Beta- Melanie39

Diclaimer- I own nothing.

Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 3

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

Becky shrugged.

"I don't know. I just felt like a fool I guess, that I'd fallen for a bastard again."

He took a sip of his drink and braced himself for the next question.

"Did he touch Danny...is that why he's not at school?"

Becky shook her head.

"No…no, just me and just the one time. Danny got scared, that's why he called you. He really is just off school with a cold. He's asleep now…feels lousy."

Ryan nodded but reserved judgement on what she told him until he saw for himself.

"I take it you've told Mike it's over?"

Becky sighed.

"Yeah of course…why do I fall for the bastards Ryan? I really did think that he was different."

She started to cry again and he pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair and whispering it would be okay. He held her until she stopped crying, she tucked her hair behind her ear and gave him a smile.

"Thanks Ryan…I always screw up don't I?"

He gave her a sad smile. They were so alike in some ways. Both chasing a dream and being pulled back by their pasts. He was saved from having to once again try and reassure her by the sound of rough coughing coming down the hall.

"Danny's up then." Becky quickly blew her nose and moved away from Ryan.

Danny shuffled into the den wearing Spiderman pyjamas, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Mom…I'm hungry." He lifted his eyes and gave a squeal. "Ryan!"

Ryan got up from the couch as Danny ran over. He picked him up, swinging him around with his hands under the small boy's armpits before putting him down.

"Hey, soldier…I heard you were confined to barracks."

Danny gave an exaggerated sniff.

"Yeah…I'm sick, really, really sick."

"And hungry…I'll fix you a sandwich." Becky turned to Ryan. "Want one?"

Ryan nodded and watched her leave the room. Danny settled himself down next to him on the couch.

"I knew you'd come." Danny's voice broke Ryan's heart, just hearing the unwavering confidence of Danny uttering the statement made Ryan feel good. He wished that he had had that level of trust in someone growing up.

"You okay…Mike didn't hurt you did he? You can tell me." Ryan steadily looked into Danny's eyes, looking for any sign of reticence at the question. Danny shook his head.

"No…he hit mom though, that's why I called you. I was scared. They were shouting and stuff."

Danny didn't lower his eyes or fidget when he spoke and Ryan was pretty sure he wasn't hiding anything. He remembered the signs from when he used to lie about such things to adults but Danny seemed relaxed at the question.

"Don't worry soldier, your mom's going to be fine and Mike's gone now."

Danny nodded.

"Are you staying?"

God, Ryan hated it when Danny said things like that.

"For a while, then I've got to head back."

Danny's eyes filled with tears and he gave a hacking cough.

"But why can't you stay?"

Ryan put his arm around the kid's skinny shoulders.

"I've got school buddy but I tell you what…what if I ask your mom if you can stay for the weekend when you're better? We can go out on Seth's boat and Summer can take you for a fix of your favourite hot chocolate fudge sundaes, I know how you like sneaking off for those with her. Deal?"

Danny gave a shy smile. "Okay."

Ryan gave a silent sigh. Another crisis averted. Danny couldn't understand why he didn't just move in with them. Another eight or nine years and his hormones would give him the answer, but now the simplistic kid that was Danny couldn't see why his mom and he didn't get together.

Becky came in with a plate of ham sandwiches, which they both attacked. Ryan played some x-box with Danny until his coughing got worse and Becky dosed him up with cough syrup again. Danny whined that he didn't want to go to bed but his red-rimmed eyes told Ryan he was flagging. Becky led him, still complaining, to bed and Ryan checked his watch. Crap, it was already six-thirty.

He got his phone out and called Seth. Seth started in full panic mode as soon as he answered.

"Buddy, where the hell are you? You bail on school saying you're sick but you aren't here when I get in. Where are you…you okay…what's going on? And the school called to say you bunked. I wiped the message, not sure about that now, destroying the evidence never gets past my parents, they always find out. So where are you?"

Ryan laughed at the stream of words that flowed with no pause for breath from Seth's mouth.

"Relax, I'm in Chino."

"Ahhhh…. with Missy. Bailing on school to get it on with your girlfriend is gonna get you so busted. So a spot of make up sex after your argument huh?"

Ryan snorted, why did Seth think whenever he saw Missy they had sex? He thought about it for two seconds then realized that he'd have to give Seth that one.

"Nope, I'm not with Missy, we didn't have an argument Seth. Everything is fine though, I'll be home soon. I'll explain then."

"Dude, it's not your mom is it?" Ryan heard the worry in his voice.

"No…I'll explain later Seth."

He could feel Seth ready to explode at the other end of the phone.

"Ryan, I hate it when you do this, why can't you just tell me now? You know it drives me nuts when you go all silent era on me."

Ryan knew how much Seth hated being kept out of the loop but he heard Becky coming back down the stairs, now was not the time.

"Later Seth…I've got to go. Won't be much longer here."

He flipped his phone shut as he heard Seth's voice saying… 'Where is here?"

Ryan took the empty plates to the kitchen and started to run some hot water. Becky grabbed a cloth and they settled into doing the dishes.

"He's gone straight to sleep, this cold has really knocked him out."

Ryan washed whilst Becky dried. They settled into a companionable silence only broken when Ryan flipped a handful of soapy bubbles over her…that started a war. Soon they were both wet and laughing, chasing each other around the small kitchen. Ryan called a truce when she tipped a glass of water over his head, shocking Ryan and making Becky laugh hysterically.

"Trust you to go overboard." Ryan laughed as he wiped water off his face.

"You started it!" Becky countered.

Becky got the mop out and cleaned the floor of its suds whilst Ryan went to the bathroom and ran a towel over his hair. He sat back in the den not quite trusting Becky not to give him another soaking.

Becky came in with a bottle and two glasses. She poured the wine into two glasses and handed one to Ryan.

"I'm driving."

"Live a little Ryan, one glass isn't going to tip you over the edge.

"I'll pass, thanks."

She put the glass on the table and took a gulp of hers.

"Suit yourself but I am going to have several. These last few days have been a bitch and I sure as hell deserve it. So don't look at me like that."

Ryan didn't say anything. They talked about the refuge for a while. Ryan told her about the tree house he'd built. He told her about Sarah, that she had fallen for the guy that supplied the groceries for the new house and they were engaged now. He could have kicked himself when he saw the look on Becky's face. She poured herself another large glass of wine and downed half.

"You will find the right guy Becks…" He knew that sounded lame.

She looked up at him.

"But what if I have already." Her hand landed on his thigh. She gave him the pleading look that she reserved for whenever they circled around the subject.

Ryan got up from the couch.

"Becky, you know it wouldn't work between us. I'm with Missy and she's your friend." He softened his tone. "I love her. I'm sorry but we've been through this before.…I can't fix your life…I can barely cope with my own."

"So why do you do this then? You come around, act like a daddy for Danny. You hug me. What was that in the kitchen…we're good together? I don't get it. Why are you here if I don't mean anything to you?"

Ryan put his hands up behind his head. Why did she always do this?

"I'm your friend Becky, that's why I'm here."

Becky got up from the couch and slammed her wine glass down.

"I don't want your fucking friendship Ryan. I can't have you coming around anymore if that's all you want."

"Becky…"

"No, I mean it. I can't do this anymore. I have to move on with my life and that doesn't include you if you can't give me what I need. Do you know how many boyfriends you've scared away? They wonder who you are…what's going on between us. Danny doesn't help, he tells them that he already has a daddy…you! I can't do this anymore."

Becky picked up her wine and drank.

"Look you'd better go. I'm sorry but I can't let you see Danny anymore. He'll be pissed but he'll have to get over it. We both have to move on and with you in our lives we can't. I can't. I'll find the right guy but not with you around okay. So just go."

"Becky, it doesn't need to be like this. I thought you understood."

"That's easy for you to say Ryan, but you don't lay awake at night thinking about someone who isn't there for you in the way you want."

She finished her wine.

"I love you Ryan. Don't you get that?" She said simply.

Ryan looked at her dumbly. Becky lowered her eyes, embarrassed and turned her back on him.

"Just go."

"I'm sorry…" He didn't know what to say. Missy had always joked that Becky wanted to get in his pants, but this...

"I don't want your fucking pity Ryan. I'm stupid I know, you're with Missy and I'm stupid for falling for you but you know me. I always fall for the wrong guy."

She slumped down on the couch. Ryan took a step towards her, not knowing quite what to do.

"Don't…just go…. please."

Ryan grabbed his jacket and took one last look at Becky as she sat on the couch staring at the floor. He'd give her time to cool down.

"Look...I'll ring you."

She didn't respond. He let himself out and sat in the car, he hit the steering wheel a few times with his palm.

Shit. He had known that she liked him. He had really thought that her overtures were just because he got on well with Danny and she was lonely, not that she had true feelings for him. He'd just thought that it was something that would blow over but he'd been blind to her real feelings because he was fucking stupid. He turned the car around and headed for the refuge. Missy had always said he was playing with fire when it came to Becky by always going around and helping out whenever she needed it. She said that he was giving out the wrong signals to her. He'd just thought that it was a mild case of jealousy on Missy's side when she said that he should stop going round there so often. He was such a fucking idiot.

He parked his car and let himself in with his key. He knocked on the office door. Missy called out a greeting and he entered.

Missy looked up in surprise.

"I didn't think you were coming over tonight or did I forget?"

She frowned at him as he stood in the centre of the room.

"What's wrong?"

Ryan sighed.

"I think I fucked up."

Ryan forgot the time as he sat and talked to Missy. He was relieved that she refrained from telling him she told him so but her face said it all.

"But what am I going to do? I can't just walk away from Danny. I know it's not fair on Becky but I can't just walk away from him. You know what some of the assholes are like that she dates."

"Ryan, you don't need to save the world. Danny will be okay, Becky is stronger than your mom, she proved that by coming to the refuge in the first place… and she kicked Mike into touch when he hit her…that means something, right? She's not going to let anything happen to Danny."

Ryan still looked miserable.

"Now might be time for you all to move on and it must be hard for her to meet someone when this virile, handsome young man is hanging around scowling at any potential boyfriend."

Ryan gave her one of his looks.

Missy tried to make a joke out of it but she was partly serious, she'd seen the way Ryan was with a few of Becky's boyfriends. At first she had thought it was jealousy on Ryan's behalf but she had soon realized that Ryan was purely focused on how the men acted toward Danny. He reserved his rude behaviour for the men that were dismissive or harsh around the small boy. He picked up things that she didn't notice at first but he was usually right.

Missy had relaxed at the amount of time Ryan spent with Becky once she realized that Ryan was only trying to exorcise his own past by making sure Danny's was better, but it couldn't go on. Missy knew that by helping Danny, Ryan was merely papering over his own issues. Living vicariously through Danny was not going to help Ryan in the long run. Helping one child would not make his own memories die.

Ryan was doing better than when she had first met him but she knew him well enough now to know that he was a master of being all things to all men. He had so many faces that he showed the world. To Sandy he was a straight A honor student that wanted to strive for a good college place. To Kirsten he was a hope that the Newport group would have an heir. To Seth he was a lighthearted sidekick, a ready confidant always prepared to listen to his endless ramblings. To her he was a perfect and attentive boyfriend. To his therapist he acted as if he were not the same fragile boy who was on the verge of a breakdown a year ago.

Missy knew that it was all bullshit.

She doubted that Ryan could even be himself anymore, he'd been pretending for so many years. He acted exactly the way everyone wanted him to. She suspected that she was the only one that truly understood this because she was the only one who saw him at his most vunerable, in the middle of the night when the brief flashes of uncertantly would show in his eyes. Everyone else saw the smiles and thought that because he was no longer the intense, broody, on the edge boy from a year ago that he was somehow 'mended.' She knew differently, Ryan was an intelligent bastard. He now strictly only showed what he wanted the world to see, what he didn't want was still there, he'd just become better at hiding it to protect everyone from the embarrassment of having to deal with him. That scared her sometimes but she figured that as long as he had people around him to keep him grounded then he'd be okay. That was quintessentially Ryan; she doubted that that would ever change now.

She put her arms around him and gave him a hug. This was going to throw him for a loop. She had seen his own blindness to how Becky really felt about him, she could see he was bewildered and confused that someone could feel that way about him. He really had so many fucking issues that probably would never be resolved…. What she did know was that Danny meant the world to him but he had to stop thinking about other people for once. She watched as Ryan picked the skin around his thumbnail...He didn't seem like he was going off the deepend over this at the moment, he looked more pissed off with himself but she had better call in the reinforcements...just to make sure.

TBC

R+R peeps, pretty please.