There was something off about Remus. Tonks was certain of it. Something had happened to him the night of the battle at the Astronomy Tower, Tonks had decided. His behavior had remained largely unchanged – his first moves with Tonks were to make her cinnamon rolls and clean every surface of her room at the Hog's Head. Taking care of her was what she expected from him. The decisiveness – the confidence – of what he wanted from her had taken her completely by surprise.

It began with the realization that he was not, in fact, a hallucination. His tender care for her following the battle at the Astronomy Tower had been reality.

Remus' sudden change of heart had taken Tonks by surprise. Shock, really. She had hoped that he would have been honest with her before the battle. Whatever had changed in him – he said it was her bravery and her love – had led him to make the impulsive decision to ask her to marry him.

Tonks didn't want a proposal like this. Perhaps, a year before, when she and Remus were more innocent and carefree, she might have accepted the casual proposal. Not that she needed anything elaborate, but the last year had matured her, or so she thought. She didn't want an impulsive, spur-of-the-moment proposal. She wanted a committed Remus. It's all she ever wanted. He was offering himself to her – wholly and completely – and she found herself uneasy with it.

She swung between moments of elation and sheer terror that he would leave her again. He promised he wouldn't, and if he did, he would return. He gave her the Blood Magic pendant. He had apparently spoken with her parents. But still, Tonks couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

Maybe it was the shock from Dumbledore's death, or the tremor of seeing both Bellatrix and Fenrir after Tonks' life. Maybe Remus was still reeling from the recent trauma of the werewolf encampment. Tonks didn't quite know what it was, but there was something wrong with Remus, and she felt herself unable to give herself fully to him because of it. She hadn't dared kiss him, either, despite her (and she suspected, his) desire to do so. Even that simple act of affection felt too much.

She had yet to voice these thoughts, at least not fully. She had yelled at him, interrogated him, and gone on a second first date with him. He had been pleasant and genial. He had made promises. If it had been just six months prior, he'd have been forgiven and welcomed. Battered by the last year of heartbreak made Tonks feel a little more broken and melancholy than she had expected.

It was early Thursday morning as Tonks woke to these thoughts. Remus was sleeping soundly next to her in the room she had been living in for nearly a year. Weeks ago, before he'd suggested cutting her out of his life, she would have rejoiced to see him so close to her. She was yet unsure as to how she felt about him there. Part of her heart melted at the sight of the man she loved once – or was it differently? Had she loved him differently? – but another part of her heart ached at seeing the stranger there.

Being unable to sleep, Tonks dressed herself hastily and went out for a walk. Though the sun was just beginning to rise, illuminating the village and the castle grounds in warm, inviting light, a solemn silence oppressed the atmosphere. It had felt that way ever since Dumbledore had died. His funeral would be held on Saturday, and Tonks would be in attendance. Whether it would be with Remus or the Aurors, she hadn't decided. Maybe Remus would surprise her again and ask her to sit with him.

Tonks approached the edge of the Black Lake and sat down near the water. She let the cool morning breeze whip through her still-lank hair, sitting upright, with her knees against her chest. She stared out onto the water, lost in her thoughts.

"There you are," Remus said, breaking the silence of the morning. Tonks was slightly irritated at the intrusion, but looked up to see a smiling Remus looking down at her.

"What's gotten into you, Remus?" Tonks sighed. "Something just isn't right."

"I had the same feeling about you, actually," Remus admitted. He sat down across from her, stretching out his long legs in front of him.

"You've been…subdued, I suppose," Remus said, looking concernedly at her.

"Forgive me if I find your sudden change of heart hard to believe after all this time," Tonks said acerbically.

"Is there no way to convince you?" Remus' eyes betrayed the slightest bit of hurt at Tonks' comment.

"Would you be disappointed if I said no?" Tonks brushed her lank hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear to see Remus' expression better.

"Disappointed…yes. Surprised…no," Remus finally said. "I've been an unforgivable prat."

"I wouldn't say unforgivable," Tonks began, "but really, Remus, just weeks ago I'd have given damn near everything I had to have you back in my life. Now, it just doesn't feel right."

Remus' eyes flashed to show his hurt again; it hurt Tonks to see it as well, but she didn't want a relationship with him unless she was honest, too.

"Would it help if you told me about how you spent the last year?" Remus asked. "You've told me I don't understand what you went through, and I don't, really. Perhaps it would help me understand how you feel."

"You really want to hear about it?" Tonks asked. "It's not going to make you feel any better, I'm sure. I don't want to guilt you into staying with me."

"I think it's important for you to tell me what you've been through," Remus said carefully. "Not so I feel guilty, but so I understand how you've been."

Tonks considered his words, and took a deep breath. "I suppose it would help if I heard what you went through, too," Tonks confessed. "It's like getting to know one another again, isn't it?"

"I suppose so," Remus said quietly, looking uncomfortable.

"We're not starting at the very beginning, but I suppose it can be a new beginning for us. Yeah?" Tonks offered.

"A new beginning," Remus murmured. "Okay."

"You want to hear about how I've been, really?" Tonks asked earnestly.

"Please. Even if it's hard for me to hear," Remus said solemnly.

"Right. Well, as you'd imagine, the last year hasn't been easy on me," Tonks began. "Something felt wrong the day I woke up at St. Mungo's from the battle at the Department of Mysteries, because you weren't there. I thought it was the full moon, but when I learned it wasn't, I was disappointed and sad, but thought you had a good reason. Then you left me with that letter. Merlin, Remus, that letter crushed me. You had the audacity to leave me a letter and not bother listening to what I wanted. You once said you didn't want me making decisions for the both of us, but that's what you'd been doing for ages. I get it, breakups don't have to be mutual, but breaking up by letter was a really shitty thing to do."

Remus looked somber, but had not left his focus on her, so Tonks chose to continue.

"Then we had that argument after King's Cross. I wanted to talk to you and you just…left. You left me in the middle of a street in London, wondering what I'd done wrong. You told me you loved me but that didn't matter. It made me feel terrible, Remus, but then again, when has a breakup ever felt good?" Tonks wondered, looking out onto the rising sun in the distance.

"Then I couldn't – fuck, I still can't – morph. I thought it was the injuries, or maybe grief from Sirius' death, or loneliness, but you broke my heart. I'm not saying you did this alone—" she gestured wildly at herself "—but you leaving me, in the way you did, certainly didn't help."

Tonks braced herself again and spoke. "Of course, then I was stuck here with Alfie. I thought I'd get to do more missions to get my mind off of things, but I was stuck here with a prat. He didn't make it any easier, but I guess I'll tell you about that in a bit." She bit the bottom of her lip, wondering what to tell him next.

"There was that bit about not wondering if you were going to live or die – damnit, Remus – you didn't make this easy for me," she grumbled. "It helped when you started sending me those Patronus messages. When you came back from the encampment and told me we couldn't even be friends, I think that was my breaking point."

"I'd been holding out hope all that time that you'd come back to me and come to your senses," Tonks explained. "I thought that after all that time, you'd find a way to get over your insecurities and be with me, but you did the opposite. You killed any chance we had. That's the first time I really questioned why I ever bothered to be your friend in the first place," she confessed quietly. "What kind of friend does that to another?"

Remus hung his head in shame, and started fiddling with a few blades of grass at his feet. Tonks was able to see his nervousness, but she ploughed forward with her thoughts.

"My parents asked me that, you know," Tonks said softly. "Why you? After all this time and heartache, why you, Remus? It's what I've been asking myself lately."

"But I see you for who you are, Remus. I know you see yourself as a monster, and that's just not true. I see the way you care and love for other people, especially those who are too weak to stand up for themselves. The way you are with children – you saved eleven of them – never ceases to amaze me. Your godsons adore you, because you're kind to them. Kindness has always been the biggest trait I admire in others, and you have so much of it, even though you don't think you deserve it yourself. Your kindness and acceptance of me were all I'd been craving. You wanted to be with me for me and not because of what I could turn myself into. You're scared for me to be an Auror not because you think I'm too weak for the job or it intimidates you, but because you're afraid I might get hurt. You take care of me without me having to ask, but you let me take care of you, too. You like to cook for me. You pay attention to all the little ways I like being cared for. You've gone out of your way to make me feel important."

"You also broke my heart. You broke my heart over and over again, and you denied it. You thought you only broke it once, but Remus, every day I offered myself to you and you rejected me, it was like my heart was breaking again every single day. It hurt, Remus. It still does, thinking about it all," she continued, sighing. "But now you've come back, and you're acting as if none of that happened. You're acting as if every day you forgot that I was here, desperate and longing to know you were alive. You want to pick up where we left off, but where you left me was broken and lonely. It's not an easy place to come back from."

Remus was listening intently to Tonks' words. He had not removed his gaze from her, and he was rapt with attention for each syllable that came out of Tonks' mouth.

"That's how I spent the last year, Remus, so forgive me if I find it hard to trust you again."

"I don't understand what you went through, Dora," Remus began. "But I can only say I'm truly sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I really didn't know or anticipate your reaction would be so strong, and—"

"—Remus, I know you want to apologize, and you've done so already," Tonks interrupted. "I just wanted you to know. But I want to know now what you went through as you never told me anything. I want to understand your change of heart. Please, please tell me about how the last year has been for you."

Remus was breathing raggedly, but he finally settled himself before inhaling deeply and speaking.

"The last year was a different kind of awful for me," Remus began slowly. "I felt guilty over everything that happened to you, but you already knew all that. When I left you last summer, I went to a small pack that was only mated wolves. Because they saw I was still in love with you, they sent me off to another pack for solitary, unmated male werewolves. They saw through me too and then they let me loose or gave me the option to go to Fenrir's encampment. That's where I went, as you know. That's when it got a lot harder, if you must know."

"Fenrir brought back children. I saved the first two, but the second two died in my arms," Remus said, tears welling up in his eyes. "The adult werewolves didn't give a toss what I said about Voldemort or Dumbledore. They were thoroughly indoctrinated by Fenrir at that point. The children were my only priority. They were being abused, and they were the only reason I stayed behind."

"I missed you every day that I was away," Remus admitted. "Not a single day passed in which I didn't think about you, or what you were doing, or how you were feeling. I saw you everywhere and in everything I did. I never stopped loving you or thinking about you. At the encampment, when I was made beta, I was told to mate. I never did," Remus added. "I wasn't going to touch anyone else but you. It has always been you."

Tonks' head was swirling. He could have – and should have, if he was in Fenrir's camp – mated with someone else. Anyone else. But he hadn't – because he loved her.

"Your mum helped me with the werewolf children," Remus continued. "I don't know how, but we found them and were able to find relatives or guardians for all of them. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. But I still felt empty because I wasn't able to share it with you. I had intended on asking you to be back in my life until I went back to Fenrir's encampment. He was furious with me for all I'd done and then threatened your life, Dora. As if you needed another threat!"

"I chose cowardice, Dora," Remus said guiltily. "I was afraid of being with you because of everything that had happened. Bellatrix, Fenrir, the threats to make you my 'plaything,' the anger you felt…it was your anger I feared most. I feared you would be disappointed in me and that you wouldn't want to be with me ever again. I thought that if we didn't even try again, I couldn't get my own heart broken by my foolishness."

"I broke both our hearts that day, Dora," Remus said, fighting back his own tears. "I thought that by telling you we could never be friends again, it would make it easier to walk away from you. I immediately regretted everything I said and wanted to go back to you, but I was afraid. I was terrified you would hate me, and so I stayed away. I had already broken my own heart through my mistaken nobility, and it terrified me to think you would break it again. It was all cowardice, Dora. I hated myself more than I had at any point in my life, and I was too afraid to learn you hated me too…until you sent that letter through Bill."

"Dora, when I read that letter, I saw all the reasons I had loved you. You gave me hope," Remus said solemnly. "That's when I started waiting for you every night for three weeks. It gave me hope that I had a chance. That I wouldn't be too late. That my own foolishness had not gotten in our way again, but then again, I chose cowardice with friendship. I told you just a few days ago that I thought friendship would be fine. I thought that was the courageous option – the one in which neither of us got what we want, but I could still be in your life. It was the most selfish thing I've ever done. My own greediness to have you back in my life was worthless next to what you really deserved, which is all of me. You've only ever wanted me, and I was still holding myself back. And, here you are, broken but strong, offering yourself to me, albeit in your own guarded way, and I am trying to give you everything of myself now. I'm going to try to be honest and brave for you, Dora, because it's my turn for honesty and bravery. I should have always been brave for you."

Tonks listened intently at everything Remus had been telling her. She knew there were more details about his time at the encampment, but she supposed that would have to wait for another day. She certainly didn't want to hear about the children who died in his arms yet, but she could see he had suffered too. He had suffered his own trauma, and maybe, just maybe, his impulsive desire to get moving with their relationship was out of desperation for something positive in the midst of the loss of Dumbledore and the recent trauma with werewolves.

Tonks looked at Remus again; he was sitting anxiously on the grassy edge, looking especially forlorn in the now-blazing summer light. He was offering her hope now. Heart thumping loudly, Tonks crawled to where Remus was sitting and took his large, scarred, and callous hand into her own small one.

"We're both all in now, yeah?" she said softly.

His eyes widened in disbelief as he looked down at her hand in his own and back up to her face. She decided to be brave, and she brought her face closer to his as his eyes grew ever wider with slight trepidation and excitement. She placed her free hand on his cheek and brought his face closer to hers, until she placed her lips on his in a soft, gentle kiss.

Remus didn't move his lips at first, but then realized what was happening and began kissing her in return. His lips were as soft as she'd remembered them, and he brought his hand to her waist, holding tightly as he planted kisses on her face and neck.

Gasping, Tonks said, "I missed this."

"I missed you," Remus emphasized, kissing her lips more deeply. "This is where I've always wanted to be."

Tonks pulled herself away as Remus' eyes flashed a bit of hurt again. "I have to work, Remus," Tonks reminded. "I'm not ready to go much further, physically. I need to build my trust back in you, y'know?"

"I understand," Remus said, swallowing hard. "Take all the time you need. I will wait."

"It's funny how things change," Tonks said sadly. "A year and a half ago we were opposites."

"You were everything good for me – patient, brave, and loving – it's my turn now to be the same," Remus said resolutely. "I promise, Dora, I am happy to wait. Having you back in my arms is better than anything I had hoped to have in the last year."

"Good," Tonks said. "I've got to work now, but I'll see you for dinner?"

"I'll be there," Remus promised, a shy smile on his face, as he kissed Tonks' hand and let her return to the village for work.

….

"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," Alfie said suddenly, as he and Tonks turned the corner from where they met at The Three Broomsticks.

"Huh?" Tonks asked. "What boyfriend?"

"You were with some bloke this morning by the lake," Alfie explained sullenly. "I saw you when I was running."

"Oh, you saw that…" Tonks said nervously. "Didn't think about that possibility."

"Who's the fellow?" Alfie asked bitterly. "Is this why you gave me that speech in April?"

"No, Alfie, I told you off in April because you were making too many inappropriate comments," Tonks said, exhaling angrily. "I don't need a boyfriend to have the need to tell you off."

"Hmmph," Alfie snorted. "So, who is it? Is it the ex from before? The one you said you were in love with?"

Well, here goes nothing… "Yes," Tonks said shortly. "We are back together. For good this time, I hope."

"Who is he?" Alfie asked.

Remus agreed we wouldn't keep this a secret. "Remus Lupin," she replied, her heartbeat quickening erratically.

"No, really," Alfie began laughing. "Who is it?"

"Remus. Lupin."

"You're telling me your boyfriend is a bloody werewolf?" Alfie demanded. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You're an Auror!"

"I'm well aware of the risks I'm taking," Tonks said coldly. "My personal life has no bearing on my career. You asked me a question and I answered it honestly. It's not my responsibility to make you feel better about my personal life."

"You're dating a fucking werewolf – are you daft?" Alfie exclaimed. His brow furrowed in consternation. "Wait…the Remus Lupin who had a girlfriend? Was that you?!" Alfie's eyes widened in horror.

"Yes," Tonks said briskly. "We split up for awhile due to some unrelated issues, and we're back together now."

"The one that saved you last summer," Alfie said flatly. "This is all the same werewolf." Alfie looked dumbfounded upon connecting all the evidence.

"Yes," Tonks sighed in exasperation. "Remus Lupin. The wizard who happens to be a werewolf, who happens to be my boyfriend, saved my life last summer and is a brave man who saved eleven children from a werewolf camp in April. All the same person."

"You let him touch you? You were snogging! What's wrong with you?" Alfie was horrified again upon realizing the implications of what it meant to be a werewolf's girlfriend.

"He transforms one night a month, Alfie. He's a typical wizard every other day of the month," Tonks said impatiently. "I feel this hardly merits an investigation from you, of all people."

"You snogged a Dark creature!"

"No. One. Cares." Tonks emphasized. "My life, not yours. Now let's get back to patrolling."

"I'm reporting you to Scrimgeour," Alfie said suddenly. "You're not in your right mind. The werewolf has done something to you, given you a love potion. There's no way an Auror would be this daft."

"Don't you dare," Tonks hissed. "He's done nothing to me but care for me. What would you report to Scrimgeour? An Auror has a boyfriend! What a travesty!"

"You don't have a boyfriend, you have a pet," Alfie spat. "A pet dog."

Tonks whipped around angrily. "Remus is a wizard who suffers from lycanthropy. He is not a pet dog. If you think this is worthy of Scrimgeour's attention, I would be happy to give him every memory of you speaking to me or behaving inappropriately."

Alfie's face reddened to a deep crimson upon mentioning the memories.

"You wouldn't," Alfie said weakly. "It's nothing but talk."

"I have plenty of memories," Tonks said defiantly. "I'm a strong witch and Auror. I'm forgiving by nature, but if you dare to insult Remus, or mock my relationship with him, or turn me in for having a fucking personal life, I have plenty of evidence to get you kicked out of the Auror department. Do we have an understanding?"

"Y-Yes," Alfie stammered, growing red in the face again.

The rest of the patrol was spent in silence as the two young Aurors kept their distance from one another, and ate separately. Tonks was angry and nearly obliviated Alfie again, but she wasn't going to hide her relationship with Remus any longer. They were together publicly; he had agreed to the terms, and she would be living with the repercussions, no matter how infuriating they were.

….

"How was work today?" Remus ventured as they ate dinner at the Hog's Head.

"It was fine," Tonks replied grumpily. "I can't wait until I'm away from Alfie."

"What did he do? Or say?"

"He saw us this morning."

Remus eyes grew wide; his entire body grew rigid with anxiety.

"D-did you tell him about us?" Remus asked shakily.

"Yup," Tonks said, stuffing her mouth with a bite of Ab's cottage pie. "He didn't take it well."

"I see," Remus replied, a peculiar expression on his face.

"You agreed that we wouldn't hide our relationship," Tonks countered, upon seeing his odd expression. "I told him, and he didn't take it well. I wasn't surprised. I was angry, but not surprised." She took another bite of the cottage pie as Remus clasped and unclasped his hands agitatedly.

"What did he say, exactly?" Remus asked, his knuckles now white with tension.

"Well, this Remus is more what I'm used to," Tonks said, slightly amused. "Nice to see some things don't change."

"Dora. Please." Remus' face was lined with worry.

"He told me you were dangerous, he told me I was daft to date you because I'm an Auror, thought I was mental for snogging you, and threatened to report me to Scrimgeour," Tonks said, counting off the offenses on her fingers. "That about covers it."

Remus was trembling from head to toe in his seat. "He threatened to report you?" Remus said, in a frightened whisper. "Could you get in trouble for this?"

"There's no rule saying Aurors can't date werewolves," Tonks explained. "Believe me, I looked into that ages ago. I can't date current Azkaban inmates, I think, but that might be the limit."

"Why would he turn you in then?" Remus asked, in the same hoarse, frightened whisper.

"Because he thought you'd drugged me with a love potion," Tonks said nonchalantly. "Which is absurd, if he got to know you. You're terrible with potions, and you wouldn't do that to me, anyway."

"H-he thought I drugged you?" Remus asked, horrified. "Of course he did, because werewolves are lecherous, lustful monsters," he hissed angrily, gritting his teeth. "Dora, what if he reports you? No one will believe your word against mine…I am a werewolf." Remus' eyes were filled with anxiety again, and his hands were trembling.

Tonks took his hands into her own. "This Remus is more like the one I knew and loved," she said with a faint smile. "But you needn't worry about Alfie. I threatened to take my memories of him to Scrimgeour, and he shut right up."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked sternly, now focused with attention on her.

"I've told you before, he asks me inappropriate questions or makes inappropriate comments," Tonks explained. "In March, I heard there was a werewolf who died – Morris was his name, I learned later – but I thought it was you. Alfie took me out for drinks and then he kissed me. I hexed him and obliviated him."

"He got you drunk and then came onto you?!" Remus growled, and stood abruptly. "Where is he? Where is that bastard?"

"Remus," Tonks said sharply, putting her hand on his arm. He looked down, suddenly aware that he was behaving aggressively and possessively. He sat back down, and his hands were now trembling with what Tonks assumed was fury.

"Remus," Tonks repeated. "It's good to see you back in your element of anxiety and protectiveness, but calm down, please."

Remus glared at Tonks, which took her aback. He must have seen her expression, as he softened his gaze almost instantly.

"I'm sorry," Remus said quietly. "I overreacted."

"I'm impressed you didn't hunt him down immediately, if I'll be honest," Tonks said. "But please don't give into the temptation to harm him for acting aggressively towards me. I hexed him plenty that night and then obliviated him. I have the memory intact, and if I need to use it, I will."

"As blackmail?" Remus asked blankly.

"If you want to call it that," Tonks said drily. "Borderline unethical, I know, but Alfie's a wanker and I've had enough of his bullshit."

"Have you talked to Kingsley about this?" Remus asked tentatively.

"I haven't, actually, but that's a good idea," Tonks said truthfully. "I know Kingsley will be supportive of us, and he'll make sure Alfie gets reassigned, if that's what I asked for."

"Is that what you want?"

"I'm surprised you didn't demand I put in for his reassignment," Tonks admitted. "You're taking this loads better than I thought you would."

"Fighting against my instincts right now is taking a lot of effort," Remus said tightly. "I am really, really trying for you, Dora."

"I can tell," Tonks said with a smile. She placed her hand on his and squeezed it lightly. "Why don't you join me upstairs? I think a wholesome cuddle would do you some good."

Remus exhaled irritably; despite his clear discomfort, Tonks beamed widely for the first time in weeks. This Remus, the one who loved her, wanted her safe, worried for her, and exasperated her all at once was the Remus she fell in love with.

"C'mon," Tonks called. "I'll have Ab send up some food later, if we're hungry. You need me as much as I need you."

Remus smiled weakly but took Tonks' hand, letting her lead him upstairs to comfort one another.