More annoying Lord Elrond

Sure enough, next time a council was called livi took in her pocket notebook and fixed Lord Elrond with her most convicing 'interested face'. To be honest anyone who went to these things had one.

When he began talking, Livi took pen to paper:

"Stick Bunny rabbit tails on all of his robes

2. Go 'Da da da duuuuuuuuum' every time he enters a room.

3. Become 'Good Elrond/Bad Elrond' and help him make important decisions by popping up by each ear whispering advice (A/N - Draco and I have done this to Snape under an invisibility cloak)

4. Tell him how Aragorn broke the Evenstar necklace

5. Follow him closely through the hallways. Imitate his stern look and determined walk. If he turns around, stand still and smile sweetly.

6. Spray him with a hose

7. Drop vague hints that Legolas finds him very attractive

8. Ask why everyone in Rivendell look like eunuchs - good singing voices, abnormally tall and no facial hair

9. Make him take part in Severus: the Musical

10. Publish a newsletter detailing his life and everyday activities. Call it 'The Daily Elrond'

11. Sing Christmas Carols all the time and if he asks why then explain how it is the winter of the elves' time in Middle Earth

12.When he glares at you, give a similar glare back. If he blinks or looks away jump up and shout 'I won!'

13. Wink at him in meetings

14. Pretend to have a seizure every time he looks at you

15. Demand that he looks at you when you are talking to him

16. Swap his conditioner for tar

17. Describe the war in the undying lands - graphically.

18. Tell him Peter Jackson 'murdered' Haldir in his film adaptation

19. Auction off his belongings - to dwarves

20. Become a tour guide for dwarves around Rivendell.

21. Hum and whistle the score from Austin Powers the moment he enters the Potions room.

22. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of

23. Write 'property of (your name here)on his head.

24. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.

25.Regularly question his mental stability

26. Give him a replica of the one ring tell him to 'keep it secret, keep it safe'

27. At meeting wait until a very important part before shouting 'ALL CHANGE' and get everyone to get up and move to another chair before sitting down and appearing deeply interested like nothing ever happened.

28. Shout 'Razor sharp rocks' in a Dwarfish way every time he seems to be having 'quiet time'

29. Ponder allowed over whether or not he wears underwear

30. Chain yourself to him and go completely limp

31. Anytime you catch his eye, mouth something undecipherable at him. Make it look urgent.

32. Wolf whistle at him every time he comes in

33. Make vague allusions to having been witness to his birth

34. Throw glitter on him every time he enters a room and shout 'PRESENTING THE LORD OF ALL THINGS ELRONISH'

35. Look at him. Give him over-exaggerated expressions. Change your expression every 5 seconds. 'Excited' 'Scared' 'Thoughtful' 'Angry' 'Sad' 'Demure' etc

36. If you've done all these so far all you need do is look at him!

37. Tackle him

38. 'Are you cheating on me?'

39. Get a good run-up. Jump on his back and shout 'Piggy-Back! Piggy-Back'

40. Follow him around pretending to be a horse all day and the next day ask him how convincing you were.

41. Greet him for the first time each day with the warning 'You stay out of my dreams, you master of temptation, you.'

42. Do not do ANYTHING without his expressed, written permission.

43. Pat him soothingly on the head every now and again

44. Walk behind him and his 'I am watching you. I am ALWAYS watching you' dangerously.

45. If he asks you a question, answer only with a serious 'Yes, We have no bananas.

46. Call him the elf-meister

47. Ask him if you can 'borrow' him. Promise it's 'just for a short while.'

48. Take photographs of him all the time

49. Come into his room every night with hot chocolate and read him a bedtime story. 'One day there was a big fight. A silly elf had the change to end evil forever, but he really was a silly elf and let the man take the shiny ring down the mountain.'

50. Fill his room with daisy chains

51. 'You know I love you don't you? I am never going to leave you for every day apart is a day a cannot bear' burst into tears"

"Ha" she thought as the first people rose from their seats "I think I have met Lano's standard."