Title: Breaking The Cycle.

Chapter: 6

Rating: M

Genre: Angst

Beta: Melanie39

Disclaimer: I don't own The OC.

Breaking The Cycle


Sandy knew he'd screwed up yet again with Ryan. The look on his face as he'd stood in the kitchen door had said it all, as had the way that Ryan had

calmly walked past them all with his head down and retreated to his room. Sandy looked around the table at the embarrassed faces and did the only thing he could. He got up.

"I'll go talk to him." Sandy walked outside with a sense of unease but was determined to put things right. Ryan was not Seth, Ryan did not want to be wrapped up and protected from the realities of life. He had to admit that it was difficult to let go when it came to Ryan.

Sandy tapped and waited for a second before he opened the glass door. Sandy was not surprised to see that Ryan was sat on the end of his bed. What did surprise Sandy was that Ryan opened his mouth first.

"I'm sorry for before, Sandy. I was mad at you and I shouldn't have been. I guess I wanted to lash out at someone and you were there. I know I've got to stop doing that. You should have told me the truth, but I get why you didn't."

Sandy sat down next to Ryan.

"No need for apologies, kid. I should have been honest with you, but I forget sometimes that you don't want things to be sugar coated like Seth. Blame the father in me that I want to protect you from the harshness of life. I really didn't want this to happen you know."

Ryan nodded his head.

"Yeah, I know. It was out of your hands. I should have known that my record would screw things up."

"Hey, the chances of us getting temporary custody would have been slim anyway. Your record was a consideration, yeah, but both Kirsten and I work long hours and our lifestyle really isn't suitable for looking after a young boy. Sandy hesitated, before adding, "and in a way, our family being so close to Becky probably hindered us too."

"Really?" Ryan looked less glum at that revelation. "You're not just saying that, are you?"

"Nope…I'm serious and even if you didn't have a record then Becky could have blocked it. So don't sweat it kid, it wasn't just down to you."

"So what do we do now?" Ryan asked.

"I'm not sure there is anything I can do now it's in the hands of social services but I want you to know that I'm going to try my hardest to sort this mess out. What we all want is for Danny to be safe."

Ryan shut his eyes. Sandy felt for him, he knew what was going through his head right now.

"Danny can still see Becky under supervision, it's not like Danny won't see his mom, but Becky did bring this on herself. I know what you said before, that you seem to think this is somehow your fault, but the bottom line here, kid, is that Becky stood by and watched someone abuse her child. That is no way your fault."

Sandy looked into Ryan's eyes.

"Is it?"

"No." Ryan sighed. "No, but it's easy to say from the outside what shouldn't happen, Becky is mixed up at the moment and not thinking straight. Not that that's any excuse but things get complicated." he added.

"Yeah I know." Sandy had seen it all working at the PD's office. "Social services don't take kids away lightly and they work with the parents to resolve issues. There is every possibility that in time Danny can go home."

Ryan looked sad. "I know that, it's just those few months away in foster care does something to a family, Sandy. I was always scared that I'd be taken away again. I know Trey felt the same. I'm not sure Danny can cope with that."

Sandy couldn't help himself; he pulled Ryan in for a hug. He looked so young right now. That tiny revelation from Ryan made his heart constrict.

"Oh kid. We'll sort this out."

"I am sorry for what I said…I...I didn't mean it… I don't know what I would have done without you all."

Sandy was pleased when Ryan returned his hug.

"Already forgotten. And I'm sorry for not being honest with you, kid." Sandy said, releasing him. Ryan was a teenage boy after all and no teen wanted a hug from a parent to last longer than necessary. At least Sandy had managed to claw back some of the damage caused. He could kick himself for his stupidity sometimes.

Ryan spent the next few weeks doing his best to make up for what he'd said to Sandy. Although his guardian had said that it was all forgotten, Ryan had seen the look on his face as he'd spat the words at him and he knew first hand how words could cut deep even when you tried to forget them. So he stayed close to home and spent as much time with his foster family as he could. It almost killed him being so sociable but it was worth it. Sandy was more relaxed with him and even talked to him about the lengths he was going to ensure that Becky was properly represented. Feeling included in the whole process was only what Ryan had ever wanted and he was grateful that Sandy was doing that now. Sandy was even trying to get Becky to allow Ryan to visit Danny but she was not even willing to talk about that, she was still blaming Ryan for her problems. Sandy was using all his wiles to try and wear her down but she was standing firm on her decision.

The whole investigtion plowed on at a snails pace.

Spending so much time with the Cohens was a problem though and he'd had to blow off a few dates with Missy. He'd left messages for her on her cell and they kept missing each other's calls. He hadn't actually spoken to her since the night he'd stayed over but his family was his priority at the moment. He needed them to know that he wasn't the ungrateful bastard that he sometimes came across as. Especialy after what he'd said to Sandy.

He was trying to keep too many people happy and it was inevitable that something was going to give. Little did he know that it was the part of his life that he'd thought of as the most stable that would be effected.

Ryan woke with a start. His heart was pounding and someone was in his room. He couldn't see a thing in the darkness but he could hear rustling and the faint sound of breathing as the person moved around. He was just about to open his mouth when he felt the mattress depress next to him and the covers lift. The smell of frangipani filled his nose and a hot hand landed on his bare stomach.

"Shit Missy…Don't do that to me."

Missy spooned herself against his body.

"Charming, I execute a daring night time raid ...at some risk to my person I might add if Mr. or Mrs. Cohen were to catch me, and all I get is a grumpy boyfriend. I can just go if you like."

Ryan could hear the teasing in her voice as she spoke; he smiled into the darkness. The Cohens would freak if they found her here.

"Don't you dare leave this bed Missy. How did you get past the land mines and the trip wires that Sandy and Kirsten have set up to keep you out of my room?"

"A metal detector." Missy said simply and Ryan laughed softly.

They lay in silence for a while before Missy spoke again.

"So how are you? I heard about Danny. Social services got in touch with the refuge wanting an interview with Sarah about it. You know, background stuff about when they stayed there and how Becky treated Danny. It's serious for her isn't it?"

Ryan stifled a yawn and wrapped his arm tightly around Missy, nuzzling her neck.

"Ryan! I came here to see how you were. Not for that."

"Then why climb naked into my bed?"

"I'm being serious Ryan, I spoke to Summer and she told me what happened at school. That must have been rough. Becky can be such a bitch sometimes."

"Mmmm."

Ryan made for Missy's mouth but she turned her head away and sat up.

"What!" Ryan said exasperated.

"I'm trying to talk to you. I haven't seen you for weeks."

"I'm not in the mood for talking right now, you're naked and I'm naked." Ryan reached out and tried to pull her back down.

"Ryan. No!" Missy hissed.

Ryan sat up.

"What!" Ryan answered more sharply than he intended, he just wanted to lose himself for a while and sex was the perfect hideaway, he didn't need his normally relaxed girlfriend acting like an ice queen. "I just don't want to talk about it right now, okay? I thought you'd understand that."

"But I want to talk about this Ryan. I've been fucking reasonable about this all. You slept with her and I didn't make a huge scene about it. Other girlfriends would have kicked you so into touch for that. Did I get uptight when you spent most of your free time with Danny? This obviously means something to you and you're blanking me…quick messages are good enough, Ryan. You talk to me when you want but then you shut me out when it suits you. I'm your girlfriend and I have to learn about this from other people."

How the hell had this happened? When had Missy become pissed at him? Ryan sighed. It wasn't like he'd been keeping anything from her, he just hadn't wanted to harp on about this. Becky could be a sore subject with Missy for obvious reasons. It wasn't his fault that they kept missing each other.

"I'm not shutting you out, it's just been a hell of a few weeks. I'm worried about how Danny is taking this. I mean… I set the ball rolling that caused all this. I wish there was something I could have done differently. I just wish I could help them." Ryan didn't want an argument, he felt wiped out as it was. What came next shocked him. He hadn't known he was that transparent.

"You think I don't know that you thought about dumping me for the sake of Danny? I know that you've thought about leaving me for her and that hurts Ryan, that fucking hurts."

Ryan ran his fingers through his hair.

"Come on Missy…where the hell is this coming from?"

"No, you tell me you haven't thought about that…. Come on…tell me."

Ryan fell silent.

"Great…just great." Missy got up from the bed and started to throw her clothes on.

"I didn't know for sure, I mean, Becky made comments. I thought she was just being deluded but she was right wasn't she! I should have known that it's the sort of fucked up logic that you'd come up with. I tried to tell myself that I was being stupid…you wouldn't even think of doing that but I guess I just got my answer, didn't I? You'd fucking do something as lame assed as that wouldn't you, and fuck us…fuck our relationship! What the hell do I mean to you Ryan…just a lay? Huh?"

"Missy, no! I just…I mean…" Ryan got up and tried to stop Missy as she pulled her shoes on.

"Yeah, I know Ryan…. You try and save the world but you don't give a shit about the people who really care about you."

"Missy…please don't be like this. I admit I did think about it. Danny just gets to me but Becky means nothing, I swear." God he was so bad at defining this stuff.

Missy was at the door.

"So I rate lower than a seven year old boy to you. That's good to know. I get that you love Danny and want to make things better but they come as a package Ryan, you don't get one without the other. I'm not sure I can take this, Ryan, I just wish I knew where I really stood with you."

She stomped out of the pool house and was around the side of the drive before Ryan had pulled on his jeans. He ran after her, ignoring the stones and grit as they dug into the soles of his bare feet. He grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him.

"Please Missy…. I know I'm fucking stupid…I know I am but thinking about something is not the same as doing it. I couldn't leave you, never in a million years. I need you…shit, I'd be a fucking mess without you."

Ryan whispered frantically to her. "Please don't go."

"Let go of me, Ryan," she hissed.

"I'm not letting you leave like this."

"Get off of me."

"Missy please, don't go."

He crowded her body, holding onto her arms as she flailed to get away from him. He struggled to retain a grip on her as they tussled. Missy aimed a few kicks at his shins but desperation made him hold tight even though it hurt like hell. This was stupid. The whole situation was stupid.

They didn't argue like this.

"Let me go, you bastard"

What the hell was happening to him? Fighting with his girlfriend shouldn't have turned him on but he had so much pent up frustration from the last few days that he was ashamed to say that she was pushing his buttons. Missy in wildcat mode was hot. He pushed her up against the wall of the garage and tried to kiss her. She moved her head from side to side as she fought to get away from him. He pinned her hands by her side and kissed her neck. He moved back to her mouth, kissing her hard on the lips.

"Please, don't go." He spoke around the kiss, into her mouth. "Please Missy."

He shifted his body into hers so she could feel how much he wanted her; Ryan kissed her like he was trying to devour her. He was angry that after all this time she still didn't understand how much he loved her. He was angry with himself for not telling her enough – for taking her for granted. He was angry that he was doing this, but he couldn't stop himself. He shut his mind off, disgusted that he was being like some of the men in his past, that he was impressing his will onto her no matter what. All he cared about was how fucking hard he was right now; he knew that it was wrong and that made it worse. He was torn, but he still ground himself into her. She was struggling less in his arms – he wasn't sure if it was her strength weakening or that she was coming round to what he obviously wanted to do. He was aware that she was in the perfect position to knee him in the groin as he straddled her, his legs either side of hers - but she didn't and he took that as a good sign.

Missy relaxed completely against him as she finally stopped struggling and returned his kiss, his tongue finding its way into her mouth. He roughly pulled up her skirt and tore at her panties; the fabric gave under his hands. Missy gave a small exclamation and grabbed at the buttons on his fly letting him know that she was finding this as hot as he was right now. He felt relief at that knowledge. She pulled at the top button and they all popped open, releasing him to the cooling night air. Missy impatiently pushed down his jeans and pressed herself against him. He bent his knees so his cock went from being angled upwards to nudging between her legs. He grabbed her right leg and pulled it around his hip, holding her firm so she kept her balance and thrust his hips, trying to find her entrance. Frustration made him moan as he struggled to find the right position for them both. He shifted again and found the right angle; Ryan pushed in hard with a feral grunt and felt Missy buck her hips so they fitted tightly together, until he was sheathed completely to the hilt inside of her. Missy pawed at his ass pulling him in closer even though there was no room between them to slide a sheet of paper. Ryan paused, not moving, so they could be one for that moment. He breathed heavily into her neck, wanting her to know that their relationship was symbiotic. He needed her as much as she appeared to need him. They needed this.

The fact that they were coupling out in the open and had probably made enough noise to prove suspicious should anyone in the main house be awake did not matter to them.

Missy clung onto him, content for a while to be still, but soon she trembled and started to circle her pelvis against him. The added pressure made him gasp and his animal instinct took over. He hammered into her. They both bordered on violent with each other now - slamming into each other, biting and squeezing. They both knew what this was, it was all the pent up hostility over Becky that had been brewing, the feelings of frustration, anger on both their parts and relief that they were managing to hold onto their relationship even if it took this to do it. They were both fuck ups in their own way and this worked for them.

The knuckles on Ryan's left hand and the skin on his knee scuffed against the rough wall with each thrust as he braced himself to hold her weight. He wondered what state Missy's back would be in but she didn't seem to care. His legs were giving out with the strain of keeping his momentum and his balance. He toyed with changing position but it seemed important not to break away from this, so he fought any urge he had to find a less challenging pose to fuck in and continued to slam his way into her.

Missy started to call his name softly and he lost it. He pumped himself inside her in a series of ball squeezing jerks that wrenched though his body. He lost all control over his muscles and loosened his hold on her. She slid down the wall and onto her feet. They stayed pressed against each other, both gasping for air, Missy's arms around his back and his forehead resting on the brickwork.

Missy removed her arms and Ryan pulled up his pants. He felt awkward that she had seen that side of him. Although she had been eventually willing - his sensibilities were telling him that he shouldn't have acted that way. The faint glow from the lights around the pool at the back of the house cast an eerie atmosphere around them. They looked at each other both trying to decide what to say next. Words seemed wrong so he picked Missy up and carried her back to the pool house and laid her down on his bed. He propped himself up on his elbow next to her and brushed her hair away from her face.

"I wouldn't have left you. I love you." He said simply. He was surprised at how husky and harsh with emotion his voice sounded to his own ears.

Missy stared at him, her eyes filling with bright moisture. She wished she could believe that – she really did. Ryan brushed a tear away as it escaped her eye.

"I'm sorry Missy."

"So am I," she answered him and wondered how much longer they could go on deluding themselves. She missed the carefree days when her life was about nothing more than having fun and getting high, where she didn't have to try to figure out constantly the inner workings of a scarred mind. But she had invested too much, been with Ryan too long to bail on him for an easy life. The constant fear that Ryan would be the one to leave was always with her. He wanted someone to protect. Would he wake up one day to that fact and replace her? Would he find his own private hell with a girl like Becky for the sake of feeling like he was making a difference? That seemed inevitable to her. It scared the hell out of her.

Ryan curled around her and she put her arms around him. He stoked her arm and held her tight.

Sometimes she thought she knew Ryan better than he did himself.

Tbc

Read and review….big kiss.