"Did he open it?" Tonks asked Bill Weasley as they sat down to breakfast together at the Hog's Head. It was the morning after Remus and Bill's first shift patrolling Hogsmeade, and Tonks was anxious to hear anything about Remus.
"No, but only because I told him he might want to wait to open it till after our shift," Bill said.
"Why would you tell him that, Bill," Tonks said angrily. "Now I'll never know!"
"What did you put in that letter that was so important?" Bill asked.
"Has your mum not told you anything?" Tonks asked.
"Err, what am I supposed to know?"
"Remus and I were together for awhile last year, but he ended things with me for a bunch of reasons," Tonks said quickly. "He's just got all these hang-ups about being a werewolf, and Merlin, he blames himself for having Bellatrix Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback after my life."
"Blimey, Tonks, that's a lot more information than I can handle at this hour," Bill said sheepishly. "Start from the beginning."
Tonks rolled her eyes but quickly told Bill about their relationship, the complications Remus put up surrounding his age, lack of wealth, lycanthropy, and then her own history with Bellatrix, and the new history with Fenrir. She finished the account by telling Bill about Remus' recent attempt to end all forms of communication and friendship with her.
"Merlin's bollocks, Tonks," Bill gasped when he had heard the complete tale. "My mum knows all of this?"
Tonks snorted. "She's been our biggest supporter."
"D'you think my dad knows?"
"Who cares? I certainly don't care who knows, but Remus does," Tonks said.
"You don't think he'll care that I know now?" Bill asked nervously.
"Nope," Tonks said. "What's it to him if we're not anything at all anymore. He told us we should be 'indifferent acquaintances,' the prat."
"Do you want to be friends with him, Tonks? You sound not, err, happy with him."
"I dunno what I want anymore," Tonks said truthfully. "I told him in the letter that if he's going to come back and be my friend, he can't keep running away on me. I also told him that I also want to never see him again because of how much he hurt me."
"Aaaaaand?" Bill asked expectantly.
"And what?"
"And what did you tell him to do?"
"Nothing," Tonks sighed. "It's up to him now."
"I don't want to offend you, Tonks, but doesn't that seem like a terrible idea? He clearly has no idea what he wants or what he's doing," Bill said grimly. "You can't leave a decision like that to a bloke."
"Well," Tonks began defensively, "he told me I can't just make decisions on my own for us, and every time I've tried to help us along, he puts up walls. I can't keep doing this on my own. I don't want to keep chasing after him, especially with friendship. That's just pathetic, innit?"
"I wouldn't say pathetic," Bill said slowly, "but I see where you're going with this."
"So, it's up to him now," Tonks said stubbornly. "Either stay out of my life or be my friend."
"If I hadn't talked to you for a year, would you've offered me the same ultimatum?" Bill asked. "Or are you doing this to him because you're cross at him?"
"It's different," Tonks countered. "If you told me we couldn't be friends and never to talk to you again, it would probably still hurt, y'know? But maybe less because we're not as close. It's different when two people just drift apart, like a lot of my friends from Hogwarts. But some, like you and Charlie, I see every once in a while. If one of these times, either of you told me I couldn't talk to you again, I think I'd be right to be upset."
"So it's not just because you're angry at him?" Bill raised his eyebrow.
"It certainly doesn't work in his favor," Tonks said grumpily. "But no, I think if you told me I couldn't be your friend 'cause Fleur said you can't, I'd have an earful for you."
"Well, I hate to disappoint, Tonks, but Fleur did say," Bill teased.
"You're a prat," Tonks grumbled. "As if I could compete with her!"
"I dunno if anyone could compete with Remus, based on what you told me," Bill replied. "He saved all those werewolf kids and apparently cooks as well as my mum. No bloke's going to measure up to that."
"If only he could see himself that way," Tonks lamented. "You don't think I'm mental, do you?"
"I think you're in love with him and angry with him at the same time," Bill decided. "Dunno if that makes you mental, but I think it's possible to be both."
"How do you mean?" Tonks asked.
"Have you met my parents?" Bill chuckled. "They're stupidly in love with each other, but mum's mental when it comes to the things he does to Muggle trinkets. I think you've more reason to be angry with Remus than my mum has with dad's Muggle obsession, but it's not all that different."
"So you think we should be friends? Or together?" Tonks asked eagerly.
"I'm afraid I can't answer that," Bill said hesitantly. "You left it in his hands, didn't you?"
"I did, yeah."
"I think you'll have to wait for him to make a decision."
"That might be never," Tonks replied, biting her lip anxiously.
"Isn't that a risk you were willing to take?"
"It didn't seem fair to him to put a timeline on it, no," Tonks said thoughtfully. "I s'pose I'll know one of these days…or weeks…or years if we'll be okay. If we survive that long, that is," she snorted.
"You think we'll win?" Bill asked quietly.
"I hope so. Otherwise, working for the Ministry will be loads worse."
"Enjoying the assignment in Hogsmeade, huh?" Bill asked cheekily.
"Don't remind me," Tonks huffed and blew her mousy brown hair out of her face. "I would die happily if I never had to see Alfie again."
"You don't mean Alfie Wallace, do you?" Bill asked quizzically.
"You know him?"
"He was in my year, but a Ravenclaw. Pompous git if I ever met one."
"You don't know the half of it, Bill."
"Is that who you've been stuck with all year?"
"For years, Bill," Tonks said crankily. "He's been my assigned partner for years."
"You're tougher than I give you credit for," Bill chuckled. "He was nice enough when he wanted to be, but a total wanker to the witches. Must've asked out every girl in our year before someone finally said yes."
"I wish I could've been there for the rejections," Tonks chuckled. "But enough about me and my problems. Tell me about Fleur."
As Tonks and Bill finished their breakfasts, with Bill gushing about the perfection that was Fleur Delacour, Tonks felt her mind drifting – had Remus read the letter? And, if so, what was he going to do about it?
…..
The May full moon came and went, and Tonks still hadn't heard from Remus. She knew he had been at Hogsmeade with Bill, but Remus had yet to make contact with Tonks. Had he read the letter? Had he made a decision? Or, was silence his decision? Tonks felt herself growing more uneasy by the day. She almost wished she'd put a deadline for her proposition to him in the letter, but she reminded herself it wasn't an ultimatum. She'd left the decision in his hands, and in his hands it would have to remain.
Feeling restless, Tonks decided to pay her parents an unexpected visit mid-week, on a rare evening off from Hogsmeade duty. She hadn't bothered to knock on the door and instead burst through the family wards, unannounced.
"MUM! DAD!" she bellowed.
"Nymphadora! What's wrong?" Andromeda fussed over Tonks, looking for injuries.
"Dora, what's happened?" Ted asked, with a similar look of concern.
"Nothing, I just wanted to visit," Tonks said sheepishly. "I thought I'd pop by. Is that alright?"
"Of course, darling," Andromeda said. "Have you eaten? You're still looking thin, Nymphadora."
"You sound like Molly," Tonks grumbled. "I've eaten. I just wanted to come over."
"What's wrong, Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked, with her brow raised in disapproval.
"Does something have to be wrong for me to visit my parents?"
"Dora, sweetheart, we love seeing you, but when you're happy and busy, we only see you once a week," Ted replied. "What's on your mind?"
"Fine," Tonks exhaled impatiently. "I wrote a letter to Remus and haven't heard back from him."
"I thought he told you that you couldn't be friends anymore?" Andromeda said sharply. "And not to owl him?"
"It wasn't by owl," Tonks said. "I wrote a letter and asked Bill Weasley to give it to him when they patrolled Hogsmeade. I wrote the letter last week, and he hasn't replied."
"Were you expecting a reply, Dora?" Ted asked gently.
"Well, I was hoping for one, but I realize now that I didn't exactly ask for one, either," Tonks said sheepishly.
"What did you put in the letter, Nymphadora?" Andromeda brought three cups of tea out for the three Tonkses to share.
"I mostly told him that it's up to him if he wants us to be friends or not, and that if we're going to be friends, he can't run away from me. Or, to just leave me alone forever, I guess."
"How do you think he's taking it?" Andromeda asked softly.
"I talked to Bill about it, and Bill thought I was mental for sending him that letter," Tonks said quickly. "He said no bloke can make a decision like that on his own, but isn't that what Remus was asking? Not to have me make all the decisions on my own? If Remus makes the decision, then maybe he won't feel so pressured by me."
"Don't you think this is pressure on its own? That by merely writing to him and placing this decision in his hands, it's added another layer of confusion for him?" Andromeda asked.
"I hadn't really thought of it that way, honestly. I thought that if he made the decision, he could maybe face his own fears. D'you think I did something wrong?"
Andromeda sighed. "I'm not certain, darling, but what were you hoping to achieve with this letter?"
Tonks sat quietly for a moment, wondering what the answer to that question might be.
"I think I was trying to say that I'm still open to friendship, even if he isn't," she said slowly. "But that I don't want him to keep running away from me, even if we're just friends."
"Why didn't you just tell him yourself, Dora?" Ted asked.
"He said he didn't want to be my friend! How was I supposed to tell him?" Tonks asked grumpily. She sat quietly for a moment before making her realization. "Unless sending the letter confused him, because he didn't think we were friends anymore, and he might not have opened it. Or, he did open it, and still doesn't want to be friends, and his silence is his way of telling me."
"Or maybe I've been terribly unfair to him and forcing him to second-guess what he told me," Tonks groaned. "And I've made it worse. And there's no way for me to find out, because I've no idea if he'll even want to see me!"
"It is just as possible, Nymphadora, that because you've given him the options, he is unsure which one you truly prefer, thus placing him in a most peculiar position," Andromeda said. Tonks eyed her mother suspiciously and wished, in the moment, for her mother's natural Legilimency skills.
"What do I do, then?" Tonks asked desperately. "I've made it worse or confused him. Bloody hell, I can't do anything right!" Tonks put her face in her hands and ran her fingers through her long, lank hair.
"Why not imagine that you received this letter, Dora?" Ted suggested. "Imagine Remus had sent you a letter after you told him you didn't want to be friends with him. How would you have reacted?"
Tonks gasped. "I'd have tossed the letter in the fire before bothering to look at it," she replied ruefully. "I'd have expected him to respect my decision. Which means I should never have hoped for, or expected, a reply." Tonks sat back in the armchair and stretched herself out, feeling overwhelmed with her recent decision.
"I've made a real mess of things, haven't I?" Tonks asked quietly.
"You're only human, Dora," Ted said gently. "Be kind to yourself."
"I suppose I should get back to Hogsmeade, then," Tonks concluded. "As good a place to wallow in self-pity as your childhood home."
"No need to leave so hastily, Nymphadora," Andromeda countered. "Now that you're here, allow me to take your measurements so I can get you fitted for new robes."
"I don't need new robes, mum," Tonks protested. "I use the Auror ones every day, anyway."
"What are you wearing underneath your Auror robes, then?"
"This?" Tonks said, gesturing to her current outfit of ripped jeans and a Weird Sisters t-shirt.
"Would it hurt to wear nicer clothes every now and then?"
"I wasn't aware Dark wizards cared about my clothes," Tonks deadpanned.
"They don't, but I do," Andromeda retorted impatiently. "I shan't buy you anything I know you'll hate, but allow me to take your measurements."
"Fine," Tonks agreed. "No lace, or frills, thanks."
"If it didn't work when you were five years old, it certainly won't work when you're going on twenty-five," Andromeda teased. "Now, let's get to work."
Tonks rolled her eyes, but followed her mother to the kitchen to be fitted for whatever clothes Andromeda had in mind for her daughter.
…..
Tonks Apparated back to Hogsmeade village later that evening, feeling better for having spent time with her parents. Though it had left her with more questions with answers regarding her future (or lack thereof) with Remus, it almost felt like life could go back to "normal," with the minor addition of Fenrir after her life. Feeling hopeful for a moment, she looked to the night sky and breathed in the late springtime air. She was looking up as she walked back to the Hog's Head, and therefore did not notice when she tumbled into a tall figure.
Tonks was on her hands and knees as she apologized. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't see you there. I'm too clumsy for my own good," she apologized quickly as she stood up and found herself before Remus Lupin and Bill Weasley. She had, apparently, walked into Remus, who was looking as bewildered as she was to be there.
A few tense, silent moments passed before Bill broke the awkward silence.
"Tonks, good to see you," he said quickly, darting his eyes between Remus and Tonks with an awkward smile. "Erm, how are you?"
Tonks looked at Remus, feeling every bit stupid as she stared at him shamelessly. "I'm just fine, Bill," she responded, not taking her eyes off Remus. He caught her eye and hung his head, staring down at the cobblestone street.
"Just here on patrol," Bill said uneasily. "Good night?"
"Oh, right, yeah, good night," Tonks said, staring glassy eyed at Remus, who still managed to keep his head down.
"We'll go then," Bill gestured to Remus. "Right, Remus?"
At the sound of his name, Remus snapped his head up and stared at Tonks as shamelessly as she had been staring at him. Bill cleared his throat.
"Remus? Our patrol?" he said.
"Mmm," Remus vocalized, and then did a double-take before turning away with Bill to keep walking up the street.
Tonks stood there momentarily, rooted to the spot. She turned around to see Remus and Bill walking in the other direction, unsure of where to go next. She thought of grabbing her invisibility cloak and following them, but remembered that with Remus' heightened senses of hearing and scent, she would be discovered quickly. She cursed her luck and decided to trudge back to her room at the Hog's Head, feeling mortified at the awkward exchange.
Tonks went into the Hog's Head and nodded hastily at Ab, before heading up to her room. She hurried to the bathroom to check her appearance. The dark circles were still present. The small scars, the mousy brown hair, and the pale, nearly sickly skin continued to betray her. She looked down at her clothes and realized her mother had been right: her jeans were torn to the point of being obsolete, and her t-shirt was faded and threadbare. When had she stopped taking care of herself?
Tonks looked around the room she'd been staying in for nearly ten months. Nearly all the surfaces were covered in worn or dirtied clothing. A dozen rat skeletons were kept underneath her bed, courtesy of her cat, Ophelia. Half-eaten lunches and dinners covered the little dining table she had. Any uncovered surfaces held a light layer of dust or grime. Embarrassing, is what it was. The whole scene was embarrassing. Feeling angry at herself, Tonks decided to start cleaning. Rather than attempt household spells she had no possibility of doing successfully, she began the process by hand. She began by taking up each article of clothing, each dirtied dish, and each rat skeleton, and then vanishing or cleaning the dirtied items as was able.
Tonks was nearly done with cleaning her room when she heard a knock at the door. It was unlike Ab's knocking, with his familiar rap-rap-rap, and so Tonks, sweaty and dirtied by the cleaning, opened the door to see Bill Weasley there, standing alone.
"Bill!" she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Do you mind if I come in for a moment?"
"Err, sure. You're lucky I've just been cleaning for the first time in almost a year," Tonks quipped. She looked down to see that her already threadbare shirt and jeans were now covered in stains and grime.
"What do you need, Bill? Aren't you supposed to be out on patrol?"
Bill ran his hands through his long, red hair. "Remus doesn't know I'm here, so I'll need to be quick," Bill said impatiently.
"Okay?" Tonks' heart was hammering in her chest, waiting for the next words to come out of Bill's mouth.
"I need to ask you something for him, since he can't ask himself," Bill said exasperatedly. "It's like lovestruck fourth years, this is," he chuckled.
"Just say it, Weasley!" Tonks shouted.
"Remus is not-so-quietly wondering if he might be able to talk with you sometime, and if you would be open to such a proposal without wanting to hex him into next week." Bill had breathed the words out quickly, rolling his eyes in the process.
"Are you asking me, or is Remus asking me? Because I'd really rather if Remus did this himself," Tonks said hotly. "I don't want him doing this because someone else wants him to. He needs to come to me on his own, without having anyone pressure him. So you can take that and bring it back to him, if this is how we're playing this game." Tonks crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled forcefully.
"That's all I needed to know," Bill said hastily. "I'll be off now, ta!" Bill stood from the recently cleaned chair and sped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Tonks ran to the bed and knocked herself into it, screaming loudly into her pillow. She didn't want to talk to a Remus who had to be coerced into talking to her. She wanted a Remus who went to see her of his own volition, unencumbered by the thoughts or opinions of other people. She wanted a Remus who would stand up for himself, without having to behind others. If this Remus was unwilling to talk to her, she didn't want to talk to him.
…..
The weeks passed, and still, Remus did not talk to Tonks. She was unsure if was cowardice to stay in her room at the Hog's Head from dusk till dawn, or if it was pathetic to wander the streets of Hogsmeade in that time, hoping to run into Remus. She considered whether things would be much different if she knew Remus was so close by; merely weeks prior, she would have given nearly everything to see him again, alive and well. Now, after he'd crushed all her hope of even maintaining a friendship, she felt foolish over the excitement of seeing him, when it was clear he did not want to see her.
This particular evening, the day before June's full moon, Tonks decided to venture down to the pub at the Hog's Head. In her earliest days, she would spend time observing the pub's patrons in the evening, or making small talk with Ab. Being the night before the full moon, Remus would be safely tucked away in his cottage; Tonks had even checked the patrol schedule to ensure he was not scheduled. Tonks felt ridiculous over all the precautions she had taken to ensure she would spend the evening alone in peace, and so she descended the stairs confidently, going to the bar to ask Ab for a warm Butterbeer.
He handed the beverage to her without a word, and Tonks turned around to sit at her favorite table, but found it was occupied by Remus, who looked as if he'd had several goblets full of Calming Draught. She was perplexed, excited, and terrified to see him at her table, but she didn't know if she should sit with him or avoid him. He had yet to look up from his own Butterbeer.
Tonks turned around to face Ab, looking at him expectantly. "What do I do?" she mouthed at him. Ab merely shrugged and went back to cleaning the glasses with his seemingly dirty dishcloth. Bewildered, Tonks stood in her spot, feeling the hammering in her chest more erratically than she had in months. She set the Butterbeer down momentarily while she gathered her thoughts.
Remus was in the Hog's Head pub on a night he was not scheduled for Order patrol.
Remus was not in his cottage the night before the full moon.
Remus was sitting in the very table he knew was Tonks' favorite.
Tonks had never seen Remus the night before the full moon.
Tonks had not seen Remus at the Hog's Head since their friendship-ending conversation.
Remus had not spoken to Tonks in weeks.
Tonks had not spoken to Remus in weeks.
Tonks had a decision to make. Be brave, she thought. Be brave, Tonks.
She took up her Butterbeer again and inhaled deeply before turning around. Remus was still sitting, eyes downcast, but he was breathing deeply. Tonks was certain he could smell her, and she decided it was now, or never. I am brave. I am courageous. I am an Auror. She repeated the words to herself as she approached the table were Remus sat.
"Is this seat taken?" she asked apprehensively.
"It's for you," Remus said, looking up into Tonks' eyes. Tonks felt her heart thump loudly at seeing Remus' eyes. This close to the full moon, the usual honey-brown eyes were nearly amber in color.
Tonks sat down in the chair and set down her Butterbeer, feeling déjà vu at the situation. Several weeks prior, they had been sitting at this very table, in the same chairs, before he destroyed any hope she had left.
"I am here because I want to be," Remus said suddenly. "I've been here every night for almost three weeks."
"Oh. Why?" Tonks kept her voice as emotionless as possible.
"I wanted to see you." Remus had his eyes downcast again, staring with great concentration at the Butterbeer mug in front of him.
"Why didn't you just come up to my room?" Tonks asked.
"I didn't want to force you to talk to me." Remus' voice was hoarse and husky, which sent a shiver down Tonks' spine.
"I could've slammed the door in your face."
"I didn't want to force you to interact with me."
"But you sat at my favorite table."
"It's the first time I've sat here in these three weeks."
"Why didn't you sit somewhere else tonight?"
Remus finally looked up at Tonks with his now-amber eyes and said quietly, "I wanted to hope."
Tonks sat back in her chair, utterly gobsmacked at what Remus had just said.
"I'm sorry, Remus, but could you say that again? I'm not sure I heard what you said," Tonks asked. He wanted to hope? Was that it?
"I wanted to hope," Remus said more clearly, still in a hoarse and husky voice, but with his eyes downcast again.
"What were you hoping for?" she asked.
"You."
Remus looked back up at Tonks, which caused her heart to flutter and gooseflesh to appear on her arms.
"Can you explain, Remus?"
He made a low whimpering noise, which startled Tonks. He began fidgeting with the buttons on his worn cardigan, appearing to brace himself for what he had to say, and bringing his gaze back down to the table.
"I don't want to live a life without you in it somehow," Remus said softly. "I'm not sure what I want, but I can't go another day without having you in it, somehow, or some way."
"Okay," Tonks said slowly. "Does this mean we are friends?"
"I don't know," Remus said.
Tonks was silent for the moment. She wanted to hear what Remus hoped for; this is what she had been waiting for.
"What do you want, Remus?" Tonks asked carefully.
"You." He glanced briefly into Tonks' eyes before looking back down at his Butterbeer.
"I, err, don't know what that means."
"I don't either."
"Okay."
"Okay?" Remus looked up with wide, bewildered eyes.
"I…don't want to tell you what to want," Tonks said. "I suppose this is a start. Did you read my letter?"
"Yes."
"You understand that I can't have you in and out of my life," Tonks said flatly.
"Yes."
"This is something you can…agree to?" Tonks asked, her heart thumping so loudly she felt it might burst out of its spot in her chest.
"Yes."
"Can you give me more than one-word answers?"
"Not yet," Remus almost smiled, looking up at Tonks with a sheepish expression. If it wasn't so adorable, Tonks thought, she might have been properly furious with him at the moment.
"Okay." Tonks drank the rest of her Butterbeer in large swigs.
"I'm going to go up to my room now," Tonks said. "I think you need to take some time to think about what you want, and I don't think I should be the one to help you with it."
"Okay," Remus agreed. "I will do that. I'll think on it."
"It's nice to see you again, Remus," Tonks said quietly. "I hope tomorrow night goes well for you."
"Thank you," Remus said, stealing one more glance into Tonks' eyes, before bringing his gaze back down, leaving Tonks to ascend the stairs to her room in solitude.
…..
The night of June's full moon, Tonks was anxious. She had seen Remus just the night before, but he had not contacted her. Not that she expected it – she was hoping Remus would take some time to think about what he wanted before coming to her with a decision. She had owled her parents to request to see them in the evening, before moonrise, so that she could safely return to her Hogwarts room for her protection at the full moon. The day passed in relative silence with Proudfoot, as Alfie had gone on holiday.
Once Tonks' patrolling was over, she Apparated to her parents', who were waiting for her with dinner.
"Thanks mum and dad," Tonks said quickly. "I've got something to tell you both."
"Are you alright, Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked. "You look worried."
"I saw Remus last night and he actually talked to me," Tonks said hastily, as both her parents raised their eyebrows in surprise.
"I know, I was gobsmacked too," Tonks said, upon seeing their reactions.
"Why don't you tell us what he told you over dinner, Dora?" Ted asked, as he led Tonks to the dining room, where some of her favorite foods were waiting for her. They sat down, and Tonks began to speak.
"It was a really short conversation," Tonks said. "He's been waiting for me every night at the pub but didn't go up to my room, 'cause he wanted me to come down and talk to him and not force me to talk to him, I guess. Didn't make a jot of sense, as I could've just slammed the door. Anyway, I ask him what he wants, and he says he wanted to hope, and he wanted me," Tonks explained, using two fingers to indicate the two things Remus wanted. "But he didn't say how, or why."
"So he didn't tell you if he wanted friendship or more?" Ted asked sternly.
"Right," Tonks clarified. "I told him to think on it."
"You didn't say anything else?" Andromeda asked.
"I didn't want to fuck it up," Tonks replied.
"Language, darling," Andromeda said with a sigh.
Tonks rolled her eyes. "He did read my letter and he agreed that I can't have him in and out of my life. He didn't say much more. Actually, he looked a lot like he did the first time I was at St. Mungo's and he'd taken a lot of that Calming Draught."
"This was last night?" Andromeda asked sharply. "The night before the full moon?"
"I know," Tonks said in surprise. "I've never seen him the day before the full moon. It must've been really important to him. Or, he's mental."
"I thought it was safer for you to be away from him the night before the full moon?" Ted asked, his brow also furrowed.
"I think he does that more out of safety," Tonks wondered aloud. "His eyes were amber. If he really meant to have me in his life again, then I'll ask him about it one day."
"Do you think he'll keep his end of the agreement, Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked.
"I hope so," Tonks said. "He said he wanted to hope, too."
"What do you want, sweetheart?" Ted asked tentatively.
"Remus," Tonks said simply. "He's all I've ever wanted."
"He said he wanted you?" Ted cocked his head to one side, asking for clarification.
"Yes, astonishingly. He's almost never that…direct. I asked him what he was hoping for and he said 'you,' which I had to assume referred to me, as it was just me and Ab in the pub. Then I asked what he wanted, and it was the same answer, me," Tonks said. "He doesn't know what he wants, or maybe he's too afraid? I didn't want to scare him off right away."
"Do you think he just needs a little push?" Andromeda asked.
"No," Tonks said curtly. "I want him to make the decision on his own. I don't want anyone else to force him to be with me. He has to want it."
"He's made it clear he wants you, hasn't he?" Andromeda inquired.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he wants me to be his girlfriend or whatever," Tonks said bitterly. "I wrote to him that I was fine with friendship. I'm not, at least not really. But it's better than what-ifs for the rest of my life."
"What if he wants the same as you?" Ted asked. "What if he wants more than friendship?"
"He's going to have to tell me, then, and mean it," Tonks replied.
"Think he'll do it?" Ted asked Andromeda.
"Perhaps, if he can summon that Gryffindor courage we've heard so much about," Andromeda said airily. "But let's set the matter to rest. Nymphadora, would you like cake?"
"Would I ever," she admitted, and then hesitated. "You'll owl me tomorrow to let me know if Remus is alive?"
"Of course, darling," Andromeda replied. "As always." Tonks exhaled a sigh of relief, and hugged her mother tightly, thankful again for whatever deities or fates had given her Andromeda and Ted Tonks as parents.