my country is in shambles, and supercorp is endgame

Creativity hadn't always been her strongest suit. Lena liked plans. Some would even say that she was a little too prepared for her own good, what with her preference for structures and well though-out processes. Being a doctor provided her with that stability, knowing that no matter what, a human body would remain the same, save for a few outliers.

She preferred to carry a notebook around with her and write down any sort of thing that came to mind, like a particular node in someone's brain that she could explore or the apples that she had to pick up before she went home for the day. She had a knack of heading to the OR schedule to find out what time she had to be in the OR, just so she could plan her day out.

The raven-haired woman was good at picking apart a brain without killing the owner of said brain. A gurney could be rolling in, and she would know off the top of her head what to look for first after getting briefed by the paramedic. She could convince herself that her ex-wife no longer mattered and go on with her life thinking that.

But what she totally sucked at was being creative.

She couldn't draw a flower to save her own life, nor write a short story without making it the most boring scientific explanation in the universe. She watched more documentaries than actual TV shows with drama and stories.

Look, Lena just liked knowing things ahead of time, and she shouldn't be faulted for that. Understanding that point A would lead to point Z, even with the other 24 alphabets in the timeline, was the essential part of life, in her opinion.

With an endgame, Lena could anticipate things.

Which was why she completely at a loss in the face of Kara Danvers begging her for another chance. As if the first time around hadn't bulldozed them so thoroughly that one of them had literally skipped town to avoid anything to do with the other, though Kara apparently liked to insist otherwise, according to Sam.

She never anticipated this. Not in a million years. Not since the divorce. Not when they saw each other again after three years. Not when they decided to be friends. Not even when they had sex in the woods.

And could she take the risk? Could she open up the gates locked up tight around her heart and risk having it trampled all over again? Perhaps the most important question was: Could she really look Kara in the eyes and pretend as if she felt nothing for the blonde?

Food intake was few and far between, especially on busy days. Doctors had long since learned to appreciate anytime they could sneak a meal in, which was why they were irrationally obsessed with snacks. And coffee – never forget about the coffee.

So when Lena finally got a break between the trauma cases they'd been flooded with tonight – a lot of people had decided to go really wild, which wasn't surprising, given that it was Friday – Lena discarded the gloves and her coat at the nurses' station and made her way to the vending machines that sold heavy snacks.

She fished her phone out along with the change needed, and was about to slot the cash in when she saw the unread message flickering on her screen. Actually, there were numerous texts that she didn't read, mostly from her workaholic brother, but she focused on the one. Singular, but stark.

Kara (3:46 a.m.): i hv bento n coffee

That was an hour ago. Surely, by now, Kara would have already gone home after an hour's worth of silence. For a moment, Lena simultaneously panicked and hesitated, because what if Kara got the wrong message from her silence? Before that, what kind of message did she even want Kara to receive? What did she herself even want?

Her fingers hovered over the screen, and then she decided to take a plunge. She hoped she would be caught, just as she was promised.

Lena (4:42 a.m.): Please tell me it's not latte.

Kara (4:43 a.m.): come outside n find out

She knew she had hoped that she would be caught, but now, she wasn't even certain that she wanted Kara to reply to her text at all. God, she hated not knowing what laid ahead.

Well, too late. Out of courtesy or whatever, Lena just had to meet Kara, in spite of the ungodly hour. Plus, bento sounded great, after the day she'd had. At least she could find satisfaction in the fact that, together, she and Alex had saved no less than 15 patients today.

It was late. Barely any visitors at this house. Hence, it was easy to spot Kara in the compound. Then again, Lena realized that she had yet relinquish the ability to spot Kara anywhere, regardless of distance or crowd. That was something to take into consideration.

She clenched her jaw and inhaled a bracing pocket of air, refusing to let herself succumb to Kara and her eyes and her damn uniform. Fuck that uniform. It should be illegal, for the love of god.

"Don't you have fires to put out or something?" she said in lieu of a greeting, sitting next to Kara on the bench but pointedly leaving certain distance between them.

"I won't look a gift horse in the mouth," Kara replied in lieu of saying the Q word, which Lena fully understood. "Coffee. Black. Because you're insane like my sister," she offered, handing a paper cup over to Lena.

The doctor frowned. "It's still warm."

The blonde only hummed in acknowledgement and placed a bento box on her lap. "Your bento, Your Highness."

Lena studied her ex-wife, who was staring at her with far too much effort in innocence that anyone with common sense could tell it was fake. She narrowed her eyes and took a sip of the coffee, and found that it was piping hot.

"How many coffees have you bought?" she questioned.

Kara rolled her eyes and slumped against the back of the bench. "Like three, I think."

Lena sighed, placing the cup on the space between her and Kara, and proceeded to open the lid of the bento, almost drooling at the sight of unagi and rice and even kale. "You shouldn't have stayed this long."

"I thought you'd be hungry."

"There are vending machines in the building."

"But do they have kale?"

"I don't need kale for every meal, contrary to your misguided belief."

"I wanted to see you."

Lena chewed on a piece of unagi. Slowly. Eyes focused on the food and not the woman who seemed like she had developed a habit of baring her soul to Lena since they met in college. She wasn't sure she liked it. One person shouldn't be so vulnerable with another.

She was vulnerable once. And her world was shattered as a result of it. Then again, the perpetrator was sitting right next to her.

"Do you remember our ninth date?"

Lena frowned, and she couldn't help but lift her gaze to the blonde. "You count our dates?"

Kara licked her lips. "I remember everything."

Oh, for fuck's sake. The raven-haired woman leaned back against the bench and tried her very best to not show how affected she was by the revelation. Inside though, her stomach was twisting, in anticipation of yet another unknown thrown in her direction.

Maybe she shouldn't have moved to National City at all. Metropolis was peaceful, despite the skyscrapers and the horrible people. She got to do her job and go home. Occasionally, she'd drive to the manor to see her family and help her brother out with some research. There were no ex-wives pestering her about reconciliation.

"Remind me," she relented.

Kara smiled and opened her mouth.

"I'm so sorry."

A small smile stretched at the edge of Lena's lips, guiltily amused at the way Kara had followed her words with a whine in the other room. She grabbed a clean towel from the cabinet under the sink and soaked it with cold water, then made her way back into the bedroom as she folded the towel into a smaller portion.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she reassured softly, kneeling by Kara's bed and dabbing her face with the towel.

"I didn't – I didn't plan this." Kara made her point by waving a hand flimsily at her own general direction.

Lena hummed. "Of course not. No one plans to be sick."

"I had – I planned a picnic. There's a basket and baguette and stuff," she complained, frowning and moaning slightly in discomfort when Lena placed the towel on her forehead. "It's cold," she whispered, burrowing deeper under her comforter. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Lena prompted, settling on the floor and entwining their hands together. "You can't go to a picnic. You have a fever."

The blonde heaved a deep sigh. Loud and frustrated at her lot in life, as if having a fever was the worst thing in the world, and Lena found it so adorable that she had to place a soft kiss on the back of the girl's hand.

"I just wanted to romance you," Kara mumbled. "Sex you up and all."

Lena raised a brow, huffing a disbelieving chuckle. She waited until Kara could managed to open her eyes, even just a smidgen.

"Who said I'd have sex with you?"

Kara's frown deepened. "You don't?" she mumbled, and closed her eyes again. "Because I really wanna have sex with you. You're like…the hottest person I've ever met. I used to have this really hot teacher. She taught history. And I had the biggest crush on her. But you dethroned her. So easily."

Well, that was a lot of information, most of them Lena was sure Kara hadn't intended to say if she hadn't been sick. Lena hadn't seen this coming, the barrage of revelations that Kara had suddenly decided to bulldoze her with. Very interesting revelations, but unexpected.

As a rule, the younger woman didn't like not seeing things coming. Or surprises. The last time she had been surprised, her mother had drowned and she'd been orphaned.

As a rule, her father had also made it a habit to gently tell her off for being so closed off, telling her that she should at least try to open up more. Who knew if the next best thing would be just around the corner if she didn't look for it?

"I think I like it when you're sick," she offered softly.

"That's a mean thing to say."

"Do you keep asking me out on dates just because you want to 'sex me up'?" At this point, she might as well milk it.

The blonde was quiet for such a prolonged period of time that Lena thought she had fallen asleep, until she opened her eyes again to look at Lena. Despite the illness, her eyes were clear this time, bright blue even in the darkness of her room, what with the curtains drawn and lights shut off.

"I keep asking you out on dates because I've been enamored with you the second I met you. I don't know how to ask you to be my girlfriend, so I just keep asking you to dates. I want to keep seeing you. I just want to be near you all the time," she confessed, her words slurring here and there. "And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna regret saying all that when I get better, but apparently feverish Kara does not a quiet Kara make."

"I really like it when you're sick."

"You're so mean."

"For the record, I really like you too."

Kara replied with a soft snore, and Lena didn't even mind. She held onto the girl's hand and pillowed her head on the side of the bed with her free arm, watching the blonde who was too scared to ask her to be her girlfriend, even though Lena would have said yes without hesitation.

That was a little scary, to be honest. But maybe Lionel was right. Maybe the next best thing was around the corner, and it may have just been three months since they met, but Lena had a feeling that for once, opening herself up wouldn't be so wrong.

"You didn't even ask me to be your girlfriend until, like, four more dates later."

"You're very intimidating!"

Lena heaved a chuckle and continued eating her bento. Somehow, their encounter at the fire station had…switched up a few things. For example, she didn't feel as much heartache anymore when she thought about their past. Their period of getting to know each other and falling in love.

Even though Kara had been sick and Lena didn't get to on the picnic that the blonde had planned out, that date – if she could even call it that – had been one of the most daunting ones. She had gone home with a full mind and a warm heart, and she had spent two days not talking to Kara at all, because she was, like a typical coward, fearful of a good thing when it came slamming into her.

It was that very date when she realized that Kara Danvers was a force to be reckoned with, a wrecking ball that could either enhance her life or ruined it completely.

"I still mean it, you know," Kara whispered, much less humorous now. "I want to be near you all the time."

Lena inhaled deeply, deciding that the bento would have to wait, and looked up to find Kara studying her with a look so soft. A look that Lena had almost forgotten could be so simultaneously daunting and thawing. She had fallen in love with that look in the first place.

"Tell me something," she said. "How can you be so sure that we'd last this time around?"

Because if Lena hadn't been such a cautious person, she would have jumped into Kara's arms already. There wouldn't be so much back and forth, and she would allow herself to love Kara again. Wholeheartedly. Like a fool.

But she wasn't a fool. Lena was raised in a family of geniuses, overflowing with logic and knowledge. Her father had this quote framed in his study: 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again'. Lena wasn't insane. Then again, maybe she was for even letting the floodgates open to this very situation she was in right now.

Lena was no fool, but she was foolish enough to fall back in love with Kara Danvers. Or maybe she never did fall out of love – no one had ever said that Lena was particularly in tune with her own emotions. And yes, she wanted to be near Kara all the time, even in times she didn't want to.

"I've never loved anyone after you. I haven't even really dated anyone after you. For the last three years, I've been in National City, and you've been in Metropolis, and I – I kept looking for you," Kara confessed, moving a little closer to Lena on the bench. "How can it be anyone else if I can't stop looking for you?"

"That's all very romantic, Kara, but –"

"It's not about being romantic, Lena," Kara interjected, shaking her head. "It's about me finally understanding no matter how long it takes or how far apart we are, I can never love anyone else the way I love you."

Lena blinked at the three words that Kara had so easily blurted out.

"I can't promise you that there won't be fights. Or arguments. Or times where we don't want to tear our hair out over one another," Kara continued. "But right now, I'm promising you that I won't make the same mistakes I did three years ago. I'm promising you loyalty and unrelenting companionship. I'm promising you that you won't ever have to wake up doubting my feelings for you."

Again, all those things sounded very romantic, but Lena was still no fool.

"Give me more time."

Kara's expression fell at Lena's request, but she nodded anyway, shifting away from the raven-haired woman. "Okay."

Lena inclined her head and stood up, packing up the bento for later. "For the record, I want to be near you all the time too," she admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The first toy Lena had had was a teddy bear. Brown and fluffy. The generic toy store teddy bear that parents bought to appease their kids from monsters in the closet and creatures under the bed.

But it wasn't a generic teddy bear for Lena. Contrary to popular belief, Lena wasn't born into the Luthor family. She was born in an Irish cottage, delivered by an ancient midwife who was more superstitious than factual. The cottage was small, located in a small town, with a small population.

Her mother had a job as a store manager at one of the town's two restaurants, and she only ever made enough to pay for necessities and make sure her daughter was healthy. The teddy bear was a gift bought from tips collected over two weeks, and Lena called it Mr. Bean. Yes, very original of her.

That teddy bear now sat comfortably in her bed, tucked under the covers. It was simple, but one of the most important items in Lena's life.

And right now, as she gaped at the various bear toys available in the toy store, she developed a whole new appreciation for Mr. Bean. A kid really didn't need this many options just to cuddle at night and pretend that it could protect them from the evils of the world.

She braced herself, and leaned down to pick Ruby up in her arms. "Pick your favorite, Ruby," she prompted with a gentle smile, careful to secure Ruby in her embrace.

"That one," Ruby easily decided, pointing to a bear sitting in the second bottom row, light blue with a heart on its chest.

"That was easy. Are you sure?"

Ruby nodded vigorously, staring at the bear like it would her lifesaver. "That one, that one," she insisted.

"Alright, honey. The blue one, it is." She bent down, tightening her hold on Ruby, and took the bear, handing it to the kid. As she made her way to the cashier, she asked, "Do you want some ice-cream next?"

"Yes."

Lena smiled, placing a soft peck on the girl's cheek and gently prying the bear out of Ruby's grip to give to the cashier. "Don't tell your mother though." She dug out her card to pay for the bear.

"Which one?"

"Either one."

Once Ruby was the proud owner of a light blue bear with a heart on its chest, Lena started making her way to the nearest ice-cream shop, delighted at Ruby's rambles about weird things. Like the cupboards in the sky and the promises that the bear had made her in the short time they'd known each other.

They sat a table by the window, Lena with mint chocolate ice-cream and Ruby with strawberry ice-cream. The doctor had to warn her goddaughter against feeding the ice-cream to the bear, because Sam would definitely be displeased at having to throw that thing in the washer.

Alex (2:31 p.m.): did you kidnap my kid?

Lena (2:31 p.m.): I was permitted.

Alex (2:32 p.m.): no ice-cream

"Definitely don't tell your moms that I brought you out for ice-cream," she said, laying the phone facedown on the table and grinning as the girl nodded in promise. She watched as Ruby had one hand stroking the head of the bear while the other dutifully fed herself ice-cream, stains all over her lips. "Why this bear, Ruby?" she had to ask.

"Because I love her."

Lena raised her brows at the pronoun. "How could you be so sure?"

"I looked at her, and she looked at me. And I know she will protect me," Ruby easily replied, shrugging.

Lena tilted her head. "That simple?"

"Yes."

And that was the thing about kids, wasn't it? They were born pure and untainted, always such an innocent outlook on life. Innocence meant simple, and Lena was often jealous of them for being able to so…unworried. How did they do it?

"You know, I have a bear too," she offered. At that, Ruby looked up from the ice-cream to her godmother with interest. "His name is Mr. Bean, and he's been very good at protecting me."

"Mr. Bean?"

"Uh-huh. A bear should have a name."

"I don't know what to call my bear."

Lena nodded with grave understanding. "Take your time. This is serious stuff."

She watched with adoration as Ruby frowned at her bear, a finger on her chin. Kids were so simple. And Lena thought maybe it was okay to be simple time after time.

I know she will protect me.

That simple?

Yes.

Lena lied on her back in her bed, Mr. Bean on her chest. Her eyes were directed at the ceiling, but her mind was somewhere else. Actually, her mind was everywhere. Ruby. Her father. Kara. Her goddamn feelings.

Sometimes, she hated being a human being with feelings. She would very much like to be psychopath. That way, Lena could just do her job without emotional attachments. It would certainly make her life as a doctor easier. And she wouldn't be haunted by a damn ex-wife who bamboozled back into her life with no intention of leaving.

That simple?

Yes.

Unbelievable. She was letting a five-year-old steer her decisions. Unacceptable. She was goddamn adult, and double board certified at that. Unfathomable.

Fucking hell, she should never have left Metropolis. What was she thinking? Accepting that job offer, knowing full well that she would run into Kara eventually. And here she was, inviting unnecessary headache for absolutely no reason but her own stupidity.

That simple?

Yes.

Lena sighed loudly and sat upright, grabbing her phone from the nightstand and dialing before she could regret it.

"Hello?"

"One date."

A pause. "You won't regret it."

Even through the call, Lena could see it already, that big smile on Kara's face. Unable to help herself, Lena smiled too, hoping that she really wouldn't regret it.

yes, lena is a fool, contrary to her insistence