Kel ran down the hall and out into the grounds. The tears flowed down her face as she remembered the Arctic like atmosphere of the Mess Hall. What was wrong with her? Kel never cried, she was a stone, she was a lake she was a… She was a lump. Once again the tears cascaded down as she remembered how her beloved had once stood up for her. No. She realized what she was with a pang of heartache (?). Kel was a fool in love.
With out realizing it, Kel's feet had taken her to the stables. Usually when she was outside, Kel would practice or something but today she was more upset than angry. She had lost someone close to her and it hurt. She needed comforting. Kel's mother was back in the Yamani Island so she couldn't turn there. She could always tell Owen or someone but she needed someone who would listen with a sympathetic ear. She needed a woman. Or a horse.
She came to an abrupt halt outside Peachblossom's stall. She wasn't Daine, but she would have a go at talking to him. He couldn't say anything degrading to her after all. She fished an apple out of her breeches and offered it to the temperamental creature. He sniffed it then began to munch.
"Oh Peachblossom! I feel awful! Neal hates me now and I didn't do anything!"
Kel broke down and started sobbing.
"I wouldn't mind so much if he would still at least be my friend but that will never happen now! Why doesn't he understand-I couldn't have done anything else! What does he want them to do find out everything? He said it himself, no-one can know about us. Oh God what am I going to do? I love, I love him, I love him more than anything else but we can never be together now. He hates me. It could have been so perfect. Oh Peachblossom, I was going to come down here today anyway. I was going to talk to you, ask you to like him, to make friends with him, to stop biting him. But there's no point now is there? No point at all." Kel nuzzled her face into the soft fur on her gelding's back.
"But what am I doing crying here? He's not worth all these tears. I have to be strong. Yeah, strong. This isn't like me. There is no way that I would normally be sitting here crying. He's just some guy. I'm turning into my sisters! He's just some guy. Just some really…really…great guy that I happen to love with all my heart." And with these words Kel began to sob harder than ever before.
"I mean Peachblossom," she continued "It's not like he was only my lover. He's my friend, my best friend in all the world. I'll never forget how he rescued me from the fate of having Joren as a sponsor on my first day here. Would I be crying like this if I lost Owen or someone? No. I'm not only crying for my boyfriend but for the one person in this place who really understood me. I've always loved him Peaches. At first it was just like how you love your best friend or your brother. But then it grew. Yes, it grew into something much bigger. Our love was true, and strong. He loves me and I loved him back. No, I still do love him. When my love was returned it was beautiful. So beautiful. But now the world is dark, and will never be light again. And I hate this feeling. You understand don't you Peaches? Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and stamp on him. Yeah, I'll stamp on him. Oh I'll crush him to tiny pieces, just like he crushed my heart. I'm so angry I could kill him. Or myself. Maybe that would be best for us all. I don't know how I would be able to cope each day, seeing him in the corridors, the Mess Hall, the classrooms. But I suppose we're squires now. Two knights come along and choose us as squires and I never have to see him ever again. I'll miss him. Not that I'm likely to become anyone's squire. Nobody in their right mind would want a GIRL as their squire. Mind you, nobody in their right mind would want to sponsor a girl. Maybe Neal wasn't in his right mind. Maybe that's why he loves-I mean loved- me. Maybe I'm not in my right mind, after all I am talking to my horse…" Kel trailed off despondently. "But he did choose me. So he must have some form of feelings for me. Or maybe he just felt sorry for me and wanted to rescue me from Joren. Which he did. He was so nice to me. And I was nice to him back. I trusted him. And now he's ruined it all for me. But I won't let him I won't I won't! I have to be strong. Stronger than ever before. Stronger than when I was fighting in the training yard, stronger than when we stopped the hazing, stronger than I've ever been in all my life."
"I love a strong girl."
A/N: Yes! It is alonger chapter! Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for all the reviews! I love getting them. Reviews make me happy. So press the button...