(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! No recap this time! Thanks to my stupid Shoulder Angel, Mitsukai, my other personalities are all sick with a really bad cold. Thanks a bunch ya pushy, kentucky-fried bitch! Oh well. Onward and upward my friends!)

"Okay, hurry up and change! Then we can take y'all home!" Hajime said officiously.

"We're goin'. We're goin'." Kankuro grumbled, "Yeesh, you'd think that you two couldn't wait to get rid of us."

"That is so-not-true!" Hotaru cried indignantly, glomping him around the shoulders, "We love the company!"

"Yeah. We just figured that you guys must be missin' yer friends an' family by now." Hajime said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, "I mean, fer those who have'm." he said, dodging the glare Gaara shot his way.

"Oh." Shino said, "Well, that makes sense."

"I am startin' ta miss th' Ichiraku Noodle shop." Naruto sighed, "Not to mention Sakura-chan and Iruka-sensei."

"Now that that's all settled, go get changed! Shoo!" Hotaru said scoldingly, shooing them up the stairs.

"We're going! We're going! Yeesh!" Lee cried (internally doing a happy dance at the prospects of never having to see these psychopaths again).

Within the space of ten minutes, all were dressed and ready to go (Gaara, happy again with his gourd).

"Looking good, Panda-chan!" Hotaru grinned.

"Why…do you insist…on calling me that, woman?" Gaara snapped frigidly

Hotaru blinked, "Why? Whuh-what do youmean…why?"

"Because, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather you stopped." Gaara snarled, eyes flashing angrily.

Hotaru looked as though she had been slapped.

"Of…of course…" she mumbled, shaking slightly, staring at the ground, "Stupid…should have known…idiot…If it bothers you…Gaara-san…I'll stop."

Hotaru raised her head and smiled, "Uh…um…if you all will excuse me…I just remembered…pressing matter…urgent…"

She stumbled out the front door.

"IDIOT! STUPID! MORON! DUMBASS! AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART TWIN! HOW DENSE CAN I BE!" She screamed internally as the scenery around her became a colorful blur, "Of COURSE he would be offended by that! He must think I was TEASING him! Because of the Shukaku! Because he can't SLEEP! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!"

There was a stump in Hotaru's path.

It was inevitable that she would trip over it.

"AIIEEE!" She shrieked.

-KA-KRAK-

Hotaru fell through the floor of a leveled building; into the basement.

"Unf!" She groaned.

She rubbed her hip and looked around.

A pair of eyes stared back at her.

"Uh…uh…uh…" she gasped, struggling for air.

"UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AHAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

A bobcat (a taxidermied one but still, there ya go! Her biggest fear is…duh-duh-duh-DUUHHHNN! Cats! Felinophobia! As for it's origin? YOU'LL HAFTA WAIT! NAHNAHNAHNAAAHNAH!) glared back at her, it's eyes burning with indescribable fury and bloodthirst.

Hotaru's heart began to race and the world went white.

Suddenly…

"RRRRRRRROOOOOOWRRR!"

"Huhh. Gaara, ya need ta understand. Hi-chan wasn' tryna be mean'er nuthin'." Hajime sighed, raking his fingers through his scalp, "She' only called ya Panda-chan as a way a showin' ya how much sh' likes ya. Sorta like th' way she calls me Ha-chan, and Gramps her Naru-pyon (HEY!) and Kakashi-san Kakashi-perv (Oh COME ON!). It's only outta affect-cha-HA!"

Hajime didn't finish his sentence and lowered his hand.

"Oooooh dear." He murmured.

"What?" Naruto asked, "What is it?"

"That is some serious demonic chakra being thrown around." Kakashi murmured.

"It's Hi-chan." Hajime groaned, "Somethin's got'er scared."

"It's this way." Hajime growled dashing through some bushes, "Aw, godDAMN IT, this is bad."

"Bad?" Temari asked as they ran along, "Why bad?"

"Because whenever Hotaru's fear becomes immeasurable…" Hajime began, flying through a patch of bushes and into the park, "…the kyuubi's fox persona takes partially over."

"It takes over?" Naruto cried, "Why does it do that?"

"'m not sure." Hajime grumbled, "I guess it's a lot like a protective vixen shielding her kits; the kyuubi doesn't want anything to put it's vessel in harms way."

"I see." Shino said slowly.

"MRRROOWAAAWRRR!"

"What th'?" Kankuro cried.

"It's her." Jiraiya cried as a white, red, yellow. black (white and red-uniform top; yellow-kerchief; red-skirt; black-socks…she lost her shoes.) and blonde blur speeded toward them at inhuman velocity.

"MYAAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!" she roared, slashing at the air above the earth at their feet with her curse mark hand, fingers currently curved into claws.

"Whoa!" Naruto cried, leaping out of the way just in time.

The ground (and a few near by trees) were shredded to a quality comparable to that of excelsior paper.

"Gods…" Gaara murmured.

"She didn't even touch it." Lee spuutered.

"HSSSSSSSS!" she hissed, her eyes flashing a frightening fiery orange as she backed away from them and leapt into the topmost branches of a nearby tree (that she had missed).

Hotaru then began licking the back of her hand and cleaning herself.

"Kyuuuu!" She keeled, scratching an itch under her chin with her foot.

"This is reeeeeeally bad." Hajime groaned, looking aprehensively upward at his twin, "This's only happened twice before…and both times only dad could calm her down enough to bring 'er outta this beserker state!"

"And your dad…is dead." Kankuro muttered.

"Meaning…" Gai moaned.

"We're screwed." Lee finished.

"In a big way, man." Temari grumbled.

Hotaru yawned foxishly and looked down, in a rather disinterested way, at the assemblage beneath her. Then…something caught her eye! The way it moved! So enticing! She…wanted…to…play-with-IT-YAAAAH!

"KYUUU!" Hotaru keeled happily, leaping down from the tree happily after the butterfly that circled Shino lazily.

"Well…this is weird." Jiraiya said brightly as Hotaru scampered past him, intent on catching that butterfly.

"That would be the understatement of all time." Kankuro grumbled.

Temari sighed and lowered her head, noticing a grouping of familiar plants by her feet; an idea formed in her head.

"Hey, Kakashi?" Temari said quickly, "Does catnip affect foxes?"

"I-I'm not sure." Kakashi replied bewilderedly.

"Well nows a good time to find out!" Temari growled, bending down ripping up handfuls of the weed at her feet and hurling them at Hotaru.

"Prrrt?" Hotaru keeled questioningly, sniffing at the plant.

(I researched into this; yes, foxes CAN in factbe effected by catnip!)

Hotaru's eyelids drooped and a sloppy, foxish smile crossed her lips.

"MYEE-HEE!" She cooed, abandoning her butterfly and rolling contentedly on the ground.

"This just keep's gettin' stranger and stranger." Naruto mumbled.

She rolled back onto her feet and launched herself at Kakashi.

"Myooo!" she keeled.

"Kakashi, my rival! LOOK OUT!" Gai cried.

-FMP-

"Prrr-rrr-rr-rrrrr-rrr-rrr."

Hotaru was curled up contently on Kakashi's lap, purring like a well tuned engine.

Hajime stared at Kakashi, "Huh…must be cause you're around th' same age dad was before he kicked th' bucket."

Hotaru nudged his hand with her head and Kakashi tentatively began to pet her.

Hotaru's purring doubled and she butted her skull against his palm as an indication to continue.

"Well…this is going to near the top of my list of weird shit." Kakashi said brightly as Hotaru yawned and began to doze off.

"Dude, if you value your life…move away from her now." Hajime muttered softly.

"Huh?" Kakashi blinked as Hotaru already began to stir.

"Move dumbass!" Hajime hissed as Hotaru's overlarge blue eyes snapped open.

Hotaru took in her surroundings.

She looked up at Kakashi and narrowed her ice blue orbs lividly.

"Uh…I-can-explain!" Kakashi said quickly.

"Kakashi-perv…" Hotaru growled, balling her hand into a shaking fist (veins popping, knuckles white), "Do me a favor….AND NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN!"

-FA-KAMMMMMMMM-

Hotaru punched Kakashi hard enough to send him flying into the stratosphere.

"Got a lot of force behind that one." Gaara commented.

"MEEP!" Hotaru yelped, scrambling to her feet, "Uh, I am sorry about taking off like that Gaara-san! I guess you would like to go home now, huh?"

"Panda-chan."

"What?"

"Just…just call me…Panda-chan…okay?" Gaara grumbled, "It's alright…so long as it's only one person. It just sounds too strange…you calling me Gaara-san…just stick to what you know...got it?"

Hotaru blinked, then smiled, "Okay, Panda-chan!"

She glomped him tightly, "Come on…let's get you home."

"What about Kaka-" Lee started but stopped when Hotaru gave him a glare that would have made Gaara proud to call her his descendant (if he only knew).

-FWASH-

-fyuuuu…-

-uuuuuuu…-

-BMMM-

"Owwwww…" Hajime groaned, "I'll never get used to these landings."

"Hey! Naruto! Welcome back!" Iruka smiled, clapping the fox-boy on the shoulder.

"Hey, Dobe-kun." Sasuke smirked.

"Hi Iruka-sensei and DON'T CALL ME DOBE, SASUKE-TEME!" Naruto finished in a shout from his current position (being glomped by Hotaru)

"Aww…Naru-pyon! Don't be so mean to Sasuke-jari." Hotaru said cheerfully ("jari"- means brat...hee hee! couldn't resist!).

Sasuke blinked, "Sasuke…jari?"

Hotaru grinned, "Yup! That's you!"

"She's taken a liking to him too, I see." Shino snickered from behind his collar.

"Poor guy." Lee said from his safe spot behind Gai.

"Why…are you calling me…Sasuke-jari?" Sasuke growled.

"Because I can!" Hotaru grinned.

Sasuke's knees almost gave out.

"Ah! Naruto! You're Back! Good!"

Tsunade walked up to him and looked around, "Where's Kakashi?"

"He decided he's going to...investigate things in our time awhile longer." Hotaru lied.

"I see." Tsunade frowned, "But that makes this difficult for me. You see, Team Seven has visitors."

"Visitors?" Sasuke questioned, "Who are they?"

"I am not sure, but they are insistant on seeing all of you." Tsunade shrugged, "All their papers check out, too, so…"

"Alright. We'll go." Naruto grumbled.

"Not without us you're not." Hajime growled.

"Yeah, something about this smells bad." Hotaru scowled (still glomping Naruto).

"Alright, already." Sakura cried, strolling up to them, "Let's get a move on!"

The group strolled down a corridor and into an enclosed room without windows but with several oil lamps for light.

Two figures, one unbelievably tall, one rather short, stood beneath heavy cloaks, faces hidden by hoods.

"Well, well, well…it's been far too long…don't you agree?" a deep, throaty male voice asked, sound emmanating from the taller figure.

"Uh…n-no…you-you're dead." Sakura mumbled, knees giving way.

"This…this is impossible." Sasuke muttered, pupils constricted from fear, "No way."

"It is quite possible…young Uchiha." A rather high pitched male voice responded from beneath the second hood.

The hoods were lowered.

"Haku…Zabuza…you…you're alive." Naruto murmured, face white.

"Naturally." Zabuza smirked, "We faked our own deaths to set ourselves free."

"Faked your deaths?" Sakura sputtered, "YOU WERE STABBED!" she shrieked, pointing a quivering finger at Haku.

"And I watched you take twenty swords in the back." Sasuke growled.

"THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULDA SURVIVED THAT!" Naruto cried, arm whipping around out of agitation.

"There, there." Hajime smiled sheepishly, patting his ancestor on the head.

"Don't get your boxers in a wad." Hotaru smiled, glomping Sasuke.

"We made sure to take the blows in pressure points that would simulate death." Zabuza sneered supieriorly.

"We wanted to check up on all of you." Haku smiled childishly, "But it seems as though there is one missing from your number."

"Yes, where is Kakashi?" Zabuza asked.

"Pfft, that perverted bastard?" Hotaru growled, chin resting on Sasuke's head, "I do belive he's floating up somewhere near Jupiter."

"Hi-chan…ya know it was an accident." Hajime sighed, "Let it go."

"Never!" Hotaru snarled, whipping her head around to face him.

"And who are you two if you don't mind my asking?" Haku asked with a smile.

Hotaru glanced at him and a faint blush filled her cheeks and dusted the bridge of her nose; her eyes sparkled.

-TACKLEGLOMP-

"OhmyGOD! You're just too cute." Hotaru sighed blissfully.

"Uh…um…wh-why thank you." Haku replied politely.

Naruto now had to know. It was something he hadn't known when HE had first met Haku…would his descendant be able to tell the difference?

"Oi, Hotaru?" Naruto called, "Just a question, but do you think Haku is a boy or a girl?"

"Oh he's definitely a boy!" Hotaru said, not missing a beat.

"GEH!" Naruto balked, "Howdidju-!"

"He's got the same problem my brother does!" Hotaru grinned, "He's really feminine about the face! It throws people! I've got my brother, so I have a natural instinct for these things!"

"I see." Haku said, inwardly thankful. Finally, someone besides Zabuza who could tell at first glance.

"Besides-" Hajime cut in, "He doesn't have these."

-GOOSH-

"AIIYAAAH!" Hotaru shrieked as her brother came up behind her and grabbed her breasts (I've actually born witness to my best friend's twin brother doing this to her…in front of her boyfriend; she wasted him…hehehehe).

"Hajime! You creep!" Hotaru screeched, punching him in the back of the head with one hand (which sent him flying face first into a wall) while still glomping onto Haku with the other armand saying a silent prayer that Jiraiya wasn't somewhere in the room.

"You still haven't given us a proper introduction." Zabuza coughed.

Hotaru's face was still flushed in rage, angry tears dancing in the corners of her eyes, "Eh? Oh! Right!" she said (a little sharply because she's still pissed)

"I'm Hajime." The blonde boy sighed, rubbing his nose painfully, "And the blonde bimbo pedophile attached to your partner is my twin sister Hotaru."

"Shut up, Ass Master!" Hotaru snapped (now it's on)

"Whore Monger!" Hajime snarled, his eyes narrowing.

"FAT BASTARD!" Hotaru shouted, releasing her grip on Haku in favor of balled up fists.

"BACK ALLEY BITCH!" Hajime yelled, facing turning red with fury.

"PUS SPEWING RECTAL WART!" Hotaru roared, knuckles turning white.

"Oh great." Sakura sighed, "Here they go again."

"What's going on?" Haku asked, truly confused.

"Don't even try." Naruto said, giving the boy a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"It just makes your head hurt." Sasuke sighed.

"And this is normal for them?" Zabuza asked aloud.

"CHICKEN FUCKER!" Hajime howled, so livid he couldn't see straight

"MOTHER FUCKING SUNNAVABITCH!" Hotaru screamed, very close to snapping.

Then Hajime pulled out…"The Big Guns"

"CRACK-WHORE-MONTHLY COVERGIRL!" Hajime bellowed.

-pok…pokpokpokpok-

-SNNNNNNAAAAPP- (the sound of Hotaru's common sense flying out the window)

"THAT'S…IT!" Hotaru roared.

Hotaru lunged for Hajime and the two became a blur of legs and arms as the punched, kicked, kneed, and clawed at one another; animalistic screams, hisses and growls emanated from the churning mass.

"Uh…don't you think we should stop them?" Haku asked worriedly as the thrashing mass that was the screaming, fighting Uzumaki Twins careened into a a rather expensive looking statue (and kept right on going).

"You're more than welcome to try." Sasuke smirked as he stepped aside as they wrestled their way past him, yelling animalistic shrieks and hisses as they passed.

Zabuza, tired of this, grabbed a janitorial bucket (filled nearly to the top with soiled water) and dumped it's content over the fighting pair.

-PA-LOOOSHHHHH-

"GAFF! HAKHAKHAK!" Hajime sputtered.

"HUK! KOFKOFKOF!" Hotaru gagged.

The two not only were drenched, but were covered with newly formed bruises, scratches and cuts.

Hajime's lip was split and swollen in several places; his cheek, jaw and nose had dark, purple-yellow bruises forming; blood dripped from his nostrils; his shirt ripped and torn; his pecs covered with deep, bloody gashes; his arms, neck, and ear were covered with bites that were dripping with blood; blood trickled down from his scalp from deep scratches.

Hotaru's top was now missing a sleeve and was slightly torn at the collar; her skirt was ripped up the hip; one pigtail was almost non-existant; blackish-blue bruises covered her legs; deep, bleeding cuts sliced across her shoulder; her left eye had disappeared behind a huge shiner; blood dripped from her lips; a laceration sliced its way across her eyebrow; a rather large, bloody bite was on her ankle.

"Aww…whadja do that for? Hajime scowled as the scratches in his scalp began healing, wiping some blood out of his eyes.

"Why?" Sakura gaped, taking in the damage, "Whaddya mean why?"

"We were having fun." Hotaru pouted as her black eye began healing itself, switching the blood from the nearly repaired laceration on her eyebow away.

"Well…try to find a new way to have fun." Sasuke sighed, surveying the damage to pair had done to the room, "Preferably a way that's less destructive?"

Hotaru gave Sasuke a sulky look and tackle glomped him.

"Sasukeeeeee…" Hotaru whined, "Don't act older than you are!"

"And how should I act?" Sasuke snarled, "Like Naruto? My entire family was-!"

"Killed." Hajime supplied, "Slaughtered by your elder brother butcha know-"

"-By acting like this you're only-" Hotaru continued the sentence Hajime started.

"Playin' right into-" Hajime picked up where Hotaru left off (BRRRR! The freaky twin thing!)

"-Your brother's hands." Hotaru finished, "Your acting according to your brother's will. You are unhappy, which is is just what he wants. You are allowing him to control you. Scary thought, huh?"

"So think for yourself! Don't let that prick influence you, dude!" Hajime said.

"O…okay?" Sasuke said (he's officially confused)

"Good!" Hotaru smiled, "C'mon! I want to sat good bye to Hina-chan before we go back and find Kakashi-perv."

The two walked out of the room and Naruto quickly followed them saying, "Trouble follows those two like the plague."

Hotaru and Hajime had barely stepped out of the room when they ran into someone familiar (at least…he should have been familiar).

"Uh…hi!" Hotaru said brightly.

"Who're you again?" Hajime asked boredly.

Uchiha Itachi glared down at them, "You…" he growled, "You make a mockery of the Akatsuki…and you dare to forget my face?"

"Heyeeeee!" Hotaru said excitedly, "Ha-chan! You know who he looks like? He looks just like Sasuke-jari!"

"I should." Itachi growled, losing patience quickly, "I'm…his…brother!"

The two palmed their fists and then grinned at him hugely before turning on their heels and running like deer, curse mark pals reaching for one another…

…careening headlong into Naruto, Gaara, Haku, Zabuza, and Sasuke; Itachi's fingers encircling around Hajime's shoulder as their marks connected.

-FWASH-

Kakashi stumbled around the forest, muttering angrily iunder his breath as he finally made his wait when…

-fyuuuu…-

-uuuuuuu…-

-BMMM-

"OWWWW!AH SHIT-MY BACK!"

(A/N: Sasuke and Itachi are now trapped in Hajime in Hotaru's time and because of severe Chakra depletion, the gang's stuck there for three days! Will Hotaru and Hajime be able to play dodgeball "Uchiha-style" and keep major distance between these fueding brothers? And what about the others? What will become of them in the chaos of...DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN! Yuzurihayama's Homecoming Week? R&R dudes!)