D,
I've a few engagements checking up on the children this week. Can we meet Monday before my shift? 5pm, usual place.
R
Tonks stared at the scrap bit of parchment, feeling foolish; she had already memorized its contents, and was holding onto the scrap as if it were a lifeline. It was finally Monday, 30th June, and she had been anxiously playing with the hems of her robes all day. She had been notified that Dumbledore could be leaving the castle any day now for a mysterious errand, and to keep alert for any mysterious goings-on.
Thus, it was a nervous, fidgety Tonks sitting at the table at the Hog's Head who Remus would be seeing today. Despite her best efforts – she was wearing the new clothes her mother had purchased for her, which were surprisingly appropriate for her – she felt unprepared for the meeting. Following their last confusing conversation, Tonks was on edge waiting to hear what Remus would have to say. Did he want her in his life, truly? As friends, or as…no, Tonks thought, best put that possibility out of my mind before he arrives.
Just as Tonks looked up to the door for the seventeenth time in as many seconds, Remus came through the door. He looked happier than she had remembered him. He was still in his shabby, threadbare clothing, but he looked surprisingly content. It was an unnerving sight, if Tonks were being honest with herself. She hardly expected him to look…happy…upon entering the Hog's Head. What could it possibly mean?
As Remus made his way to the table, Tonks ventured the conversation with a casual, "Wotcher, Remus."
"Hello," he said, suddenly nervous. His eyes betrayed the recent bit of happiness he'd experienced, and Tonks felt herself blurt out, "What happened?"
Remus raised one of his brows quizzically, but smiled. Whatever Tonks was expecting, this behavior from Remus was not it.
"Something's off," Tonks said, drawing her wand. "Where was our first date?"
"A pub in Cardiff," Remus replied. "Though I like to think it was the first time you invited me to your flat when you first moved in and I met your cat, Ophelia."
"So it is you," Tonks said in confusion.
"I had a recent bit of good news," Remus said with a weak smile. "Two of the werewolf children – Denys and Wally – I'm their godfather now."
"That's wonderful, Remus," Tonks said truthfully. "I'm happy for you."
"I've never been a godfather before," Remus said. "I hope I do alright by them."
"I'm sure you will," Tonks said, feeling the anxiety build from all that was left unsaid. "Are you going to sit?"
Remus nodded and sat in the seat across from Tonks, and proceeded to fidget with the buttons of his cardigan.
"So." Tonks said nervously.
"So." Remus repeated, in a similar tone. "I've been thinking a lot lately."
"I would hope so," Tonks quipped, feeling her heart racing.
"I would like for you to be my friend," Remus said slowly. "You are already my best friend, I realized. I would like for you to be my friend."
"Just friends?" Tonks said despondently. "No more than friendship?" Tonks looked down at her hands. Although she had been talking herself into expecting the offer of friendship, she had been hoping for more.
"I think that's for the best," Remus said steadily. "I know it's not…ideal…for either of us, but I think it's for the best."
"Why?" Tonks heard herself asking. "Is it the same usual stuff?" She bit her tongue, trying to avoid the use of the word excuses.
"Yes," Remus sighed. "I'm so—"
But Remus didn't finish his sentence, as a cat-shaped Patronus came ambling into the Hog's Head, speaking in Minerva McGonagall's voice: "Trouble at the castle. Seventh floor corridor, now."
Tonks and Remus stood, but Aberforth got in their way.
"Use the Floo – it will be faster," he ordered, shoving a pot of Floo powder into their faces. Remus was confused, but Tonks took him by the hand and tossed a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace, calling "Headmaster's office!" into the space.
Dumbledore's office was eerily quiet and still, but Tonks and Remus paid no attention to the uncomfortable silence as they ran down the stone steps and out to the corridor, running towards the seventh-floor corridor.
As they approached the corridor, Remus and Tonks were joined by Ron, Ginny, and Neville.
"Death Eaters!" Ron shouted. "In the castle!"
No sooner than Ron had made the announcement, Tonks heard the scuffle and beheld the scene in the corridor. Flashes of light and destruction surrounded the walls –Hermione and Luna were already in the midst of the battle, but none of the spells hurtled their way were landing on them. Ron, Ginny, and Neville joined in, and soon Flitwick, McGonagall, and Bill Weasley were fighting alongside the children.
Tonks saw the Death Eaters fighting against the children and immediately went into battle. Her blood curdled at the sight of both her aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange, and her newest nemesis, Fenrir Greyback. She did not recognize a few of the Death Eaters, but it didn't matter. They were fighting against those she loved, and she was ready for battle.
"Petrificus totalus!" shouted Tonks at a big, blonde-haired Death Eater. He blocked the spell and sent a stunning spell at Tonks, which she blocked easily.
"If I'd known it was a family reunion, I'd have invited your mother to watch!" Bellatrix suddenly shouted at Tonks. "Wouldn't she like to see this?" Bellatrix screeched, causing the hairs on the back of Tonks' neck to stand still.
"Crucio!" cast a cackling Bellatrix at Tonks, but Remus had already blocked the torture spell and sent Bellatrix flying into the wall behind her.
Tonks turned around to see Fenrir Greyback lunging towards Luna, and the younger witch attempting to stun him. Her spells merely slowed Fenrir, and so Tonks cast "Stupefy!" at Fenrir, knocking him back as well.
The big, blonde-haired Death Eater was back on his feet and firing curses after Tonks, in all directions. His tactic seemed to be causing destruction everywhere around the battle, causing large hunks of stone and debris to fall onto those battling. Tonks was casting spells to keep the giant pieces of stone from striking anyone. As she cast a "Reducto!" to destroy the spell, Tonks noticed Fenrir Greyback had stirred from his stunner and was lunging towards her.
"I do like children, but you'll do just fine as a plaything," Fenrir jeered, licking his lips. Tonks saw his lustful eyes as he approached her, and he had successfully avoided her next stunning spell.
Though Remus was fighting against a separate Death Eater, he petrified his opponent before jumping in front of Tonks, and casting a curse to throw Fenrir back into the wall.
Before Tonks could give a thanks to Remus, Bellatrix was back after her.
"Cruc—" Bellatrix began, but Tonks shouted "Protego!" , thus stopping the Cruciatus Curse from hitting her body again.
"Brought your own beast, have we?" Bellatrix mocked, as she cast more curses towards Tonks.
"Stupefy! Impedimenta! Petrificus total—" Tonks kept firing protective spells or spells to stop Bellatrix, but the Death Eater was faster than she expected.
"IF only your dear mummy were here," Bellatrix sneered. "Dinner and a show, my beastie and then yours!"
Remus was at Tonks' aid before she could notice; he too was firing curses all around Bellatrix, forcing her to retreat.
Snape's voice was suddenly heard through the fray, as he directed the Death Eaters out of the corridor. The Malfoy boy and Harry Potter were both following Snape through the corridor; Harry was aiding in the battle against the Death Eaters, fighting against the Death Eater casting the torture curse at Ginny. To Tonks' great surprise, the Death Eaters had followed Snape's orders – except for Fenrir, who had launched himself on Bill Weasley.
"Stupefy!" cried Remus at Fenrir, as the other werewolf was hurtled off Bill's face. Tonks rushed to Bill's side. Fenrir had slashed Bill's face open in a grotesque way, and Bill's breathing was shaky and ragged. Tonks conjured a stretcher for Bill, and cast a charm on Bill to float him on top of the stretcher. She turned around to find Remus, who had clearly been in a scuffle with the other werewolf, given the dust and blood on his clothes. The other werewolf was nowhere to be found, and so Remus helped Tonks bring Bill's mangled body down to the Hospital Wing.
Madam Pomfrey gasped upon seeing Bill's monstrously slashed face and began applying a foul-smelling green paste to his face.
Footsteps rushed to Bill's bedside – Ron, Hermione, and Luna had joined them in the Hospital Wing, bringing Neville with his own injuries. Madam Pomfrey quickly attended to Neville, giving him several potions, one of which Tonks suspected induced sleep, as the boy appeared to lose consciousness fairly quickly upon taking the potion.
Tonks turned back around to see Bill lying in the hospital bed, his face still disturbingly open with bleeding wounds.
Harry suddenly burst through the Hospital Wing doors with Ginny, and Hermione went to hug Harry anxiously. Tonks looked at the bespectacled young wizard and noticed his face was marred with grime and…tears? The boy had seen or done something traumatic; Tonks was certain of this.
Remus stepped forward hesitantly towards Harry. "Are you alright, Harry?" he asked.
"I'm fine…how's Bill?" replied Harry.
No one answered, but they all stared at Bill's bloodied, unrecognizable face in the bed.
"Can't you fix them with a charm or something?" Harry asked Madam Pomfrey.
"No charm will work on these," she replied. "I've tried everything I know, but there is no cure for werewolf bites."
"But he wasn't bitten at the full moon," said Ron. "Greyback wasn't transformed, so surely Bill wont be a – a real –?"
Ron looked uncertainly at Remus.
"No, I don't think that Bill will be a true werewolf," said Remus, "but that does not mean that there won't be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely to heal fully, and – Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on."
"Dumbledore might know something that'd work, though," Ron said. "Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave Bill in this state—"
"Ron—Dumbledore's dead," said Ginny. Tonks felt her heart sink into her stomach; Dumbledore? Dead? It couldn't be!
"No!" Remus shouted, looking anxiously between Ginny and Harry, but looked utterly destroyed upon hearing otherwise, and slumped into the first available chair near Bill's bedside.
Tonks' own thoughts were swirling, and she managed to speak. "How did he die?" she whispered. "How did it happen?"
"Snape killed him," said Harry. "I was there, I saw it. We arrived back on the Astronomy Tower because that's where the mark was…Dumbledore was ill, he was weak, but I think he realized it was a trap when we heard footsteps running up the stairs. He immobilized me and I couldn't do anything, I was under the Invisibility Cloak – and then Malfoy came through the door and disarmed him—"
Collective gasps were heard throughout the Hospital Wing, as the pit of lead in Tonks' stomach grew heavier. Her own cousin? As if her mother's family couldn't sink any lower, the Malfoy boy had been involved with the travesty that was Albus Dumbledore's murder.
"—and more Death Eaters arrived – and then Snape – and Snape did it. The Avada Kedavra…" Harry's voice trailed off, as if he couldn't go on anymore.
Madam Pomfrey burst into tears, but Ginny whispered, "Shh! Listen!" The sound was quiet at first, but it was unmistakably a phoenix lament: Fawkes. Fawkes was mourning the Headmaster's Death.
After a while, McGonagall stepped through the Hospital Wing and announced that Molly and Arthur were on their way. When McGonagall was informed of what had happened, her reaction was shock as well.
"Snape," McGonagall said faintly, falling into a chair. 'We all wondered…trusted…always…Snape…I can't believe it…"
"Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens," said Remus, his voice harsher than Tonks had ever heard it. "We always knew that."
The next several minutes passed as they discussed Snape's supposed allegiance to Dumbledore and the Order, with the next topic on the question of how the Death Eaters had come into the castle at all. Harry had informed them that it was through a Vanishing Cabinet at Borgin & Burkes, with the identical one in the Room of Requirement. They discussed the battle at length, lamenting where and when they'd gone wrong. Tonks felt guilt coursing through her veins; she should have stopped Snape. She should have been closer to the castle. She'd let him go…
Her reverie was broken when Molly and Arthur came bursting through the doors to the Hospital Wing, along with a worried-looking Fleur Delacour.
"Bill," whispered Molly, darting past Professor McGonagall as she saw Bill's face. "Oh, Bill!"
Remus and Tonks got up from their chairs hastily so that Arthur and Molly could get nearer to their son.
"You said Greyback attacked him?" Arthur asked. "But he hadn't transformed? So what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?"
"We don't yet know," replied McGonagall, looking expectantly at Remus, whose face was set in a bewildered grimace.
Remus looked deep in thought, and slowly said, "There will probably be some contamination, Arthur. It is an odd case, possibly unique….we don't know what his behavior might be like when he awakens…" Remus looked concernedly at Bill, as Arthur spoke again.
"And Dumbledore…Minerva, is it true?" McGonagall nodded. Arthur repeated, "Dumbledore gone."
Molly began sobbing at Bill's bedside, crying, "Of course, it doesn't matter how he looks…it's not r-really important….but he was a very handsome little b-boy…always very handsome…and he was g-going to be married!"
"And what do you mean by zat?" said Fleur suddenly and loudly. "What do you mean, ''e was going to be married'"
"Well – only that -" Molly began.
"You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me anymore?" demanded Fleur. "You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me?"
"No, that's not what I -" Molly stammered.
"Because 'e will," said Fleur. "It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!"
"Well, yes, I'm sure," said Molly, "but I thought perhaps – given how - how he—"
"You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps, you hoped?" said Fleur angrily. "What do I care how he looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show that my husband is brave! And I shall do zat!" Fleur added hotly, snatching the ointment from Molly's hands.
Tonks was viewing the scene with her heart hammering in her chest. Fleur didn't care if Bill was mangled. Fleur didn't care if Bill was a sort-of werewolf. Fleur, the most beautiful woman Tonks had ever laid eyes on, didn't care that Bill was no longer as handsome as he once was. If Fleur could feel this way, and others believed her, why couldn't Remus see how she felt about him?
Molly broke the awkward silence. "Our Great-Auntie Muriel has a very beautiful tiara – goblin-made – which I am sure I could persuade her to lend you for the wedding. She is very fond of Bill, you know, and it would look lovely with your hair."
"Thank you," Fleur said stiffly. "I am sure zat will be lovely."
Suddenly, both Fleur and Molly were crying and hugging one another as the others stared in amazement.
Tonks felt the heat rising in her chest and cheeks, as she saw the women embracing. Molly didn't care that Bill was mangled. Molly accepted Fleur marrying Bill. Fleur, the most beautiful woman, wanted Bill, no matter what he looked like. She wanted Bill, no matter how he might be contaminated. She didn't know the details of Bill's condition – she wanted to love him, no matter what. Tonks looked at Remus, who stared stonily ahead. How could Remus be so thick? Couldn't he see the similarities?
Before she could stop herself, Tonks was speaking angrily. "You see!" she shouted at Remus, who looked every bit bewildered as the others in the Hospital Wing.
Tonks glared at Remus, and continued speaking. "She still wants to marry him even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"
Remus' eyes flashed amber-gold before returning to their honey-brown. "It's different," he said, barely moving his lips and looking tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—"
"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Remus' threadbare robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times…" Her nostrils were flaring and her face was hot and angry. She was exhausted from the waiting. She was exhausted from their back-and-forth. She was exhausted, angry, and had run out of the patience she'd been forcing herself to practice.
Remus spoke again, still staring stonily ahead. "And I've told you a million times," he looked to the floor, embarrassed. "That I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…"
Molly interjected now, saying, "I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus." Tonks turned around, feeling both angry and grateful for the matronly witch. She didn't want Remus to feel any more pressure, but she was grateful that others were coming to her aid in proving that Remus could, and should be loved.
"I am not being ridiculous," Remus said firmly, still refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole." Tonks felt enraged at the statement. Young and whole? What did she care for age or health? If Fleur, impossibly beautiful Fleur, cared for the mangled Bill, why was it so hard to believe that Tonks cared for Remus, no matter how many scars he held?
"But she wants you," Arthur interrupted. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." Arthur gestured towards Bill lying in the bed.
"This is…not the moment to discuss it," Remus said, averting his eyes from everyone's stares and looking distractedly around the room. "Dumbledore is dead…"
"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said McGonagall curtly.
Tonks looked up at Remus, who was now staring steadfastly into the ground. Hagrid had now come into the Hospital Wing and was discussing the matter of moving Dumbledore's body.
She was now lost in her own thoughts, feeling suddenly guilty and selfish for making such a scene in the Hospital Wing. What had possessed her to make an outburst? She had never been one for tact, but she was feeling especially guilty over her outburst, as Bill lay bleeding on the hospital bed, and against the tragedy of Dumbledore's death. After that outburst, there was no possible way Remus would want to be anywhere near her.
The number of people in the room changed; McGonagall, Hagrid, and Harry had left, and now the Weasleys, Hermione, and Luna were gathered around Bill's hospital bed, whispering quietly. Tonks looked to her side; Remus was still staring intently ahead.
Tonks felt the tears welling up in her eyes; she'd made a fool of herself again in front of Remus. She'd humiliated herself in front of nearly a dozen others, all over her ill-timed outburst proclaiming her love for Remus. Without bothering to say goodbye or giving so much as a glance to another soul, Tonks took herself away from the Hospital Wing and began trudging towards the door. She didn't bother looking back; Remus would never follow her. Remus, who had offered her friendship mere hours before, would never want to be around her again. Her selfish, immature outpouring of love had seen to that.
Tonks rushed to the castle gates, eager to have the earth swallow her into oblivion. She wanted to run far away from Hogwarts now, hoping she'd never have to see Remus or anyone else again. Shame, a feeling she hated to feel, was wracking her body, and she wanted to run away to anywhere that would take her.
She began running now, hoping the rush of endorphins might improve her mood. She ran, tears streaming down her face, towards the Hog's Head. She would pack her things and demand a new assignment from Scrimgeour, paperwork be damned. She would find a way to get as far away from Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, and anywhere Remus Lupin would be. She would find another way of helping the Order, away from those she'd embarrassed herself in front of. Tonks knew it was cowardice, but perhaps she was finally understanding what Remus had said so long ago – maybe her heart needed protecting, too.
She stopped herself as she looked in the mirror. Her hair was still the lame mousy brown she'd always hated. Her clothes – a new set her mother had just gotten for her – were already ruined by dust, grime, tears, blood, and sweat. The year had done its damage on her thin frame. The proof of her shame and embarrassment was now out in the open for everyone to see.
Feeling overwhelmed, Tonks threw herself into the bed she had at the Hog's Head, feeling more terrible than ever. How could she face anyone after that graceless emotional outburst? How could she face herself after embarrassing herself and Remus so thoroughly in front of everyone?
The tears began pouring out of her in earnest, and she sobbed loudly into her pillow. Remus had been willing to offer her friendship just hours before, and now she had thrown away any chance or hope of more. She had thrown away her chance at happiness with him, even if it was only in friendship. She wept violently into her bedclothes, cursing her impulsivity for ruining her happiness once again.
Her sobbing was interrupted by pounding at the door. It was urgent pounding – not the rap-rap-rap of Ab, not the knock-knock of others, and not even the staccato tck-tck-tck of an impatient Auror. This was earnest pounding on the door, and Tonks barely cared to lift herself up from the bed.
She called hoarsely, "come in!", not bothering to see who it was. If it was an enemy, so much the better for putting her out of her current misery, she thought bitterly to herself.
The door swung open and Tonks saw a tall figure through her tears approaching her bed with urgency. Before she comprehended what was happening, she found herself being held tightly against Remus Lupin's chest, his hand softly stroking her limp hair.
"I'm here now," he whispered into her ear. She felt dazed; was it really Remus, or was it a cruel joke? She didn't care, as the man holding her as she sobbed violently smelled like Remus, and she was too bothered to care if she'd be hexed into oblivion for playing the part of the fool.
"Shh," Remus murmured. "I'm here. Dora, I'm here for you."
"Just kill me already," Tonks said miserably. "Whoever you are, just put me out of my misery."
"Dora, it's me, Remus," he said. "There's no one else here."
"Remus won't want anything to do with me," Tonks retorted, still holding onto the stranger tightly. "Whoever used this for Polyjuice, it's a cruel joke, and just k-kill me."
"Dora, sweetheart, no," he insisted, pulling away from her. He took his hands and placed them on either side of Tonks' cheeks.
"My love," Remus said softly. "Dora, it is I, Remus John Lupin. I am a werewolf. I am old and poor and dangerous, and as of a half hour ago, you said you still wanted me. I came to tell you I want you, too. I came to tell you I love you. You're the only one I've ever wanted. Please tell me you'll still have me."
Tonks looked into the man's honey-brown eyes, her vision still blurred by fat, salty tears. He sounded like Remus. He smelled like Remus. He felt like Remus. His certainty, his speech, his words – it all sounded very much unlike Remus.
Tonks burst into tears again, wondering if it was all an illusion. Had she gone mental? Had she lost her mind in the last hour? Was she so hopelessly heartbroken that the man before her was a stunningly real figment of her imagination?
The illusion-Remus gathered her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest, rocking her softly and drawing his hand through her hair again. "Please tell me I still have a chance with you, Dora," Remus said quietly. "I love you more than I knew I could love anyone."
Tonks wept forcefully against the illusion; if she was hallucinating, at least it was an enjoyable hallucination, albeit a cruel one formed from the deepest desires of her subconscious.
The illusion-Remus continued rocking Tonks against his body, letting her go slightly to adjust her so that they were laying against one another, with Tonks' tear-streaked face pressed against the illusion's chest.
"Dora, my lovely, beautiful Dora," Remus murmured. "I'm here for you now. Please tell me you still want me."
Tonks fought against the urge to push the illusion away; if she'd gone mental, at least her last lucid memory would be of Remus' gentle, soothing voice calming her. She merely crawled further into the illusion, letting the tears fall freely into its chest. Perhaps this was dying; perhaps the stranger had already killed her and she was merely falling away into oblivion. Not knowing what reality was, she felt herself slip into unconsciousness.
…
Tonks' puffy eyes fluttered open. Light streamed through the window of her room at the Hog's Head. She hadn't remembered much from the night before. She recollected running into her room, sobbing, and then pounding at the door. A stranger, an illusion of Remus, had come in. It had comforted her, and she must have fallen asleep. Tonks sat up and looked around the space. It was neater and cleaner than it had been before; hadn't she thought of packing her things and running away? That was it, wasn't it?
It must have been a dream, Tonks decided. A cruel, but pleasant dream in which Remus had returned to her after her humiliating outburst at the Hospital Wing. He'd told her he loved her, and asked if she still wanted him. Tonks remembered little else. It had all been an illusion or a dream, after all.
She sat up from her bed, still in the ruined clothes from the battle the night before. It all came back to her. The battle – Dumbledore dying. Bellatrix. Fenrir. Remus. Bill. The faces, the bloodied images, the crumpled heaps of the seventh-floor corridor all came rushing through Tonks' imagination.
She placed her feet on the floor. Her shoes had been removed – or had she taken them off? She couldn't remember. Perhaps all of it had been a terrible dream. Dumbledore couldn't really be dead. She hadn't really fought against her two greatest nemeses the night before. She hadn't really declared her love publicly and humiliatingly in the Hospital Wing. No, none of that could've been real. It had perhaps been a panic attack, or a hallucination brought on by the stress of the year.
Tonks' thoughts were disturbed by a rapping at the window. A Ministry owl, Tonks recognized. She opened the window and snatched the letter from its beak. The owl must not have been urgent, or needed a reply, as it flew back out the window as soon as Tonks had received the letter. She opened it and began to read:
Dear Auror Tonks,
Due to the battle at Hogwarts castle last night, you have been granted the day off from your duties at Hogsmeade. We expect you to report to your regularly scheduled duties tomorrow morning, 2nd July, following a mandatory all-Auror meeting at the Ministry at 8 am. Do not be late.
Kingsley Shacklebolt, on behalf of Rufus Scrimgeour
The battle hadn't been an illusion, then, if Kingsley had written to her; he would never gaslight her. If the battle hadn't been a hallucination, then had the rest been real? Had she really declared her love for Remus? Had he been real as well? Had Remus really come back to ask if he was too late?
Tonks felt her heart hammering in her chest, wondering where Remus might be. She hesitated before casting the Patronus Charm. What if it had been an illusion? What if that part of the evening had not been real, and merely brought on by the stress and humiliation of the battle and Hospital Wing?
Tonks looked around the room again. Nothing quite made sense. She went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror; puffy, red-rimmed eyes. Bloodied, torn, grimy clothes. Long, mousy brown hair. Everything was the same, and yet it was different. Dumbledore was gone. Snape had betrayed the Order. She had been powerless to stop it all. Sighing, she decided to shower and change clothes.
She let the hot water pour over her aching, bruised, battle-worn body. The water was brownish-red from the dust and blood left behind on her body, but eventually ran clear. She stepped out of the shower and placed a drying charm on her limp hair. She stared at her thin, naked frame. Her skin continued looking pale and sickly, but little else had changed.
She rummaged through a pile of hopefully clean clothes and haphazardly dressed herself in knickers, torn jeans, and a worn t-shirt. It wasn't perfect, but she felt accomplished for having cleaned herself in the new world she'd woken up to – a world which no longer included a living Albus Dumbledore and did include her enormous humiliation.
Once she was dressed, she stepped out of the bathroom and into the room she was staying in. Ophelia was not visible – she must have been out hunting rats for Ab. The little monster was blissfully unaware of her mistress' distress. Tonks looked around the room and found no food, so she summoned her courage to descend the stairs to see what Ab had cooked up for breakfast that morning.
She stepped down the stairs slowly, wincing slightly at some of the bruises she had incurred as a result of the fight from the night before. She looked up and saw Remus Lupin at the table she had shared with him, with a large plate of cinnamon rolls in front of him.
Tonks felt her heart thumping loudly and erratically at the sight. Was she still hallucinating?
Remus stood from where he sat and strode confidently – that was unusual in itself – towards Tonks.
"Dora?" he asked, his voice low and soft. "Are you alright?"
"Is this real?" she asked in return, looking past Remus to see the Hog's Head as she remembered it. It was still a dusty, dark, grimy place. Aberforth was in his usual spot, cleansing dishes with a grimy cloth. The goats bleated from the back of the building. Everything felt as it should be, so why did Remus appear so unusual?
Remus chuckled softly. "It is real, Dora. Come, sit with me." Tonks felt her hand being taken by Remus' own and led to the table with the cinnamon rolls. Suddenly ravenous, Tonks took a cinnamon roll and took a bite, feeling the sweet, warm taste of cinnamon fill her senses.
"You made these," Tonks said, looking up to Remus, who remained steadily staring at her.
"I did," Remus admitted. "Ab allowed me to use his kitchen this morning."
"You are really real?" Tonks asked, still unsure of what she was seeing.
"I am," Remus replied. "I was with you last night until you fell asleep. I came down this morning to make these for you."
Tonks let the words wash over her. Everything was real. The pub, the cinnamon rolls, the shame – Remus. It had all been real. The realization hit Tonks like a herd of hippogriffs. She gasped, looking down at the rolls and back up to Remus. It was all real.
Looking back into Remus' honey-brown eyes, Tonks summoned the only words she could think of: "You bastard."