Disclaimer - I do not own any names mentioned here on in. Nor do I own song lyrics or anything really…………..I am a hermit……………but I have a computer………………

A BIG thank you to Lano for helping and being generally wonderful .

51 ways to annoy off Lord Elrond

Livi had noticed Lano was not concentrating. She should have been. They were, after all in an exceptionally important meeting in Rivendell. They were, however, very bored and to be fair by the look on Lanos face she was having a lot more fun than Livi.

"what were you writing?" Livi inquired when everyone was filing away from the council.

"Oh just a little something I have entitled fifty one ways to annoy our dear Lord Elrond." She passed a piece of paper to Livi "I think you should do them. I wrote it as a guide. We're only here for a week..."

Livi took the paper to her room and sat down reading

".Refer to him as Sir/Miss in all you letters to him

2. Ask if his mummy plaited his hair

3. Tell him he is holding his bow and arrow wrong

4. Cut his hair

5. Keep saying 'missssssssssssssss Deranderson' at him.

6. Tell him his outfit makes his arse look big

7. Repeatedly run your fingers through his hair and comment on how greasy it is

8. While he is asleep, dress him up like Captain Jack Sparrow - complete with dirt, black hair and kohl

9. Ask him if he uses hair straighteners

10. Before an important meeting, superglue a baseball cap to his head

11. Ask him if he used to be an extra in star trek

12. Back comb his hair while he sleeps

13. Give him multi coloured streaks

14. Copy his every movement...for a loooooooooooooong time

15. Sneak up behind him and tell him his hair is on fire (for the real dare devils: actually set it on fire)

16. When he looks stressed, tap him on the head and say 'shhhh there there'

17. While he sleeps turn him into a goth

18. Shave his eyebrows

19.Evry time he says something 'important' repeat it doing the quotation hand movements around certain words. E.g

Elrond: the ring must be cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came

You: The 'ring' must be 'cast' back into the 'fiery' 'chasm' from whence it 'came'.

20. Tell him he reminds you off a distant cousin, twice removed who is the son of a dwarf

21. Say everything is Elrond-tastic

22. Refer to him as your 'pointy eared little friend'

23.'Elves? Elves are weak'

24. SAY:

Ooh get her! Whoops,
I've got your number but you couldn't afford me dear,
two three.
I'll scratch your eyes out!
Don't come the Brigadier bit with us dear,
we all know where you've been, you military fairy.
Two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six. Whoops!
Don't look now girls,
the man has just minced in with that jolly colour Sergeant,
two three. OOOOH!

Whenever he walks into a talk about how elves 'suck' in comparison to men and dwarfs

26.Set off party poppers in his face whenever he enters a room

27.Everytime he says something 'important' at a council meeting clap and cheer him

28. 'Why do you were a tiara'?

29. Slip pipe weed into his drinks

30. 'Are you on PMS?'

31.'Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg…'

32. Blackmail Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas into singing and dancing the cheeky girl song to him. remind him that is daughter is in love with a man

34.Giggle at everything he says remind him how easy it would have been to push Isildur into mount doom and end all evil.

36.Declaire your undying love for him in the middle of a meeting

37. Refer to him as the elf mister

38. Run up behind him and repeatedly poke him.

39. Three words: Knock and run

40. When you walk into a council meeting give him a slutty look and say: elen sila lumen omentilvo. (a star shines over the hour of our meeting).

41. Kiss him on the nose

42. When he's sleeping put his hair in ringlets

43. Read magazines during meetings and laugh loudly at them

44. Fall asleep when he's talking to you

45. 'Ever considered joining the Royal Ballet?'

46. Knock him out, dress him in a spandex suit with the letter 'E' on the front and put him in a crowded place. Wait for him to wake up.

47.Create Elrond: An epic musical biography

48. 'Don't ignore me elli-kins

49. Trip him up on as many occasions as possible ' Now really. I thought elves were suppose to be graceful creatures'

50. Dye all of his clothes Barbie pink

51. Hug him. LOTS"

Livi decided this was a much better use of time than listening all through a meeting and resolved to write her own list in two days time.