Chapter Twenty-Six – Secrets and their Keepers

Persia 1875

Christine

I scream as I wake up, shuddering and whimpering then covering my mouth, realizing I must've woken the whole of the house. Hamir's face…it's always there, haunting me. I look around and see that Lalitha and Lakhi are still fast asleep, unaware of my dreams, heavy sleepers through my shriek. Hurrying from the bed, I slip a thin robe around my shoulders and walk out of the room, needing freedom.

Finding my way around the dark building, I finally emerge out onto the deck at the back, my feet causing the boards of the floor to creak slightly. I look around and see that one of the wooden chairs is occupied by a dark form I recognize as Reza. He notices my shadow and gestures to me with his hand, not saying a word.

I reach out for Reza's hand and take it in my own, allowing him to lead me over to a chair beside his. Willingly I sit, keeping his hand in mine, needing the security it offers, just the subtle contact. "Reza?" I say, my voice low so as not to wake anyone else in the house.

"Yes, Christine?" he replies, turning to face me. "What is it?" Reza continues, running a hand along my cheek. "You know that you can always talk to me."

Swallowing down my fear, I say, "Erik's angry with me, isn't he?" I look at the floor, tracing patterns with my bare toes. Reza squeezes my hand gently, comfortingly.

"He's not angry with you, Christine," he says after a moment's silence. "I don't think he could ever bring himself to do that." I think back on Erik's first night at the harem, when he'd almost done to me what Hamir did mere days ago. Was it truly something other than anger?

"But Reza, he…" I protest, but Reza presses a finger to my lips.

"Christine, I know that there are demons in the past for the both of you, and it's a much longer road to any type of recovery than any of us can fathom, but I can assure you that the time will come when the two of you can be open about what's going on. For now," he says, reaching a hand out and stroking my cheek, "you just have to give it time. This whole mess will work itself out in the end."

Reza stands to leave, then leans down and presses a friendly kiss on my cheek. "Go to sleep soon, my dear."

I sit there for long after Reza leaves, long enough for the pink shadows of dawn to be gracing the sky, just thinking, wondering if God has a plan for me, if my fate has been decided. "Please God," I pray, "don't let me be alone." Holding back tears, I add, "Raoul, I'm sorry. Please, forgive me. Please, give me something to live for again, anything you can offer. I love you."

The tears come, hot and fast, dripping silently down my cheeks. Maybe it was thinking about Raoul, or maybe it was thinking about love.

Erik

"Erik, she's hurt," Reza says once again, snatching the bottle of liquor out of my hands as I pull it from the cabinet. "It's not going to make anything better if you're drunk."

Letting out a frustrated growl, I slam my fists against the wall and bow my head, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth. "And what do you know?" I snarl at Reza. My few days of calm temperament have ceased; just knowing that Christine is around me and not speaking to me brings out my darker side, the part of me that used to show all the time.

"I know enough to know that acting like this isn't going to help you!" he says forcefully, replacing the liquor in the cabinet.

"Like what?" I roar, standing abruptly and staring Reza down. "I can act however I goddamn please! You have no say in how I…" Shuffling footsteps bring my shouting to a halt, and both Reza and I turn to where the sound is coming from. Lalitha walks meekly towards us from the upper floor of the house.

"Reza, Christine was hoping you knew a good physician. She…" My heart rate speeds up and I tense nervously. If she's sick…

"A physician?" I interrupt her, and Reza places a comforting hand on my arm to calm me.

"She hasn't been feeling well and…" Breaking away from Reza, I walk quickly up the stairs and towards the girls' room, not pausing to knock on the door before opening it a little too harshly.

"Christine!" I say anxiously, rushing to the bed she's lying on, kneeling beside her and taking her hand. Lakhi stares at me from across the bed, looking somewhat nervous but not rattled. "Are you all right, mon ange?" She nods, her face emotionless. "Tell me."

"I am fine, Erik," she says weakly, lending me a small smile. I bend over her and press my lips gently to her forehead.

"You're not feverish," I point out, caressing the top of her hand with my thumb. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Christine's gaze travels up to the doorway in which Lalitha and Reza stand, her eyes and expressions unreadable.

"I'd like to talk to Reza," she says, "in private." Turning around, I look at Reza, who is staring back at me. "Please, Erik. I won't be long." I stand cautiously, then motion for Lalitha and Lakhi to follow me out of the room as Reza walks in. I turn around to watch him but the door closes abruptly in my face.

Christine

As the door closes behind Reza, I pull the covers back from the bed and work my way into a standing position amidst the nausea that threatens to overwhelm me. I hurry into Reza's arms and start to sniffle against his chest, and it soon progresses into an all-out cry. "Christine," he murmurs into my hair, "tell me what's wrong."

"I…I…" I stutter, feeling as though something is caught in my throat, blocking speech. How can I tell him? "Reza, I'm…" He pulls away from me and places his hands gently on my cheeks, cupping my face and turning it so I can look right into his eyes.

"Whatever you have to say is safe with me, Christine," Reza says with assurance, wiping a tear off my cheek. "Let it out, Christine."

Swallowing hard, I say nervously, "Reza, I…I think I'm pregnant." He stares at me in disbelief and I bow my head solemnly, casting my gaze at the ground.

"Whose…" he starts, but I look up in his eyes again, wordlessly telling him. "No…does anybody else know?" I shake my head.

"You're the first person I've told, of course. Lalitha and Lakhi would let it slip and…" I falter. "And I can't tell Erik. It would break his heart to know that I'm carrying the child of a man who he…" I come very close to saying "killed" but Reza stops me.

"We have to tell him, Christine. It's not fair otherwise," Reza says, pulling me against him again, trying desperately to calm me. "I will if you cannot."

"Not now, Reza, and I have to tell him myself, if I do at all," I confess. "And besides, it may just be sickness and nothing more. But it all adds up." I clutch to the fabric of his shirt, crying again. How could I have been so naïve to think this wouldn't happen?

"What adds up?" Reza asks unknowingly.

"I'm three days late," I stutter. "I've never been late before, ever since I first had my cycle. This would certainly be a much too coincidental time for consistency to turn on me." Reza holds me against his body, cradling my small form with his larger one. "I just don't know what to do!"

"Christine, Erik will understand. It wasn't your fault, Christine. It was mine. I…" I'm certain he meant to continue on to say that he should've brought me home with him when he was injured, saved me from the harem then, but we both fall silent as a loud and deep scream erupts from the hallway: Erik.

Erik

Lalitha and Lakhi walk away down the hallway towards another of the rooms but I linger behind, listening through the doorway; if ever I was a master at anything, it was eavesdropping. The first thing I can discern from inside is Christine's weeping, followed by, "Whatever you have to say is safe with me, Christine," from Reza. "Let it out, Christine."

Leaning in closer, I listen to their soft words from inside the room. There is more whimpering from Christine before she stutters, "Reza I…I think I'm pregnant." I stand back from the doorway as if I'd been burned, and the silence in the room is nearly deafening.

"Whose…" Christine doesn't seem to answer. "No…does anybody else know?" Reza asks her, sounding genuinely nervous. Nervous? Why would Reza be afraid? Unless…

"You're the first person I've told, of course. Lalitha and Lakhi would let it slip and…" her voice trails off. There is no other explanation as to why she would tell Reza; I would certainly understand. The only reasonable conclusion as to her choice to tell him would be improbable, impossible… "And I can't tell Erik. It would break his heart to know that I'm carrying the child of a man who he…"

Hearing my name intrigues me even more. "We have to tell him, Christine. It's not fair otherwise. I will if you cannot," Reza says comfortingly.

"Not now, Reza, and I have to tell him myself, if I do at all," Christine says abruptly. "And besides, it may just be sickness and nothing more. But it all adds up."

"What adds up?" I hear Reza question her, his voice coated in concern.

"I'm three days late. I've never been late before, ever since I first had my cycle. This would certainly be a much too coincidental time for consistency to turn on me," she confesses of her monthly cycle. There is more silence before Christine whimpers, "I just don't know what to do!"

More shushing from Reza ensues before he says, "Christine, Erik will understand. It wasn't your fault, Christine. It was mine. I…" God damn them.