"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned."
Disclaimer and author notes: I don't own Evangelion (yet), Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind and other (several) references that will be made here and in the following chapter.
If you get some reference or think that some dialogues or words are familiar, you're most likely right.
Originally, this was going to be something like a 50k words one-shot, but I've decided to publish it in the traditional chapter format. The early chapters may fell a little weird but, hopefully, everything will be explained at the right time. I hope you enjoy the ride.
The ponytailed boy wakes up with a gasp.
As he removes the plugs of his SDAT device, he realizes that he is sitting at the far end of an empty car, looking at the window as the train slowly passes through desolate terrain.
After a moment, the door between cars opens.
A redheaded girl, wearing a yellow sundress and some odd-looking hair clips on her braided hair, enters the wagon.
The boy looks up. The girl is not looking at him. She busies herself deciding where to sit for a while and then finally settles on a seat at the opposite end of the car.
He feels that the girl is watching him from the corner of her eyes, as he blushes and sighs, whispering to himself - "I'm pathetic… I already fell in love with a pretty woman only because she just showed me the least bit of attention?"
The train now seems to be entering some kind of a tunnel, to the disappointment of the boy who was already planning to stare at the window to avoid staring at the girl like a completely hopeless idiot.
"Hallo!"
The boy looks over, in surprise. - "I'm sorry?"
"What? I couldn't hear you!"
"I said, I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? I just said hi."
"No, it's just… I didn't know if you were talking to me, so..."
She looks around the empty car. "Are you stupid?"
"Well, I didn't want to assume…"
"Aw, c'mon. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car."
"Sorry. Hi."
"Hi." The girl smiles and makes her way down the aisle towards the boy.
"It's okay if I sit closer? That way I won't have to shout at you. I'm kinda tired of shouting at people people sometimes, believe you me…. But I don't want to bug you if you're trying to listen to music or something."
He looks at his SDAT. "No, I'm just... I don't really, um ..."
"What? You don't really what?"
She hesitates and stops in the middle of the car, looking back where she came from.
"I mean… it's okay if you want to sit down here. "
"Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe" -she says as she moves to sit across the aisle from the boy - "So, how far are you going?"
"What? Well… I really don't know."
"On the train, I mean, of course. Not in life".
"Y-yeah, I got it."
"Guess what? Never mind. My name's Asuka Langley Sohryu, by the way. Charmed." – she says, extending her hand to him.
"Uh… yeah… Likewise. I'm Ikari…. Shinji Ikari."
"Ikari? Hm… I think I've heard that name before. Wait. you're not a stalker or anything, right?"
"Hey! I'm not a stalker. You're the one who talked to me, remember?"
"That is the oldest trick in the stalker book."
"Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one."
"Oh, I bet you would because... wait, are you trying to flirt with me Mr. Ikari?
"No, it's not like that…. It's just I… I don't know. I was just... You seem nice, so –"
"Nice? Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? Nice doesn't reveal anything. Nice is pandering. Cowardly. And life is more interesting than that. Or should be. I hope it is... someday. I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it and I don't need anyone else to be it at me!"
"Okay, I understand."
"No, of course you don't understand you moron."
"Sorry…"
They stood in silence for a while, avoiding to look at each other.
"Shinji? It's Shinji, right?"
"Yes?"
"I... I shouldn't have yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today."
"That's ok. 'Yeller' is a color that suits you."
"Hm? Oh, I get it. That was a really lame joke, you know. Or maybe... you were once again shameless flirting with me because you like how my body fits this dress?"
"No… I'm… I'm…"
"Come on, relax. If you are gonna flirt you gotta be prepared for the other person to push back, right?"
"Yes but… it's still somehow embarrassing."
"Oh… so you really did make an embarrassing admission after all."
"…"
"That's ok, Shinji. I'm gonna share an embarrassing admission to you too, so we will be even. My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're so hmm… nice.
"I thought that you didn't like nice."
"I don't!" – she says in an annoyed way – "But in your case nice is ok, I guess. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. As of right now I'm glad you are. But sometimes I have premonitions, so I don't know. Maybe that's just a coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think about something and then it happens, or you think of a word and then someone says it?"
"Erh… I don't know… I guess I've never thought about it that way…"
"You're kind of closed-mouthed, aren't you?"
"Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I don't know what to say. You should read my journal. It's just, like, blank."
"Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have."
"I… I try to not think too much about that. But… I guess you're right to think about it."
"You're really nice. I really shouldn't have yelled at you before about it. Gott, I'm dreadful."
"It's okay. I'm just not that good with words I think."
"You really are stupid, aren't you? If you are not good with words, you gotta make up for it with your actions. Anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you, my goal?"
"Yeah, I guess".
"I used to think that if I behaved like an adult and did exactly what people expected from me, I would be happy. But I won't be like that anymore. My goal, Shinji, is to just let it flow through me. Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. You love someone - that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life - that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. Of being an adult. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know?"
"Yeah. I think so. It's hard to."
"Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist?"
"Yeah".
"Ha.. you are now thinking that I'm gonna marry you, right?"
The boy blushes heavily.
"I knew it!"
"Sorry…"
The girl looks at him with a menacious glare.
"O-okay. You've got me."
"You're so nice that it's borderline stupid. Gott, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh?"
"No. Yeah. Sort of. Not really".
"Well, I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively ugly for having this scar in my eye?"
"No! N-not at all."
"I don't either. I used to. I've got other scars too. But I'm through with that. They are here and they are part of me. We must accept these scars we bear, right? If I don't love my body, then I'm just lost."
He notices the thin scar tissue in her eye, certainly the result of some nasty act of violence. However, he wasn't scared or disgusted at all. Seeing those scars only made him more interested to know more about this girl.
"You know what, Shinji? Let's make a bet."
"What…a bet? Why?"
"Because I'm bored. This train looks like it's not even moving."
"Is that your reason? You are weird."
"Are you really such a coward that you're going to run away from a bet without even knowing what it is? Or is it because there's something wrong with me?"
"No, it's not that. Please… I'm sorry… the thing is… oh God, I'm just too nervous around you right now."
The girl looks away from him. Only after a short and uncomfortable pause, she responds.
"I'm nervous, too."
"What? I wouldn't have thought that."
"Well, you obviously don't know me. At least I'm not a coward to admit it."
"I'm not afraid."
"Oh yeah? So, tell me why my presence nerves you so much?"
"O-okay…I'm nervous because…. I got an enormous crush on you!"
The boy blushes again, only to see that, this time, the girl got a similar reaction herself.
"Okay… good. You're not as wimpy as I thought. So… are you gonna take the bet or not?"
"Y-yes… I guess… if you still want to do it…"
"Great! So, it's a deal. Come on. The bet is this: I bet you can't kiss me on the mouth..."
His blush become even greater and he felt his heart skip a beat.
"Take it easy, you pervert! I'm not finished yet. I bet you can't kiss me on the mouth... without touching my lips."
"Oh...but that is..."
"Impossible, eh? So… I think I already won the bet, already." - she says with a smirk.
The boy sighed, in defeat.
"Aren't you even going to try? That's pathetic."
"No...I mean... ok, but… I need you to close your eyes!"
The girl looks surprised by his odd and firm request, but she takes a leap of faith and closes her eyes.
The boy analyzes his situation. In just a few seconds he was able to think about how thirty ways he could give thirty kisses on that gorgeous girl. But it's pointless. There is simply no way to kiss her in the mouth without touching her lips.
His heart beat accelerates as he starts to swelter. However, one single thought crossed his mind. "I mustn't run away."
Almost one minute has passed by and the signs of anxiety and anger were already becoming visible in the girl's face, as well as a discrete moisture forming in her eyes.
She starts to open her mouth... only to feel his lips touching hers.
Those lips were warm and wet. The contact was brief, but it felt like a lifetime has passed in that moment. She opens her eyes, visibly surprised, and this makes the boy suddenly pull away from her.
"I'm sorry Asuka... I guess I've… lost it. The bet, I mean. Right?"
"Y-yes, sure you lost, you pervert. What were you thinking about?"
"I'm sorry. I…. just felt it was right to do that. This seemed like the perfect romantic occasion to do it and…"
"Hmph…. You're really stupid, you know? How old are you? Fourteen? Thinking about romantic cliches won't do you any good in real life."
The boy lowers his head. Suddenly, looking at his feet appeared to be the most pleasant thing to do right now.
"Let me tell you something, idiot." - The girl's voice managed to make him look at her again, by reflex - "I don't like perverts or love-sick boys, but I just cannot stand people that accept defeat and give up so easily, got it?"
"S-sor..."
Covered in shame, he attempts to move farther away from her, only to be stopped by a strong grip on his hand.
""Hey, hey… It was… a nice try. And… since I'm really generous I think I'm gonna give you another chance. W-what do you say? Are you up for the second try?"
The boy can't believe in the sudden change of mood. What is wrong with this girl? There is only one rational answer to this question. And it was not the one that slipped out of his mouth.
"Y-yes."
They both blush as they realize that they are, in fact , holding hands. Also, their faces were closer to each other's than they were at the start of the first attempt.
At that moment, the train's lights went out, making an annoying rumbling loud noise, that sounds like an inhuman scream.
A scream that reminds them of old nightmares, but also a shout that buzzes in their hearts, full of solace and warmth.
They hug each other as they watch two glowing, ghostly, angelic-looking figures, emerge from the darkness.
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