(A/N: Hi all. Lady Hiran here. I hafta say I'm a little disappointed; only one review last chapter. It kinda wounded my pride as an authoress. But oh well, I press on. Here's the next chapter.)
"Hhhh…damn it all." Hotaru growled, crouched on the seat of the toilet in the handicapped stall, "Kakashi-perv probably got the wrong idea and it's all your fault."
-("Nyeh! You know ya loved it!")- the Kyuubi jeered.
"La-la-la-la-la! I-am-not-list-en-ing! La-la-la-la-la!" Hotaru sang loudly, clamping her hands uselessly over her ears while violently shaking her head, voice echoing throughout the empty bathroom.
-("Now that's special.")- the Kyuubi snickered, -("Whaddya tryna do? Twist yer head off?")-
"I can't heeeeeear youuuuuu, you peverted fox!" Hotaru sang loudly.
-("You're gonna hafta come outta this stall sometime.")- the Kyuubi sneered, -("And then you'll hafta face Kakashi again.")-
"Not listening-Not listening! Not-Not-Not-Not-NOT!" Hotaru chanted.
-("Alright! I get it! You can't hear me, yeesh!")- the Kyuubi cried, -("God, couldja be any more annoying?")-
"Of course." Hotaru said bluntly, "I'm being polite since I'm supposed to be all queenly and all."
-("HA! MADEJA TALK TA ME! HA!")- the Kyuubi shouted victoriously.
"GOD-FRICKEN-DAMNIT!" Hotaru roared.
As the Kyuubi howled with laughter in her mind, Hotaru slumped in defeat against the rear wall.
"Oi!" Hotaru yelled internally at the hysterical kyuubi no yoko, "Loan me your Mugen Koukei(1)."
-("Why should I?")- the Kyuubi drawled boredly.
"Because if you don't I'll tape my eyelids open so you'll have to watch as I throw inari-zushi(2) into the fireplace…one…by…one." Hotaru snarled telepathically.
-("Y-you wouldn't DARE!")- the Kyuubi sputtered.
"Try me." Hotaru challenged.
Letting lose a roar of frustration, the Kyuubi conceded.
A warm rush of energy surged around and through Hotaru's eyeballs.
Hotaru opened her eyes, astonished to find herself staring through the stall door and bathroom wall; through the bodies of various people, their organs pulsing gently, blood vessels pumping life-giving blood; through the metal frame of the ship; through the very fabric of space time itself.
"Cool." Hotaru whistled.
-("Yeah, yeah.")- the Kyuubi grumbled, -("Just hurry up and do what you hafta do already!")-
"Shut up." Hotaru said cheerfully scanning the room.
Gaara had taken refuge on a balcony with Sasuke and the two were currently playing cards.
Naruto and Haku were still in the acrylic-nailed clutches of the Screamin' Demon Cheersquad (and desperately looking for some means of escape)
Itachi was beating Sadamoto (see ch. 12) over the head as the S&M fetishist attempted (and failed) repeatedly to kiss the elder Uchiha.
Zabuza had met up with his own kind (uh-ohhhhh) when he bumped into the Yuzurihayama Conspiracies Club; they were currently planning the genocide of the Mary-Sue race.
Kakashi and the Uzumaki's she-male Studio Art teacher, Yamazaki-san (see ch.13) were currently dancing (you could really call it that; more like Yamazaki was dragging his carcass across the dance floor)
Finally, Hotaru's heart leapt for joy when Hotaru saw exactly who she was looking for.
"Yay! Kanna-chan's going to the bathroom!" she whooped as she saw the girl in question gesturing to Hajime in a fashion that implied she be right back.
Kanna opened the bathroom door at the same instant Hotaru deactivated the Mugen Koukei and threw her stall door open.
"HEEP!" Kanna shrieked, "Ohmigod! Hotaru, you scared th' crap outta me!"
"Sorry." Hotaru said apologetically, scribbling down a note quickly, "Hey, couldja give this to Ha-chan for me?"
"Huh? Uh-sure. No prob." Kanna replied, taking the slip of paper from her.
"Thanks. I'll see you." Hotaru called over her shoulder as she dashed from the bathroom.
Hajime felt a light tap on his shoulder.
"Kanna? Wazzup?" he asked.
"Hi-chan asked me to give you this." The Hyuuga branch descendant replied, handing him the paper.
He unfolded it and read it to himself.
Ha-chan-
Went home early.
Don't ask why.
Party hard.
Hotaru.
Without a word, Hajime refolded the note and slipped it into his front pocket.
"Is everythin' okay?" Kanna asked.
"Just fine." Hajime smiled down at her, "That time a month hit at a real inopportune time, ya know?"
"Ohhh." Kanna nodded understandingly, lapping up every word of his lie.
Hotaru ran across rooftops (thankful to every deity she knew of that the ship hadn't been out at sea) at breakneck speeds.
-("Why th' rush?")- the Kyuubi asked boredly.
"Because I don't want anyone to see me, DUMBASS!" Hotaru roared telepathically, "NOW FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP!"
-("…yes ma'am.")- came the meek reply.
Hotaru continued her mad dash in silence (praying that no one saw her sprinting along like a wolf on steroids in her homecoming gown), reaching the home she shared with her twin in record time.
First thing on her agenda, off with her shoes! (for all those out there who have EVER suffered through a night of stiletto heels, you know how glorious a moment this actually is)
"AH! OH GOD! Therrrrrre we go." She sighed as the offending sandal finally peeled of and fell to the floor with a clunk, follow shortly after by it's mate.
Next, Dress? OFF. Time for happy, slightly-oversized, flannel jammies and big, fluffy Gir slippers (and for all of you who don't know who Gir is…watch Invader Zim: Gir…RULZ!)
Third on the list? Thedemon sealingtekko go backon. (remember! not normal girl!)
Next, hair comes down. Ahhh, the joyous removal of painful hairpins (thedemon sealing chopsticks)and clips and the traditional, "Massaging-Your-Scalp/Running-Your-Finger-Through-Your-Hair-Groan-Of-Pleasure"
Last on her list? Grab a tub of Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream, slap the "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" (probably one of the funniest and stupidest movies of all time: LOVE IT!) DVD in the DVD player, and curl up on the couch up to "work off the excitement night".
"Aw man…my feet are killing me." Naruto whimpered after limousine dropped the group off, just barely able to cling onto Hajime's neck (carrying him)
"I think I left my legs back on the boat." Haku groaned (Sasuke's carrying him; remember, he and Gaara managed to get away from the hormone driven cheerleaders)
"If you have any compassion at all in that black heart of yours, you'd kill me." Kakashi moaned to Zabuza (currently carrying him; he hooked up with the Conspiracy Club…'member?)
"Hehe…aww, but what fun would that be?" Zabuza snickered (happier than he had been in a long time since he and the Conspiracy Club had devised a way of terminating Mary-Sue's that would make the Holocaust look like a Teletubbies commercial)
Itachi muttered incoherently to himself (Sadamoto had caught him, dragged him into a Janitor's closet and did UNSPEAKABLE things to him) babbling about what sounded like how he was not clean.
Gaara walked and read a book entitled, "3000 Stupid Things Never To Say In Public." (smiling secretly behind the pages)
"Waaaaah…why does Gramps hafta be so heavy?" Hajime whined internally, spikes of pain shooting up his legs as they walked up the drive, "Kanna made me dance EVERY SONG! Damnit, my legs feel like they're gonna explode intah a big pile of bloody mush."
Sasuke wore a victorious smirk as he turned the doorknob (seeing Itachi in his current state had made his day)
Hotaru's laughter could be heard emanating from the living room.
"Marco!" Hajime called.
"Polo!" Hotaru replied.
The group of exhausted menfolk entered the living room just in time to see Choosen One begin his fight sequence with Moon Yu (ha ha! I thought it was funny as hell!).
"Hey guys! Looks like you had fun." Hotaru snickered (ignoring the obviously traumatized Itachi)
"My legs." Naruto moaned, "Those high-pitched-giggling-freakazoids wouldn't leddusgo. Owww…it hurrrrrts."
"I want my mommy." Haku whimpered (blinks twice), "Oh…wait…I want my painkillers!"
"Yup…that one's number 234." Gaara muttered, nodding affirmatively before turning the page.
"Yamazaki's a beast…" Kakashi groaned, "I think my hip bone's broken."
"Hehehe. I made Mary-Sue's go boom." Zabuza snickered, eyes glittering, a thin river of drool trickling down his chin.
"That's wonderful Zabu-chan!" Hotaru smiled, wiping away the drool (trying to pretend Kakashi doesn't exist)
"Ah man, so much dancing." Hajime grunted, flumping down on the sofa, "And to think you did all that in heels. Kudos to you, Hi-chan."
Hotaru grinned, "Thanks for giving me my props." She rose to her feet, "Hey, why doncha teach these guys how to play Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance."
"Sounds good…'slong as you put it in th' player. I can't move." Hajime groaned.
Laughing, Hotaru switched the T.V. to VID and inserted the disc into the PS2 before heading quickly up the stairs.
From her room, the sounds of Naruto whooping victoriously were heard as well as loud sounds of complaint from Gaara and Sasuke were soon heard.
(Haku had nodded off after taking his painkillers; Itachi is in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb; Zabuza is watching the combat game and getting ideas)
"Pfft…lighten up boys!" Hotaru snickered, opening a scroll of paper and spreading several ancient books, most containing portions of her family's history (used for research) out on her bed.
-KNOK-KNOK-
"Come in." She called absentmindedly, scribbling down a particularly interesting factoid about her great-great-great uncle Goryomaru.
Kakashi entered her room with a cough and Hotaru knew there was no point beating about the bush and with a sigh, shut her book with a thump and turned to face him.
"Kakashi-perv, you should know I wasn't the one kissing you." Hotaru said bluntly, "It was the Kyuubi."
"Hotaru I need to talk to you about that k-wait a minute what?" Kakashi asked quickly, paling slightly.
"You heard me." Hotaru sighed, "Now, unless you like the idea of demonic fox slobber all over you, get out. I'm trying to get some research done."
Hotaru pushed Kakashi the rest of the way out of her room and shut the door behind him.
"At least I'm out of that one." Hotaru sighed, "But what the Kyuubi said bothers me…about me…me…liking Kakashi-perv. That is insane! Ludicrous! It is out of the question that I would like a perverted bastard like that…right?"
She sighed deeply, "No more thinking on it tonight. I'm too tired…this research is just going to have to wait a bit longer."
Next Morning…
"Morning all! Who beat who?" Hotaru asked the just-waking-menfolk, who were making their way to the kitchen, where the enticing smells of breakfast cooking had roused them from sluber.
"I beat Sasuke AND Gaara." Naruto beamed sleepily, before pouting, "But then Hajime absolutely demolished me."
"All it takes is practice." Hajime said shrewdly, "and thumb and wrist dexterity."
Hotaru snickered, "Now if only the rest of you were as dexterous as your wrists and thumbs you might have a chance of defeating me in actual combat"
"Shut it." Hajime growled dangerously.
"I hurt all over." Haku whimpered, "Why IS that? All I did was dance!"
"Dancing work muscles you normally don't." Hotaru said with a smile, "Wellll…that GUYS normally don't. I feel just fine, as you can see, but that's because I dance a lot. Fighting is good, but it misses some of the smaller muscles and tendons."
"No wonder everything hurts." Kakashi groaned.
Where is Itachi you might ask? Still in the living room in the fetal position, mumbling, "Still not clean…still not clean!"
"Might I recommend a good therapist?" Hajime asked later (after breakfast)
Sasuke shot him a look that clearly said, "For the love of GOD! NO!"
"Oh. Alright then." Hajime said flippantly, switching on the tube, "Wonder if Distraction's on?"
(A/N: A group of hunters appear. Who are they hunting? The Uzumaki siblings of course! Well...not technically. It's the demons they want. And...wait a sec...what wazzat? Hotaru reveals why she's so afraid of cats? (probably)Some painful memories uncovered? (meh-beh...) and...some surviving members ofthe Uzumaki family FINALLY STEP FORWARD? (hey, it could happen) R&R)
(1) Mugen Koukei- Infinite Vision: an ability granted only to enchanted kitsune when they gain their ninth tail; while in many ways like the Mangekyo Sharingan, Infinite Vision also allows the Kyuubi to see through walls, into the Past, Present and Future, zero in on an opponent's weaknesses and such ((when they say infinite, they mean infinite.)) And for all those who think I made this up, nuh-uh! I looked it up on Wikipedia so there!
(2) Inari-zushi- Rice dumplings offered to the god of rice and fertility, Inari, who is also closely affiliated with all Kitsune and Kyuubi, as he uses them as his/her messengers; fox apparitions are crazy for these treats.