Happy birthday Asuka!
Once again, a big thank you to YourBlandestNightmare. You nailed it with your comment. That was my intent, I hope I could deliver it in a decent way ^^.
Also, thanks to tomdj1701 and Mr Mojo. I'm really glad you guys liked it.
So, let's go to one last kiss.
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Gendo Ikari kept a calm and peaceful countenance while the Euronerv technicians and operators tried, unsuccessfully, to report on what was happening in the battle.
The reborn Eva Unit 02 had finally absorbed the core of the hybrid unit, removing the organic parts amidst the array of robotic parts belonging to Jet Alone.
After incorporation, as predicted, the Eva awakened its previously dormant S2 engine, resulting in the opening of a Dirac Sea.
That Evangelion now possessed unlimited energy, being able to subdue all forces existing on Earth, so as to ensure absolute control over the planet and the ability to repair the destroyed world at an accelerated rate.
But he knew this would not happen. Operation Unsinkable had failed. Most of the Euronerv technicians had not realized that there was no longer any register of signals from the pilots involved in the battle, which revealed that the unit was no longer under Nerv control. Just like Yui did with the ascended Unit 01, it was up to those two pilots, now children of an Elder God, to decide the fate of that Evangelion.
Gendo took this moment to retire from his command post and return to his quarters, while awaiting the inevitable outcome of the battle that would surprise and cut the hearts and hopes of all those people who were celebrating the victory.
As soon as he managed to reach his room, Gendo looked out the window and he saw Unit 02 in its old blood-red color floating in the air, with a bright halo above its head, as if it were a Crown of Stars.
As the Evangelion was taking off into space he preferred to verbalize what he was thinking, although he knew his words would be useless, for there would be no one who could hear them.
"Yui... it took me so long to finally understand you. At first it thought that it was the accident that took you away for me and I've been patiently waiting for the day when I would see you again and finally get what I wanted.
But it was a foolish hope. You are not at fault, of course. You've always did what you wanted to do and that was different than what I desired. I've grown to understand and appreciate what you've done, even if I don't like it. As the old saying goes, beauty is the child of love, I guess.
Even so, I am happy to say that, as much as your plan was successful and brilliant, you might have been wrong.
Right now, another Evangelion, created from Adam, is using the energy from the S2 engine to leave this planet for the stars.
Sure, this Evangelion does not even compare to the perfection of your Unit 01, it is just a pale imitation of the original. One more imperfect copy and attempt of copying you, like many others tried.
And besides, at its core are now two souls cohabiting it. We both know that is statistically unlikely that they will be able coexist in that state for all eternity. In the most likely scenario, one of them will destroy the other completely.
Because of this, even possessing the fruit of life is not likely to endure to the end of time as a testimony to human history. They seem to be doomed to fail at their task and be forgotten forever.
However, I'm sure that they will try to bridge the gap between dreams and reality. They will bleed blood tears, because they believe that they are meant for one another. And they would fight until the end to prove it. To prove that you were wrong.
Even if the chances of survival are slim, miracles do happen after all. Maybe this imperfect Evangelion will be a better testimony to humanity than your perfect project, Yui.
Children of humanity, born from Lilith, coexisting within the spawn of Adam... this really is an extremely fragile balance, but, precisely because of this, it is a more faithful representation of the human will to defy fate and try to seek happiness and survive, even under the most terrible circumstances.
What makes this imperfect Eva so special is that it will be driven to the end not by a single will, but by different and separated human hearts. The existence of another heart is what allows each human being in this world to recognize their own selves from their interactions with others, and, thus, each individual has the choice between love and hate.
In fact, imperfection is the true constant of human nature and the eternal struggle between struggling to accept those imperfections and always continuing to evolve and improve is the great testimony that humanity has to offer to this universe.
This is the path that those pilots chose. That was the path that Shinji chose, Yui. And that was a path that we could have chosen as well.
And this is something that I will remember forever, and I know that you will too."
Gendo began to hear sounds approaching and quickly understood that Unit 02 had already left the planet. Therefore, he would have no way to escape his fate. His doublethink maneuvers wouldn't help him now. Kiru, Samuel, Shark and other new agents would soon arrive to arrest him for good. And there is no way to slip out of this situation.
He would have to give explanations to all those involved in his project and would be forced to accept the punishments he would certainly receive for having allocated precious time and resources from a destroyed world for his project that, in the end, will not cause any change in the world. Only few people will know about it and what he true wanted to accomplish,
Turning toward the door to face his fate, Gendo continued to speak in a lower and lower voice.
"I... accept your choice, Yui. And like the rest of humanity, I will accept being in a world in which there are no more Evangelions, but without ever forgetting that they have been here and all that they have had an effect on humanity."
Humanity owes a lot to you, Yui. After all, despite all the difficulties, you managed to finish your project and turn your work as a testament to humanity in a way that will surely stand the test of time. Your inheritance to mankind and the universe. That cruel thesis for this beautiful world.
As for me, there is nothing left to do. I will face my fate in this world without Evangelions and without the prospect that I will meet you again someday. And even if we do meet again, I know it will never be the same as it was before. After all, what else is there for the two of us?"
He stared at the door and gave a small sigh before making the decision to open it.
"But before I leave, I have to tell you these last words, Yui... you've failed. Evangelion will survive forever as a testimony that humanity existed… but it will not be only yours Evangelion.
Even if you are no longer here and your history with Evangelion is over, humanity will not forget that Eva existed and eventually someone will try to recreate them again.
After all... you can erase something from your mind. Getting it out of your heart is another story."
The train station was very busy on that day. Thousands of people must have passed through it. But, since early morning, an elderly man was sitting on a bench in the station, watching the movement with a contemplative gaze.
Until he felt something hard tap him lightly on the head. A very familiar cane.
"Hey old geezer, do you really have nothing better to do than stay here all morning?"
"I've already told you to stop calling me an old geezer, remember? After all I'm just six months older than you."
"Yeah, but you're still an old geezer who is lucky to have a pretty lady like me to take care of you."
"Would this pretty lady give me the honor of sitting here by my side?"
"Oh… you've always been a pervert. I hope that you weren't using those lame pick up lines to every slut that passes by near you."
"Nah… only to my dearest honey." – he said with a smile as the old lady sat down by his side.
"Ugh, my diabetes…. And my back. Getting old sucks."
"Well, there are some things that time gave us, you know."
"Like what?"
"Memories."
"Heh… you are really feeling extra corny today, huh?"
"In fact, I was remembering those days when we were living alone in the world and had to sleep under the moonlight until we found that shelter. It was kinda romantic, you know? We were laying there, just like two young stargazers…"
"Or like two potheads. A dilemma, huh? It's like I told you on that day: until the booze do us part."
He just laughed at his wife's sarcastic response and lack of romanticism. They just stared at the movement of the train station for a few minutes.
"Hey old geezer… do you miss the days of being a pilot?"
"What? No, no… I'm ok with using the public transport. I never liked driving that much."
She threw a mildly annoyed glare at him looking for a trace of irony in his face and, when she found none, her face softened and she spoke with a soft voice.
"Idiot. I'm talking about Eva, you know… right?"
He looked at her in astonishment and after a few seconds smiled slightly.
"Sorry…. I think I forgot about it."
The woman got up in a rather sudden movement and grabbed the man by the shirt collar.
"You are joking right? After being trapped in Eva for so long… how can you have forgotten about that?"
"I… I don't know…. I think I… life has just keep going on and stopped to think about it. It's just not important anymore, I guess"
She looked at him with concerned eyes.
"Do… do you think you will also…"
He looked at her and softly pushed her hands away from his shirt collar, giving a soft kiss on her left hand, near the ring that he had gave her a long time ago.
They looked at each other for a while and the concern in her eyes turned into contentment and understanding.
Their communication was perfect. No words where needed. Even if they grow get, sick or even if they forget about everything else, the story that they had lived together will be preserved.
That's why only one thought crossed their minds at that moment:
"We will never forget."
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EVANGELION WORKS REFERENCED
Main works:
Evangelion
The End of Evangelion
Official spin-offs:
Angelic Days
Evangelion: ANIMA
Petit Eva Nintendo DS Game.
Rebuild of Evangelion (New Theatrical Edition)
Songs:
A Cruel Angel Thesis
Beautiful world
Everything you've ever dreamed
Fly me to the moon
Komm Susser Tod.
One Last Kiss
Soul's Refrain
Thanato (If I Can't be Yours)
What If
Doujins and circles:
Air
Epilogue of Evangelion
Eva 303
Evangelion: Re-Take
Gran (Peppy Angel)
Girlhood
Happy End of Evangelion
Kuro Tengu
Artists/Fan Arts:
Amai Yadoraki
Amelie Sabo
Arin (Baumku_techen)
Avil (avil_m11)
CC (cccccc6512)
Dan (dan_da_dan86)
Holly (Holi_day_las)
Ienekko
Illust Acqua
Jason Yossarian
Jima
Kazumi Minagawa
Kiru
Kyo
Rot
Samuel
Shark
Yubbi-Kami
Yuko
Zack-Rey Lin (Haruka)
Fanfictions:
30 kisses, 30 ways
60 seconds for Asuka and Shinji
A brighter future
A crown of stars
A different meeting
A glass of wine
A glass of wine Rebuild
A light that never goes out
A promise made, a promise kept
A reminder that I hated you
A strange duet
A stroll through my dreams
A thousand cranes
A throne of bayonets
Absence
Addiction
Advice and Trust
Afraid of the dark
Algunas cosas que nos regaló el tiempo
All I have to take your heart away
Alone with you
Amarantos
An insider's look
Another night.
As we move on
Ashes
Asuka and Shinji's infinite playlist
Asuka in the bardo
At the other side of the dream
Avanzando de alguna manera
Be safe
Before tomorrow
Blood Red
Blood tears
Broken Devil
Broken hands
Care
Children of an Elder God
Cliches
Consequences
Conspiracy
Count the stars in the sky.
Coupled effort
Cracking skulls and stealing hearts
Dark Kaballah
Dead-end job,
Defense in depth
Do you know I trust you?
Doublethink
Downpour
Dreams of a distant god
Errors and successes
Eva-R
Everlong
False fingers and real bruises.
Fireworks
Foe
Forget me, let me go
Future freaks me out
Genocide
Ghosts Of Evangelion
Herz
Higher Learning
I'm not here
In doubt where to go
In Other Words
In tune
Inheritance
Initial Perturbation
Legacy
Life after Eva
Likewise
Little angel
Long time no see
Look at me
Masquerade
Meant for one another
Meant for one another
Momento mori
No room in her heart
Nobody Dies
Nothing will ever change that
Operation Unsinkable
Operation Unsinkable
Orchestrating the silence
Plan-E
Play to remember
Porcupine embrace
Pothead's Dilemma
Practice
Propinquity
Prove It
Proximity to elation
Read the fine print
Rebirth
Reconstruction
Redemption song
Relapse
Relapse: End, Repeat.
Remember me.
Renaissance
Rosenrot
Samsara
Scar Tissue
See you again & goodbye
Sincerely yours
Slip Out
Somewhere out there
Sound of rain
Spawn of Adam
Stargazers
Substance
Swelter
Tacking Starboard
That night
That which could (not) happen.
The 2nd Try
The accident
The catalyst
The child of love
The creative principle
The Division Bell
The human equation
The last test
The long and winding road
The one in your life
The quiet moments
The shout that buzzed their hearts full of solace.
These scars we bear
Till Booze Do Us (Not) Part
To bridge the gap
To My Dearest Honey
Toppling the Walls of Jericho
Two of us
Two souls
Un cambio está por llegar
Unbroken
Underneath
Unreal
Until you come to me
Veering Left
Wake
Walls of Jericho
Wet sand
What else is there
When she smiles
Where are you?
You are not at fault
You can not redo
You can not run so far away
You may dream dreams come true
Yui's words
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AUTHOR NOTES
Almost 15 years ago I watched an amazing AMV by More Than Toast that consists in a parody of the trailer from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Shinji and Asuka as Joel and Clementine (the main characters of the movie) and thought about writing a fan fiction about it.
Now that the Rebuild's are finished and I've made a decision to return to interact online with people from the fanfiction community and Eva fandom, I've decided to develop this old idea of mine in a different way, using elements from the plot of the original movie and also themes several themes of Asushin lore developed in canon and fan works.
So, a lot of scenes made here are shout-outs or adaptations from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, especially in the prologue, and also several scenes and dialogues that are extracted or adapted from several different sources of Evangelion related works (from canon and fandom).
Those were mixed into the story in a way that (hopefully) wasn't noticed by readers who haven't see those works and also made the reading more interesting by those who understood the references.
I've selected a bunch of fanfictions and artists from past, present and future - with the "Asushin kind of hope" that the works that are still in progress will not be abandoned - following some criteria (for example, no fics that are pure or primarily lemon), but I never intended to make a list or something like that.
For sure there are also other great artists and fanfictions about Asushin that are really good, but didn't make into this story for a bunch of reasons, mostly because I didn't know about that from the start, forgot about them (shame on me) or considered, but haven't found a way to properly insert them into the story. So, any relevant omission can be blamed on me ^^.
The goal with the plot and all those references was to make a story that would be interesting and fun to the new fans and to the old-time fans that have helped to build this Asushin lore during all those years. I don't know if I succeeded, but that was the intent, at least. :)
This story is already finished, but I decided to make this epilogue to add further details of the conclusion of the story and those extensive author notes explaining all the easter eggs and the shoutouts to several Asushin related works, thoughts about the meta references and also some thoughts about Asushin in general.
Finally, I wish to say thanks for all the writers, artists, readers and all people that have helped to build and develop Evangelion - and especially Asushin - lore thorough those 25 years.
And also special thanks to all the kind people from the Asushin subreddit - a nice place where I was able to have many interesting discussions and conversations about Evangelion, which made me understand a lot more about Shinji and Asuka in the past few months – and the great fanfiction authors from Asushin discord server, especially fellow author YourBlandestNightmare, who had kindly reviewed and helped to fix (a lot of) grammar mistakes and inspired me to finally turn this old idea into something concrete.
Hope you have enjoyed the ride.
And this is definitely not the end of the line for me.
Ironically, the last movie of the Rebuilds taught me a valuable lesson: you don't need to abandon, move on or feel guilty for enjoying things you like. It's possible to find balance with everything in life. So, I decided that won't ever retire from fanfiction writing, although right now I will only make short one-shots and funny stuff.
But I hope to be alive and well and able to make a Rebuild of this story in 2046, to celebrate 50 years of Asushin with plenty of new content to explore.
So, let's go to the notes and trivia:
1) I'm still kinda lost with this story. What the hell happened?
The story was told in a non-linear order of the events, like the movie Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind.
The chronological order of the events starts with the "If I Can't Be Yours"/ "Everything you ever dreamed" chapters, that tells us – in flashbacks - the events that happened with them before the events of "Kimochi Warui"/ "Unfamiliar Ceiling". After those events, we have the prologue "Mustn't Runaway Train" chapter taking place and, after that, "All is Right with The World" happens.
But the story can also be read from Asuka's and/or Shinji's perspective:
Asuka's route is: Kimochi Warui - Mustn't Runaway Train - If I Can't Be Yours - All is Right with The World.
And Shinji's route is: Unfamiliar Ceiling - Mustn't Runaway Train - Everything you ever dreamed - All is Right with The World.
Hopefully, reading the story in those three different ways – for those ones who won't mind in doing so - will offer a different and more complete experience.
2) Still not enough. Care to explain?
Sure. The story starts at the final scene of EoE. Shinji and Asuka had a small conversation at the beach and then decided to try to survive until more people came back.
They managed to find shelter and lived alone with each other for several weeks, but had a troubled relationship, because they both know everything (the good, the bad and the ugly) about the other.
In one of those nights, they had a discussion and Asuka leaves the shelter. Since those two have the worst luck in the world, after that night they both got captured by the JSSDF that had returned from Instrumentality and are taken as prisoners.
Fortunately, not all JSSDF returnees hated them or wanted to kill them on spot, especially after the events of Instrumentality. Yadoraki and others ensured that they were treated well, even if being kept apart from each other for months.
When Maya came back, Shinji got the courage to write a letter to Asuka and asked Maya to deliver it for him. Asuka got the letter and asked Maya to move her to a cell that was adjacent to Shinji's cell. They had some nice conversations, Shinji got a cello and they got to spend some months in that situation where they were able to talk, but no see each other. So close, but too far.
Meanwhile, Gendo Ikari, who was one of the fist persons to return to live, gathered the remaining pieces of Eva 02 and managed to send them to Euronerv quarters, in Germany. He also convinced the new governments that restoring the Evangelion and imbuing it with an artificial S2 engine would be necessary to mankind's survival. So, people from Euronerv worked on rebuild Eva 02, which they were able to do in a matter of months, since they were the one's who had build it in the first place.
Since the Eva needed a pilot to be activated because there was no way to rebuild the Dummy System, Euronerv staff asked for Japan to send Asuka back, which triggered an important diplomatic issue. Yadoraki was reluctant, but decided to give that decision to Asuka.
She thought about it for a while and decided to return and pilot Eva, because, by doing that, she would've been able to change their current situation and spare Shinji of the burden to pilot Evangelion again. She left, without saying goodbye to him.
In Euronerv, some older people like Amelie and Avil had already worked with Asuka while she was being trained to be a pilot, and vowed to take care of the girl.
However, Gendo tricked them and managed to do a contact experiment to splice Asuka's soul, sending a part of her soul to the Evangelion core, resulting in giving her partial amnesia. But, even by doing so, the experiment wasn't a full success: the Evangelion was functional, but the S2 engine wasn't, because it lacked more pieces of Unit 02 Eva core.
After the incident, Amelie and Avil, managed to understand Gendo's plan – to control the Eva and S2 engine to rule the world and, probably, try to get Eva 01 and Yui back from space - and created a plan: Amelie would make sure that Asuka would survive and Avil went, with several trusted agents, in a suicide mission to tell Yadoraki about the plan and all the info about the research.
After Yadoraki got the message, he searched for the aid of Yuko and Jima to try to create a weapon able to stop the reborn Unit 02 in the battlefield. The only possible solution was to use the old Jet Alone, but try to switch the AI system to a human piloted system, using the remaining pieces of the old Unit 02 core, to make it able to generate an AT-Field.
While Nerv Japan and the JSSDF where trying to run against the time to build the new weapon, Asuka's health and overall condition was getting worse, because of the contact experiment, and she was starting to lose her humanity and her mind, just like her mother. Still, she was deployed in the battle field several times, but Amelie made sure that she would only be deployed to activate her AT-Field, which was enough to ensure military supremacy in the battlefield while avoiding to expose her and Unit 02 to danger.
During that time, Shinji wrote 52 letters to Asuka and was unaware of what was happening. Until the weapon was finished and he was informed about Asuka's destiny and everything that happened. After an enormous outburst, Shinji agreed to fight for Asuka's sake, and went under the contact experiment, splitting his soul to activate the renewed and improved Jet Alone, becoming partially amnesic too.
So, the day of the confront came when Euronerv's forces, leaded by Gendo, managed to overrule Amelie's authority and deployed Asuka and Unit 02 to the battlefield, to fight against Shinji in the renewed Jet Alone.
Both of them didn't remember anything about the other, but had some flashbacks during the battle. At the end of the battle, Unit 02 batteries dried-out and the Jet Alone get the upper hand when Shinji reached over 100% synch rate, but refused to finish the battle. Unit 02 went berserk, with Asuka also breaking the 100% synch rate barrier, and ripped the core tissue that was implanted in the Jet Alone – including Shinji's entry plug, and tried to merge it within its own core, resulting in an uncontrolled activation of the S2 engine.
That created a Dirac Sea, that engulfed the Unit 02 and the Jet Alone. This event lasted only a few seconds in the real world, but it was a hole different experience for Shinji and Asuka.
Since they both had lost their physical forms due to the high synch rate, their amnesic selves, formed by their damaged and incomplete souls, found each other in a train that was created by their imagination.
Their interactions on the train managed to push them deeper into the Evangelion's cores, which contained the remaining pieces of their souls. They both got the remaining of their souls attached back into them, which made they recover their lost memories.
After that, their collective imagination put the two of them on an imaginary beach, also inside of the Evangelion core. There, they realized their situation and decided, after a little dramatic conversation, that they would not return to their human forms and, instead, would try to control the Evangelion, together, in their current state, to avoid causing the expansion of the Dirac Sea and another end of the world event.
Then, the complete Unit 02 with a functional S2 engine ripped apart the Dirac Sea and used that energy to escape Earth's gravity, being launched into the space, while Gendo observed it and waited his punishment, since his final attempt of being with Yui was frustrated once again.
The destiny of Shinji and Asuka - trapped in Unit 02 - or of the humanity, trying to rebuild the world from the events of Third Impact, is unknown.
3) What about the epilogue's final scene? Were they trapped forever inside the Eva or did they managed to get out of it and go back into the real world?
This is a trick I learned from Hideaki Anno. Always leave the final scene ambiguous and open for different interpretations :)
4) Why write this story and why so much meta (even cringe) references?
This story was created as an homage to all the Evangelion fandom and, above all, to the fans who contributed with the production of fanfictions, fanarts, doujins and various posts in forums and social networks throughout all these 25 years of existence of the franchise.
Despite some of them may seem outdated and even silly nowadays, all of them contributed to the creation of new worlds, insights and expansion of the ideas of the original work, making the franchise even more interesting, current and alive, exploring and enriching the paths that Hideaki Anno and the other creators of the franchise traced.
Evangelion had not ended in 2021. It had ended in 1997, but has been kept alive during all those years because it's a timeless tale that is able to touch fans from past, present and future.
Therefore, even if there will be no more official releases about Evangelion (a thing that I doubt, especially because after several interviews and dumb Youtube videos about "Goodbye Evangelion" and "Evangelion has ended" we had the release of Eva Extra Manga, Shinkalion collaboration event and several new merch and even official arts) and the fans and the world eventually get Evangelion out of their minds, Eva would always have a place in our hearts.
And, because of that, it will never die.
5) Why Shinji and Asuka? Why Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
I watched Neon Genesis Evangelion back in the 90's, when my young age and my life dilemmas at the time made me identify with Shinji and Asuka's dramas, especially regarding family issues and expectations from older people.
After having returned to writing fanfictions with a small short story after the end of the last Rebuilds movie, I didn't expect that I would return once again to write a story with so many words and in a foreign language.
But I felt that there was still something bothering me that I wanted to share with the world, and so I returned for another round after years of inactivity (yes, another reference, this time to the "Rocky Balboa" movie).
This fanfiction was originally intended as a traditional one-shot, based on the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (the first easter egg, in fact, is the word Asushin that hidden in the title of the movie) and in the aforementioned AMV, extremely well done, which makes a parody of Evangelion with the trailer for this movie, placing Shinji as Joel and Asuka as Clementine.
In reviewing the film, I realized many parallels between Joel and Clementine's story and Shinji and Asuka's story: in both stories the possibility of romance and the love between the couple was still there, but this possibility was buried by a series of hurts and wrong decisions that made their relationship such a source of suffering that there seemed to be no way back. But in the end, both Joel and Clementine and Shinji and Asuka were given a new chance to try again, through extraordinary events. Even though it is a small chance and no guarantee of success, the attempt is worth it.
And this is why stories involving complicated relationships, like Shinji and Asuka's, in which feelings of attraction and love coexist with feelings of frustration and hatred, are stories worth telling.
Ultimately, I believe that as we write or think about these stories about fictional characters to ultimately try to put our own ideas and thoughts in order in relation to ourselves.
I really agree with the famous quote from Rich Burlew: "Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism."
When thinking about the relationship between Shinji and Asuka, especially from the scenario after the end of End of Evangelion - rather than the complex and deep discussions about how and if the final scene invokes a representation about the acceptance and recognition of the "other" through Hegel's master-slave dialectic - the context and concept of that ending always urged me to think of both characters as "equal and opposite" at the same time ("one, but not the same"), as two sides of the same coin, yin -yang.
Thus, the mental exercise of thinking of ways to restore balance to the minds of these broken teenagers on a journey in which through understanding and connection between them it is possible to find something beyond suffering, but an evolution so that they can find peace with their own demons.
In this respect, the expression "I need you" at the end of EoE is again ambiguous as to whether this need is romantic or one of dependence, but it is an extremely apt expression. From this need, good and evil can arise.
But more than that: trying to develop the relationship between Shinji and Asuka so that the positive aspects can outweigh the positive aspects, in my view, is a way of trying to reconnect with my own mind and happiness.
Accept that in a complex and imperfect world, my flaws and insecurities will not prevent me from taking pleasure in living and connecting with people.
That's why, despite what some troll comments over the internet says, Asushin is not toxic. Far from it. It's about hope.
In my case, a hope that neither my ego, pride and masks that I put on to maintain an image before society (Asuka) nor my depressive thoughts and desire to run away from problems and not connect with the world (Shinji) will overcome my unwavering will to live, win, love and be a reference for people (Asuka) and my courage and ability to have empathy and sacrifice myself for others (Shinji).
Because, as Rei and Kaworu said in End of Evangelion, they represent the hope that people will be able to understand each other and also learn to love themselves and love others.
Is it a false hope? Well… maybe. That's what this fic tries to explore.
5) Comments on chapter 1 – Mustn't Run Away Train
This entire chapter is a parody of the opening scenes of the movie Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, including some dialogue.
The appearance of Shinji and Asuka - who in this story are 16-18 years old - was based on their appearance in Evangelion: ANIMA, especially the fact that Shinji is wearing a ponytail. However, braided-hair Asuka was an homage to the people of Asushin Discord that are fans of those kind of arts (cuuuute!).
The scene about the bet that Asuka made about "kissing on my mouth without touching my lips" was based on a real-life situation. Hint for the reader: if a person in whom you have romantic interest proposes this bet to you, the correct answer is to lose the bet ;).
6) Comments on chapter 2 – Unfamiliar Ceiling
The opening of this chapter contains dialogues that Shinji heard during the instrumentality, shown in the movie The End of Evangelion. In that particular scene, the phrases represent remnants of lost memories and the feeling of failure.
We also introduced our first OC: Zack-Rey (Haruka), based on this great artist/writer that also knows a lot about Evangelion and kindly shares lots of interesting information with us on Asushin Discord.
As you may have already noticed, all of the OC's presented in this story were created as an homage to great artists who draws Asushin fanart.
The scene where Shinji tries to play the famous Bach Cello's Suite #1 only to fail miserably, because all of his memories of this music have been erased (because he associates this music with the memory of Asuka) was the first scene of this fanfic that I wrote.
Yadoraki was placed as "captain" of "team Shinji" for his relevance and importance as an Asushin art creator for almost a decade and the same criteria was adopted with Amelie Sabo, "captain" of "team Asuka". Kazumi Minagawa and Iennekko were put here on "team Shinji" because they are artists that have more traditional eastern names and it was difficult to add others because I had to give some space to Hyuga and Maia at this point in the story.
The scene when Yadoraki told Shinji the words that Shinji himself had used when he decided to pilot the Eva again to protect Asuka was great, because pretty much everything that Shinji said was almost entirely made up of titles from fanfics by the author Angel13Bardiel.
Using Jet Alone in the story was an interesting solution to justify the plot and the fact that only Unit 02 is still a functional Eva (otherwise why not use the MPE's?). But the battle scene was immensely difficult to write. Personally, I liked only the ending of the battle, in which we had a kind of "remake" of the final scene from The End of Evangelion, but this time Shinji refused to squeeze his opponent's neck. Thank goodness.
7) Comments on chapter 3– Kimochi Warui
As in the previous chapter, many OC's were added to the story.
Many were referenced only to act along with Avil in the mission to deliver Gendo's plans to the contacts at Nerv Japan, controlled by Yadoraki, because there was no sensible way to further involve them into the plot.
Amelie and Holly were charged with the responsibility of guiding Asuka as a pilot. Arin and CC, on the other hand - two of Asushin's most sensational and active performers in recent months - were tasked with helping Asuka as a human being.
The scene of Arin doing Baumkuchen for Asuka was one of the ones I enjoyed the most, because besides serving to show the discomfort with the loss of memories (Baumkuchen was the word Shinji used in episode 8 when Asuka asked him to think in German when they were inside Unit 02), the side effects of the contact procedure (loss of taste) and, in addition, a joke with the fact that Arin's twitter profile is a variation of this word.
Also, all of these OC's were more important to the plot because the chapter as a whole was shaped to show Asuka's drama.
The idea of her undergoing an experiment similar to Kyoko's and losing part of her soul, besides moving the story forward, was a way to also bring Sohryu's drama a little closer to Shikinami's drama. So we have here an Asuka completely on the verge of collapse.
And yet the memories of a certain idiot were still around somewhere, leading to what it is perhaps my favorite scene of the story: Asuka trying to find German swear words to refer to Shinji and not being able to use the perfect word for it until she had her "Eureka" moment, which in this case was the re-discovery of the classic word "Baka".
And all in all, Asuka dominated the entire battle, almost losing by a flashback that happened at the wrong time but in the end she got an important victory.
8) Comments on chapter 4– If I Can't Be Yours
In this chapter we again parody the scenes from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but developing the plot by explaining that the procedure of separating part of the pilot's soul and put that part inside the Eva would result in the loss of precious memories. A very similar concept to Kyoko's experiment in the original story.
Asuka at the beginning of the flashback is still dealing with conflicting feelings towards Shinji and, unfortunately, takes the attitude of apparently agreeing with the arguments of internet trolls who say that they are toxic and will never be able to be happy together. But she made that decision only because she thinks it is the best thing to do for her and for Shinji as well.
In the sequel, Asuka reveals her jealousy, especially towards Rei and Kaworu, but we also get a hilarious little comedy scene in which Shinji describes that in some realities there was a girl for him whose name started with "Ma". Anyone who knows the history of the Evangelion expanded universe knows that at least three characters can fit this description. And I'm not talking about Mari ^^.
After this scene, we have the "reunion" between Shinji and Asuka and one of the most important scenes of the story, in which Shinji reveals his experiences in the instrumentality and in all the universes he has experienced (including the various spin offs). In this reality, Shinji describes the dilemma: in universes where he and Asuka got together (as in Angelic Days) the Evangelions still exist and their future is uncertain, and in universes where he succeeds in ending the Evangelions, he and Asuka (in theory) stay apart. The idea of justifying Sohryu and Shikinami's existance by making RoE the "last universe" of instrumentality aimed to give an interesting explanation to show why Sohryu was not in the Rebuilds. Sohryu had begun her procedure to return to reality, especially from EoE's expanded live action sequence, in which she heard Shinji call out to her and began to suspect that that world was not real.
After this scene, Shinji opens his heart to her and she starts to remember the good times they had together and how the sum of those moments really were able to make her fall in love with the boy.
In the sequence, touching scenes with Asuka regretting not having acted differently before and a mirror image of Shikinami's final scene in the last RoE movie, to give even more emotional effect and a warm up for the next chapter.
9) Comments on chapter 5 – Everything You've Ever Dreamed
This one was the most complex chapter to write.
It's a mirror story to the previous chapter, but adding even more drama and plot development were my "deeds to perform" in this one.
At the beginning, we have an extremely nervous and upset Shinji with the fact that Asuka has abandoned him and that, despite his efforts, the Evangelions have been recreated.
The old pre-instrumental Shinji would perhaps react passively. But I think this Shinji, under those circumstances, would react in a more aggressive way, unleashing the beast within, like the time he returned the punch on Toji and the times he battled fiercely against the Angels.
But he is still Shinji, and so he showed all his anger without hurting anyone but himself.
Yadoraki again was important in the plot, explaining to Shinji and the reader what was going on and being honest with him, albeit belatedly. Jima and Yuko are two great artists with wonderful Asushin art but who have unfortunately "retired", so in the plot they were left to prepare Jet Alone instead of being directly involved with Shinji and Asuka. Kyo is an artist famous for drawing Shinji and Asuka in kindergarten. Extremely cute.
After, we have the beach scene and the next scene, at the shelter, in which we see Shinji's frustration of not being able to connect with Asuka because he doesn't know how to act.
The almost two weeks' time span when Shinji was alone was calculated based on the rust on Misato's cross that was nailed to her marker.
Also, the "ghost arm" scene was even considered as an alternate ending to End of Evangelion. Fortunately, it was discarded and we were blessed with one of the most iconic anime scenes of all time.
Shinji shooting a gun to wake up Asuka from a nightmare was maybe an overkill, but I thought it was an over the top, but justified course of action for them under the circumstances. It sparked an interesting conversation that leaded to their final moments together in the real world.
After that, perhaps one of the most emotional scenes of the story. Asuka, mirroring Shinji's monologue from the last chapter, opens her heart to him. In her dialogue, she kinda gave Shinji everything that he – and some fans - needed to hear about her ("You don't even talk to me! It's impossible.") while also acknowledging the greatness of Rei and Kaworu as Evangelion characters and why they are so appealing as alternate pairings from Shinji. Also, the old and dumb "best girl" discussion was "solved" by Shinji: both Asuka and Rei are amazing.
So, after that, Shinji got back into his "good and old" persona, and, sadly, suffered a lot as he realized that he had it all in his hands, but blew his chances.
And, to wrap it up, another heartbreaking scene, mirroring the ending scene of the last movie of RoE, with Asuka saying pretty much everything that some fans said about the "meaning" of that movie right after the first leaks of the movie in Japan: that we (and Shinji) should move on and give up on foolish dreams and childhood crushes. Touch grass and everything like that. So, forget about Asuka, Shinji. And forget about Asushin, audience. Or…. maybe not?
10) Comments on chapter 6 – All is Right With the World
My favorite chapter, even though it was perhaps a bit tiring to read because a lot of dialogue was needed to explain a bit more of the plot.
I really enjoyed writing the opening scene, with Shinji and Asuka meeting again, seeing and touching each other, with their memories fully restored, for the first time since the beach scene at the end of The End of Evangelion.
But the resolution could not be that easy.
So, in the sequel, an external conflict was established: Shinji and Asuka should abandon their moment of happiness to face reality and choose between saving the world and the people who put them in that situation, but who also care and cared for them.
These people represent the fans of Evangelion: many of them want Shinji and Asuka to be unhappy or at least not together, but just as many (and maybe even more), want them to be happy and preferably together.
Shinji, with the best of intentions, decided to resolve the impasse by sacrificing himself to give Asuka the chance to have a happy life in which she could fulfill all her dreams, even without his presence (similar to what he did in the Rebuilds).
Only, unlike in the Rebuilds, here we are talking about Sohryu. And she would never accept that. Describing the scene of her imagining what a life in a world without Shinji and having other relationships would be like - including wondering if the guy on the date arranged by Hikari was really boring or if she was the one who didn't know how to enjoy the moment - is not exactly a new idea, but it was used here with the purpose of showing that she would not accept that answer and also to put a little doubt and excitement (fear) in the reader that that would be the outcome of the story.
After her return, a "fight" scene that was much better than the scenes where the two faced each other piloting unit 02 and Jet Alone. The imaginary sea scene changing, the storm falling, and the graphic depiction of Asuka's violent reaction was a sample of what can occur when the souls trapped within the Evangelion core begin to enter into disagreements and insoluble standoffs.
After the storm, of course, the calm. And after more moments of connection between them, Shinji begins to detail the answer.
Shinji's theory and the interactions between them at this point aim to seek a new solution to their dilemma. In face of this scenario, they decided to seek their path together, for themselves and for the people who believed in them.
Even if Evangelion "is reduced to discussions about Asushin" and the rest of the world turns up its nose, that's fine.
In other words, if what will be left of "Evangelion" are just the stories about Shinji and Asuka, that's good enough.
And, that decision having been made, Asuka and Shinji are finally able to reconnect in a full way. As battle buddies, friends, and most importantly, people who recognize each other's faults and virtues, and yet are able to forgive and love each other.
One of the first things I planned for this story was the ending.
I know that many readers may find the ending strange and perhaps even escapist and contradictory to the premise of "mustn't run away", but the idea here was to show - in an ending "a la" Evangelion that even in circumstances that are sad and without any hope, there is always a way out, even if it is very difficult and laborious.
But it is possible to find that way out and happiness, despite the circumstances. And the answer, metaphorized by Asuka and Shinji, consists in resolving the eternal struggle of the human condition and the hedgehog's dilemma not like in a fight to the death in which strangulations and caresses will continually alternate (pain and pleasure) in a Schopenhauerian dilemma, but like in a dance, synchronized, in which two people (and humanity as a whole) will continually try to get in sync: when one person misses the timing, the other will be there to correct and adapt.
And vice versa.
Instead of the eternal tension between pain and pleasure, a constant, collaborative effort to evolve and move forward not alone, but together with others.
This answer to the hedgehog's dilemma is not even new.
It was already there, in the first episode of Evangelion I watched when I was 13: Episode 9, Both of You, Dance Like you Want to win.
And if Shinji and Asuka were able to connect which each other and win, then maybe that is a good answer.
However, that ambiguity and perhaps misunderstanding of the final scene motivated me to create the epilogue to work that idea out better.
11) Comments on the epilogue – We Will Never Forget.
The whole monologue and scene with Gendo talking to Yui about the future of Evangelion and about Shinji and Asuka represents the author (me) talking to a metaphorical "Hideaki Anno" about the future of Evangelion and about Shinji and Asuka.
Although Yui's "mission" with Evangelion has ended the way she wanted it to, Gendo, despite loving her, will never stop trying to find some other answer and think differently about Evangelion. The same goes for Anno and for me (and, I guess, for a lot of fans).
About the final scene, the old man and the old lady show us that one day in our lives, when we least realize it, we will forget all the time we were (willingly or unwillingly) "trapped" or "stuck" in Evangelion.
But it doesn't matter at all.
Because if there is something that will always remain within our minds and hearts and will never be forgotten… that would be the emotions that Evangelion - not only Anno's original work, but all the spin offs, songs and fan works - gave us and, especially in my case, the memories and lessons of Shinji and Asuka's complicated relationship and beautiful romance story that represents humanity's eternal search for the solution of the hedgehog's dilemma.
Fin.