Remus walked out of the Hog's Head in a daze. The conversation he'd had with Dora had gone as poorly as he had expected. He'd managed to break two hearts at once, and he was unsure which was worse: destroying any chance of happiness he might ever have, or being the cause of Dora's heartbreak. He comforted himself slightly in knowing that Dora was still young, and that she might one day find someone who was also young, whole, and healthy. As he looked to his own future, he saw loneliness and melancholy. He hated himself in the moment; why had he been so harsh with her? What had led him to destroy all hope that he had been secretly harboring for months? As he walked to the castle to meet with Dumbledore, he replayed snippets of the conversation in his head:

After fiddling nervously with the buttons of his cardigan, Dora broke the silence.

"Is this a date?" she asked, looking anxiously at him.

"Err," he had stammered. Did she expect this to be a date, he wondered? Did she still want that from him, after all this time? Not wanting to embarrass himself, he had chosen to reply in the negative, with a simple "no."

"Oh," she had replied, and added, "I figured as much." Ah, Remus thought, she had expected this. She knew it couldn't be a date. To save himself from further embarrassment, he tried to agree.

"You know nothing's changed, Dora. I still can't be with you in that way." Hopefully she believes this is what I want, too.

"But you're out of the werewolf pack now," she protested. Did she want them together again? He felt the hope rising in his chest, but he had to be honest with her. He had to tell her about the risks from Fenrir.

He had explained what he'd done and how he'd angered Fenrir. He'd told her about the risks to her life, now coming from both Bellatrix and Greyback. If he had never been involved with her, it would have merely been the risks from Bellatrix, but he had now doubled the risks on her life. She had to hate him for doing this to her. She would hate him forever for further destroying her life. She said it wasn't his fault, but perhaps she was simply trying to mollify him. Perhaps she was just telling him what she thought he wanted to hear; why did she keep throwing herself at him when he wasn't worth her time, effort, or energy?

He made more excuses – he's too old, too poor, too dangerous – those things were still risks, even if it weren't for Bellatrix or Fenrir! She simply told him "no!" She said "no!" She continued in her protest of his reasons, and called him stupid. He bit his lip in shame. He had been stupid from the start by getting involved with her. His own selfishness and stupidity had caused all this heartbreak.

Then, he'd delivered the final death knell to all hope he had. She'd suggested they both wanted this. What was this, though? Heartbreak? Life-threatening risks? A partner who she would always be defending to her family, friends, and employer? A partner who would only ever add stress to her life? A partner she would always outperform socially and economically? This was never what he wanted for her. He was never going to be enough for her.

What had he done to her to make her this way? What had he done to her to convince her she was worth less than what she deserved? What had he done to let her throw her life away on him? The poor, penniless, monster. The werewolf who had barely managed to escape from Fenrir's camp. The werewolf who had lost so much, and was at risk of leading her to lose her life because of him. No. Whatever he had done to make her this way, it had to stop. He couldn't be the reason she was so melancholy. He wouldn't be the reason for her depression.

He told her he had to protect his heart. He was protecting it from the inevitability that she would wake up one day and realize he just wasn't worth her time. He wasn't worth anything. The third, fourth, or fifth threat to her life that he would inevitably bring as a result of what he was would be the tipping point. He shuddered at the thought.

She asked for friendship. It broke his heart. It would continue breaking his heart, but he refused. Whatever he had done to bring this young, beautiful, vibrant witch to her current state of depression would have to come to a stop. He would do what he should have done the prior summer – disconnect from her completely. It would break both of their hearts, but then she could move on. He'd been hanging around too long for her own good. He'd managed to worm himself into her life and ruined it in the process. He'd done something to her to make her this way. He was awash with shame at the thought that had he stayed away, she would still have her life, her colors, her vibrancy. He'd inserted himself into her life and made it worse.

She had cried. She had sobbed. She had protested in every way imaginable. Each tear reminded him of his own failure. If he had never come into her life, she would never have been this way. It was time to end the hold he had on her.

Walking away from Dora for what he hoped was the last time had been one of the cruelest moments in his life. He truly was a monster; he had convinced the young Auror to be with him and she was now suffering as a result of his inappropriate desires. He had to walk away, for her own good. For his own good. For the future he could never have with her, and for the future she deserved without him. With tears running down his face, Remus Lupin made his way up to the castle, ready to meet with the only man who had ever given him true hope.

….…..

"Hello, Albus," Remus sighed, sitting across from the Headmaster.

"Good afternoon, Remus," Dumbledore replied. "How are you?"

"I've been better."

"Have you seen Miss Tonks?"

"I just did, yes."

"And?" Dumbledore's eyebrows were raised in a way that reminded Remus of being reprimanded by the Headmaster in his Marauder days.

"I let her know that continuing our friendship was out of the question."

"May I ask why?" Dumbledore's face was now set in a peculiar expression; was that disappointment? Approval?

"I don't know what I did to her, but she's not herself anymore. Albus, I did that to her. I don't want to be the reason why she lost her colors, or her life."

"Did she tell you as much, Remus?"

"That I'm the reason she can't morph? That I'm the reason she's throwing her life away? I broke her heart once and she can't morph. She told me I'd done that to her, not her aunt. For reasons I cannot understand, she wants to throw her life away on me. I don't know what I did to her to make her like this, Albus."

"Love isn't easily understood, Remus," Albus said kindly. "Love needn't be fully understood to be powerful and life-changing."

"You can't be suggesting she loves me, not after all this time," Remus protested. "Not after all I've done to her. She's idealized me, I am sure of it."

"Do you believe Miss Tonks is intelligent, Remus?"

"Of course. She's one of the brightest witches I've had the pleasure of knowing."

"Do you believe Miss Tonks is aware of the dangers that life and war may hold?"

"Well, yes," Remus said slowly. "She's an Auror."

"Do you believe Miss Tonks capable of recognizing her own feelings?"

"Yes," Remus said slowly. "She clearly pities me. I'm certain I've placed too much pressure on her to be with me and relieve me of my loneliness. She's too kind to me."

"Are you quite certain of this, Remus?"

"It has to be that, Albus. There can be no other explanation as to why she's so set on me. It baffles me. I don't know what I did to her, other than guilt her into being interested in me!"

"Perhaps you ought to ask her?" Dumbledore suggested, his eyes twinkling. "You're not friendless, Remus. There are many who care for you and your well-being. Do you presume yourself so nefarious or pitiful as to have deceived others into friendship with you?"

"Well, no," Remus admitted. "But I haven't made anyone else react this way to me. I can't tell you how guilty I feel for everything I've done to her, and for being on the receiving end of her overreaching kindness for my wretchedness."

"Miss Tonks can be the judge of her own feelings, Remus," Dumbledore said gently. "I daresay you shouldn't assume to know how she feels without speaking to her." Dumbledore placed his healthy hand over his wizened one, and looked down briefly before looking back up at Remus.

"I'm afraid she has idealized me," Remus said softly. "I will never be able to live up to whatever version of me she has in her head. I am not brave enough, good enough, or capable of loving her in the way she deserves." Remus hung his head and stared at the stone floor in shame.

"Sometimes love leads us to do things we never thought ourselves capable of, even if it means hurting ourselves or others in the process," Dumbledore mused, a somber look on his face. "Love is mysterious in that way, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, Albus," Remus said quizzically.

"Give it some thought, Remus," Albus encouraged. "For now, might I suggest a new mission?"

"The werewolf mission failed spectacularly," Remus said flatly. "I haven't a clue how I can help now, or why you'd want my help."

"Remus," Dumbledore said sternly. "Your mission may not have succeeded in the manner you expected, but you saved the lives of eleven children from growing up with Fenrir Greyback. You helped reunite them with their loved ones. You showed them kindness in a place that had none. You made all the difference in the world for eleven children and their families. I consider that a great success." Remus felt the tears well up in his eyes at Dumbledore's praise; he looked at the older wizard through bleary eyes, grateful that the Headmaster saw him in such a positive light.

"The task I have for you will be difficult for you, considering your recent conversation with Miss Tonks," Dumbledore said gently. "But it is of great importance to me."

"I will do it," Remus said quickly. He would always agree to whatever Dumbledore asked of him, as the Headmaster had given him all the opportunities he had to function as closely to a normal wizard as possible.

"I am expecting to be traveling in the next several weeks," Dumbledore said gravely. "I do not know when I will be leaving the castle, but in the case that something goes awry in my absence, I would like your assistance in keeping the castle and grounds safe."

"Absolutely, sir," Remus replied. "I can stay in the Shrieking Shack, if you need me to be there."

"No. Stay in your cottage. I'll have Kingsley owl you the schedule. I have enlisted the help of some of the Weasleys in this endeavor."

"How does this interfere with my recent conversation with Dora?" Remus asked.

"She will also be patrolling the grounds and castle, and I suspect you will interact with her," Dumbledore said.

Remus' heart sank. He had just attempted to break off all contact with Dora, and here was an opportunity to help Dumbledore, but at the cost of remaining near Dora in the village or castle. He would either have to decline Dumbledore's offer out of cowardice or avoid Dora out of cowardice. Either way, he would be a coward.

"I'll talk to her," Remus decided. "I want to assist you, Albus, and I want to do right by Dora. I cannot avoid her forever."

"Kingsley will send you a schedule within the week, then," Dumbledore smiled serenely. "I look forward to seeing you again, Remus."

"Thank you, Albus," Remus said, feeling the pit in his stomach forming. How was he going to face Dora now?

….…..

Remus was angst-ridden, but not at all surprised, when he received the patrol schedule for Hogsmeade and Hogwarts the following week. He would spend overnight shifts in Hogsmeade and return to his cottage in the daytime for rest. He would be patrolling daily for five days before being relieved for the full moon. Following the moon, he would return to Hogsmeade for overnight shifts. He grimaced as he saw his first shift began that very evening. Dora's name was on the parchment as well, as it included her own patrol hours as an Auror. Remus trembled as he considered the possibility that she would be receiving the same parchment from Kingsley and would see his name.

Remus attempted to rest before the overnight shift at Hogsmeade, but was unable to find a comfortable position. After several futile attempts at sleeping, Remus chose to visit one of the families of the child werewolves he'd been able to save.

He Apparated to the address listed for the Salome Midgen's family, and came upon a quaint bungalow. He glanced towards the back of the bungalow, and noticed a cage had been erected, likely for the Salome's monthly transformations. He would assist in enchanting it, if need be, he decided.

Remus strode to the front door and knocked gently. Moments later, the door opened and Remus found himself face-to-face with Mrs. Smithe, the Muggle grandmother of Salome Midgen.

"Mr. Lupin?" she asked in surprise.

"Hello, Mrs. Smithe," Remus smiled. "I was wondering how Salome is doing. I was hoping to meet with some of the children to see how they are coping ahead of the next full moon. Is that alright? I realize I should have written in advance."

"She'll be delighted to see you, come in," Mrs. Smithe welcomed. "Please do call me Georgiana."

"Thank you, Georgiana, and call me Remus," he replied. "Is Salome in?"

"Yes, I've been forced to homeschool her now," Georgiana said sadly. "My daughter and her husband had her in a small cooperative with other magical children when Salome was younger, but when she was bitten…no one wants us around."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm not surprised," Remus said. "Perhaps we can connect you with some of the other families of the werewolf children to see if they are willing to educate them together."

"That would be wonderful," Georgiana said gratefully. "I have their family owl, but I'm not sure how it's told to find a recipient."

"Just write the recipient's name on the parchment, and you can tell the owl as well," Remus informed. "They will understand."

"These are the things my daughter and son-in-law knew," Georgiana said gloomily. "Raising a magical child without a magical parent is much harder than I thought it would be."

"It's why I came to see you," Remus said. "I might be able to help when I'm able."

"That's very kind of you, Remus," Georgiana replied.

"REMUS?" Salome called. "IS THAT REALLY YOU?!"

A set of footsteps was heard running through the home, until Salome ran into Remus with excitement.

"How did you know he was here?" Georgiana asked in confusion.

"Smell," both Salome and Remus replied, as Georgiana attempted to sniff the air.

"I don't smell anything," she said confusedly. "Is this a magical thing?"

"It's a werewolf thing," Remus chuckled. "My, err, friend is a type of witch called a Metamorphmagus and she can change her appearance at will. I can always tell where she is based on her scent."

"That must be useful," Georgiana mused, and then turned to Salome.

"Salome, could you be a dear and get us some of those biscuits you like?" Lottie asked, and Salome turned around to fetch the requested biscuits.

"It is a blessing and a curse, but mostly a curse, I think," Remus said. "All that you smell, good or bad, is that much more powerful for werewolves. Your sons will pick up on scents far sooner than you will, especially around the full moon. Do you have a schedule for that?"

"The Ministry provided some resources for me, but I'm afraid I'm using the "Muggle" system of charting the full moon, as the lunascope is quite complicated for me," Georgiana replied.

"You remind me a lot of my mum," Remus said warmly. "She was a Muggle as well. My dad was a wizard, and my poor mum had the misfortune of raising a werewolf."

"I'm sure you were a pleasure to raise, Remus," Georgiana smiled. "Your mum would be proud of you, I'm sure of it."

"Very kind of you to say, Georgiana," Remus said. "Though as you haven't experienced the full moon quite yet with your granddaughter, it might be a shock to see her when she's done transforming, as she'll be alone."

"How does that make a difference?" Georgiana asked, cocking her head to the side.

"You see the scars I have?" Georgiana nodded. "These are nearly all self-inflicted. Werewolves are meant to be with others, and when they transform alone, they take their restlessness out on themselves. I've injured myself severely in my lifetime. Your granddaughter will have only herself to interact with, which should make it harder for her."

"Oh my," Georgiana gasped. "Should I be prepared for the worst?"

"Do you have wizarding money, Georgiana?"

"I have access to my daughter and her husband's vault at Gringotts, yes," Georgiana replied.

"If you've parchment or something to write on, I can give you a list of potions, salves, and ingredients that you can use yourself to heal her," Remus said. "I don't expect you to brew potions yourself, or grow magical herbs, but these things can be purchased." Remus looked at the bungalow and back at Georgiana.

"There's a potion that may help Salome, but it's wildly expensive. It's called the Wolfsbane Potion and it's terribly tricky to brew. If you don't mind me asking, how comfortable are you financially?" Remus asked.

"When my daughter and son-in-law were killed by that monster, they left Salome with a decent bit of gold. I haven't touched a bit of it, as I always believed my granddaughter was out there waiting for me. Will that help with the potions?"

"Yes," Remus said. He hesitated, but pulled out the vials of his last remaining dose of Wolfsbane Potion.

"This is Wolfsbane Potion," Remus explained. "There are seven vials here. Salome needs to drink one each night for seven nights prior to the full moon. If she does, this will help her keep her human brain and hopefully prevent her from hurting herself. You can try this for the first full moon she has, so that you can see how she copes with it. It's quite expensive, but I think it will help the both of you cope with her monthly transformations."

"Remus, this is too generous," Georgiana gasped. "I can't take this from you."

"Yes, you can, and I want you to," Remus insisted. "I have my own means of securing my safety. You've never seen a werewolf transform. I'm going to place more enchantments on the cage you have for Salome. It's going to be painful and difficult for both of you, but this potion will make it much better. It won't remove the pain, but it will keep her human brain intact so that she is in control of herself. It may very well save your life."

"This…are you sure?" Georgiana asked.

"I am absolutely certain I want Salome to have this," Remus said. "You can purchase more by using the owl and having it go to one of the apothecaries in Diagon Alley. They can use the gold in the vault. I don't want Salome to lose any more of her family."

"You're such a kind young man, Remus," Georgiana said, her eyes now glistening with unshed tears. "Too kind of you to do this."

"It's really my pleasure, Georgiana," Remus said. "She's suffered enough. I don't want her suffering any more than she has to. If you have any questions, be sure to write me." He paused for a moment before adding, "Oh, and the Wolfsbane Potion tastes horrendous. Do not add anything to it, as any ingredients added to improve the taste will render it ineffective."

"Thank you for letting me know, Remus," Salome said. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you talking about the potion. Is this it?" She took a vial from her grandmother's hand and stared at the liquid.

"It is," Remus said. "I want you to have it for your first full moon. As you're alone, I don't want you to hurt yourself too badly. The full moon is in a week, so you'll need to begin tonight."

"Thank you, Remus," Salome said quietly. "You were my favorite werewolf at the encampment."

"Hardly a compliment," Remus dismissed. "That pack of wolves were among the worst I'd ever known, with the exception of the children."

"Hush, Remus," Georgiana admonished. "Salome's told me all about what you did for her and the others. You're a kind man, and you're the reason I have my granddaughter back. I will never stop thanking you for what you've done for us."

Remus felt his eyes glisten with tears; he thought back to the grimy, muddy nights at Fenrir's encampment and thought it had all been worth it, in the end. Children were back where they belonged, and they would finally be loved the way they were meant to be loved.

"Thank you," Remus replied quietly. "I'm afraid I must go, though, as I've another mission."

"More werewolves?" Salome gasped.

"No, no, none of that," Remus said gratefully. "A difficult mission of a different nature."

"Good luck Remus," Salome said, hugging him. "Thank you for everything."

"Be sure to write us if you need anything, Remus," Georgiana offered. "I know we haven't much here, but if you ever need help, please let us know."

"Thank you Georgiana, Salome," Remus said. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

…..

Remus Apparated outside of Hogsmeade at dusk, prepared to take the overnight patrol shift with Bill Weasley. They'd agreed to meet outside The Three Broomsticks and begin their patrol from there. Remus began walking towards the pub, careful to keep his eyes on the ground, as he had yet to contact Dora about sharing the same patrol space that week. He had not yet determined how he would explain himself when they were expected to work in close proximity again, and he was fearful of what would happen if he spoke with her again.

He felt grateful, albeit a bit disappointed, that he had not seen her yet again in the village. He strode purposefully towards The Three Broomsticks, where he found the tall figure of Bill Weasley waiting for him outside the pub.

"Hello Bill," Remus greeted. "It's nice to see you again."

"Hey, Remus," Bill said cheerfully. "How've you been?"

"It's been a tough year, but nothing I couldn't handle, I suppose."

"I've got something for you," Bill said, as he produced two envelopes from his pocket. "I dunno if you'd like to open them now, but I think you should wait to open the second one till later," he said, looking carefully at the envelopes as he handed them to Remus.

Remus looked at both envelopes; both were addressed to him. One held unfamiliar, elegant calligraphy, and the other held familiar, messy handwriting, which he easily recognized as Dora's print.

"I should open Dora's later, then?" Remus asked.

"I think so," Bill replied uneasily. "I haven't a clue what's in it, but Tonks said it was important."

"Right, then," Remus said. "Would you like me to open the other one?"

"Please," Bill smiled broadly now. Remus opened the letter with the calligraphy to find a delicate, enchanted wedding invitation for Bill and Fleur's wedding later that summer.

"Congratulations, Bill," Remus said, offering his hand to the eldest Weasley. "You're a very lucky young man."

"Tell me about it," Bill said, sweeping his long red hair out of his face. "You've seen Fleur, haven't you? Gorgeous. What she's doing with me is a mystery," he chuckled.

"I'm beginning to think wizards never deserve the witches who love them," Remus said knowingly.

"My mum would certainly agree with you," Bill laughed loudly. "My dad's obsession with Muggle trinkets drives her mental, but she still loves him."

"Love is mysterious," Remus mumbled.

"Indeed it is," Bill agreed. "Shall we begin our patrol?" Remus nodded and the two men set out to comb the streets of Hogsmeade for suspicious activity.

…..

It was the early light of day the following morning when Remus was finally able to Apparate back to his cottage. Though he had spent the evening in pleasant company with Bill, the knowledge that he had a letter from Dora in his pocket had been eating away at his anxiety the entire evening. No amount of swapping boyhood stories of their respective Hogwarts days was enough to distract him from the extreme anxiety weighing on his heart as he thought about what the letter might contain. It was rather unlike Dora to send him a letter, and it was even more curious that she had not owled him the letter. Although, as he suspected, he had told her that even friendship by owl was out of the question. He had been a fool. He was a fool.

Remus shook his head of these thoughts, in order to be able to read Dora's letter. He undressed quickly and prepared himself a cup of tea, as well as taking two vials of Calming Draught ahead of reading the letter. He sat down on his threadbare, shabby bed and opened the envelope. He began to read.

Dear Remus,

I'm surprised you opened this letter. You told me not to owl you, or that we were even friends. But, you've opened this letter, which means there might still be hope for us. I think there might be hope for us even if it's just as friends. I think there might be hope for us even if you say you can't keep getting disappointed.

Some might say I'm mental for trying to be your friend, when you clearly don't want us to be friends. If you opened this letter, it's proof you still want to hear from me. I know you, Remus. You can lie to yourself all you like, but if you didn't care about me, you'd have stayed in my life, even as a friend. If you didn't care about me, you'd never have run away. I know all the reasons you gave me for staying away, but when has being someone's friend or partner ever ended in perfection and forever happily ever after?

No one is perfect, especially not me or you. I've been selfish too, I know. I think I've been selfish for you, trying to love you enough to make you see past your own insecurities. I realize I can't fix you of your own problems, but Merlin, I tried.

I know you'll be stationed at Hogsmeade for the next few weeks for patrols at nighttime. I don't know if I want to see you. Part of me thinks I should protect my own heart, like you said you were protecting yours. Part of me says not to bother seeing me ever again, unless you want to stick around this time. Another part of me is screaming for you to come see me and stay with me. That part of me wants to beg you to come knocking at my door so I can be in your arms again. You said I couldn't just make decisions for the both of us, so I think I'll leave it to you this time around.

If you come back, even just as friends, it better be for good. You and I both know I deserve better, Remus. Not because I deserve better than you as a human being (no matter what you say, you're still a human being), but because I deserve to be treated better, regardless of who or what you call yourself.

Yours in friendship (if you'll have me),

Nymphadora