Title: Breaking The Cycle.
Chapter: 9.
Rating: M
Genre: Angst
Beta: melanie39, as usual one big hug to Mel for doing such a fab job.
Disclaimer: I don't own The OC.

Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 9.

Sandy opened the car door on the passenger side. Ryan hadn't registered that they'd arrived home - Sandy wasn't sure if he was in a daze or half asleep -either way he was worried. It had been one hell of a long night and Ryan's usual silence was even more unsettling given the circumstances.

Ryan took a second to react as the door swung open, leading Sandy to deduce that he'd been deep in thought. Sandy gave him a weak smile. He felt uneasy, what could he say to the kid? - ' Hey, it must be a relief that it wasn't your girlfriend lying there smashed up and dead in the morgue but it's a bitch that it turned out to be someone else you cared about. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.'

The horrible thing was that on the way home Sandy had been playing a sick game in his head – listing the pros and cons of each girl's death by order of how it would affect Ryan. And as much as he liked Missy and as much as he knew it would have hurt Ryan, he'd come to the conclusion that it might have been better for Ryan if it had been her on that slab. Becky equalled a whole lot of guilt for Ryan and he really did love Danny and he'd be feeling more of the kid's pain now that he was technically an orphan - because there wasn't a cat's chance in hell that the father would get custody – Ryan would be really going through the ringer now. Sandy rubbed his neck. He wondered if Ryan would ever have an uncomplicated life? Probably not, Sandy reflected, because Ryan seemed to actively seek out the helpless and needy, and always volunteered himself as a sacrificial band-aid to cover their wounds.

But the thing that made Sandy most apprehensive was that he knew Ryan had probably played the same game in the car. Sandy could handle it because he didn't know either of the girls that well, but Ryan… Ryan had seemed so interwoven in Becky's life of late that before the recent problems erupted he and Kirsten had discussed whether he was getting in over his head. No eighteen year old should have to shoulder the burden of a young family and that's what they could see happening. And Missy was his first proper girlfriend – Sandy didn't count Marissa in the equation because they'd spent most of their time on a break – No, Missy was a girlfriend in every sense of the word and for Ryan to even try and work out how he should be feeling at this time was madness. Sandy knew that Ryan would already be torturing himself over this.

Sandy walked Ryan up the path to the front door. He felt like a shepherd guiding a sheep, but he felt it was important not to let Ryan disappear around the side of the house- not tonight – tonight they would connect as a family as much as they could.

"Kid, lets get a drink and then we'll all turn in for the night, seems like Kirsten and Seth are still up."

Ryan gave a tired nod.

Sandy steered Ryan into the den. Kirsten and Seth did their best to pretend Ryan hadn't just come back from identifying a dead body whilst at the same time acknowledging that he wasn't in a jovial place. Kirsten brought him a cup of cocoa and sat down next to him whilst Seth hovered, looking lost. Kirsten did her best to initiate a gentle conversation with him but after a few stilted answers it was obvious that Ryan was in no shape to be sociable. He sipped at his scalding chocolate and stared at the table. Sandy took the opportunity to bring the other members of his family up to speed. He'd managed a quick call to say that somehow it had been Becky that Ryan had identified at the morgue but Sandy could see by the look on their faces that they needed more, he just wasn't sure of what to give them. He pretty much knew as much as they did at this point. It was in the hands of the police now; they were trying to trace where Missy was and why Becky had been driving her car. Ryan had at least stopped trying to ring her cell phone every minute. It had been torture to watch his face each time as he left a message. Sandy wished he knew what the hell was going on, if only to put Ryan out of his obvious misery.

The painful atmosphere in the den continued and even Seth couldn't turn the tide on the creeping torpidity and depression that blanketed the room. Sandy glanced over at the clock – three thirty four a.m. Time to call a night on this seriously unpleasant evening. They had finished their drinks and Kirsten was just collecting the mugs when there was a pounding at the front door. All four looked at each other but it was Sandy who went to open the door.

Missy pounded on the door with her fist again - the loud thuds echoing through the quiet early morning air.

She had called a cab the minute the police had left her. She had ridden all the way here in a state of blind panic. She didn't care about what time it was – she needed to see Ryan. Mr Cohen opened the door and she flew past him not giving a fuck for niceties, she heard him call out that Ryan was in the den and she practically ran the last few steps to the door. All three occupants within the room swung around to stare at her as she flung open the door. Missy watched as Ryan paled and stood up slowly from the couch. She could see all the questions flash in his eyes. She rushed over, enveloping him in her arms and he returned her hug. Ryan squeezed with all his might and she thought she'd pass out from lack of oxygen. She could hear him repeating something over and over into her neck, whispering words that sent shudders down her spine.

'You were dead. I thought you were dead.'

She pulled away from his hug and looked him in the eyes. She couldn't imagine how the past few hours must have been for him but she knew how she'd have felt if someone had told her that Ryan was dead and she'd never look into his deep blue eyes again. She felt tears well up in her eyes at the thought. Ryan responded by taking her hand and pulling her towards the door. As they passed, Missy saw a look of part defiance part pleading in Ryan's eyes. Sandy nodded and moved to the side. Missy was relieved that the rules were to be relaxed. She saw that both Cohens didn't think that tonight was the right time to impose petty rules and regulations onto Ryan.

They entered the pool house and the first thing Ryan did was start to pull down all the blinds. Usually this sent the first flutter of anticipation to her groin but tonight it was more than a privacy thing. This was about shutting out the world; this was about something bigger than them and their sex life. Ryan slowly turned around and faced her. She could see that he was wrestling with himself - not knowing what to say or do first. He looked one hundred percent strung out.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, baby." Missy pulled him down on the bed and held him.

"I can't imagine what you must have felt …and then going there and seeing her."

Ryan took a deep breath.

"What the fuck happened? Why was Becky driving your car? Why didn't you answer your cell? It's been hours." He spoke in a string of words that merged into one another.

Ryan looked at her for answers.

Missy told him what he wanted to know.

"I went to her house to basically bitch slap her. Stupid, huh? I was convinced I'd find you already there, with her, probably in bed together. That's how fucked up I was. Instead, I found her sat on her own, drinking wine and feeling as fucked off with life as I was. We drank and mostly talked about you. How fucked up is that? But at the time I thought I'd blown it. I thought it was over between us." Missy glanced at him to see what Ryan's reaction to the statement was. He pulled her closer to him and she felt a flush of relief at what that seemed to mean.

"Go on," he said softly.

"Becky was pretty much wasted when I got there so she was way ahead of me. I went to the bathroom and when I came back the crazy bitch had gone and taken my keys out of my bag and my car was gone. I didn't know where she was going. I told the police that she might have been going out for more cigarettes or some more wine, hell she could have been on her way here – I don't know Ryan- all I know was she was way over the limit. I was so pissed at her. I waited and waited but she didn't come home. I fell asleep for a while and when I woke I gave up and took a cab back to the refuge."

She ran her hand through her hair.

"All the lights were on and people were crying, you'd think they'd seen a ghost when I walked in. For a second I though something had happened to you. That's when they told me police had been around and that my car had been in an accident. Sarah said that you'd been informed and that …well you know the rest. I'm so sorry, Ryan. If I could go back a day and start it all over I would. You know that, right?"

Ryan nodded.

"Me too."

They held each other, clinging in sorrow for Becky. Missy let her tears fall on to his shoulder and he rubbed her back.

"Let's go to bed." Ryan eventually whispered into her ear.

Ryan went over and pulled out a tee for her and a fresh towel. He kissed her forehead and said that there was a fresh toothbrush by the sink. She felt shy when she emerged from the bathroom, this felt strange. They had always just basically fucked before but something had shifted somehow and she felt vulnerable. Ryan was already stripped to his boxers. She looked at him but he just passed her and made his way into the bathroom. She got into his bed and listened to the sounds of the shower running and the sounds of him cleaning his teeth. He opened the door and shut out the light. Ryan went around the room switching off the lamps. As he flicked the switch on the last one he turned and smiled at her. The room plunged into darkness, only the soft glow if the lightening morning sky outside paved his way to the bed.

He slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around her. And the strangest thing happened. They just lay in each other's arms and she was content with this. It had to be a first for them, no hungry need, no tearing off of the tee, no hand burrowing inside his shorts – just the comfort of a much needed hug. She felt safe and warm. She was just pondering this shift in their relationship when sleep overtook her.

Missy awoke with the feel of Ryan's incessant hardness pressing against her buttocks and his hot breath in her neck. She gave a tentative push against him and was pleased to feel his dick twitch in interest. Ryan pulled her in closer but his breathing didn't change at all although he did give a small, low, throaty grunt. She deduced that he was still asleep and it was his testosterone in control. She smiled to herself and pushed back against him, grinding her naked butt against him. His hips pushed back. She repeated and each time was rewarded with a shift from Ryan. Soon he was pushing himself into her in a steady rhythm. Missy grinned as she heard his breathing shift, signalling the fact that he was waking. He moved his hand to under her shirt and started to explore.

"Morning!" she whispered, capturing his wandering hand against her breast.

"Morning." he mumbled and started to kiss the nape of her neck.

She giggled as he hit the sensitive spot behind her ear. She rolled over onto her back and shucked herself out of his tee. Ryan rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and blinked. He reached over her and grabbed his watch. He groaned.

"Six thirty?"

"Hey…blame a certain part of your anatomy. He rudely woke me up."

Ryan laughed, then his face grew serious as the previous day's events obviously hit him.

"It's going to be okay." Missy reached out and stroked his arm.

Ryan nodded. He ran his thumb down the side of her face and along her jaw line. No matter how many times he did that, it still sent shivers down her spine. He shifted his body so it blanketed hers and kissed her. His breath still tasted faintly of peppermint from the brushing the few short hours before. Missy shifted her legs so her thighs hugged his hips. He propped himself up on his knuckles, changing his position so he could push himself inside her. He didn't take his eyes off her face.

He was slow and tentative. Not like his usual impatient self. He leaned down and scooped his arms underneath her shoulders, holding her close to his chest, as he slowly moved his hips, sliding himself unhurriedly inside her. They had never been a missionary couple. It was unsatisfactory for her, his dick never quite hit the right spots from that angle and he always liked to go deep and hard, but this morning it seemed right. This wasn't about getting each other off in a sweaty cacophony of slapping skin and grunts and moans.

This wasn't about sex strangely enough and even Missy could see that. This was about being close to one another. Missy wrapped her legs around Ryan's back and shut her eyes. She actually loved the feel of him lying heavily on top of her. She could feel his heartbeat against her chest and the way he was breathing raggedly through his nose was a turn on. She rocked her hips in time with him feeling unfulfilled but so at ease. It was like getting a soothing massage from within and if she didn't even come close to an orgasm as Ryan shuddered above her she didn't care. She felt content to be in his arms.

Sandy had drawn the short straw. He balanced the tray against his arm as he opened the kitchen door. It was eleven am and even though they had all overslept this morning there was still no sight or sound from the pool house. After an hour of intermittently staring at the door, willing Ryan and Missy out, Kirsten had cracked and made a breakfast- stroke- brunch for them as a way to check that they were both still alive in there. Seth kept telling them to leave them alone and not to worry obviously stalling for time for his best friend. Sandy silently laughed at the blatant panic on Seth's face. That was until Kirsten elected him to take the tray into them with the polite message of 'we'll see you both dressed in the kitchen in half an hour'.

Sandy moved around the patio furniture, trying not to spill the orange juice over the toast. He came up to the door and was just about to tap on the door when he saw them both. Most of the blinds were shut but three had been left open. He saw them both dead to the world, obviously naked and obviously post intimate. Sandy felt himself flush at the tableau in front of him. Ryan did not look like a kid anymore, he looked like what he'd become – a man. Seeing him lying there in a tangle of sheets with Melissa in his arms brought it home to him.

Sandy placed the tray in front of the door and retreated.

"Are they okay?" Kirsten asked as he entered the house.

Sandy ran his hand over his face and looked at his wife.

"They're fine…and I think we need to re-work some of the house rules."

Seth looked puzzled. His dad didn't look pissed. In fact he looked thoughtful, like he did when he just completed the crossword in the paper.

Sandy sat down. His boys were growing up so fast. Soon they'd be flying the nest and as much as he and Kirsten tried to fight it they would not be able to stop it.

TBC.

R+R ...big kiss.