trigger warning: implications of a shooting

disclaimer: i wrote half of this chapter high on space brownies

now, read, ponder, and enjoy!

"Her chest – it's completely –"

"Page cardio. I'll take over for now."

"Two GSWs to the leg."

"Two missed arteries. That's good enough."

"How is he still alive with a bullet in the head?"

"If you keep talking like that, you can get the hell out of here."

"Dr. Luthor –"

"Bag him. Book an OR. Page ortho."

The second amendment was bullshit. The government was useless. The right-wingers can go fuck themselves and shove a stick up their asses. And shootings kept fucking happening, regardless of whether the victims were having the time of their lives or the supposed lifesavers were on wonderful dates.

And having lost five patients from the 23 who had been brought to their hospital, Lena wondered. She wondered if this was all worth it. She sat on a bench, muted out the cacophony that was still happening, and stared at her hands, still stained with traces of blood that didn't belong to her.

23 victims were sent to this hospital, but there were more. Oh god, there were so many more, transferred to different hospitals in National City, all fighting for their lives. And five of them were already pronounced dead at her very hands. She wondered how many more were lost elsewhere. She wondered if anyone else was in as much despair as she was.

The second amendment was bullshit. The government was useless. The right-wingers can go fuck themselves and shove a stick up their asses. And it seemed like it was all up to people like Lena to make sure as little lives were lost as possible.

She wanted to bury her head in her hands and stop thinking about the faces of the five people she failed to save. But she couldn't, because her hands stank of blood that didn't belong her and goddammit, it wasn't over yet. From what she could surmise earlier, there would be more to come.

"Buck up, Lena. You're not the one with the gunshot wound," she hissed to herself and pushed to her feet, heading back out into the fray to welcome the next victim.

"The second amendment is bullshit," Kara hissed once she dropped from the back of the aid car and wheeled the victim out.

"Yeah," Lena agreed with a whisper, chancing a brief glance at her ex-wife before pushing the victim inside. "Be careful out there."

"You too."

Once the victim was wheeled into the newly vacant trauma bay, she took a good look at his face and could hardly hold herself back from gasping. She looked up to find Alex with the same stricken expression, her eyes wide and her lower lip trembling.

Charlie. The boy who had an anal plug in his ear. A 20-year-old young man who had been perfectly healthy when he was discharged a month ago. Fuck. Charlie.

She pressed her hand harder on the wound, gulping back the bile arising in her stomach. She leaned down, breathing in slight relief when he winced in pain. That was good. Sometimes, pain was good. And in this situation, pain was really good.

"Charlie," she called as loud as she could. "Charlie, can you hear me?" His eyes fluttered, but his hand was weak. "Charlie, squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

On the other side of the bed, Alex was ordering saline bags and trauma kits brought up, along with an ample amount of blood for emergency rescue. All the cardiothoracic surgeons were booked up with operations right now – Charlie's life was truly in their hands.

She could hardly fight back a sob of relief when he squeezed her hand, albeit she could barely feel it. She nodded to herself and stood upright, patting his hand once before letting go and returning to her actual duties. A fucking double-boarded trauma surgeon who was really fucking good at what she was doing.

Lena didn't make any promises, but she would be damned if she let this kid die. She couldn't let this kid die. Not on her watch.

ORs were fully occupied, what with the influx of gunshot victims and collateral damages that rolled in the emergency section's doors like a tsunami. The worst kind of tsunami.

Hence, there really wasn't any other choice but for Lena and Alex to perform surgery on Charlie in the trauma bay. They had had a longer back-and-forth about it than Lena would have liked, weighing the pros and cons of doing it, almost immediately anticipating the disciplinary actions that would drop down on their heads once the higher-ups found out.

But there really wasn't any other choice, so they did it. They had a flimsy little trauma bay turned into a makeshift OR, snapping at any nurse or resident who would dare question them, because now as really not the time. They ignored the cardio surgeon who had yelled at them for being reckless, yelling back at him to just save Charlie's life, damn it.

Dr. Lane was had just extracted the bullet from Charlie' chest cavity when a whole new commotion arose beyond the curtains.

"Where is he?" a male voice bellowed outside. "Where is Charlie?" He didn't sound scared or concerned at all. He sounded furious. "Where is my son, goddammit?"

Lena shared a look with Alex before nodding, indicating that the redhead should stay and assist Dr. Lane. Before the woman could protest, Lena had drawn back the curtain to step out, only to stop short when she was confronted with a middle-aged man holding a submachine gun in his arms.

Rather than the chaos that had occurred earlier, where doctors and nurses were all desperately saving desperate lives, losing all sorts of decorum, the emergency department was strangely calm. Quiet, much like the jinx that all frontliners avoided. Eerily still as everyone stared at the man with a weapon cradled in his arms.

It took her a moment, but she recognized him anyway. Charlie's father, who had a vein throbbing at his temple and white hands clenched tightly around the weapon like it was his true north. It took her a moment, but she realized the reality, a new sense of chills running up her body.

"Mr. Miller –"

"You," he hissed. No, he seethed, eyes wild. "You should have left him for dead last time."

"I save my patients, Mr. Miller. It's an oath I take very seriously," she said, gently but firmly. "Mr. Miller, these people are fighting for their lives here. Please don't do them any more harm than you've already done."

He let out a loud grunt, one telling of frustration and impatience. Then he cocked the gun and pointed the barrel at…her.

Slowly but surely, Lena raised her arms until her palms were level with her chin. Her face exuded an aura of wariness and mirroring frustration. Lives were hanging on the line here; he had no right to barge in here and disturb their job of repairing the damage he had caused. She planted her feet firmly on the linoleum floor and lowered her chin a little.

"He's not – My son has become a sinner!"

"He never became anything, Mr. Miller." She tried her very best to not clench her fists. Or do something like rushing at him in an attempt to disarm the bastard who'd tried to kill his own son. "Your son…is still your son."

"Get out of my way," he seethed, taking two steps closer. A whisper of gasps resounded across the room. "I'm warning you."

"Mr. Miller –"

"I'd be doing this world a favor by wiping his face clean off it."

The gasps repeated themselves. She couldn't help the disgust that flashed across her face. At the audacity of this man. The heartlessness of this monster. What a fucking bastard.

This could be breaking the law. Honestly, she'd never really paid attention to that particular part of med school. But this man was no father. Actually, he was no man. He was just a husk of wrongful thinking and unimaginable cruelty.

"You're not getting to him."

He took one long look at her, left eyelid practically shaking as he observed her. Studied her. Even though Mr. Miller was the one who had the barrel of a dangerous weapon pointed at her chest, the fear that slipped into his eyes was unmistakable. It wasn't much, but there was a trace of her.

Like she was a new kind of beast that would bring the world's demise at their feet. Like she didn't belong here.

"Oh, I see," he said, much calmer than he had been minutes ago. He tightened his grip on the gun and tilted his head slightly, because he didn't really have to aim while they were this close, did they? No, no, he didn't. "You're just like him, aren't you?"

Should she tell him she'd dated men before?

"You're twisted too."

Hell, she'd slept with one or two after her divorce with Kara and not-breakup with Andrea.

"You – you like women."

No, probably not. He'd probably think bisexuality was worse at the rate this was going.

"Why not? They're great. You married one," she quipped before she could stop herself.

Shut up, Lena.

"I won't shoot if you step aside."

"But you will after I do."

"You can't stop me from seeing my son!"

"But I am."

She really wasn't helping herself much right now, but she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let Charlie die. At least not like this. She had been the one to sit by his bedside and tell him that his parents probably wouldn't be so bad. She had been the one who chose to lie to his parents about why he had become her patient in the first place.

Not like this. Charlie couldn't die without seeing how good his life could be without them. Without this degenerate. She would make sure of it, and she would start by allowing this man not anywhere closer to his son.

Thud.

It was barely audible. Hardly loud. Only one was released, after all. The finger only had to twitch once. In fact, she could scarcely feel it.

But she knew. Somehow, she knew, because she saw the brief flash at the muzzle of the gun. The flicker in his eyes, not one of fear or empathy, but one of pride. Not an iota of shame in his action, it seemed. She was always a better executioner than a talker.

"Lena!"

She lifted her eyes, which had started to darken around the edges, to find a blonde woman absolutely stricken as she sprinted towards Lena. Oh, that was Kara. Oh, no, her legs – the strength was seeping out even without her wanting to.

Okay, maybe the movies were right. Time didn't work that way, but it certainly seemed like it was true when they said that things went in slow motion as you were dying. Feeling each bit of your life slipping away without you being truly aware of it, watching as things went by with a thousand framerates dropped.

As she dropped onto her knees, she could see Kara jumping Mr. Miller from behind, going for the gun first. She reached up one hand to clamp over the hole in her stomach, blinking when her palm came away reddened and soggy. And yet, she could hardly feel a thing.

One of her hand slipped on the floor and she dropped to her back, looking up at the white bulbs that illuminated the hospital. Suddenly, her field of vision was filled with a redhead, holding back her tears as she patted her hands on Lena's cheeks, her mouth forming Lena's name.

Oh for the love of god, she'd only gone on one date with Kara, she thought. And then she didn't think anymore.

"Lena, wake up."

The raven-haired woman grunted, only burying her face deeper into the pillow to shut off the light, somehow. Just a little more. Maybe ten minutes. Maybe 15 minutes. Maybe she could call off med school today. Missing one day of class probably wouldn't hurt.

"Lena, come on."

Her groan was cut off when a pair of lips began scraping up her shoulder. Her very naked shoulder. Being touched by the softest lips that Lena had ever come across. She didn't have to open her eyes to know that Kara had the shittiest smile on her face, a mischievous one that was determined to overthrow Lena's day. With no regrets.

"I promise you'll be glad."

She jerked slightly as cold fingers traveled up her very naked thigh, lifting to the tips once they reached her inner thighs. Endlessly teasing, pronounced only by her partner's deep chuckle, obviously amused.

Groaning again, Lena willed herself to flip onto her back, assisted largely by one strong hand on her hip. And then there was Kara, leaning over her with one arm propped beside her head, the smile on her lips ever so tender, like Lena was the only reason she was happy right now. Lena had never felt as special as when Kara Danvers was looking at her.

"Happy anniversary," Kara whispered and leaned down to press a prolonged kiss on the bridge of her nose.

Ah, right. "Happy anniversary," Lena replied and nosed against the column of the blonde's throat.

Kara lifted her head to look down at Lena once more, her face naturally aglow with the sunlight streaming in the crevices between the blinds. She was beautiful.

"I'm so glad you came to my rescue on that one rainy day."

With a hum, lethargic fingers began their slow crawl up Kara's chest, then her neck, then her face, empowered by the lack of resistance at their pace. In fact, the shudder that Kara heaved once Lena reached a particularly sensitive spot on her collarbone only served to encourage the raven-haired woman more.

How lucky she was. How fortunate. How wonderfully real.

"I think you're the one who saved me that day."

"That's a lie."

Rather than allowing Lena to defend herself, Kara plopped down and buried her face in Lena's neck, whole body and muscle weight bearing down on Lena. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. It was safe, mornings in the arms of the woman she was certain she would love her.

Yes, safe even when the aforementioned woman started blowing raspberries into her neck. She giggled aloud and attempted to push the blonde way. Keyword being attempt, as Kara was a psychopath who visited the gym three times a week and Lena was a normal human being who could barely raise a finger on a cup of coffee.

Eventually, Kara relented and rested her head on Lena's chest, calm and quiet. The birds were chirping outside, as if celebrating their anniversary with them as well.

"What's her blood type?"

"Take mine."

"Kara –"

"We match, damn it! Just take mine!"

Lena, much as she hated to admit it, lived a comfortable life. Exceedingly comfortable.

Her parents footed the bill for her travels in Europe when she took a gap year after boarding school. They paid the tuition fees for med school, only allowing her to take responsibility of other expenses after she pretty much had to beg them to. Hell, she didn't even pay the rent for the studio that Lex had scouted out for her, only one block away from campus.

She was comfortable. The studio space was comfortable. But Kara's apartment was…homely, even as Lena took her first step inside after an invitation for coffee. She closed the umbrella and placed by the door, feeling a little guilty at the dripping raindrops.

This place was lived in. Knick knacks scattered across the common area, like photographs and magnets on the refrigerator in the kitchen. Textbooks of different variety were stacked haphazardly over the coffee table – Lena could spy a couple of medical encyclopedias among them, and wondered if the blonde she'd just rescued from the bus stop was a medical student too.

She stood by the closed door, tilting her head as she studied the puppy figurine staring back at her on top of the television. Who put puppy figurines on their television?

Kara finally emerged from the kitchen, holding two cups of piping hot coffee in her hands and a shy smile on her face. She quietly gestured for Kara to make herself comfortable on the couch and handed one cup over to her.

"Sorry, I'm not sure how you take it. I have sugar and milk if you want some."

"No, it's fine. Black coffee is right up my alley," Lena said, gratefully taking the extended cup and cupping her palms around it to feel only a smidge of warmth. She certainly didn't miss the grimace that passed Kara's face though. "Do you go to med school?"

"Huh?" She turned to the books that Lena motioned at and shook her head with an affectionate chuckle. "Oh no, those are my sister's. She graduated last year, but she left these behind. Probably because I've been drawing on them?"

"You drew on your sister's textbooks?"

Because honestly, it's possible that Lena would strangle Lex if he even drew anything on any of her books. Without regrets. She would laugh at his grave.

"She graduated!" Kara protested weakly. "Anyway, no, I don't go to med school. Not sure I have the brain capacity for it."

"So, journalism?" Lena deduced after having taken a look at the other textbooks strewn over the coffee table, prescribing communications and journalism ethics.

Kara scratched at her brow and cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm – it's not my major. Not yet. I'm just…trying things out."

She took a sip of her coffee and then blanched, sticking her tongue out as she desperately fanned in its direction, hissing in the process. It was adorable, and Lena had to grin at the sight before her. She leaned back against the couch, finding even this little inanimate object felt homely, like it had been passed down hundreds of generations.

"Thank you for saving me earlier," Kara said once that tongue crisis was over with. "I think I would have been soaked if I'd stayed there until now," she murmured, looking out the window that was dotted with relentless rain.

"Just trying to buy my way into karma's good side."

A bemused chuckle escaped Kara's lips, and Lena briefly asked herself how a chuckle like this could truly exist. A sound like this. She still didn't really know where she got the courage to ask Kara whether she could join her for coffee, but here she was.

Here they were. They didn't know each other. They didn't know they would know each other quite so intimately as they would in the future. But it was raining, and Kara had made her black coffee even though it was obvious that she hated the idea of it, and Lena would love to see more of her.

"For fuck's sake, Lena, you do not get to do this to us. To Kara."

"Dr. Danvers, she's losing more blood than we anticipated."

"Well, then, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get more blood!"

It was near dawn when Lena entered their shared apartment. They had moved in together six months into their relationship, after Kara had decided that journalism wasn't for her. University wasn't for her. And she signed up to train as a firefighter, jumpstarting an array of sleepless nights for Lena whenever the blonde was on duty.

And before they knew it, they had been together for two years already. Lena hadn't really expected this relationship to last this long, though she'd admitted to Sam that she had never felt this way about anyone before. But here they were, and she'd just gotten back from a conference in Seattle and she couldn't wait to be back in bed with her girlfriend.

The absolute love of her life, she was certain now.

Lena had become one of those people who couldn't go more than three days without seeing their girlfriend. Who had to text their girlfriend at least twice a day to feel even just a little bit of calm. Who experienced immense withdrawals just because she didn't get a kiss that day.

It was disgusting. It was something that the Lena Luthor of the boarding school days would have judged her for. It was something that Andrea definitely still teased her about until today. But whatever, the Lena Luthor of the boarding school days and the Andrea of today didn't have Kara Danvers as their girlfriend, so they could suck it.

She didn't even bother washing up. Just hung her coat and jacket on the rack by the door and made her way to the bedroom, her luggage discarded by the couch, waiting to be cleaned up…well, whenever Lena felt like it.

A tired grin spread over her lips when she saw the blonde ball curled on the left side of the bed, one arm protectively hugging Lena's pillow, mouth opened slightly as she quietly snorted away in her sleep. Lena carefully tucked herself into the left side, regaining possession of the pillow and placing her head on Kara's outstretched arm, curling up closer so she could have a close look at her girlfriend's bare face.

Moments later, the blonde started stirring, groaning softly at the disturbance of her sleep, an adorable little frown marring her features. Lena waited patiently as Kara blinked her eyes open, little by little, until her blue eyes were hardly discernible under the sun that was crawling up the horizon.

And there it was, the tender smile that was meant for Lena alone. "Hey," Kara drawled, pulling Lena closer by curling her arm around Lena's shoulders. "I missed you," she murmured against the raven-haired woman's temple. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Lena whispered, not hesitating to wrap her own arms around Kara's waist and pressing their entire bodies together. "God, you have no idea how much."

In a way, she could feel rather than hear the hum that Kara sounded, vibrating only minutely throughout her body and translating it to Lena's skin. Both of them were quiet, so quiet that Lena had thought her girlfriend had gone back to sleep.

She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into the blonde's arms, ready to fall asleep herself after an inhumanely long day. Only to hear something that would remove all sleepiness all together.

"Marry me."

Her eyes snapped open, but she remained enclosed in Kara's arms, brain wild with all kinds of theories. Well, just one theory actually. Kara was just sleep talking, and this wasn't happening. Not yet. She wasn't prepared. She'd thought about marrying Kara, of course – she loved her – but she hadn't been prepared.

Fuck, go to sleep, Lena. Pretend you didn't hear anything. Pretend you didn't know anything.

"Lena," Kara pronounced softly. Oh shit. "Marry me," she repeated.

Well, okay, no sleep then. She drew herself back from Kara's arms and leaned on one of her elbows as her girlfriend remained on her back, staring at one another as the sun welcomed them to a new day.

Despite the sleepiness and the ruffled appearance, there was no mistaking the seriousness on Kara's face, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of the comforter as they were no longer holding onto Lena. Her eyes were unimaginably blue, pupils dilated, and the adoration basically shone through the blue orbs. And Lena wondered why she ever thought they weren't already at this stage.

"Kara, we're still in school," she said, frowning slightly.

Kara nodded in acceptance and rose to lean on her elbow as well. "I know, I know, but…I love you. And this is – you're pretty much it for me. And I love you. So much," she defended weakly.

And then she leaned over Lena to pull out the drawer of Lena's bedside table, rifling through it before emerging with a velvet box that would fit her palm easily. Lena raised her brows, heaving a disbelieving chuckle.

"You hid it in my table?" Lena pointed out incredulously.

"I figured it's better hidden when it's obvious. Alex taught me that."

"Alex?"

"I've had this ring for a year now," Kara whispered, sheepish.

"A year?"

Kara inclined her head in confirmation and fiddled with the hinge of the box. "I've wanted to marry you since you took care of me while I was sick," she confessed, not daring to meet Lena's eyes. "And I've been thinking, for a year, of how I can propose to you. How to make it special. How to make sure that you know that I love you. But I just – you're perfect, and there's no perfect way to propose to a perfect person."

"Oh, Kara."

"You can – you can totally say no. I won't begrudge you for it. This isn't exactly the best way to propose either, but you were gone for three days, and I missed you like crazy. But I'm still going to love you even if you say no, I promise," Kara rambled off, waving the box in the air aimlessly. "I figured I could, you know, try."

It was perhaps a little mean to be quiet after that, to not say anything. But Lena was – reasonably, she might add – kind of speechless after that short ramble. She took a good look at Kara, trying to locate even a sense of apprehension to be able to say no.

But she couldn't, because Kara was wrong. Lena wasn't the perfect one between the two of them; Kara was. Kara, who had had a ring for a year, and was sincere in her promise that she wouldn't hate Lena if she rejected the proposal. Such an open heart in a human being, and she chose to love Lena, of all the people in the world.

Saying no would be abhorrent. She could only consider herself lucky.

So she leaned in, cupping Kara's cheek in her hand and interlocking their lips together, deep and breathless. Kara moaned into her mouth and kissed her back without hesitation, pushing in until she had Lena on her back. A few moans escaped as they kissed each other, and Kara pushed away, staring down at Lena with confusion.

"Is that – can I take that as a yes?"

"Yes, Kara. It's a yes. Always."

"Asystole!"

"Fuck! Defib now!"

"Yes, Dr. Danvers."

"Lena, you cannot do this to Kara, do you hear me? You cannot do this to us, you fucking asshole. You spent too long running away from us. I'm not letting you do that again. Not like this."

i am promising you right now that there'll be a happy ending. i promise. seriously.