ladies and gents, the epilogue.
now, read, ponder, and enjoy!
"Is it u-hauling if you marry a woman you divorced?"
"You've been back together for six months."
"Hence why I'm asking."
"Lena, it's fuck o'clock in the morning. We finished a 36-hour-shift. I want to go home to my wife and kid."
"Well, is it?"
Alex rolled her eyes and turned her back to Lena, stalling the conversation by checking her teeth in the mirror and brushing lint from her shirt and pulling on her jacket. Lena had had this thought for two months, since that moment when Kara had told her that chicks dug scars and they didn't have to have sex if Lena wasn't ready to.
They still hadn't had sex, even though they had been dating for six months. Lena wanted to. So much. But every day, she would slide out of bed and kiss Kara on the forehead before locking herself in the bathroom. Every day, she would shower and avoid touching the scar that had almost taken her life. Every day, she would stand in front of the mirror and stare at it, cursing Russell Miller.
She wanted to kiss Kara and let the blonde drag her into a bedroom or a bathroom. She wanted to let Kara do unspeakable things to her and vice versa. She wanted to close her eyes and go to sleep without seeing the shadow of Russell Miller's face hovering in the corner.
Kara had been inexplicably patient. Only smiling and nodding and telling Lena that she would wait forever if she had to. She would kiss Lena's scar over her clothes and tell her that chicks dug scars, but then she would turn off the light and pulled Lena into her arms, fully clothed and seemingly content.
And Lena thought of marriage. Again. With the same woman whom she never thought would love her again. She had been thinking about this for two months. She could wait a little longer.
"You're buying breakfast. You're telling Sam why her lovely and patient wife can't make it home as early as expected. You're gonna abstain from buying my daughter any more ice-cream for the next two weeks," Alex demanded as she spun around, though without a fond but slightly annoyed glint in her eyes.
"Deal. Deal. No deal."
"You spoil her too much," Alex grumbled as they made their way out of the hospital, stale with medicine and death.
"I spoil her a moderate amount. I'm her godmother," Lena defended as she shot a quick text to her best friend and muted the chat because she didn't need Sam bugging her about hogging her wife.
They entered a café two blocks away from their workplace, where the pastries were heavenly but the coffee sucked. But Lena and Alex were two doctors entirely too exhausted from a long shift to care about the coffee, ordering warm milk instead for a warm sleep ahead.
"Can you not propose for like another six months?" Alex asked after everything was laid out on the table.
"Excuse me?"
"What? I have a lot of money riding on this, and I refuse to let Lucy win."
"You have a problem." Alex chuckled and shrugged. "So, it's not u-hauling?"
"Oh, it definitely is."
Lena huffed and glared at her former sister-in-law who, thus far, had not been helpful at all. She sipped on the warm milk and wished that she had gone home instead, where her mother still lingered because she worried and Kara would show up later to tuck her in.
But the question had been lingering in her mind for far too long, in her opinion. And she needed an external view, except Sam was far too rational a person to properly answer Lena's question. She couldn't very well ask Kara, so Alex was it – impulsive and temperamental Alex.
"Look," Alex said, propping her elbows on the table. "I love you. You are an awesome human being and I've always rooted for you. I read your papers, you know. And heard about your achievements in Metropolis, and I was always proud, even though you did block us and pretended we didn't exist for like three whole fucking years."
"I'm allowed to make bad decisions!"
"Uh huh, sure."
Lena rolled her eyes, hoping that Alex would just let it go already. "You were saying?"
"Believe it or not, I've always rooted for you and Kara though, despite the fact that it didn't seem like there was any chance of that at all. You, Lena Luthor, are always who I wanted my baby sister to be happily ever after with."
"Even after I asked for a divorce and broke your sister's heart?"
"I love her but I'm not totally biased, you bitch," Alex snapped, rolling her eyes and tearing a piece of croissant to shove into her mouth. "Sam and I were there when it all went down, and we understood that it was an incredibly complicated situation."
"You're still not answering my question."
"It is u-hauling," Alex said, raising her brows.
Lena sighed and shrugged. She figured anyway.
"But it's okay, you know." Lena looked up from her cup to find Alex staring at her fondly, bemused. "You and Kara have defied almost every single romantic stereotype I know of. What's wrong with going along with one, for once?"
Well, she supposed Alex wasn't wrong. She and Kara had gotten married so young, before they even got started on their careers. And then they got divorced. And then they saw each other again, and by some power of nature or something, they managed to fall back in love.
Or maybe they never did fall out of love.
And now they were a divorced couple who were dating again, with a niece they adored with their whole hearts. Even Lena had to admit that it was all incredibly bizarre.
"You give weird advice," she remarked.
"I mean, that's why you came to me, right? And you know, hurt her and I'll kill you, you know how it works."
Lena laughed, finding it ironic – the difference between the shovel talks. But somehow, throughout this conversation that had nothing to do with the shooting at all, Lena came to another realization. Not that she didn't want to marry Kara, because it was only affirmed through Alex's reassurance, but there was something else that she needed to deal with, if she wanted to get rid of the shadow.
A few calls were made. Lionel used his connections to fast track the process. Lillian was highly disapproving of her decision. Lex was hesitant, but he squeezed his sister's hand anyway and asked her to do what she thought needed to be done. Kara was in the dark throughout it all, until the day that it happened.
"No."
"Kara, I need to do this."
"You're not going anywhere near him," Kara hissed through her teeth, reasonably unhappy at Lena springing this on her without any warning. "This is ridiculous. He could hurt you!"
"He's behind bars," Lena remarked patiently, sitting away from Kara because the blonde had deliberately put distance between them in the car once she realized what Lena was doing. "He can't do anything else to me."
"You don't know that."
Lena had known that her ex-wife – girlfriend – would react this way, which was why she had kept it from her until the very last moment. And despite Kara's overreaction to it, Lena understood why, because just the night before, she had specifically asked for a couple of days off and spent an hour shaking in the kitchen.
Everyone had told her the state Kara was in when she witnessed the whole thing – Lena trying to placate a murderer only to get a bullet in her stomach for it. Eliza very carefully drew all the procedures that she had to pull to make sure Lena didn't die on her table. Lillian described the exact state Kara was in before she bought her coffee.
Lena didn't see it, but she could picture Kara's devastation at the idea of losing Lena before they had a chance to restart anything. The woman sitting next to her was simply a woman who truly cherished Lena, and how could she ever fault Kara for that?
"This is – I need to do this," she stammered.
"Why?" Kara asked emphatically, her hands swinging in the air like she didn't know where to put them. "He tried to kill you."
Lena took a deep breath and leaned her head against the headrest of the seat, breath stuttering as the prison building came into view. "Because I want to marry you," she whispered, not caring that the driver her parents had specifically hired for this trip could hear her.
Next to her, Kara inhaled sharply, but Lena didn't look – all her bravery had been invested in this trip; she didn't have any to spare for her girlfriend. "What?"
"It's crazy, isn't it?" Lena scoffed, rolling her eyes at herself and playing with the hem of her coat. "Marrying you should be the last thing on my mind right now. We just got back together. And – and I probably should even be crazy afraid of the concept, after the experience we've had. But – well, I'm not saying we have to get married now. Maybe next year or – or a couple –"
She stopped when Kara's hand appeared in her vision, cupping her tightly clenched hands. Her breath stuttered again, though not because the driver had pulled up the prison and was just waiting for them to get out.
Closing her eyes, Alex's words flitted through her mind. All joking but also all too serious. Sound but weird advice ringing in her ears.
"Someday, I think I want to marry you…again," she said softly, eyes still closed. "And I can't do that if I'm still having nightmares or won't even let you look at me like a lover should." Even now, Russell Miller hovered like a haunting, though he was very much alive, despite the lawyers' best efforts to have him on death penalty.
Silence fell like a blanket. Not warm though. It was kind of suffocating, to be honest, as she waited and waited and waited. Logically, only minutes should have spanned within the blanket, but it sort of felt like eons.
Did she ruin them? Again? Only barely beginning, and she was already shooting her mouth off and scaring Kara away. Fuck.
"Are you sure this will help?" Kara asked gently.
Lena opened her eyes and turned towards the blonde, finding a look of empathy and adoration on her face. Maybe a hint of surprise still. "Do you know what I see whenever I close my eyes?" Kara clenched her jaw. "I see him. Just standing there, waiting to take me. I get nightmares. Sometimes, you're the one he shoots. They wiped my blood clean off the floor of the ER, but I can still see the pool sometimes, just mocking me." She cleared her throat and sat straighter, blinking away the burn in her eyes. "I have to try, right?"
They gazed at one another for a prolonged moment before Kara sighed and nodded, squeezing her hands and letting go. "Let's go then," she whispered.
She opened the door and rushed to Lena's side, opening the door for her and prompted her out, tender as always. Lena didn't know what this meant – whether Kara was brushing her confession aside or if this was her final show of support before she left – but she held on to Kara's hand anyway, clenching tightly.
They went through the visitation procedure. Filling out the necessary forms. Discarding anything that could be seen as a weapon. Received odd looks from the officer guiding them through the maze of hallways. And then they stood outside a room, where Russell Miller was waiting.
"I'll go in with you if you want me to, but I can't promise I won't clock him in the face the moment I see him," Kara tried with momentary levity, smiling slightly when Lena huffed a soft chuckle.
"No, I think this is something I need to do on my own," Lena replied, trembling at the idea. "Thank you for offering, though."
Kara nodded, concern painted all over her features. "When we're done here, you're seeing a therapist. I can call James' sister for you, if you want, but you're seeing a therapist," Kara insisted, and Lena nodded in agreement. "Call for me whenever you want. I'll come. I'll punch the officer if I have to."
"I'd rather you not go to jail as well."
"I'd go to hell for you." Lena's eyes widened, raising her head to lock on to her girlfriend. "For the record, I want to marry you too. Again." The air in Lena's chest released in a second, relief flooding her body. "It doesn't have to be immediately, but I'd marry you tomorrow if you want to."
"We agreed to take things slow."
"We did, which is why I didn't buy a ring the moment you woke up from that coma."
The raven-haired woman had to chuckled at that. She shook her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "God, I love you," she breathed.
"I love you too. I'm also serious about the therapist."
"I know."
"Good."
"Can you – can you hold me?" Lena whispered shakily.
Without a word, Kara enclosed her arms around Lena's waist and pulled her forwards, slotting all their crevices together that no space was visible between their bodies. For the next few minutes, Lena buried her face in Kara's shoulder and just breathed.
In a couple of minutes, she would be meeting the man who had pointed a gun at her and pulled the trigger, the reason for all her unreasonable insecurities and the catalyst of all her nightmares. She didn't care whether the guard was impatient or she was missing her appointment time. Kara was holding her, and she just needed the peace.
Gaunt face and lifeless eyes stared back at her. The cruelty remained though, in the strain of his lips and the scar on his face. There were traces of hatred in the flecks of his eyes, completely unforgiving and utterly irredeemable.
Yeah, this was a man that Kara would punch the daylights of without hesitation.
Lena tried her hardest to compose herself and not show her fear or nerves, but she was certain that her eyes couldn't hide a lot – Kara and Sam had always told her that they could see a lot through those traitorous things. Still, she sat in front of Russell Miller and breathed as steadily as possible.
In her head were reminders that this man was unarmed and harmless. That Kara was standing right outside the door, prepared to barge in anytime Lena called out her name. That she survived.
"I married a woman when I was 20," she confessed. His hands tightened on the table, chained and immovable. "We got divorced when I was 21." His hands loosened, but only slightly. "I'm seeing her again now."
He didn't say a word for the next – well, Lena wasn't exactly looking at her watch, busy keeping herself calm in front of the man. "I am not sorry," he finally seethed, jaw clenched and features so angry.
She nodded, since she didn't expect him to be sorry for what he did anyway. People like him couldn't be rehabilitated with something like a prison. People like him would never be sorry for trying to kill their kid or the person who was trying to save his life. People like him would always rot in the depths of their hatred.
"Did you feel anything at all? When you shot your son," she clarified.
"He's not my son."
Well, that was telling enough, if anything. She shook her head and wondered if it was worth it, coming here in the first place.
Lena took a good look at him, taking him the hollowness in his cheeks and the scar that crossed his left eyebrow that wasn't there the last time she saw him. She studied his hands and noticed bruises and burn marks – cigarette stubs, she deduced.
This was an unrepentant murderer. Too far in his righteous religious views to see anything else. Lena would always be a person that he would want to rid this earth of, even though he failed quite spectacularly at it. For a brief moment, she wondered if other victims had come to see him.
Russell Miller wasn't an individual worthy enough for her to be so fucked up over.
"I forgive you."
His eyes widened at her words, clearly not expecting it. And surprisingly, she found herself meaning it. Russell may have shot her and almost took her life, but currently, she was the one who was happy with a woman who loved her more than anything, while he was a divorcee almost constantly abused in the prison.
She wasn't saying it was a fair system, but he had nothing else to live for, what with two consecutive life sentences in his near future. Meanwhile, her mother had become more loving after the incident and her ex-wife was back at her side.
"Honestly, I didn't really know what I was looking when I requested to meet you, only that I needed to see you," she said with a self-deprecating chuckle. "But I suppose now I know." She took a deep breath, took a last look at him, and stood up. "I forgive you, Mr. Miller, and from the bottom of my heart, I wish you will find it in yourself to forgive people like me. Not that I need your forgiveness," she added blithely.
Speechlessness followed, and Lena walked out, having spent barely 15 minutes in the room. But as she stepped out of the room, she could feel the weight bearing down on her shoulders lightening gradually, until it was hardly a weight that she was aware of.
Just as soon as she closed the door behind her, Kara was in front of her, all concerned and slightly pissed off, as if she was ready to stomp inside to really clock out Russell if she was given permission. Instead of doing that though, she merely waited as Lena stood stock still, breathing calmly as she stared at Kara's stomach, focusing on the patterns of her zipped-up jacket.
And in the next moment, she all but fell back into Kara's arm, allowing the tension and anxiety that had pent up over the last six months to pour out in hideous sobs and sniffles. Kara did nothing else but wrap her own arms around Lena's fragile body, ready to steer her away whenever needed.
Sam [3:21 p.m.]: ARE YOU KIDDING ME
Sam [3:21 p.m.]: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU
Sam [3:22 p.m.]: for someone so smart you're literally the dumbest person i've ever met
Sam [3:22 p.m.]: i love you and you better call me when you're done I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD LENA LUTHOR
Lena [3:43 p.m.]: I'm alive
Sam [3:45 p.m.]: call me, woman
Lena [3:46 p.m.]: Not if you don't calm down
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena requested that they went to the blonde's favorite Chinese place for dim sum and potstickers.
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena asked to go to Kara's apartment, instead of her own place.
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena pushed her onto her back on her couch and climbed on her lap.
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena pulled off her blouse and sucked on her neck.
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena let herself be carried to the bed, bare naked and trembling at the thought of Kara seeing her scar.
"Are you sure?" Kara asked as Lena guided her hand to the apex of her legs, prompting her fingers to just enter.
"I'm sure," Lena repeated like a mantra, coming to life under Kara's touches and no longer seeing Russell Miller at the edge of her vision. "I'm sure."
There was sex, and then there was making love. The former being just that, a vent and a release. The latter being silent fireworks and pumping music in her veins, igniting her soul and lifting her inner senses like a sleeping volcano.
Kara kissed her scar and she felt the guilt wash away all at once, fully getting that Kara would love her no matter what. Impulse took over and she cupped Kara's cheeks, gently pulling her up her body so they could kiss like a couple aroused and in love. Lena could go all night long, but for now, she just wanted the quiet moments in between.
"I love you," the blonde whispered, hands clutching Lena's hips like a lifeline as her lips traced softly over Lena's skin. "I love you."
Lena hummed and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's shoulders. "I love you too," she replied in kind. "I'm sorry for making you wait so long."
Kara made a noise of protest. She shook her head, going on to lay her head in the crux of Lena's necklines, inhaling deeply. "I would have waited forever," she said. "As long as you let me stay by your side."
Their skins were sticky. The room was humid, what with them forgetting to open the window or turn on the air conditioner as they were both too busy devouring each other like hyenas in heat. The silence was broken by their heavy breathing and syncing heartbeats, beating against each other's chest.
Lena found that she didn't care.
Kara was on top of her in all her glorious nudity. Lena would die happily like this. She hummed when one of Kara's hands sneak up to brush over the scar on her abdomen, tender and studious in the fingers' ministrations. Lena tightened her legs around Kara's hips and just breathed.
"We should probably talk about the thing I said just now," she said quietly. Kara hummed questioningly. "I meant it, you know. About wanting to marry you," she added, finding bravery within her after what they'd done earlier.
The blonde was still in her arms for a few minutes before she raised herself up on her forearms, hovering over Lena. "So did I," Kara responded just as quietly. "Tomorrow, if you want."
Lena chuckled and ran her fingers through Kara's sweat-slicked golden strands. "We'll take it slow though."
"Whatever you want."
"What do you want?" Lena had to ask, because she realized that in the entirety of their renewed friendship and then relationship, Kara had been following her steps, letting her make the decisions, which she truly loved, but at some point, there had to be a line.
"I want you," Kara said easily, smiling contently. "That's all I want. Just you."
Two years down the line, Lena bought a ring from her mother's favorite jewelry shop. Not an overly complicated one that would outshine the sun, but a simple ring – white and rhodium plated at the sides, with their names engraved on the inside.
Sam had told her – accidentally, while they were well on their way to drunk, as Kara and Alex were having their own sister night, and Nia was babysitting Ruby – that Kara had bought her ring five months earlier. She told Lena that Kara was planning to propose during New Year.
Lena kept the ring in Sam's sock drawer, reducing the chances of Kara finding it. She would propose earlier than that. She would propose tomorrow, if she could ever the find the courage.
But she knew one thing, it was time for her to make the move. After all that they'd been through and the back-and-forth that Lena had placed her under, Lena just wanted to Kara to understand that she was loved and wanted as well, just as she had shown Lena all the love and want through the years.
And this time, Lena would keep Kara. She would keep Kara and be sure to love her for the magnificent woman that she was.
it's been fun, getting to come back to this au's lena and kara for a bit. hope you enjoyed it! i think this is really the end of the road for them...for now, anyway. feel free to go wild with your headcanons, and i'd love to hear from you!