Aragorn marched ahead of a long column of hobbits with Gandalf trailing at the very end. Right in front of Gandalf is Frodo. Frodo, being very out of shape, was trying to lag but was being repeatedly poked in the back by a very grouchy Gandalf, who after hearing that he was not a dangerous mastermind, was in a very bad mood.
"Master Aragorn, sir, will you teach me how to fight! I want to look all tall and muscular just like you!" said Pippin suddenly.
"Uhh… Sure, Pippin. Maybe later though…" replied Aragorn.
"Yes, sir, Aragorn sir!" exclaimed a very excited young hobbit.
"Stop calling me sir Merry. We aren't in the army here."
"Yes, s-Master!" said Pippin in what he thought was a stroke of genius.
"Don't call me Master either. I don't own you."
"Yes of course M-esteemed ranger!"
Aragorn sighed. "Don't call me esteem… Oh just forget it!" he cried exasperated.
Merry nudged Pippin sharply. "Pippin I think you're scaring the nice ranger," he whispered.
"I'm not scaring anyone!" shouted Pippin offended.
"Scaring who Pippin?" asked Sam.
"I'm not scaring the nice ranger!" repeated Pippin.
"The nice ranger? Do I even want to know?" asked a creeped out Sam.
"No," replied Merry shortly.
"Umm… you guys are really starting to scare me…" said Aragorn.
"Who are you again?" asked a very forgetful Pippin. Aragorn edged away from the hobbits.
A few feet behind the scrabbling, Frodo was complaining to Gandalf.
"Gandalf would you stop poking me with your staff already! My back is starting to hurt!"
"Move it maggot! Left, left, left right left!" replied Gandalf not listening at all. He shoved Frodo harder with his staff.
"Yes sir!" cried a very frightened Frodo.
Back in the front of the group, Sam asked a very insulting question, or at least insulting to some members of the party.
"What's that pointy thing at the top of that hill?" asked an innocent Sam.
"How can you possibly not know that?" exclaimed a Frodo suddenly gone beserk. "It's only the most famous place to study weather patterns in the face of this entire universe! Geez!" Sam just looked confused.
"So what's it's name?"
"It's name is Weathertop," said Frodo huffily.
"Why is it called Weathertop?" asked Pippin.
"How am I supposed to know!" said an irritated Gandalf. "Geez, stupid hobbits and their stupid questions," he muttered.
"It is called Weathertop because of the weather at the top of it of course! I just told you that! Scientists use to go to the top of the hill to study the weather patterns. I've always wanted to visit this world famous landmark! We have to go there to camp tonight! Wow! To think, Eaniepina del Griena the famous scientist," exclaimed Frodo getting very excited. Suddenly, he bent down and starting kissing the dirt.
"Give me that stick Gandalf!" growled a disgusted Merry.
"It's not a stick! It's a b-e-a-u-t-…" said Gandalf hugging the stick and kissing it.
"Don't spell in front of me damn it! I hate when that happens!" cut in Pippin.
"Whatever! Freaks!" exclaimed Merry grabbing the staff from Gandalf.
Gandalf panicked. "Hey! Don't do anything rash with that like hit Frodo with it really, really hard so that it snaps!"
A loud crack resounded through the woods. A slightly guilty looking Merry stands over a cringing Frodo with a broken staff in his hands. "Oops."
"No! Now no one will believe I'm a real boy!" sobbed Gandalf. He began running into the woods. A few paces in, he ran into a tree and passed out. No one seemed to notice.
"Don't hit me again! Please don't hit me!" begged Frodo who was rolling around in the dirt cringing."
A concerned Aragorn quickly rushes to the scene. "Are you ok Frodo my dear, dear boy? Is anything broken? Oh dear. Perhaps we should just forget about this ring and send you to the nearest hospital instead…"
An irritated Merry shoved Aragorn to the side. "Get up Frodo. We're going to Weathertops," ordered Merry.
"Wow Weathertops! I've always wanted to go there! To think, Eaniepina del Griena the famous scientist might actually have walked on this very earth!" exclaimed Frodo. He bent down and started kissing the dirt again.
Merry smacked himself on the forehead. "Oh no not again. Now where did that stick go?" He started searching for the broken pieces. "Oh there it is. Remember this Frodo?" he leered.
"Please don't hurt me! I-I-I'll do anything you ask!" cringed Frodo upon the reappearance of the scary staff.
"Anything?" asked Merry.
"Yes anything!"
"Anything?"
"Yes anything!"
"Anything?"
"Yes…anything…"
"Even," he paused and noticed all the people staring at him. "uhm… umm.. Never mind," he said shiftily, then blushed.
"Wait, Gandalf said that nobody would believe he was a real boy… A real boy… so if he isn't a real boy, what is he?" asked a puzzled Sam.
"Do you really want to know the answer to that question?" replied Merry.
"Well I did hear that he was really a girl, but I thought that was just a rumor…" said a thoughtful Sam.
"Well now you know don't you," said Merry beginning to walk away.
"What about Master Gandalf?" asked Pippin looking at the crumpled form of the wizard a few yards away.
"Who cares about him?" asked Sam.
"Well I do!" exclaimed Pippin.
"Well you hardly count. After all, you are kinda a nobody." Replied Sam.
"Hey! Wait, what?" asked Pippin confused.
"I'm working with chimps here, people! Chimps!" shouted Sam to the world.
So how was it? Good, bad, horrible? Too short, etc? Review review review! Reviews make me a very happy bunny (or monkey whichever works)!