Meant to Be
By
Alyson Grant
The sleek 65' AC Cobra curved on the inclined planes and soared at sudden plateaus. Its engine hummed softly as it gently took its passengers wherever they wanted to go.
At the moment the destination was undecided.
At the moment the question was not 'Where are we going?' but 'How many miles will it take to arrive to Nowhere?'
The ebon car was a willing participant in the steady task of aimless driving.
Rays of sunlight reflected off the surface of its polished hood.
It's midnight wheels curved along the black roads and white lines as it followed the gentle heed of its owner and took him wherever he wished to go.
Every passing notion became an action. Every thought became the plan.
There was no plan.
The man stopped the car. He glanced over at his passenger with a contemplative look in his eyes.
She was still sleeping.
He looked at the way her blonde locks curved and fluttered completely at the unguided whim and fancy of the wind. Her lips moved slightly.
He wondered if she ever talked in her sleep and if so what she said.
He focused on them.
The outline of her lips was strong and defined and filled in with a dark rose hue.
He knew that when provoked, harsh things that could come out of that mouth.
She wasn't harsh through. She was honest.
And sometimes honesty hurt.
He pulled his gaze away from her and studied the view outside his windshield.
He leaned back in his seat and looked up. The convertible offered an unencumbered look at the world in front of him.
The sky was so blue and looked so free from imperfection.
The ivory clouds that painted the sky looked like the wispy puffs of steam that rose from his daily cups of coffee.
The heat wasn't even as harsh as it been a week ago when it had rained down relentlessly in angry, tumultuous waves.
He breathed in deeply sucking in all the oxygen he possibly could.
The day was sunny and the weather was good and someone he really cared about was sitting beside him.
In that moment he could almost believe that today would be a good one and that today nothing could ever go wrong.
He began to feel a sudden tranquility that he hadn't felt in weeks as he sat in the middle of green calm and looked upwards at the blue expanse… towards blue serenity.
He leaned back even further in his seat, slouched down low and cradled the back of his head in his hands.
He closed his eyes.
She stirred in her seat. She opened her eyes.
She hadn't slept in days.
She'd been home for less then three days and… It. Had. Been… stressful.
Before she felt like she was at her breaking point but now she felt…
Nearly normal.
Calm.
It was kind of crazy.
She'd been on the edge and filled with so many tense and worried emotions for so many hours that not feeling that way was nearly foreign and an unexpected relief.
She smiled.
Her arms reached far above her head as she stretched languidly. Her movements were as unselfconscious and as graceful as a feline.
Her fingers seemed to scrape the sky as she lost herself in her own moment of releasing the tension and the negativity that surrounded, engulfed, and made its best attempt to bury her alive ever since she'd returned home.
With an easygoing smile on her lips she turned to face the man who was lounging in the seat beside her.
His eyes were closed. His eyelashes seemed to fan his face. He looked impossibly handsome and so much at peace. His black sunglasses were resting on the dashboard. The silver frames sparkled in the sunlight.
He felt her gaze on him.
It was like her eyes seemed to signal the very nerves in his body…
He spoke first.
Slowly.
"I can feel you looking at me."
She said nothing and just smiled a smile that he couldn't see.
He opened his eyes and glanced over. "Hey girl."
"Hi," she said softly.
"Had a good rest?"
He couldn't stop the smile that spread like butter on bread from having a home on his lips.
"Yeah."
She yawned.
Her silver star ring glinted in the mid morning rays of light as her hand moved away from her mouth. "I needed it. I need more actually," she said with an infectious grin.
When she looked at him her eyes held a slightly disoriented look about them that came with the territory of just waking up and her smile held faint traces of tiredness but the easygoing, slightly pleased tone of her voice matched his exactly.
They were both happy to be there, there in the middle of nowhere.
To add 'together' would have been redundant.
She looked curiously at the trees that lay behind them and the still blue water that lay in front of them.
She rubbed her eyes wearily.
In the twenty-fourth hour she'd felt tired.
In the fifty-first hour like a wetsuit clad surfer catching that final perfect wave she'd reached this absurd high. If fatigue had been water she'd been on the board that sliced right through it like a finely sharpened blade. Splashes of icy water rose and hit her like an angry punch to the face but for the most part if she could just hold steady and stay on her board...she was fine.
There's this crazy plateau a person hits when they've been up for a few days.
She'd hit it.
What comes up must go down. That was the law of gravity.
But now? She didn't know what she felt exactly.
Mostly she felt like curling into a little ball, having her mother cover her with a blanket, resting her head on a large fluffy pillow and sleeping till she was forty.
She absentmindedly ran a hand through the tresses that had become slightly disheveled in the wind and sighed.
She'd just experienced a little over sixty-eight hours of no sleep.
The meager amount of sleep she'd just gotten was a relief because she'd just been beginning to wonder if there was something really wrong with her, but it wasn't going to cure her.
He knew this had to be true.
From the moment she'd stepped off the tour bus it was like she'd been walking through a crazy wonderland inhabited by madmen.
Orders, directions, dictations, and outrage.
Tears forming but not falling.
Tears falling but not being seen.
Transformation.
Metamorphosis.
Change! Change! Change!
You aren't good enough. Be someone else. We don't want you.
That's what it seemed like.
Misunderstandings, minor rebellion, 'you got a bit of growing up to do', dance steps and feelings of humiliation.
A contract revoked.
Feuding parents.
A distant sister.
A boyfriend who didn't understand.
An ex boyfriend who now never would.
Where was the world she used to know?
Could she please get back on the bus and drive back to the proverbial yesterday? Could she then arrive to today and enter a world that she actually understood?
Where was the world she used to know?
Where were the people, the places, the faces and the memories that she remembered and held dear in her heart?
Where was she?
"I'm really glad you're here," Jude murmured softly as she slowly shut her eyes.
She might have shut her eyes to her thoughts but beneath her closed lids they continued to have free reign. She squeezed them harder in concentration but she started to have a sudden sinking realization.
Maybe this was just another law.
Just another one of those annoying little facts of life.
One could never think of nothing. There was always something. Right?
Right.
That seemed to be the case.
"No," he corrected. "I'm glad you're here. I-I missed you."
She smiled with her eyes still closed and drawled a bit sarcastically, "Yeah, I'm sure the studio was very lonely without me."
"No, I mean… I missed you."
She opened one of her eyes.
Cautiously.
Then the other.
She beamed.
"I missed you too Quincy." She looked at him, smiled, then looked away a bit uncomfortably as she quickly pondered the ease of her own admission. And his.
He continued to look at her.
"What?" she asked with a little laugh in her voice, turning back to him when she felt his gaze burning into her skin.
"Nothing." He scratched his head, looked away from her penetratingly curious gaze and laughed a bit self consciously.
He reached over to the dashboard.
He twirled his sunglasses in his hands and slipped them on.
She yawned again. "Sorry. I just want to go back to sleep."
He nodded in understanding.
"Maybe I actually can this time around," she said wistfully.
She turned to him and asked, "Can we go to G Major later?"
She frowned. Her face seemed to darken at the thought of the new direction her record company was taking and of the two men who controlled it.
He saw the shadow pass over her face.
Angels shouldn't frown.
Angels shouldn't have any unsavory emotions.
They shouldn't even know the definition.
They shouldn't even know how to define them much less feel them.
They shouldn't even know they exist.
He took his glasses off and clutched them tightly in his right hand.
"Don't be like that," he commanded softly.
"Like what?" She turned and faced him.
She looked into his intense eyes and waited for his reply.
She didn't have to wait long.
"Bitter."
Her fair-haired eyebrows shot up at the simple statement that said so much.
"Bitter?"
Her tone was slightly incredulous.
Her voice grew tense and she sat a bit straighter in her seat.
Gone was the casual slouched position, head against the headrest, sleepy sea blue eyes and the precious longing for the Sandman to grace her with his lovely presence.
Angels shouldn't get angry.
"Tommy, I'm not bitter," she said evenly.
Or so she thought.
He winced at the sudden edge in her tone and said nothing.
She wasn't finished though. She wasn't even close.
"I'm the girl who nearly got dropped by her label yesterday and basically groveled. I'm the girl who had to sing a stupid cover and dress like a stupid futuristic lady of the night on live television and smile like I liked the experience. I'm the one who crowned the new Instant Star last night. I'm the one who dyed her hair blonde," she ended scornfully.
She touched a few strands of her newly dyed locks, looked at the way they lay between her thumb and forefinger in undisguised derision and huffed irritably.
The compressed air made the strands dance in mid air. In annoyance she flicked them away. They dropped gently. She shoved the offensive lines of gold behind one ear.
"I like it."
He said this carefully with an equally careful facial expression.
Of all the things he could have said… he picked that.
Of all the things he could have commented on… he chose that.
Of all the things that she'd just mentioned… that was the one.
"Well I…"she trailed off and said nothing.
She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back.
His quiet words seemed to diffuse her most of her visible annoyance but on the inside her entire body felt tense.
Like a tightly coiled spring.
She was on edge again.
'It hadn't taken long for those emotions to resurface' she thought...bitterly.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
She blinked and frowned at the view. She focused on her direct line of vision never wavering, never breaking down, and never looking to her left. She both saw what lay before her and didn't see it at the exact same time.
A duck was moving across the water.
'Lucky duck Lovely duck.' she thought as her eyes followed its serene movements. 'You don't have my problems. Bet you don't even have problems. Not like mine anyway.'
She closed her eyes to the scene and focused on her breathing.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
She wanted her sudden anger and annoyance to disappear.
She wanted to be okay again.
She was fine.
There was nothing wrong.
Everything in the world was fine.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
She and Tommy were on good terms again.
Everything was fine.
Inhale.
Everything would be okay.
Exhale.
She really wanted to believe that.
Just breathe.
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
Inhale.
He is not the enemy.
He is not the problem.
He is not the issue.
Not anymore.
Exhale.
So stop making something out of nothing.
Just breathe.
Everything will be fine.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
She wanted to smile. She wished she felt like smiling.
She wanted to say something but found that she couldn't.
Her fingers grazed against the satin surface of her throat. For a few brief seconds she had wild images of being buried alive, kicking and failing underwater, kick-boxing when angry, punching someone out…
She wanted to scream.
But she didn't.
She opened her mouth to say something.
Why wasn't he saying anything?
She closed it.
He looked at her curiously.
She ignored him.
She pretended that she wasn't ignoring him.
She pretended that she was so fascinated by the view that she was far too taken in by it to notice that there was someone sitting less then three feet away from her.
It was still silent.
Silence reigned between them
Everything felt so still.
And quiet.
Even beyond the two of them…
But at the same time it really wasn't.
She could hear the sound of the birds and the faint rustle of something in the trees behind her. There was a distant sound of falling water that was so faint she nearly didn't hear it. She could see two squirrels running up the tree near the edge of the water.
The water…
Now that first duck was joined by two others that trailed behind on either side, forming a small spaced out triangle.
Beneath the water their small webbed feet treaded the liquid in a routine movement that was probably tiring after a while.
Maybe. But she supposed they were used to it after all.
Above the water their motions looked fluid and easy and caused small splashes and waves to encircle each of their bodies in a trio of separate ever changing circles.
Slender indentations were left in water behind them, like fading footprints in the sand as they moved forward and moved away…
She breathed.
Without words, the air between them grew calmer.
Without words, the air between them grew gentler.
Smoother.
The sudden rift between them began to dissipate much like the way a stone tossed to sea makes ripples appear only to disappear moments later.
It's a natural course of action.
She shifted and rested her head on his shoulder.
But before they do…
She began to draw small designs on the fabric of his black jacket with the very tip of her finger. Her fingers traced the thin red lines running along his arm. She concentrated on the gentle curve of his shoulder.
She looked up at him to see if he minded but he didn't say anything and just gave her a faintly bemused smile so she continued.
They begin to make wide arcs and their presence is known.
That tired feeling was beginning to return…
They are visible to the naked eye.
Then they disappear.
They can't be seen anymore.
Is all forgotten? Forgiven?
Or are the effects still there but now they can't be seen as clearly?
Just breathe.
Relax
Calm Down
That is what she'd told herself.
…
She breathed.
She nestled closer, stopped drawing, and laid her head on his chest. Her right arm was draped across his upper body, gently locking him to his seat (not that he wanted to go anywhere), pulling them slightly closer together. Her hand lightly touched the warmth of his shoulder.
He hesitated, then stroked her hair.
Tendrils of golden hair met the surface of his fingertips as he studied the contrast of his hand against her hair.
She didn't seem to mind.
If she was really silent, (which she was) she could almost imagine that she could feel the pulse of his heartbeat.
She was that close.
She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest with every breath that he took.
In that silence, in those moments, she felt…happy.
Content.
She asked quietly, "How did things get so complicated?"
He didn't have the answer to that question.
He paused two inches above her hair with silky lines of gold falling beneath his fingertips.
Who did? Did anyone?
They sat silently in the small black convertible.
In that moment it felt like an Us against Them situation.
That's what it was.
Exactly.
Tommy and Jude against the world.
Together they were strong.
Divided they were weak.
They were a team.
Together they felt invincible.
That was the way it was…
Meant to be.
AG Author's Note
Meant to Be
This was a really fun story to write. I liked writing it and it's almost too bad that it's finished.
And I hope that once you read it you realized without me directly saying that it took place directly after No Sleep Till Brooklyn Part 2.
Trivia about this story-
1. I wrote the first draft a few hours after the episode aired so it's interesting that I'm putting this up today.If you don't get that I'll explain. Episode 2 aired 2.17.06 and today is 3.17.06.
2. It was considerably shorter on one and a half pages of loose leaf front and back in my late night chicken-scratch. (Which to my credit must not have been too scratchy because I didn't have to ponder over my words when I typed it up later that morning. Not to say I have bad handwriting. It just starts out neat and then gets less legible depending on how fast I'm writing or my mood.)
3. One of the things I find interesting is that everything important that Jude and Tommy actually said to each other like her getting slightly mad at him and her whole rampage about everything she'd been through was in the first draft. It's like everything I first wrote is still there with just a few things added.
- End of Trivia
I recommend listening to Death Cab for Cutie's All Is Full of Love which is on The Photo Album while you read this story. It's a great song which isn't unusual when it comes to them and fits the story I think. I suppose I could have listed that before the story actually began but I like to give people a real option of reading the notes. Lol
The song isn't a hint at some whole big love between Jude and Tommy in this particular story though. They are all about the small moments right now because the relationship thing just isn't happening while Jude is still considered too young. I think they have an amazing friendship though along with their attraction.
And if you end up liking the song great because I've been introduced to Mad World by Gary Jules, She Is by The Fray and gave James Blunt a true chance with Here We Go Again after finding You're Beautiful sincerely annoying during all my first few listens through the good taste of some authors on this site. F.Y.I for all Beautiful fans I now find it less annoying but it's not my favorite song by him. I actually haven't listened to that many of his songs but the one I listed is one of the songs that I do like.