"Is she alive?" - I heard the voice of a woman asking.

"Affirmative, Commander. Her physical body is presenting regular pattern orange and vital signs are stable." - A male voice responded.

"Thank God. Jason, is there any signs of mental contamination?"

"Well, the brain signals are also stable and there are no signs of any physical harm. But the readings show that there are some anomalies in her brain patterns. They are under control at the moment, but they may escalate quickly, causing permanent damage in the long term. Like what happened to..."

"As long as she is still able to pilot, it's not an issue."

- a third voice. A frightening and... familiar one?

"You... you knew that the procedure wasn't safe. You almost killed her and all of us. If it wasn't for the safety measures it would be a disaster, just like it happened in Nevada!"

"It was expressly stated that that procedure involved risk, especially for the pilot. And she consented to it. She volunteered. It's not my fault if she failed to read the fine print."

"What? You're talking about consent, now? She is still a child!"

"Her age is irrelevant. She is a pilot and nothing else. Always has been. Considering the records and what she said in the last recorded battle, she would rather die trying to succeed in a mission than to back off a challenge. Quite different from that other pilot and exactly what the world needs right now. People willing to make sacrifices to ensure the survival of mankind. Don't you agree, Commander?"

"You..."

"Either way. The experiment was a failure as we couldn't get the S2 engine to activate properly. It seems that we will need to add more of the substance to the subject to make it work. I will ask the committee to try the diplomatic approach, but when the Division Bell inevitably rings, we will have to be prepared for other measures."

Footsteps. A door closing. Silence.

The sound of a gun being loaded.

"Avil, where..."

"I'm going to Japan."

"Are you crazy?"

"We need to anticipate his next moves and fight against this conspiracy. I'll go with Jason, and I will also need agents Dan, Yubi and Acqua to come with me. We have to inform Yuko about the true nature of this project and try to avoid the worst-case scenario."

"And while you are going to this suicide mission what I'm supposed to do?"

"What you have been done all that time, Commander. Take care of the Sohryu kid."

'What is that? Sunlight? It hurts... my head feels... strange.'

'Why am I crying? I decided that I would not cry anymore.'

'I feel… sick. What a disgusting feeling.'

'Where I am? I'm not here. Where are… you?'

"Asuka... are you ok?" - I turned to see the source of the voice. A woman, wearing a white coat was standing right behind of the machine that monitored my vital signs.

"Who the heck are you? And what am I doing here?"

"P-please calm down Asuka... It's natural that you are feeling confused right now, but we are here to help you." - said a woman with a black suit who was standing by the door.

Help me? The idea made me angry. I never needed help. Certainly not from them. Not from anyone.

"Tell me, Asuka... what is the last thing you remember?" - the doctor said, with a look of concern in her eyes.

"I..." - the pain in my head intensifies. "Kaji. My Unit 2. W... what happened?"

The two women looked at each other in astonishment. I could notice that they were hiding something and certainly arranging some convenient lie between them. But it didn't matter. They won't fool me, ever. I would get out of here and then…

"Asuka... to say it all in short terms, we… have lost. Third Impact happened." - the doctor said.

My heart stopped for a few seconds. What did she mean? we lost? Was I... have been defeated? After having prepared myself for this my whole life?

"You've got to be kidding. It's a lie, isn't it? It has to be a lie! Where is Kaji? I want to see him now."

"Asuka..."

"ENOUGH!" - I said, getting up from the bed while removing the oximeter and other equipment that was reading my vital signs, also knocking over a metal tray that contained some medicines and notes.

Only to fall to the floor soon after, without the strength to get up. The black suited woman came toward me to help me up, ignoring my attempts to push her away.

"Asuka... a lot of time has passed since Third Impact happened. We haven't heard anything from Kaji in years."

Years?

"Leave. Me. Alone!" I screamed while I was trying to disengage myself from the woman's grapple.

'No. No . NO! It's just another nightmare... it can't be real... if we lost the war, it means that I've failed as an Eva pilot. And if I've also lost Kaji, then... then... what's left for me?'

I looked at the metal tray on the floor. It was like staring at a mirror, and therefore I could see the reflection of my face.

Ruined.

Scarred.

Like a freak.

At that moment, I realized that I have really lost everything.

Asuka Langley Sohryu was dead.

And nobody would care about it.

Nobody would help me.

Help me, Asuka. You're the only one who can.

I woke up again. This time there was no sunlight to bother me and I realized that it should be nighttime already.

I looked at the door. The black suited woman was still there. And sitting by my side was the doctor again.

"Hello, Asuka."

I didn't answer.

"Sorry for what happened earlier today. Let's try to start over, ok?"

I ignored her and pretended to be trying to sleep again.

"I'm Dr. Arin, from New Euronerv. I'm in charge of taking care of your health. That girl over there is our Section 2 agent, code-name CC, and she is responsible for your protection."

Euronerv? Protection? It could only mean that. Yes. I was still a pilot. I was going to pilot Eva again. So, everything would be ok.

But I wasn't willing to let them get the upper hand.

"Whatever." I said, remaining with my stoic posture, without showing any kind of emotion.

"Hey, Asuka" – the agent said while also coming closer - "I know that things have not been easy to you but I want you to know that you're not alone. You must be hungry, aren't you?"

I was about to object, but she was right. And it was only after she mentioned it that I noticed that there was some kind of a dessert on the table near my bed.

"What is this?"

"Oh, it's Baumkuchen! I've made it myself. I don't know much about your tastes, but I guessed that you would like it since it's a popular dish both here and in Japan."

'What joke was that? I've never heard about this thing before. From the looks of it, it seems like it's tasty, but this name sounds kind of…. dumb?'

"I'm not hungry."- I said, in an unconvincingly way.

"Come on, give it a try. I will help you to cheer up a little bit."

I hesitated for a moment, but eventually picked up the fork and tried to chew a piece of the candy. I looked like it was really delicious.

It was a big mistake. I could tell that everything was right. The texture, the smell.. but... I just couldn't feel the taste the food.

In fact, I felt that my esophagus and stomach were rejecting the food.

With an impulsive and sudden movement, I pushed the table away from me, making its contents fall on the floor breaking the plate and causing the dessert to splatter, resulting in a huge mess.

The two women looked at me in shock.

"Well... Asuka...I'm... I'm sorry that you didn't like it." – the doctor said, sobbing, while she started to run away from the room.

Why? Why she was sorry about it? I was the one to blame. Sorry…. This word was so annoying. So irritating. It made me even more angry.

I shouted in frustration and threw the fork on the wall.

"Asuka, are you…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" – I shouted at the agent.

After a moment of silence, she gave me a sad smile and returned to her stand by position outside the room, resuming her guard duties without saying anything for the rest of the night.

I will think by myself, and I will live by myself. I don't need Daddy or Mama. I will live alone.

At the next morning, CC guided me through the facility until we reached the command center, which made me feel a sensation of déjà vu.

As we got there, a woman with an imposing presence walked towards us.

"Hello, Asuka."

"Am I supposed to know you?" – I answered in a rougher way than it was necessary.

The woman maintained her façade of authority, but I got the feeling that she wasn't expecting that answer and was somehow disappointed with that.

"Oh, yes. I've been informed of your… condition. I'm Commander Amelie Sabo and this is Operations Chief, Holly."

"Hi Asuka. Today we are going to make another synchronization test with the new Evangelion prototype, ok?".

It was only at this moment that I've turned my attention to the cages' area, where I could see a terrifying image.

That Evangelion looked like it was a monster. It looked like Unit 2, but instead of it being a robot, it was a giant human body in a decomposing state, showing its bones, tissue and rotting flesh.

'I'm... piloting one of those things?'

"It is…. smaller than Unit 02." – I said, trying to keep calm and don't show weakness.

"Oh… Yeah, it is, indeed. But I guess that you will handle this Petit Eva just as fine as you handled the old Unit 02. Don't worry about it." – the Commander said with a soft laugh.

"Ready for activation!"

"Begin test! All power systems engaged!"

"Pressure values normal. Starting synchronization with the pilot".

"All harmonics nominal. Self-psychograph stabilizing. Synchronization rate reaching critical levels and raising at the rate of 1% per second."

I felt something coming straight into my head.

A huge battleship. Misato was there. My first real battle was against a fish-like angel. If we don't pry its mouth open, we're gonna get blown up with it! A penguin. School. The First Child. Hikari. Another angel, killed in a clean way with a swift attack. That wasn't bad. I caught an angel inside of a volcano. Thermal expansion?

A Spider. Killed it. Why the Angels keep attacking us? An Angel falling from the sky. I manage to kill it. A ramen for a reward. I think I finally understood the good part of being praised by someone.

A weird angel projected a shadow that absorbed things. Killed with an explosion. A rogue Evangelion, neutralized. A monster Angel, that was really strong. I lost my two arms before Wondergirl finished him with an N2 Mine.

Another angel… it was invading me. Ripping my mind. Violating me. Save me, Mr. Kaji! What? You won't do it? Who is this…

I started to lose consciousness as I heard the Commander's voice on the radio screaming.

"Power it down. Emergency shutdown! It's settled! We will fix the theoretical threshold at the hard coded limit of 50% to preserve the pilot."

'You know, don't you? All about me.'

Apparently, since that last test, they decided that the Evangelion wasn't safe enough for proper activation.

So, in each mission, I was always deployed in a defensive role.

My orders consisted in generating an AT Field strong enough to protect the tropes against the enemies' attacks. This was a joke. Even a kid could do this kind of job.

I didn't know who we where fighting and where we were fighting, but I didn't care at all.

Every time was almost the same situation: an improvised army trying to defend a position on a desolated and deserted scenario.

After all of those missions, I always returned to the base and went straight to my quarters.

I knew that I would never have a normal life again. Even piloting Eva and being recognized for it no longer gave me any pleasurable feelings.

All those mundane things of ordinary life, which every teenage girl would dream of having, no longer interested me.

I was no longer able to take pleasure in eating anything, despite of Arin's efforts, or even in playing the video games that CC found a way to give to me.

No matter how much they tried to cheer me up, I just knew that not only my mind, but also my body, were destroyed forever. I wouldn't ever be the same again.

I guess that my outer appearance finally revealed what I always have been inside: a person full of scars and whose bigger quality is to hurt other and cause fear and terror into other people. A devil. A broken devil.

And after a few months, things were only tumbling down.

"Asuka, calm down."

"I will not! Just give me the damn pills already!" – I said, while holding my eye-patch. "I'm going insane! I can't sleep anymore! I can't taste food anymore! I'm scarred! I hate everybody! You are a doctor, for God's sake! What have you done with me?"

"Asuka… please…"

The more she tried to talk to me, with a calm voice and the best intentions, the more I was sure that I was at my limit and about to snap again.

CC moved towards us. "Hey, Asuka. Arin is right, you know? We don't know why those things are happening to you and we can't know how hard it can be to be an Eva pilot at such a young age, but…."

I looked at her and flinched as she gently took my hair and started to braid it.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Well, I kind envy your hair, you know? It's so beautiful, even after being soaked in LCL. You should try to do something different with it sometimes."

"CC is right, Asuka! I'm thinking about a hairstyle that will look great on you. Would you allow us to do it for you? Think about it as a good lucky charm for tomorrow's mission"

"Eeeh? I don't…. I mean, you don't have to…. Oh…. Alright. Do whatever you want." – I said, resigned, while looking away from them, feeling a faint blush on my cheeks.

Why am I doing that? It's not like I would to see the result. Or want anybody to…. look at me.

Why are you there?! You won't do anything! You won't help me! You won't even hold me!

I said nothing else at them for the rest of the night, but allowed them to proceed in doing what they wanted to do with my hair.

Even thought I knew that all of their care, advice and trust wouldn't be able to fix the ugliness that I have inside of me.

Once again, I wasn't able to sleep for more than a few minutes that night.

Under normal conditions, this might have been justified because of the impending battle, but I knew that this is not the case. I was sure that there was something wrong with me and that it would be only a matter of time before I lose my sanity for good.

With these thoughts in my head, I was heading for the cages to pilot that freaky Evangelion again when I noticed that there was another person there.

"Commander?"

"Hey Asuka. How are you feeling today?"

"Like a piece of crap. As always." – I responded.

She looked at me with a poker face, but I was able to noticed a faint trace of confusion and maybe even sadness on her face.

"About today's mission I would like to say that… well…"

I looked at her, as the confident woman struggled to find he words that she wanted to say.

"Just don't overdo yourself. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matter and that we will work hard for it is to find a way to ensure that you will be able to return safe and be ok, Asuka."

Shut up! What you called ok? I rather prefer to die than this. I hate, hate, everyone, everything!

Several seconds passed by, without an annoying silence. After a while, she turned back and started to walk away from

As soon as the Commander was out of my sigh, I could only mumble a sound that wouldn't ever be heard by anyone.

"Thank you."

"Asuka, are you ready?"

"What kind of dumb question is this? Of course, I'm."

"Alright. Keep on standby. We are vulnerable at that moment because we are crossing the ocean and are going to engage in combat, so just be prepared to deploy your AT-Field if they try to attack us as we prepare for tacking starboard. Over and out."

I didn't know why but, this time, Holly didn't close up my communication channel to the base after the call.

I could hear some faint sounds of battle in the background and several people saying technical stuff that I wasn't really paying attention to.

But I could realize that something was wrong. This was taking too long…

After several minutes of silence, I could hear a voice speaking loud and clear near the radio.

"So, this masquerade ends here. As expected, Nerv has used the remaining of usable Adamnite cells to creat a functional core structure that is able to synchronize with a pilot and generate an AT-Field. But to get viable pilott… the only way that they could've done that in such a tight schedule was because the information that Avil and the others had leaked to them. Right, Commander?"

'An AT field? Does that mean there's a human pilot inside that robot?'

"I don't need to answer to your stupid and non-sense ranting." – I heard Comma… Amelie's voice resounding on the radio system - "The fact is that we aren't prepared to face a thing like that, and they have the defensive advantage here, since we cannot hurt that robot with conventional weapons and can't deploy an Evangelion at the sea. We have to withdraw."

"No, it's quite the opposite, Commander. The whole goal of this operation was to retrieve the remaining's of functional Adamnite cells. And they are giving it to us. We are gonna strike right now and activate Plan-E."

"You… you are planning to retrieve the core and try to activate the S2 engine right here right now? This is insane!"

"Irrelevant. Once this mission is over, we are going to testimony the greatest thing ever made with an Evangelion for the sake of mankind."

"You mean genocide, Rokobungi! You're willing to destroy all of Japan and risk everything just to advance your scenario and show that nobody else can oppose you? Don't you know that old saying? You can build a throne of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long."

"It's not of your concern anymore, Commander. Your authority on this operation has been overruled because of your confirmed act of treason. My men and I are assuming full control of the operation now."

"Pilot Sohryu!" – the man said through the radio, apparently unaware that I've heard all of the previous conversations "Be ready for combat. Your mission is to neutralize the target and destroy its core. Support transport ships will be assigned to make sure that you will manage to get within the shore with a few minutes of battery remaining. Once they get in position, disconnect your power cable and prepare to engage. I'm sure that you will not fail."

I was worried about Amelie and everyone else on board.

I should have said no. I should have stopped this madman.

But I couldn't do it.

"Roger, sir. All systems prepared. Waiting for the signal."

No other communication was heard from the base since the last order, so I guess that Holly and the others were taken away from the operation too.

I had no idea about what was going on in the control tower anymore, but I tried to not think too much about that and focus all of my remaining strength in the upcoming battle.

Finally, the moment that I had been waiting for so long has arrived. I was going to a real battle with my Eva. 303 days after the first time that I've piloted this monster. I've waited long enough.

I should have been happy and excited, right? But strangely, I wasn't. Not even the imminent battle was able to draw an emotion from me. I was becoming what I feared the most. A doll, unable to feel emotions and whose only purpose in life is to wait for orders.

'No, it's worse than that. A doll is not capable of hurting people, like I am. The only thing I had left was Eva. As it had always been. There is no other destiny for me but to pilot and win. But I will do it for myself. Not for anybody else.'

As soon as I got the signal, I shut down all of my communication systems.

The last thing I could want at that moment was to hear someone interrupting this moment.

I knew exactly what to do. I was going to fight. I was going to win. And everything would be all right.

I looked at the series of transport boats that were positioned towards the shore.

They were placed there so that I could use them as supports to move my Eva without making contact to water, since I wasn't using B-Type equipment.

With this deployment, I could get to the shore quickly, without the risk of damaging the Eva.

I would face this unknown enemy, and I would only have five minutes to complete the mission.

It was showtime. My chance.

In one swift movement, I disconnected the Eva from the power cable and started my way to shore.

With a precise series of coordinated movements, as if I were a professional gymnast, I managed to perform the series of jumps necessary to approach the shore in record time, using less than a minute of battery power.

While I assumed battle position immediately, I looked at my opponent.

The huge robot was slowly veering left to try to mobilize its weapon to face me, as if it was in doubt where to go or if it wasn't able to moving forward somehow.

"Too slow. I'm not going to wait until you come to me, fool. Here I go!"

In a swift movement, I managed to jump and hit the stupid robot with both feet on his chest.

Even though the robot was much bigger and heavier than Eva, the force of the impact brought it to the ground, and made it roll a few times until it absorbed all the impact.

"Come on.. where are you?"

I quickly approached the robot and could see that it was still active, but practically unresponsive.

"Hey… You can't be done already. Fight back! I waited to long for this fight! At least have the decency to be a respectable foe."

The robot made a feeble attempt to get up, that made me angry and propelled me to deliver a hard kick on its head.

"No, no! No easy way out for you! You have to do better than that!"

The robot started to roll over to the side, trying to get away from me. This was starting to get ridiculous.

"Where do you think you're going? You cannot run so far away, you fool! Be a man and try to fight me!"

'What is he doing? Why he is not fighting me? He has just resigned to die? How dare he deny me the honor of a decent fight after all this time?'

What a disgusting feeling. I could feel the rage building up inside me. An irrational kind of anger. 'How could this guy can even call himself a pilot? He is a fool, moron, stupid, dork, idiot, imbecile, simpleton…'

No, this was not right.

'He is all of that, yet none those words or all other insults in the German language are appropriated words to describe him… he is… he is a…'

"BAKA!"

I shouted this strange word with all of my strength as a rush of memories passed through my head.

A shy boy was wearing my red plug suit. FLASH.

The same wimpy boy was now wearing black pants and a white shirt, like a school uniform. FLASH.

Now he was wearing a ridiculous outfit, and trying to… dance? FLASH.

Blue pants and a red shirt? That suits this beautiful boy, better, I guess. FLASH.

Despite of the fact that he is trembling, he has quite an imposing presence in his blue and white plug suit. It makes me feel… safe? FLASH.

'I cannot see his face. Who is this…'

Hey... Wake up! Come on... Wake up! Call me baka. like usual!

It was only the alert of the batteries reaching critical level that brought me back to reality. The robot took that opportunity to finally get up and stand on its feet again.

"Ha… I guess that we will have just 60 seconds for us, isn't it? So that's all I have to take your heart away? No problem. That's more than enough for me."

Using the full power of my Evangelion, I jumped at the robot like a missile, hitting it directly in the chest with my shoulder. This movement threw the robot off balance, causing it to fall again.

I took the opportunity to get on top of it, immobilizing its movements with my Eva's legs and my right arm, leaving my left arm ready to hit the bizarre pulsating core protruding from the top of the robot.

I was feeling it again. A good sensation. The thrill of the battle. And with it, I could also feel an uncomfortable the desire to punish and hurt this enemy.

"DIE!" I shouted as I delivered a strong punch onto its core. I could see that it made a huge damage on the odd organic structure. One more blow and it would be finished for good.

But to my surprise, my second punch missed its target. In a quick and unexpected move, the robot managed to hold the blow with the palm of its hand, applying enough force to crush my Evangelion's fingers.

While I knew that those were only fake fingers, real bruises were the outcome of the maneuver. I had forgotten how it hurt. The pain that I felt because of the high synchronization rate with the Evangelion. It made me feel… alive? I don't want to die.

These thoughts, however, were soon forgotten when I realized that the robot pilot had taken advantage of the moment of distraction to reverse our positions.

He now had the upper hand, managing to position himself above my Eva, immobilizing me and holding my neck with both hands. The sensation of oxygen deprivation came on strongly. A strangely familiar pain. I don't want to die. He was trying to kill me. I don't want to die. I felt my consciousness slipping away as I heard the sound informing me that the battery timer had reached zero. I... don't... want to... DIE!

I felt a sense of anger come over me, stronger than before, as I noticed that the right arm of my Evangelion began to move towards the robot's face.

I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

To my surprise, the pressure on my neck was suddenly relieved. The robot seemed to be inert. The feeling of anger gave way to a feeling of confusion, relief and... sadness?

As soon as my hand came close to the robot's face, all these feelings came together at once.

After a moment of hesitation, with a single swift movement I managed to pull out the organic mass containing my opponent's core and its input plug, and place it directly on my chest, near to my Eva's core.

And my last memory was the feeling of tears falling over my face.

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As always, a big thank you to YourBlandestNightmare, tomdj1701 EvaPilotFair, calborghete, poBBpC, SheriffJohnStone, Iraki01 and other guest readers.

More pieces of the puzzle are being set in place. The big picture will start to take form in the next chapter, in about two weeks.

Thanks for reading it and I hope that you are enjoying the ride.