might want 'em, after all," Aberforth said gruffly, looking only at Tonks. She looked up at Aberforth, nodding gratefully at him, before grabbing a roll from the plate.
Ab's cinnamon rolls weren't as good as Remus', but they were good enough that Tonks dug in happily. If nothing else, she felt grateful that Aberforth seemed to care for her.
"You eat the food here? Really?" Alfie asked, looking from the plate of rolls back up to Aberforth and the kitchen.
"Ab's an excellent cook, I'll have you know," Tonks said happily, licking off the frosting from her fingers as Alfie gazed at her. Tonks felt uncomfortable, and hastily decided to use a napkin to clean herself off.
"I never had much of an impression of this place," Alfie noted, looking around the pub. Being mid-week, it was slow. Only a few other duos and trios were seated around the bar, with a few lonely individuals in the corners nursing their drinks.
"It's got its charm," Tonks observed. "Far more to a place than its appearance, you know."
"I know, but…" Alfie's voice trailed off as a few goats passed through the kitchen and outside. "Goats, really?"
"He makes the best goat cheese," Tonks smiled softly. "It's one of the rare joys I have lately." Alfie studied Tonks as he took another sip of his Butterbeer.
"You never did tell me what happened to you over the summer," Alfie said nonchalantly. "Moody and Scrimgeour didn't say much about it either." Alfie looked at Tonks expectantly, while Tonks weighed the options in her head. If she told Alfie enough, he might never ask her about it again. If she didn't tell Alfie anything at all, he might continue pestering her. Enough, just tell him enough, Tonks thought.
"Well," Tonks began slowly. "What do you already know and what do you want to know?"
"Scrimgeour told us that escaped Death Eaters tried to get into the Department of Mysteries, you'd battled them there, and nearly died," said Alfie. "And the Minister for Magic himself saw You-Know-Who in the Ministry Atrium with Dumbledore and Harry Potter. Sirius Black was somehow mixed up in it, but apparently he was innocent this whole time. That's what I know," Alfie said. "Obviously there's a lot more to it?"
"There is, yeah," Tonks conceded. "It's hard to explain it all, so just ask me and I'll answer what I can. I might not be able to tell you everything, mind you, as I was knocked out sometime during the battle," Tonks warned, hoping that the excuse would be enough to keep the most important details out of the explanation.
"What was Harry Potter doing there in the first place?" Alfie asked.
"Voldemort set up a trap to get Harry there, and Harry unfortunately fell for it." Alfie shuddered at Tonks' use of the name.
"Why did You-Know-Who want Harry there?" The prophecy – not important right now, Tonks thought.
"Voldemort," Tonks emphasized, "has had it out for Harry and his family for almost twenty years, and must've thought that luring Harry to the Ministry would be easier than luring him somewhere 'unsafe' as Hogwarts was out of the question."
"What was he thinking? That's mental," Alfie said, dumbfounded. "Waltzing right into the Ministry!"
"I never said it made sense," Tonks sighed.
"So that's why the Death Eaters were there?" Alfie asked.
"Yes, including my aunt," Tonks replied. "She's the one who nearly killed me."
"How did you get out alive?"
"Someone managed to Floo me to St. Mungo's before I died."
"Do you know who it was that saved you?" Alfie's eyes were as wide as saucers.
"Yes," Tonks replied tersely.
"Well, then, who was it? Shacklebolt? Moody? Dumbledore? They were all there, weren't they?" Alfie was sitting at the edge of his seat. Welp, now or never, thought Tonks.
"Remus Lupin."
"The werewolf?" Alfie was gobsmacked. "What was a werewolf doing there?"
"Remus was helping to fight off the Death Eaters," Tonks said hotly. "If he hadn't been there, I wouldn't be alive."
"But – a werewolf? How? Why?" Alfie's brows were furrowed in consternation. "What was he doing there?"
Tonks exhaled heavily and bit the inside of her lip to prevent herself from shouting at Alfie.
"Again, Remus was there helping fight off the Death Eaters," Tonks explained once more.
"But – why? How did he know to be there?" Alfie's eyes were still wide.
"Remus taught Harry in Harry's third year," Tonks explained, as evenly as she could. "Remus also happened to be one of Harry's parents' best friends. I think he heard that Harry was in trouble, and went looking for him."
"You weren't shocked to see a werewolf in the Department of Mysteries? How did you know he wasn't a Death Eater?" Alfie asked, slightly horrified at the very idea of a werewolf gracing the Ministry halls.
"Alfie, if you make one more bloody comment disparaging Remus or impugning his alliances, I will not continue this conversation any further," Tonks growled. "Do we have an understanding?"
Alfie paled and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He appeared to be taking his time to think of the next question.
"Okay," Alfie began. "How did Remus know Harry was at the Ministry?"
"This is where Sirius Black comes in," Tonks explained. "You knew he's my cousin, yeah?"
"Yeah, it's why Scrimgeour didn't let you on his case for the longest time," Alfie said in understanding.
"Well, conventional story was that Sirius had betrayed the Potters, but it was a different friend," Tonks explained. "Remus and Sirius were best mates with Harry's dad and the actual traitor, a tosser called Peter."
"You know how Harry won the Triwizard Tournament last year? Swore Voldemort was back?" Alfie nodded in understanding. He was rapt with attention at Tonks' tale.
"When Harry saw Voldemort return, the true traitor, Peter, was there," Tonks explained. "It's how Harry figured out that Sirius was innocent. Told Remus about it too," Tonks replied. Now's the time to lie – no need to tell him about Sirius' real whereabouts or the Order, for that matter.
"Neither of them knew about Sirius' real location," Tonks lied. "But we think that somehow, Sirius found a way to communicate with Harry, at least, and Harry didn't really have much of an interest or desire to turn to the Ministry this year, if you know what I mean," Tonks continued.
"Umbridge?" Alfie suggested. "I can't believe they had her teaching children and using Blood Quills on them!"
"Among others," Tonks said. "But you can't blame the kid for not turning Sirius over to the Ministry right away, can you?"
"I guess not," Alfie agreed. "But what does that have to do with Harry and the were-Remus?"
"As Sirius was Harry's godfather, we think that Peter fed Voldemort the idea to lure Harry to the Ministry using Sirius. We think that Harry must have alerted Remus about it, since Harry thought it was important."
"Since Remus and Sirius were best mates," Alfie nodded in understanding. "That Harry Potter must be a good kid."
"The best," smiled Tonks. "He's got a heart of gold, and went in to try to save Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius didn't make it." Tonks felt the tears welling up as she thought about the last few years of Sirius' tragic life.
"You didn't really know him, though, did you?" Alfie asked insensitively, seeing Tonks' tears.
"Not recently, no," Tonks admitted. "He was my favorite cousin when I was a kid, and I'm sad thinking about all he lost, especially given his innocence. I lost out on getting to know my cousin."
"What happened to him though?" Alfie asked. "How'd he die?"
"Bellatrix," Tonks replied briskly. "Stunned him and he went through the Veil of Death. I wasn't conscious for that." If I had been, I might've stopped it.
"Kingsley and Mad-Eye captured the Death Eaters who remained in the Death Room, but Bellatrix and Voldemort got away," Tonks lamented. "Past the Death Room, I've no idea what happened, but that I nearly died. The injuries spoke for themselves." Tonks sighed heavily.
"Whatever happened to Lupin, then?" Alfie asked, after a few moments of silence.
"Dunno," Tonks said despondently. "I hope he's still alive."
"Why wouldn't he be?" Alfie asked, taking another sip of his Butterbeer.
"It's not easy being a werewolf," Tonks said sadly. "I can't imagine it would be any easier after losing a friend."
"Didn't he have a girlfriend, though?" Alfie asked. "I was so put out last year when he mentioned that. A bloody werewolf getting a girlfriend!" Alfie slammed down his glass of Butterbeer in frustration.
At this, Tonks burst into tears and began sobbing in earnest. She had been the girlfriend of Remus Lupin. Now, she wasn't. Now, Remus was Merlin-knew-where. Now, Sirius was dead and it had effectively Tonks' doing. Remus' fledgling support system had been ripped out from beneath him – again – and Tonks' unfortunate aunt had been behind it.
"What did you do to her?" Aberforth thundered at Alfie, grabbing the young Auror by the collar of his robes and lifting him off the floor. Alfie was stunned and was twitching his hand to retrieve his wand, but Aberforth had already disarmed Alfie.
"No, Ab," Tonks said in between tears. "He didn't do anything to me, just reminded me of something sad. Let him go," Tonks protested.
Aberforth grunted, but let Alfie down and returned his wand. Ab didn't bother apologizing before he turned on his heel and returned to the bar, keeping a closer eye on the two young Aurors.
"Merlin, Tonks, what was that about?" Alfie demanded. "Was it the werewolf thing again? I didn't mean to, err, disparage him, really." Alfie looked somewhat repentant, especially as Tonks had placed her face in her hands, sobbing into them.
"It's too much, Alfie," Tonks said. "This is just too much."
"Err, what is?" Alfie asked, sitting further back in his chair.
"Please don't ask me about this summer ever again," Tonks said coldly. She stood up from her seat and trudged up to her room, leaving a confused Alfie behind.
…..
"Nymphadora, I'm worried about you," Andromeda said softly, as Tonks anxiously stirred her cold tea. It was the day after September's full moon, a Saturday, and Andromeda had insisted on meeting with her daughter in Hogsmeade for the 'occasion'.
"What's there to worry about?" Tonks replied taciturnly, as she looked on at the frilly lace at Madam Puddifoot's tea shop; if it had been anytime near Valentine's Day, it would have been a truly atrocious place.
"It's been nearly three months since that battle you had, and I've seen no change in your morphing," Andromeda noted. "I've never known you to be so morose for so long, sweetheart. I don't like what it's doing to you."
"You think I'm having any more fun with it?" Tonks retorted. "Because I'm having a fantastic time, I'll have you know."
"Nymphadora, I'm trying to help," Andromeda said impatiently. "I know you've had difficulties in the past with work…or relationships, but this particular reaction seems extreme," she finished.
"I'm not sure what you want me to tell you, mum," Tonks sighed.
"I don't know that there is anything to tell me," Andromeda replied. "I'm simply concerned for you."
"I dunno why this is so different, either," Tonks said flatly. "Let's think this through, shall we?" Tonks felt the words welling out of her before she could stop them.
"You know, mum, maybe I'm feeling this 'extreme' because I can't morph anymore. Or maybe it's that I've never been in love, before Remus, and now he's not around anymore. Or, maybe it's that I got dumped just after Sirius died. Or maybe I'm feeling this way because Bellatrix tortured me nearly to death, allowing Bellatrix to kill Sirius, and coincidentally, letting Remus lose his best mate in the process? Or maybe it's just that I'm stuck at Hogsmeade with the most annoying coworker? Or that the man I love has thrown himself at a suicide mission and I haven't heard from him in months? Is he dead or alive? No one's bothered telling me. No, mum, it's a mystery, a complete fucking mystery that I'm miserable and my life feels shittier than ever." Tonks felt angry. When she considered everything she'd witnessed and suffered in the last three months, it was obvious why she felt the way she did. Why had no one else understood?
"I understand," Andromeda said delicately.
"No, mum, you don't understand," Tonks retorted angrily.
"Nymphadora," Andromeda emphasized gently. "You're grieving. You've experienced loss. I know what it's like to lose family. I don't know what it's like to lose the one you love, but you haven't lost him, really."
"I may as well have," Tonks countered. "I haven't heard from him in three months!"
"He's not communicated with you at all in that time?" Andromeda asked, with her eyebrow raised slightly.
"No," Tonks huffed. "But it's not just a lack of communication, mum. It's that I don't even know if he's alive!"
"I am sure that someone would tell you if something happened to Remus," Andromeda replied, absentmindedly playing with the hem at her neckline.
"Yet I still haven't a clue how he's doing or if he's alive," Tonks snapped. "I'm grieving Sirius…mum, I can't grieve Remus too. I just can't." Tonks began to cry again, at a loss for words. If something happened to him on these undercover werewolf missions and she never had the chance to see him again – it was simply too much to bear.
Andromeda stood up from her seat and held onto Tonks tightly. "Nymphadora, I don't know what Remus was, or is, thinking, but please know you're not alone, sweetheart," Andromeda said gently. "You'll always have me and your father."
"I know, mum," Tonks replied through her tears. "I know."
"Come, sweetheart," Andromeda beckoned. "Let's get you back to your room so you can rest." Tonks nodded weakly and followed her mother back to the Hog's Head, feeling slightly relieved to have gotten so much off her chest.