Title: Breaking The Cycle.

Chapter: 7.

Rating: M

Genre: Angst

Beta: Melanie39

Disclaimer: I don't own The OC.

Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 7

"Hey sleepyhead, you coming in for breakfast? Dad's made waffles." The sound of Seth's voice broke through Ryan's sleep.

"Hmmmm," he managed to groan.

Ryan heard Seth pulling up the blinds and knew that he wasn't going to be getting any more rest. He rolled over and sat up.

"Holy crap! What happened to you?" Seth exclaimed.

Shit, Ryan had been hot in the night and had taken his tee off. He'd been managing so far to keep his body covered around the house for fear that they'd see.

Ryan grabbed his tee off the floor and pulled it over his head.

"Seriously, dude. You look like you've been dragged through a rose bush and then pounded."

"It's nothing." Ryan felt bad enough as it was, without Seth pushing for information.

"Nothing…yeah right. I know you and Missy like getting a bit wild with each other but I didn't know you were into that 'whole' scene." Seth made commas in the air as he uttered the word 'whole' and laughed.

He watched as Ryan lifted his head slowly.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Ryan snapped, causing Seth to raise his eyebrows.

"I was only joking around bud. So, um…waffles in the kitchen."

Seth shut the door behind himself. It looked like gregarious Ryan had indeed vanished and been replaced by the ghosts of Ryan's past. He'd been acting freaky the past few days. He'd given up trying to decipher Ryan, you just had to go with his moods and if that meant running for the hills sometimes then so be it.

Ryan got up reluctantly. Missy's nails and fists had done a number on him - he had fully deserved it. The million-dollar question was once again on his mind. Would he have stopped? He liked to think he would have but there was that part of him that got out of control, the part of him that scared him the most, because it was the part of himself that he really didn't like, and the part of himself that he couldn't seem to get a handle on. He put a long sleeved shirt on over his tee and left by the beach path, waffles the furthest things from his mind. Danny, Becky and Missy all fought for space in his thoughts.

"So this thing with Danny is really making Ryan act kerr-fewie."

Seth helped himself to some salad. It was about time that someone brought it up, so it might as well be him. This was the third night in a row that Ryan hadn't shown up for dinner. He was supposedly helping out at the refuge but Seth knew that was a lie. The good thing about girls was they talked, not like some people and Missy had been venting to Summer. Summer was vague as to what was going on, telling Seth snippets, like the fact that Ryan was pretty much awol at the moment because 'something' had happened between him and Missy – something that they were trying to work out. Summer did tell him that she thought they were on the verge of a break up. Seth did not like the sound of that at all. He wondered what his parents knew and whether he should tell them, hence the not so subtle 'bring the conversation round to Ryan' manoeuvre.

"Yes, it's hit him hard, but I think he's coping." Sandy cut into his steak.

Coping…WTF? Sometimes his parents mystified him. They jumped on some things, like when he was twelve and stole a bottle of beer. Yup, they noticed that one bottle of beer was missing from the fridge but did they see that almost everyday he came home from school with pee filled shoes and torn tee shirts? No.

"You sure about that?" Seth muttered to himself and chowed down on a piece of tomato, looking at his plate intently.

"What do you mean?" Kirsten asked.

Seth looked up.

"Come on…you must have noticed the swift change from John-boy Walton back to Jim Stark?"

His parents looked at each other. Seth sighed.

"Jim Stark – brooding leather jacket wearing guy from Rebel Without a Cause? C'mon, Ryan's been outdoing Dean recently, you must have noticed.

"Yes Seth… we've noticed, but we're giving him some space. You know what happed last time we kept pushing him," Sandy told his son.

" As if I could forget the whole running away and overdosing in front of me. So we're just ignoring him and hoping he doesn't implode, 'cause the amount of mood swings he's been having recently I'm beginning to think he's a female."

"We haven't been ignoring him…we've been keeping a close watch, but you know Ryan, he still doesn't feel really comfortable talking to us when we force him too. Anyway, Sandy hopes to have some good news for him soon," Kirsten responded.

"Good news…. Really?" Seth shoved some more food in his mouth and talked around it. "Because Ryan is not one happy camper at the moment."

"It looks that way, things have yet to be finalized but it's looking good." Sandy looked tired; he'd worked his ass off on this one.

"That's great. Does Ryan know yet?" Seth perked up. Ryan would be happy again, he'd sort out his problem with Missy and all would be well with the world.

"Nope, no one knows yet. Until we have something concrete, we are not getting anyone's hopes up, but it's looking on track." Sandy answered.

"But it does look like Danny can go home?" Seth probed.

Seth watched his parents smile at one another.

"Go dad…. looks like you managed to divert another Ryan related disaster once more. Super PD to the rescue!" Seth joked, pushing his plate away. "Seriously it is going to be okay, isn't it? I mean, Ryan isn't going to flip again is he?"

"This is just a temporary blip." Sandy reassured him.

Seth picked a french fry off his plate and absently chewed on it. He hoped things would get back on an even keel. He liked things less complicated.

Missy threw the empty can of soda in the trash with a loud crash. No matter how much she tried to keep Ryan off the subject, they kept coming back to it again. It was getting stale. Ryan was not letting it go. It was like a big white elephant that kept gate crashing their party and Missy was sick of it. For days they had been going around in circles, always coming back to the same subject. Ryan's neuroses were starting to piss her off.

"Ryan, for fuck sake we have been over and over this. Just drop it," Missy hissed, trying to keep her voice low. The refuge was supposed to be a haven away from domestic arguments. Even though they were in her room she was aware that people knew that something was afoot.

"I can't drop it and it's obviously bothering you, no matter how many times

you say differently." Ryan replied.

"Leave it Ryan, it's no big deal." Part of what she said was true - it did bother her. They were good together but did they bring out the best or the worst in each other?

"No big deal? Have you seen the bruises on your arms…your wrists? I did that…me!"

Missy pulled up his sleeve and pointed to the scratches on his arm.

"Yeah, and I did that. How many times do I have to keep saying this? I hurt you- you hurt me. We were both pissed off and angry. Yeah, we both went too far but that is it. I found it hot, you found it hot, so we had sex. No great crime happened, Ryan."

"But…"

Missy swung round to face him. Ryan was so fucking infuriating sometimes. She was tired of having the same conversation again and again.

"Arghhh…. Ryan, please, if you can't see that this is about something bigger, then I think you need to see a new shrink…."

Ryan snapped his head up to meet her gaze.

"What?'

"You're not dumb, Ryan. Most other men would have put it all down to a spot of rough sex and not given it a second thought, but noooo - Ryan Atwood has to analyse and pick at the bones until everyone is fucking sick of it. You are not your father. And you cannot save every girl that comes along that reminds you of your mother. You need to get the stick out of you butt about this because you are never going to be happy unless you can let go of all your baggage. And I mean let it go properly and not just try and fool everyone into thinking that just because you go to your shrink regularly that everything is peachy."

Ryan got up and paced.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know how much longer you can go on fooling yourself about this. Do the Cohens even know that the help they're paying for is not really doing much for you? Do they know that you are still skirting around certain issues? You've already told me that you pretty much tell him only what he wants to hear. You are living in denial. Why the fuck can't you be honest with your shrink, that's what he's there for. What are you frightened of?"

"That has nothing to do with anything, Missy." Ryan said quietly.

"No? Danny is the classic example of wish fulfilment and Becky is a cross between Marissa, your mom and just about every woman from the movie of the week, and you fall for it everytime. Even now you'd go running to her, even though she's treated you like a doormat – after all you did for her she turns around and kicks you in the nuts by taking away the one thing she knows means anything to you- Danny. You'll never learn will you…she used you and when you wouldn't give her what she wanted she just cut you loose. She doesn't care about you, or she wouldn't have done that to you. And you obsessing that Danny being taken way is somehow your fault is a crock. Becky is a screw up Ryan and maybe, just maybe, Danny is better off without her. Have you thought of that? Or do you just want to reunite them so you can go and finally play happy families."

Missy was aware she was in full bitch mode but part of what she said was true. She did doubt Ryan's motives over this. She had no doubt in her mind that if Danny went home then Becky would call and Ryan would drop everything and go sprinting to the rescue. That wasn't going to happen if she could help it.

Ryan put his hands up.

"Annnd it comes back to that. I wondered when it would. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you treating me like a kid who doesn't know better, Missy; you can be so fucking patronising, you think you know fucking everything." His voice was harsh and accusing. He watched as Missy flinched at his words.

Ryan sat on her bed and sighed.

"I think we need a time out from all this shit."

Missy gave a bitter laugh. "So you're bailing on us?"

"No…no, but we can't keep arguing like this can we? As you say, we keep going over the same things again and again recently. The more pissed we get, then the more we throw at each other. For days we've been sniping at each other and that's not us. I think we need a break."

"A break? We might as well just split then - that's what you're saying, isn't it, but you haven't got the balls to just come out with it." Missy rounded on Ryan. "It's fine by me, my life would be a whole lot simpler without you believe me. So why don't you just fuck off Ryan."

Ryan got off the bed and grabbed his coat.

"Just fuck off Ryan, go find Becky. I'm sure she'll welcome you with open arms if you tell her you're a free agent now."

He slammed his door on the way out and stomped down the stairs, ignoring the looks from several people he passed. He got in the car, gunned the engine and roared off down the street. It wasn't till he'd gone five blocks that his brain caught up with his body. He knew he should turn the car around and go back but he was tired of the arguments. They both needed time to cool down and re-group, so he pulled out his cigarettes from his jacket with one hand. He needed a smoke to calm himself down. He lit it with the car lighter, took a deep drag and pressed his foot to the gas pedal. He needed to blow the cobwebs from his head.

Tomorrow...he'd sort it out tomorrow.

Ryan arrived home twenty minutes after his curfew. He pulled into the drive and got out the car. He contemplated just sneaking round the back to the pool house but figured that he'd only be putting off the inevitable.

"Sorry I'm late." He got that out of the way to start with.

"Where have you been?" Sandy asked, as he poured some coffee for the two of them.

"With Missy. Then out driving, clearing my head."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah… it did. I lost track of time, sorry."

"Don't make a habit of it, okay? We were worried."

"Sorry."

"You know I wish I had a dollar for every time you apologized to us. I'd be rich." Sandy put a cup down in front of Ryan.

"You're already rich." Ryan gave a small laugh.

"Correction …my wife is rich." Sandy grinned, then frowned as the front doorbell peeled. He went to answer the door as Ryan took a swig of his coffee; it was strong and stewed, just as he liked it. He could hear murmuring in the hall but didn't pay any attention.

Ryan looked up as Sandy re-entered the kitchen. His heart sank as he took in the two uniforms that followed.

"Ryan…" Sandy said his name.

"What's happened?" He asked.

"I'm sorry to have to inform you…" One of the cops started to say.

Ryan knew what those words meant. He was aware that Sandy had moved to his side and was squeezing his shoulder.

The words swam around the kitchen. He could see Seth stood at the door tying his robe around himself and Kirsten behind him - both looking confused.

i Camero…. Head on crash…nothing they could do…. Died at the scene…. Trying to find her next of kin….identify the body. /i

He stared at the cops. Looked into their eyes and wondered how many times they had to tell people news like this…wondering if they even cared anymore.

"Ryan?" Sandy shook his shoulder.

"Mmm." He looked up.

"You okay kid?" His voice dripped with concern.

Yeah he was fine. He got up.

"Which hospital?"

"Ryan, you don't have to do this now. We can contact her mother and get her to come down and identify the….body." Ryan shut his eyes as Sandy baulked at saying the word.

"No, she'd want me to do this. Not her mom, she'd want her mom spared this."

Ryan took several deep breaths and picked up his coat.

In a few short hours Missy had gone from being his girlfriend to a lifeless body lying in the morgue.

He wished he could rewind the clock – he wished he could claw back the last words he'd said- that they both had said to each other. Wished he could take back the last week and replay it differently.

He could hear the clock ticking in his head, mocking him. It grew louder until he swayed and the room went black.

tbc

R+R and I'll love ya forever.