I don't want to forget

by Romulo Nidoking BR

Shinji and Asuka's story is over. The world will soon forget about them. They must also forget everything about each other to be able to move on. But as the old saying goes: "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story". An homage to the extensive LAS/Asushin lore and romance in canon and in fan works - from past, present and the future.

6. All is right with the world

Thanks to YourBlandestNightmare. Goodbye to serious fanfic writing. And to all the readers and Asushin fans of the world: Congratulations!

Now, the conclusion.

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Asuka and Shinji slowly opened their eyes, still embracing each other, but took a moment to realize that they weren't inside of the train wagon anymore.

Their bare feet were being moisten by the soft and calm waves of the blue ocean. They were in a place that looked like a deserted beach. A beach in which they had been before, when they met for the first time after the…

Realization of what just had happened hit them both, as they quickly disentangled themselves from the embrace they were in, while also taking several steps backwards, in obvious embarrassment.

They stared at each other, like it was the first time that they've ever met.

The ponytailed boy was wearing a white shirt and black pants, with the water from the sea covering everything bellow his shin. He had grown up from his younger self, being now almost a full head taller than the girl that was staring at him.

Said girl was wearing a yellow sundress that was just on the verge of getting wet by the waves, with distinguished red hair ribbons on her braided hair. Her beauty was only partially impaired by some faint scar's marks on her left eye.

"Shinji… is that really you?" "Asuka, you're real"? – the two teenagers asked each other at the same time, which made them blush and added another layer to their embarrassment.

After a few moments, Shinji was the first to resume talking.

"Asuka, do you remember me? Do you remember … everything?

"Of course, thir… Shinji. It seems like… we have been piloting the Evas again and then we were inside that train…"

"What just happened now… it was strange… it was different from instrumentality."

"Yeah. And it was different from the time when that angel invaded my mind too. It was more like… going into a stroll through my dreams. Kinda like seeing your life in movie and being able to have an insider's look about some" – she hesitated – "i-important memories."

"Y-yes… I think the same thing happened to me."

"It was… weird to see all those memories at once, in a way that puts everything in perspective and… wait, are you crying?"

The boy suddenly closed the gap between them and pulled the girl into a strong embrace, burying his crying face on her shoulder.

He was not acting by impulse. He knew that it was a bold move. One that could easily backfire. Badly. But he didn't care. Asuka was there in front of him. The real Asuka. The one that he thought that he had lost forever. He had only one certainty in his mind: no matter what happens, he wouldn't run away this time.

"H-hey what are you doing? We have a deal. You are still not allowed to touch me and…." – Asuka suddenly stopped talking and realized that she was scolding the boy solely by reflex.

But, in fact, the last thing that she would want at that moment was to get away from that embrace. An embrace that she longed for such a long time and she needed so much when she was younger.

The feeling of his touch, holding her, was… warm. Warmth. A sensation that she already had forgotten. His presence… being this close to him… was making her feel good… in fact, it was one of the best sensations that she felt in her entire life.

She felt safe. And glad. Even with his hardened façade and weird ponytail, and the fact that he was now taller than her, she could feel that nothing changed at all. He was the same boy that she met at the Over the Rainbow. The one that she learned to love and hate. The idiot that since that day was always on her mind, all of the time. And how she missed that. To be able to think about him.

The sudden new rush and mix of complicated feelings made the girl awkwardly return the embrace, putting up an arm over the boy's shoulder while gently caressing his hair with her other hand, without realizing that some tears were already falling from her own eyes as well.

"Baka…. Look at you. You've grown up, but you still are just a crybaby, aren't you?"

"Asuka… I… thought that I'd lost you forever. Like, really lost you. All about you. It was even worse than being kept apart from you or knowing that you didn't want to see me ever again. They messed with my head. They made me forget. It hurt so much! I thought that I had lost everything. Oh, God. Asuka, I lo…"

"Shhh…. I know! I know… it's ok. Its ok."

They kept the embrace for a while, feeling something like a proximity... to elation? To happiness? What were those feelings? However, the peaceful moment soon started to become a little bit awkward for them, so Asuka broke the silence.

"Well... I think that, at least, you've found your answer, right?

"Yes… oh… sorry. What answer, you mean?"

"About what could've happened if we had a different meeting. I mean, if that was really you there."

"Oh…" – he blushed as he remembered what they were doing at that train, that was probably another representation of the odd reality created by the core of this Evangelion – "yes… I think that…. No, I know that it was real! Even if we were dreaming and didn't have our memories, it was true. Everything we did there was true and I know it because…. I could feel you! The real you."

It was the girl's turn to blush and use that opportunity to gently get away from the embrace - "Yeah, I know…. And I know exactly what you were feeling, or should I say, what you were tasting, right you pervert?" – she said with a serious voice as the boy waved his arms in front of himself, in obvious embarrassment - "I can't believe in it! Even when having unlikely second chances, you never change. Once again you only had the courage to kiss me when I had my eyes closed, didn't you? I think you may have a kink for those kinds of perverted fantasies."

"Hey! It was not like that. You were the one who proposed that bet and…" – he said in a defensive and annoyed way, which propelled Asuka to display a confident smirk on her face and interrupt him with a flick on his forehead.

"He… you're still such a boring little boy. Guess that some things never change. That's good."

Shinji's annoyed face immediately gave place to a relieved one as he almost smiled while he looked at the nonchalant confident victory pose that the girl was making.

For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed at all and they were just children again. Like in those happiest moments of their old lives. But soon he realized that this small and much anticipated moment of happiness was not meant to last.

"Asuka... we are in trouble."

She stopped smirking and looked at him with a more serious face, willing to listen to what he was going to say.

"I…remember this sensation. We are stuck. Within the core of the Evangelion. It's the same thing that happened to me that time."

Asuka clenched her fists in anger.

"I see. I understand now. That explains everything...that procedure... how they were able to make us able to pilot the Eva again... they did to us exactly the same thing that they did to mama! Pieces of our souls and memories become entrapped here and, in the real world, we…we.." – the girl clenched both fists and starts to tremble in anger

Shinji looked at her as the girl continue to realize the situation, filling her voice with pure rage.

"Damn... bastards... they no longer had our mothers' souls inside, so they separated parts of our own souls to put them into the Evangelions' core so we could pilot them again. Gott, how could I have missed that? How was I such an idiot? Shinji, they made us…." – she stopped as realization hit her. They were fighting each other. In a deathmatch.

She looked at the boy, who offered a sad smile in return. Just like he always feared, they had been forced to fight against each other. And they only were there now, talking to each other, because some kind of miracle.

"Yes… but that's not all. I can't hear or sense anything of the outside world. I think we are floating on some kind of void. It feels like that time…."

"When you were trapped by that shadow angel?" – she completed.

"Yes. But not only this. It's also something alike the time when I was trapped inside Unit 01. I think that…we are probably trapped twice. Inside the core of your Evangelion, which is also inside this odd dimension."

"Ha…. that's precious. It's like those old angelic days huh, third? I would rather have to deal with a little angel than to face this kind of trouble. Well… at least we know what happened and we can try to figure things out."

Asuka put her hand on her shin and started to think hard. Shinji didn't dare to interrupt her.

"Well, it seems like we are in a very bad situation, isn't it? Fortunately, I think that I remembered some of their conversations. If my reasoning and memories are correct, this Eva unit has a functional S2 engine now after I've…. absorbed your Eva's core. That was the whole point of those bastards' masterplan that resulted in making us fight against each other. And that explain what happened after I…"

"That makes sense. I think you nailed it, Asuka." – Shinji said with a warm smile staring at the girl who was in 'full pilot mode' right now.

"But at least our situation this time is better than before. This perfected S2 engine can provide us with infinite life support for an unlimited amount of time, so we can take our time and try to find a way to make this Evangelion move and tear apart this space in this Dirac Sea." – the girl said with conviction – "Also, because both of us are having this conversation here, it means that we have enough consciousness to be able to regain our physical forms. So, once we can focus on take control of the Eva again, we will be able to return to our universe and they will have to find a way to retrieve our bodies from this core. They have already done it before."

The boy looked at her in awe. Her reasoning was almost flawless - "You're truly amazing, Asuka. But sadly… I don't think that we will have that much time" – Shinji said with a sad voice.

"Huh…. What are you saying?" – she said, mildly annoyed at the fact that he was somehow questioning her thesis but, after staring at him for a few moments, she realized what the boy was trying to say. - "Oh… you mean…."

"If we try to activate it right now won't happen like when I was absorbed by the Angel and put my Eva in life support mode. What probably will happen is something like… the incident with Unit 04, in Nevada."

It took Asuka another few seconds until she realized the full extension of the problem. The mere contact of her Evangelion core with its missing parts that were attached to the Jet Alone opened a rift.

Therefore, without the proper control by a conscious and experienced pilot or a dummy system, the raw energy of the artificial S2 engine would create a small black hole that, in turn, would attract everything within a bunch of square kilometers-ratio into this pocket dimension, making all return to nothing and vanish forever.

And since the battery power of her Evangelion was already burned out, it was just a matter of time until its berserk state would allow them to try to do something to get out of there.

"And so, what?" – the girl said with an irritated and not so confident voice – "Let's activate it and deal with the consequences! I don't care about that kind of collateral damage it will cause. Those people out there just manipulated and used us as tools for their personal desires. I bet that a bunch of them would be happy if we disappeared. I know for sure that a lot of people would celebrate if I died or vanished from this world forever. And in just a few years the world will forget about us and everything we have done."

"That's not true, Asuka!" – the boy responded, rather firmly – "Yes, I know that some people can be mean. Some of them did horrible things and said nasty things about us. But I also know that many people out there care for us" or, at least, are rooting for us. And as long as there are some people like that outside, we must make an effort."

Asuka stared at the boy, not willing to admit that he had a point. She suddenly remembered that not only in the past few months, but during all her life, there were people that cared for her, even if they were mostly focused in their own personal struggles. But still, it was not their fault. They weren't in an easy situation. This was war. And they did the best, under their circumstances. But, of course, nobody tried harder than the boy who was standing in front of her.

"Always the damn martyr, aren't you, third? Whatever. I won't do things just to save them. Our safety comes first. Now, the best we can do is try to figure out how to make this damn robot move without killing ourselves."

Shinji looked at the girl who was thinking hard about the problem. She had always been beautiful. However, the way her braided red hair fought gently against the pleasant summer breeze, the way her sundress fit her almost adult body and the beautiful scenery in the background, with the blue sky and the blue sea, was simply stunning. A perfect picture that he wanted to keep on his mind forever.

But that wasn't what was making him blush and feel warm inside. It was something else, something that most people missed about her. The thing about her that he loved the most. Her intense fire and determination in her eyes, that reminded him of that moment when he met her, right after Hikari told him to go after her during they synch training.

She won't give up trying. She would always try everything and do her best to live and achieve victory. She is a person that, even if she is scared and afraid. would never surrender or give up unless she…. no, he wouldn't allow that to happen. Never again.

He kept staring at her for a while, until his face softened, as he made his decision.

"Hey, Asuka."

"What!?" – she responded in a harsh way, annoyed by being interrupted in her thoughts and by the fact that she wasn't able to think about a possible solution to solve the impossible scenario.

"Before we advance, I just want you to know something."

"Oh! The invincible Shinji Ikari still has more secrets to share? What are you, stupid?! If it's something useful spit it out already."

"I…. just want you and that… I'm really glad that, at least, I was able to see you again. Goodbye, Asuka." – the girl's eyes widened, in surprise as he suddenly grappled her by her shoulders and, in one swift movement, pushed her down towards the water.

As she was falling toward the water, time apparently began to pass in slow motion.

"Shinji... why?"

"My mother told me that humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it."

"What the heck you are talking about? Are you insane?"

"That's why neither myself or my father were able to stay with her at the end. An Evangelion can only support one human soul in its core. If there is more than one soul inside it, a clash of wills and egos will begin, like it was during instrumentality. And, because of this, the Evangelion will become inert and its core would collapse, unless one of those souls is expelled into the outside world. Also, if that doesn't happen… the souls would be trapped into a perpetual struggle where either one of them will eventually devour the other or they both will lose their AT-Fields and become merged forever into a single being devoid of any individuality."

"Wait! You meant that what are you doing is…"

"It's the only way Asuka. And you won the fight. So, it's the fair outcome. I couldn't be Earth's savior or hero. But you can be. You need to survive and find your rightful place as the only Evangelion pilot who will rebuild this world that I've destroyed and failed several times. I will stay here into the core and I will make this Eva rip apart this pocket dimension. And after that I will always be there to protect and fight for you until I'm not needed anymore."

Asuka could only give the boy a scared and heartbroken look as she saw his sad smile.

"Goodbye, Asuka. Please, be safe. You deserve to live… and I… I… I hope that, as we move on towards different paths, you will be able to finally find the happiness that you deserve."

As she started to feel the water wetting her hair, the image of the boy in front of her began to blur.

Real world battle sounds and the feeling of being back at the entry plug of her zombie Unit 02 started to get stronger and stronger.

She had won.

At the end of the world, in the last Eva battle, she was the one standing victorious.

And no matter how many people would try to control her, she was now the most important and powerful person in the world.

The only pilot of an Evangelion unit, one that is equipped with a functional S2 engine. A weapon, but also a tool, that has enough energy to rebuild the world after the Third Impact.

An invaluable asset for the future of humanity.

With that kind of power, the world would be restored into a normal place again in a short time.

And, finally, Asuka Langley Sohryu would be able fulfill all of her dreams.

But… what about stupid Shinji? His absence… it… makes it all seems… Empty? Unreal?

But that's fair, isn't it? After all, that was the choice that he made. It was his call. The way that he wanted things to happen.

He chose to sacrifice himself to give her a new chance to start over, in a world where she will be able to achieve everything she had always dreamed of. A future that which could happen. Or not.

"I don't want…"

Sure. Things won't ever be the same without him. But the truth is: there is no point thinking about "what if" scenarios. Not now, not ever.

And, in one way or another, he would still be with her. Along with her memories of him. Even if the price to pay is the fact that he will spend the rest of his existence trapped inside Eva.

Yes. That's right. The boy made a sacrifice for giving her the chance of keeping living. Just like Ayanami, Kaji and Misato did. This is the expected outcome of war. And, as his former companion, she won't complain or mop about it, but she will honor his resolve and go on without looking back. He deserves that, at least.

She won't need to abandon Eva. She will be praised, be recognized worldwide and loved by everyone in this planet as she will be the one who will work hard to rebuild it. To undo all of Shinji's and Nerv's mistakes.

And now, with her fully restored soul, she will also have the opportunity to have a normal life again. Sure, her childhood was taken away from her and it won't return.

But she will be able to taste food again. To sleep well. To allow herself to be beautiful again. And maybe, when time heals those scars and the world becomes a better place, she would be able to live the rest of her girlhood years.

Also, she will have everything money can buy in this new world, in her new position. Maybe she would be able use that resources to meet Hikari and other persons of her previous life. She will be able to restore those old bonds and also build new ones.

After that, she will grow up and become an adult. And maybe even… love someone else? After all, she was still young and probably would have some decades ahead of pain of losing her first love will be buried – just like the pain of losing her Mama and Kaji will be – and she will learn to enjoy the world and also the company of common and ordinary people.

"I don't want…"

Maybe she could have tried it before, with the cute guy that Hikari made her go with on that blind date. Why didn't she give that guy a chance? She always sabotaged herself, trying to chase impossible relationships and goals, and that's why she wasn't able to just enjoy life and pursuit real happiness.

But those days are over. She won't be depressed anymore. She doesn't have anything to prove, to herself and to anyone. So, she will be able to allow herself to meet new people and fall in love again. To do all those dumb romantic things that couples do. Allow herself to be swept off of her feet by some great guy and live those moments with passion. Give all of herself without any regrets or guilty.

"I don't want…"

And eventually she will be able to form a healthy relationship, with a worthy man that will love and support her. One that will not need her as an emotional crutch and that will be able to make her happy instead of cause her constant pain.

So, maybe she will get married and… start a family?

She never thought about it before, but now the images are clear in her mind., after living a glorious youth and cementing her place in history as earth greatest Evangelion pilot and the savior of mankind, she would settle in a nice house and live some comfortable and quiet days with her partner and her children.

And, after some really peaceful and well lived decades, she would relive those days with her grandchildren.

"I don't want to…"

Until it comes the day when she will finally leave this world.

On that day she will be laying in a nice and comfortable bed, surrounded by the family that she built and with lots of people who loved her.

She will also be able to watch on the screen how important she is, by seeing the commotion and the respect of the rebuild human society who will always be grateful for everything that she had done for the world.

But still… she could see that in her 'momento mori' she will have an odd final thought crossing on her mind.

About a young boy gently offering her a bento box, with a kind smile.

Who was this boy?

His face… those feelings…. They are something that.

"I DON'T WANT TO FORGET"

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So, this is it. After all that time, finally this story has a conclusion.

It's a true bittersweet resolution, but really there could be no other way that Shinji and Asuka's story could end. After all, even if they are soulmates, in all of the possible worlds and universes, they would always meet each other and fall in love, but would never be able to really be together.

But Shinji was wrong in his thoughts.

When Asuka's face was about to be completely covered by water, the girl quickly used her left hand to grab Shinji's arm and pull him hard towards her.

As a result, the two teenagers went down, falling into the shallow ocean, soiling their bodies and faces with the salt water and the wet sand.

"Asuka (gasp), what are you doing? Stop it." - Shinji said as he managed to sit down and look at the girl. Only to fell a hard punch being delivered in the right side of his face. And then another one, on the top of his head. And another.

Until a strong wave came and caused them to be wiped out by it and been trapped beneath the water for several seconds. The color of the sea began to change into a vivid red, with a strong smell of blood, as rain clouds begin to form.

Shinji tried to get up and catch his breath, but found himself being thrown down again by the angry girl.

"Du verdammter Scheißkerl, Bastard, schwachsinniger Idiot! What are you, stupid? I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill…" – she stopped her series of insults and assaults only when Shinji managed to get hold of both of her arms.

"Asuka! Stop it, please. You don't understand. It was the only…" – his speech was interrupted when the girl delivered a swift headbutt in his nose.

"I don't give a damn about it, you jerk!"

Shinji felt dizzy with the unexpected blow, but managed to keep his grab on both of the girl's arms and to steady his feet on the soft ground, preventing them from being knocked over again by the strong waves, while she continued to yell at him and a heavy downpour started to come down from the sky.

However, the girl refused to give up and, in one precise movement, she took a bite out of the boy, right at the junction between his neck and shoulder, making him scream in pain, which resulted in him pushing her away, while still keeping a strong grab on the girl's arms. As strong as when he grabbed her neck. He could feel that he was hurting her, but he didn't care.

The flash of lightning allowed them to look into each other's eyes that were filled with irrational and pure anger, only to, seconds later, be stunned by the thunderous roar of thunder, causing the storm to fall even more violently, as if the world were collapsing.

"Listen, you Scheißding, I won't EVER let you, of all people, decide my future for me. How dare you think that you can choose my destiny for me and try to send me back with such a cheap trick? If I have to do it your way, I would rather die!"

Shinji looked at her eyes and at his hands that were still grabbing the girl and decided to play his last card.

"Asuka, I… don't want you to pity me, ok?"

"Well, I don't give a damn about what you want and… wait. What that's supposed to mean?"

His gambit apparently worked, as the girl stopped her physical and verbal assault for a while.

"It's like you said before… we have been together for only a few months before the third impact. And that wasn't even a normal life. After that we only faced hell, either together or apart."

The girl looked at him, anger giving place to confusion in her eyes.

"That's why… you don't have to sacrifice yourself and your future for me. It's not fair. You deserve a way out instead of being attached to me like a ball and a chain. In fact, you made the right decision when you denied to help me at that time."

The girl looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"While you were wrong about my feelings, because in the end I tried to reach you and not anybody else, you were right about my selfishness." – he said with a sad look - "I wanted you to accept me only as a mean to take my pain away. I was selfish because I was not strong enough to endure the pain. And I even dared to ask you just after I had defiled you and watched you suffer the worst pain imaginable while I did nothing about it. You were right. I'm just a disgusting and worthless scum. I'm not worthy to be near you just because of the circumstances."

At this point his grip on the girl's arm had no strength at all, but she also wasn't making any effort to push him away and resume her previous assault.

"And because of that self-pity you want to play the hero and sacrifice yourself into a life of misery? That's pathetic! You are just running away again! Like you always do and…"

"NO!"

The boy shouted with an angry voice that made the girl flinch.

"Asuka... you're way smarter than me. There is a war taking place out here! Even if we didn't know about it, we were trying to kill each other on a battle field. We are pilots. We are trapped in a hopeless scenario. If the S2 engine is activated without Eva being under control, neither we nor the people outside will survive. And you are the one that has the better odds to make things right. You know that I made the right call. There is no better option here!"

She looked at him ready to make a rebuttal, but couldn't find words or formulate a decent answer.

"Look, of course I don't want to die or abandon you. I still don't know if I'm a monster or a martyr. If I'm a doormat or a hero.I don't know what I am and I don't know what I might become in the future. I only know that I will never be the kind of man you would like me to be. I'll hurt you. I will let you down. But the only thing I do know is that I want you to survive and, for once, I can do something to help you. So, please. Let me do this!"

They looked at each other for a few moments until, in a sudden movement, the girl managed to free her arms and projected herself forward, managing to get both of her hands around Shinji's neck.

"Hey, idiot... look at me… and pay attention because I will only say it once."

Shinji's gaze turned to a frightened look, full of despair, as he realized that Asuka's cold stare and the way that she was speaking was making he tremble, just like when she denied to help him during Instrumentality.

"You are the most idiotic person that I've ever met. You're not and never have been a hero. You didn't pilot an Eva to defend humanity or save the world, you only did it to satisfy your own desires."

Shinji tried to look away from the girl. It was a hard task, because of her firm grip on his neck.

"You are not the kind of man who will take the initiative and have the attitudes I expect from a partner. You are just a selfish bastard that is looking for anyone to give you unconditional love. You're never going to recognize me, pat me on the head or take care of me in the way I need.

Also, you don't know what it is to love another person because, although you have learned not to hate yourself, you still can't really love yourself because you are stuck with that feeling of guilt and failure."

He bit his own lips, in frustration. It was all he could do under those circumstances. But he seems to be doomed to always fail her after all. It was naïve of him to think that…

"And you know what?" – she moved her hands from his neck to his chin to make him look at her straight at her eyes - "I don't give a damn! I don't care! I can live with that. Because all those flaws… they are just a prove that you're human… that you are still Shinji Ikari. And that is enough. B-being Baka-Shinji is j-just enough." – she said, trying to hold the tears that were forming in her eyes as her right hand softly moved to gently caress his cheek.

"W-why?" – an almost inaudible whisper.

"Shinji… do you really think so little of me? That I would go on and live a happy life knowing that you would've been miserable? That after all that we've faced together I would abandon you and let you suffer a punishment worse than death?"

He looked away from her, in shame, which made the girl return the firm grip on his face, forcing the boy to look at her.

"Listen, you idiot! I won't let you give up and sacrifice yourself just because you think that you're not worthy. And I won't ever forgive you for trying to trick me! I'm not a doll! I'm not a princess! I don't want to be saved by you or let it up to you to decide what is better for me. I make my own decisions! And right now, I want to…. help you somehow."

Shinji looked at her, in awe. Those last words for sure were intentional, even if the latter part of the phrase wasn't pronounced by the girl's lips.

"That's why…. That's why, even if you might hate me for that, you can be damn sure that I will be the one in your life that will never submit to your selfish desires! And I won't let you push me away! Not this time! Not ever! So, get up and no more dumb ideas, understand? Or I will really kill you this time." – she said, as she released her grip on his face, swallowing the forming tears, and started to move to get away from the sea, towards the beach.

Shinji did the same, while making a huge effort to not break down in tears of sadness and joy.

As they sat down into the sand - with their clothes soaked, Asuka's braided hair ruined and Shinji's face and neck were still sore and hurt from the beating – the sea seemed to be recovering its blueish color and the rain started to become just a drizzle until it finally stopped.

An uncomfortable silence was formed for a while as they looked right into each other's eyes.

"Asuka…I... thank you… thank you for…"

"Cut it off! Don't forget that I'm still mad at you. I will not allow you of all people to try to push me away again, you understood?"

He nodded, while using his hand to touch the base of his neck, still sore because of the bite.

The scene made the girl turn her face away from him, hiding a soft blush, while Shinji chuckled a little, even if the pain caused from his recent beating was starting to be felt by his body. But there was no time to think about that. The main issue wasn't solved yet.

" Asuka… you… have you thought about another way for us to escape from there?"

"No."

"But then… what should we do?"

"I-I don't know! You have been through this before. Think about it. The one who can find a solution is you."

"We can't, Asuka. I've already…"

"I know it, you idiot! I don't know what to do! Just… do something, Baka-Shinji!"

Her words triggered something inside him. How could he not have realized it before? When it came to supporting each other in battle, it always had been the same pattern between them. Just like that dance. She would always take the initiative and push him forward and force him to move from his inertia, to try to keep up with her. But when she would slip or make a mistake because of that attitude and her inner instability, he would be there and adjust, to make sure that she wouldn't fall. Attack and defense. Yin and Yang. As individuals, just two flawed and scared children. Together? Invincible.

Yeah, it was probably just a wishful thinking. But it was that thought that gave him hope that there was still a possibility. It was an insane idea, but… he just knew that he had to try. To take the risk. For her. And for himself. Like he did before. Like he should have done in that fatidic day, instead of being a coward.

"W-well…. There might be a way but…"

"But what? You've just had an epiphany now or you already knew about that? Why did you take so long to open your mouth? Tell me already!"

"I'm scared Asuka!" – he shouted – "I'm afraid that… what I'll propose here may not work and will be ending up being just another of my selfish wishes. Another way of running away that will just hurt us both at the end, and…"- he stopped his rant, as he felt her hand touching his cheek.

"No, Shinji. This time you won't be running away. Because this is something we have chosen to do together. Like two soldiers on a battlefield. And your idea, no matter how stupid it is, will surely be no more insane than Misato's battle plans. So, even if your idea is stupid, it's still a… chance. And I won't miss it. Just spill out the plan and I will make it work."

"You… will trust me?"

"Of course. Who the hell do you think I am?"

He looked at her confident smirk, while also noticing that her knees were shaking. It assured him, one more time, that all of this was real. That was the real Asuka. A scared child just like he was, but the one that will complete him, giving him the fire and the strength that he needs to stop him from falling into his own apathy and fears.

"Well…. For this idea to work we will have to believe that… my mother might have been wrong."

Asuka looked at him, shocked, with a mix of emotions in her face. The boy's plan was based on assuming that the person who created Evangelion was wrong. It was pure madness! Non-sense! Too much for her rational mind to accept.

"Please, let me finish." – he said, as he knew that the girl was on the verge of yelling at him - "The Evangelion needs a soul in its core to work. To be honest, that's the only thing it really needs. Think about the times that Unit 01 did all those weird things in battle."

"Ok… that… makes sense."

"The pilot is just another soul who is able to retain the human form and conscious mind to be able to direct the Evangelion in a proper and most efficient way. But we are in fact not unreplaceable, just like the dummy system proved."

"You mean that the Evangelion can move without a pilot or even a dummy system, if it has one soul inside of its core with enough self-awareness to act by its own will. I… get it. It probably was hard for your mother to try to do that, but she managed to do it in some occasions. But… if there are two souls inside the core…"

"Y-yeah… exactly. So, I guess that we can try to act together to move the Eva without having to suppress our individuality and without merging with each other. We will just manifest our conjoined will to make the Eva move, like we were piloting it. Like we did that time on the ocean, with Unit 02."

"However, in doing so…" – Asuka realized - "We will push our consciousness deeper inside of the Evangelion's core. And by doing it, it means that we will become even more detached of the outside world, so our physical bodies won't be able to be retrieved from here. We will become trapped for good. Just like our mothers were."

Shinji gave her a soft nod.

"But… what you really are trying to say is that we will do this while also trying to maintain enough consciousness and awareness to be able to pilot the Evangelion just as well as if we were in our physical bodies. And, to be able to do that, we will have to be locked in a state of perpetual struggle with each other just to keep our own sense of self and individuality, trying to avoid being merged like in instrumentality and also avoid killing each other's essence. Is that it?"

"Y-yes… I'm afraid so."

They stared into each other's face for a while, while they processed the conversation that they just had and its implications.

"Hmph. How pathetic…" – she said, making Shinji felt a pain in his heart – "to see that the Evangelion, the greatest invention in human history, will become just a luxury prison for two trouble teenagers that are destined to spend eternity together, with the sole goal of trying to resolve our endless traumas to be able to keep ourselves alive. Can we at least ask someone to bring your cello here, third?" – she finished with a mocking voice and a smirk on her face.

Shinji blinked two times until he understood the punchline and finally laughed at her playful comment. That's was Asuka, at her very best. The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu. The one that, even against the odds, would try her best to achieve victory, to the point of laughing in face of the unknow.

"Well… I think that Eva will always be something more than that. But, all things considered, I guess it's fine if that's the destination we will give to it. So… that's it. You think it can work?"

"I guess so. It takes a big leap of faith to believe that it will work, but it sounds like a plan. And it's a better option than resign ourselves to the fate of becoming mere pawns of schemes and war games created by power-hungry fanatics. Pathetic people that refuse to grown up and who only want to mold the world into their own beliefs, and would love to see us dead or suffering. So, I'm in. Even if our destiny is to be tied with Evangelion forever, until we lose our consciousness and become just dreams of a distant God… we …." – the girl suddenly lost the fire in her voice and started to feel worried.

"Asuka… You're really ok with that? We can still think about another…"

"No! Forget it. I am ok. We both have concluded there is no better way. But the thing is that I… I'm… I'm really sorry, Shinji."

"Erh? Why?" – said the surprised boy as he heard, for the first time, a sincere apology from Asuka.

"Well… Think about it. In the end, with my actions, I've managed to force you to give up on saving the world or seeking your own happiness… only to become forever trapped inside an Evangelion, the thing you hate the most in the world."

"What? No… I…"

"And to make things even worse, you'll have to share this uncomfortable place with me – of all people from Earth - for who knows how long. I think that's the closest thing to hell or another kind of eternal punishment you could have had in the end."

Asuka looked away from her companion, awkwardly playing with her hair in an attempt of hiding her face from the boy's sight. Shinji took a deep breath and started to speak again.

"You're wrong Asuka… I guess my mother was right on that topic."

"What do you mean?" – said the girl with a hint of interest.

"After all of the possibilities and places that I've been… all the scenarios and universes that I've seen during instrumentality and in my mind…even if I despise Eva… I know that this world is real. As real as any other possible world. And we are here now, together, so…" - Shinji closed his eyes as he remembered Yui's words – "if both of us have the will to live… any place can be paradise. We are alive, so we will always have the chance to be happy."

"I see." – answered the dejected girl – "So, you actually agree that ours is indeed a cursed destiny, but you are saying that you will try to make it work even if it is hopeless."

"Well… Yes, but… no... I mean… I know it's selfish but… what I'm trying to say is… If I have to stay trapped inside this imperfect Evangelion forever but, by doing so, I will be able to share a whole eternity with you…"

She looked at the him with a frightened, but firm stare.

"It will be ok. I mean… I will be ok. We will be ok. More than ok, really. After all, Evangelion is not a curse. I wasn't really happy before Eva entered my life. But now, even though Eva didn't give me answers, it made me realize that even if the world and the circumstances aren't the way we want them to be, I can be happy. We can be happy. Well…. what I really mean is: I'm really glad to be able to be with you. Not because I'm afraid of being alone or that I can't do it without you. The point is: if you are together with me, this Evangelion can become a place that I will be able to call… heaven."

"S-stop saying such corny and embarrassing things, stupid. – the girl responded with more harshness than usual, but after a while, continued to talk with a lower voice. "Things won't be this easy and you should know better."

"Well, I…"

"Shinji, this is a serious issue. I… even if we can manage to do it, it won't be anything like a paradise. It will hurt. A lot. It always does. It already happened before. What if this core messes ups with our minds and souls and everything becomes like it was instrumentality all over again? Will I hurt you until the point in that you will decide to kill me again? Or it will be me who will kill you this time?"

"And so, what?!" – said Shinji, with an unusual shout that took his companion by surprise.

"Asuka… I know that we've learned to stop hating ourselves and we also stopped to hate each other. But we are still learning how to love and forgive ourselves. And I think that once we are able to do so…. we won't hurt each other anymore and even if we did… we will be able to forgive each other, won't we?"

Asuka looked away with a sad smile on her face.

"I assure you, Asuka. I will make mistakes. I will eventually even hurt you. But I won't run away. Not this time. No matter what happens. Not after all we had been through and not after all that you've said to me here. I'll fight for this new chance. Because this time we have a chance to face this challenge together. This time I know that you will be there fighting hard by my side and I also will be fighting hard by your side."- the boy said with a renewed fire in his eyes, making his companion take a step backwards in surprise.

"And that's what gives me confidence. That's what makes me believe that we can do it. We will defy all the odds and even make the impossible turn into reality. We won't fail! We won't lose! We never did when we were fighting together inside of an Evangelion."

Asuka looked, in awe, as he continued to speak, with even more determination in his voice.

"But more importantly… we will prove that my mother was wrong about the Evangelion and the decision that she made. And that my father was wrong too. Because humans were not made to be alone and isolated from the world protected by their own AT-Fields. And also, we were not made to abandon the AT-Fields and live as one single being. It can be painful, but …"

He stopped and closed his eyes for a while, taking a deep breath.

"Asuka... I know that by doing it we may not be able to fix or rebuild this world. But we will live. And instead of trying to destroy Eva to avoid the pain and delusions that it causes, or even to trap one single soul and its individuality in the Eva as a testimony that mankind existed… we can show that we found this answer. Not a neon genesis but a - he raised his hand and bumped on his chest - Neon Testament!"

Asuka stared at him, dumbfounded, trying to sort out everything that she just listened from the man that was standing in front of her.

"Shinji, you… what you're trying to say is that… we can use Eva to find an answer to the human instrumentality project? To prove that humans can find balance and harmony within themselves and each other while also keeping their individuality?

"Well…yes? Maybe. To be fair I wasn't thinking of solving the human equation or something like that" – he said as he scratched the back of his head.

"You really are an idiot, you know?" – said Asuka with a sigh - "Shinji…. I don't know if I will be able to make it work.…I've told you before…. I'm not a concept. I'm just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. I'm not perfect. I'll not be able to help you or give what you need. You will be unhappy."

"Maybe. But it's a risk I'm willing to take... I already told you before: I want to help you somehow and be with you forever. To be honest, I can't think of anything I don't like about you right now."

"But you will! You will regret it. You will think of things. Think about everybody else. Think about how I hurt you. Think how about we could have had another life. About how our reality sucks. And I'll also do that. And I will get angry with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me. I cannot promise you that I won't try to push myself deeper into the core of this Eva and shut it down forever. And by doing so I will not only fail you, but will also betray all those your theories and this testament of yours will be doomed."

"It's ok. I don't mind if we fail or what legacy we will make. We are not slaves of the destiny. I will never force you to do anything you don't want to and, even if you don't agree with me, I will be there for can always change course and choose another way. And when the time comes, we will decide it… together." – Shinji answered her with a true gentle and heartwarming smile.

She looked into his eyes, searching for any trace of doubt or resentment, to no avail.

The meaning was clear. Just as she had caressed his face that day on the beach while being strangled by an enraged Shinji, he is also making a promise.

A promise to not abandon her. A promise to not force his will on her. A promise to recognize her as a person despite of her flaws.

He is willing and vowing to reciprocate with affection and understanding even at the dark moments where she will succumb to her anger and fears and reveal the worst within her heart.

They lock eyes for a long moment.

Asuka was still stone-faced, while Shinji started to develop a worried, knit brow.

Asuka cracks up.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm so sure."

She stared deep into his eyes. This time he didn't look away from her as he had done most of the other times that they've exchanged those serious glances.

That moment lasted a few seconds… or maybe it lasted hours? Years? A lifetime? Everlong? It's hard to be aware of the passage of time while being inside an Evangelion core immersed in a Dirac Sea.

After making sure that the man wouldn't flinch or look away, Asuka felt a smile grow on her face and also a good and warm feeling rise in her chest.

Since she was reborn that day on the beach, she was sure that she would always love and hate Shinji Ikari. Those feelings weren't opposite, but complimentary. Tangled in a way that couldn't be undone. But now, after all this time, she couldn't feel any kind of vitriol or hate towards that man. And that made her heart beat faster, her face get warmer and a pleasant warm and fuzzy feeling chills down all over her body. So, maybe, all that have remained from those old feelings that she always bore for that beautiful boy…is only love?

"You know what Shinji? You're right. Yes. We will do it. It won't be easy. Nothing has ever been easy for us after all. But we will make it work. You and me. Together. Until the end of this universe. Until the end of times. Even after the end of all Evangelions. Per aspera, ad astra, right? It's a promise, right?"

"Asuka… I… I'm glad that you think that way and I promise that I will be here together with you but…I didn't get that last part… I think that you spoke that in German."

Asuka looked at him in disbelief and after a moment of realization, facepalmed and sighed in a playful way.

"Baka-Shinji… I think I will need a whole eternity to explain everything I know to you. From the physics involving nature of space and time and other concepts that are way more complicated than thermal expansion, to the German language, Bible references and the simple things about the common life… Gott, I will have to teach you a lot of things. Like how to develop a sense of humor or how you need to hold a person when you're kissing her..."

He looked into her eyes with a big smile on his face and a look of true happiness in his eyes. At the same time, the woman's cheeks were starting to turn into an intense shade of red as she quickly averted her face from his gaze, turning to look directly in the opposite direction.

"D-don't get any wrong ideas you pervert. I've said that… it's just because… I mean… eternity is such a long time… And eventually I'm gonna get bored, that's all…"

Shinji's smile got even bigger, as he was trying hard to not bust up laughing. After so long he finally began to understand a little bit more about the true feelings and the mysterious ways of thinking and acting of the woman he loved. And these good sensations that he was feeling acted as the catalyst that allowed him to get the courage to move forward.

"Oh… I get it Asuka… w-well…just in case you're wrong…let's make a bet."

Asuka looked back at him, visibly surprised.

"What?"

"I bet… that you won't get bored while being here with me. If I win, I will be able to make that second try of the bet you did in the train. If I lost, you can do what you usually want to do when you're bored. Deal? Or are you gonna chicken out?"

Asuka looked at him with a gaze that reflected a mixture of amazement, anger, admiration, attraction and… an exquisite, but not disgusting feeling.

Shinji continued to smile and to keep the feeling of joy and happiness in his gaze which, after a few moments, was replicated by Asuka, who once again fixed her eyes on the man's face. And that did it. They busted out laughing.

Perhaps for the first time in all of the time that they had known each other, the two were finally able to establish a moment of perfect communication and an accurate understanding with each other, not only of the words and feelings involved, but also of everything that was laying between the lines.

Both of them understood that they would surely have a rather "boring" eternity ahead and betting against that would be the equivalent of asking to lose every time. But with this new game they started to play there are no losers or winners. The outcome was guaranteed.

It was not even a game anymore. It was also not a fight or that old eternal struggle that they have endured before. It was… like a dance.

And they were finding the perfect tune to keep on dancing to their infinite playlist, composed by the sounds of their hearts beating in synchrony with each other.

They had already proved from the start that they could synchronize their minds and bodies. Different individuals, but able to work together in perfect harmony. Now they could do the next step and do the same with their hearts and souls.

That's the answer that they were looking for all of this time. The hope that the porcupine embrace can be solved with a constant coupled effort.

"Ready to go, Shinji? Just remember, full power, maximum performance,"

"Yes. We will finish it. No matter how much time it takes."

They blinked, at the same time.

As they opened their eyes again, they could feel the Evangelion leaving Earth's atmosphere and flying towards the Moon, with its AT-Field forming a brilliant halo that resembled a crown of stars over its head.

They blinked once more and they realized that they were now far away from Earth. Maybe somewhere between Jupiter and Mars.

At the next blink, they realized that time has not skipped. They were at the same place. It meant that they were doing it right. They were making it work, finally being in tune with each other and also with the Evangelion, without losing their individualities.

They realized that, even if it's not the way that they wanted or imagined it, they will finally be able to be themselves. Two children, playing among the stars, with the certainty that all is right with the world. Their world.

They didn't know if they would ever be able to return to the real world or if they would be trapped inside Eva forever.

But they knew that, eventually, there will be a time when they will manage to grow up.

To hold hands.

To kiss.

To be true to each other.

Or, in other words, love each other.

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Once again, a big thank you to YourBlandestNightmare, he is the amazing fellow that inspired me to write again and the one who helped me review this final chapter so I wouldn't struggle as badly with misspelling, grammar and verbal tenses like I did in the previous chapter.

Also, thanks to tomdj1701 EvaPilotFair, calborghete, poBBpC, SheriffJohnStone, Iraki01, Mr Mojo and other guest readers that are following this story, especially the who gave this very nice review on the last chapter :).

However, this is not the end. On Asuka's birthday, I will post an epilogue for this story and also some author notes with further clarifications about the plot and also the easter eggs.

There are more than one hundred references to famous Asushin works in fanworks and official releases that were distributed and hidden in every chapter of this story. How many could you find?

Hope that you've enjoyed and sorry for overdoing the dark and angst moments. But I think they were necessary. After all, after the darkest night comes the brightest day.

See you on December 4th.