More ways to Annoy Snape!
A/N - I was just thinking that you should probably take Snape's wand away before doing anything. I would also like to clarify that I have complete respect and love for all the characters I am telling you how to annoy and believe them all to be wonderful people is looking nervously at the rabble chasing her
The next morning Lano ran down to breakfast to find Livi lightly buttering herself a slice of toast. She sliped a sheet of parchement onto Livi's lap as she sat down beside her with morning greetings. Livi looked down at the sheet and began to read in her head.
"1.Charm the carpet of his rooms to sprout small flowers in his wake
2. Leave him invitations to Sirius Black's 'birthday party at the Whomping Willow'
3.Look terrified and leave the hall ANYTIME he picks up his spoon at mealtimes
4.Blow him kisses whenever you catch his eye
5.Introduce him with the words "Here is a man who not only has a brilliant mind and a wonderful wit, but can also sing.
6.Owl him long and detailed accounts of your summer holidays.
7.Two words: Accio Snape
8.Nickname your quill 'Snapie' and talk to it during class
9.Leave anonymous notes on his desks. Have them say things like 'Remember that summer in 72, Severus dear?' or 'Meet me in the restricted section...and bring a friend!'
10.Clap loudly when he has told someone off
11.Tell him he looks stressed then ask if he wants a massage
12.Hide in his chambers at night. Wake him up by jumping up and down on his bed shouting 'Rise and Shine Professor!'
13.Learn a charm that makes people sprout interesting flowering plants from their hair.
14.Make a habit out of grabbing Harry Potter and dragging him into Snape's office by his ears, crying 'Here he is Sir! I've got him!'
15.Turn in all your essays on perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love-hearts.
16.Procure some ferret-droppings. Leave a large pile of them in his desk. Insist that Draco Malfoy did it.
17.Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.'
18.Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him. Continue until you are directly in front of him or until the lesson ends.
19.Charm his bedsheets to entangle him in his sleep, ensuring he must wrestle them for a quarter-hour each morning just to get out of bed.
20. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention, hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!'
21.Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.
22. "How old were you when you lost your virginity sir?"
23. 'When will we get to the brewing glory part?'
24. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust anything he touches.
25. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign his name as the first eager member
26. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning for a year
27.Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves
28. Write into trashy teenage girl magazines' problems pages with embarrassing problems - under his name.
29. Stick the pages around the school
30.Observe him. Take notes.
31.Become an Animagi. Be very cute. Try to get him to adopt you
32.When he leans in to see the contents of your cauldron, whack him over the head, scream 'Tag! You're it!' and dash out of the classroom, giggling.
33. Always be five strides ahead of him, rolling out an endless red carpet.
34. Use Polyjuice potion to turn into him - be seen doing ridiculous things
35.Attempt to hide inside his robes whenever Neville Longbottom's potion threatens to explode
36. When you see him coming, lie down in the hallway. Insist that you 'have fallen and can't get up'.
37.Charm his eyes red and his hair white. In other words, turn him albino.
38.Hide under your desk in potions. Pretend you're sure he can't see you. Even if he bends to look straight down on you.
39.Learn basic muggle magic tricks. Call yourself The Great Snape-ini. Constantly approach him with a deck of cards, imploring him to 'Pick a card, any card!'
40.Ask him if he's 'sure about that, sir?' whenever he states a fact in class.
41.Charm a music box that plays the Harry Potter theme music non-stop . Make it invisible and leave it in his quarters.
42. Chant softly. 'Snape Snape Snape...' whenever he walks by. Continue until he is out of hearing range.
43. Ask him about his childhood.
44.Repeat every thing he says, just after he says it, in a loud whisper and follow each repeat with the words 'Ohhhh, interesting...VERY interesting.' Pretend to scribble things down rapidly.
45.When he attempts to scare you in class, yawn, look bored and tell him you're 'Sorry, but the thrill is just gone. ignore his existence. Do not pay him the smallest amount of attention whatsoever. Act as though you cannot see him. If he speaks, do not answer. If he is right in front of you, look straight through him. Constantly ask people (when he can hear you) where he has disappeared to
47.Ask him if he would mind helping you with a project. Tell him you want to breed Professional-Racing-Snapes.
48.hiss on the letter 's'.
49.End each class with a wink and a 'See you tonight, Professor' Put sarcastic emphasis on the word 'Professor'.
50.In the middle of the night, sneak into his quarters, shake him awake and shine a torch in his face shouting 'Pineapple! Have you got any pineapple?'
51.At the end of each potions class, leave him a 'report card' detailing how you think he did that lesson. Comments like 'has potential' 'adequate' and 'moderately intimidating' are perfect.
And do you actually plan on doing any of these?"
Livi asked quietly as the post arrived - so there was less chance someone would pay attention.
"Naturally. WE are going to do them all before the end of the year. We have four months. We know we'll get our N.E.W.Ts. All systems are go"
"Lano, i'm not worried about the exam results. I am worried about us surviving the next four months."
"You worry too much" Lano responded taking Livi's toast and departing from the table.