51 ways to annoy Severus Snape

Disclaimer - I don't own anything at all and I don't make any money either.

Livi walked into the Gryffindor common room and dumped her books onto the small table with an almighty clatter. Lano - her best friend- looked up from her work with a small smile.

"I take it you've finished Snape's essay then?" Livi said with a sigh. Two rolls of parchment on the effects of flobber worm extract, for tomorrow. Lano was lucky - she had had a free this afternoon.

"Did you honestly expect me to use the last hour writing that? I have something much more interesting" An evil smirk crossed Lano's features as she flung a notebook to her friend. "Tell me what you think".

Livi regarded the notebook with distaste "51 ways to annoy Severus Snape? Oh that's productive!"

"Just read it" Lano said, leaning back and sucking the end of her strawberry favoured sugar quill.

"Ok number one: Point and laugh at him for no apparent reason. Number two: Go to him office really early every morning and cry for ten minutes, then say it's not important and walk out. Number three - NOOOO:Transfigure all of his robes into Gryffindor Quidditch robes

"That one isn't too bad. We just need to work out a charm for it."

"Yes but you're not seriously considering these are you?"

"Maybe at the end of the year - leave somthing to remeber us by. The Weasley's did it - remember?"

Livi continued skimming the list with an amused expression. The mental images were getting to her.

" Number four: Dress up as him for class

Number five: Dress up as Harry Potter for class

Number six: Get everyone to.

Number seven: Lure him into a room and get a Boggart of him to morris dance/ballet dance/ jazz dance - in fact whatever floats your boat

Number eight: Ask why he kept having secret liaisons with Professor Quirrel.

That's a bit personal isn't it?"

" Oh it gets worse later" Lano responded, positivly gleaming,. She snatched back the paper and began to read it at a rapid pace.

"When doing his homework have your answers spell out Snape Sticks down the side of the page - I think i'll do that on this essay. Constantly remind him he is a half blood, Call him your highness when answering questions - maybe not. I think he'd like that. OOH this one I like. Say: "I know what you and Lucius Malfoy did last summer sir." Tell him he should get a tan

Tell him he reminds you of the sheriff of Nottingham."

Livi smiled and decided she may join in for a bit. "Ok what about: .When he notices you drifting of in class say you were just imagining him naked. Or

try to take points from Slytherin when you see him walking around after curfew - always wanted to do that one. Sing and dance Do the Hippogriff "

"Tell him you love him" Lano piped up "Hug him, make him a pop up birthday card that when he opens his nose pops out. How many do we have?"

"Twenty. Give him pink highlights...even better, shave his hair when he's asleep!"

Lano had a very cheeky smile on her face "When answering the register, say 'yes sir' in a suggestive manner."

"Demand that he sings happy unbirthday to you every day. OMG LANO I HAVE ONE: "Hey sir, remember that day when James Potter hung you upside down?"

Lano giggled "Ask what underwear he was wearing the day James did it"

"Why is everything about underwear with you?" Livi asked

"Why is everything about marshmallows with you?" Was her instant reply "Sir, how long has it been since you've been in a relationship?"

" Call him Sevikins. Simple, but effective." Livi started searching in her bag for some more parchemnt but Lano was on a roll.

"Ask if he nose is any indication of other body parts. ok that is sick. Er... Create a cheerleading dance to do whenever he comes in the room - oh use your imagination. "Do you ever wish your students had some respect for you Professor?"What if you gasped loudly and said "What WOULD your mother say?"

Livi plonked the paper on the table and started writing rapidly "So what exactly were you and Karkaroff doing in the potions stock cupboard?" Ask if you can paint him nude"

Lano gave a look of disgust. "For my sanity we need to move on. Charm little hearts and flowers to follow him. "Sir, do you wear black because it is thinning?" Come in and sit down on the wrong side of your desk and conduct the entire lesson with your back to him."

"OOH I know" Shouted Livi, causing someone's cat to walk out of the room with a disgruntled air "Every time he says something sarcastic or mean shout "DETENTION" or "50 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN" Or you could create a "naughty box" on the board and put his name in it"

"Walk into his room and shout OH MY GOD Snape: what? "I think you had an accident with a localised engorgment potion because your nose is huge!" Lano said

"You know you do a very convincing Snape voice. Say: "So in essence, potions is domestic science, meaning that really you are a chef?"

"Owl him bright pink letters everyday so they drop in over breakfast" Lano said checking her watch

" Send him a howler declaring your undying love for him - I need to do some work you know" Livi said, equally concerned that it was nearly time to go for dinner.

"Lets just get fifty down. Send him a howler saying how annoying it is when he can't perform. Lock Lockhart in his room."

"Oh because that's fesable! Release Cornish pixies into his office." Said Livi rolling her eyes. "Poke his nose and say "beep"

" Speaking of food: Bake him cakes and demand he eats them" Lano smiled.

"Do the Barty CrouchSlurp slurp thing at him all the time. You know the thing I mean?"

" Yeah, go into class, look straight at him and yell "DEMENTOR" before running through the corridors shouting it and causing complete uproar. You're good at that!" Livi squirted some watched at her from her wand.

"That makes fifty but you know what else we should do? When we do homework we should leave him love notes at the bottom or rolled into the parchment."