(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here!The war tactics begin here! Read on to see who strikes first!)

Kazune-Kakashi felt strangely tense.

It was as if the world as a whole had fixed their eyes on him.

He couldn't understand why.

He hunched his shoulders and walked on.

He sat down at a particular cafe, the one Hotaru said she would meet him at.

She had even been so kind as to write him up directions.

Little did he know, it was in the middle of the gay district.

Hotaru smirked at him from behind some bushes, Kei-Iruka at her side.

"Uzumaki-chan, I really don't think you should do this." Kei-Iruka mumbled, twidling his thumbs.

"Come off it." She smirked, "Did you expect me to not notice how hard you were staring at Kakashi-perv's ass?"

"GUH!" Kei-Iruka looked like he'd been stabbed.

"You like him, don't you?" Hotaru grinned.

Kei-Iruka proceeded to turn an interesting shade of red, mess with his shirtfront, and mutter incomprehensible gibberish no normal human could ever HOPE understand.

Hotaru, however, doesn't come remotely close to qualifying as normal.

"I thought so!" She grinned, "Relax! You're not repulsive! Or boring! And your ponytail is cute!"

She turned back to café, where a small horde of men beginning to gather (much to her satisfaction)

"Besides, if I do win our little wager. . ." she snickered, "...I'll make sure Kakashi-perv falls right into your lap-literally."

Kazune-Kakashi was feeling a bit uneasy now.

The way these men were looking at him was nothing short of hungry.

They kept looking him up and down with lust in their eyes.

Not that he didn't enjoy being the center of attention, but really, this was more than slightly creepy.

It finally connected what was going on.

"Tch. She's good." He smirked, rising to his feet.

"Damn." Hotaru thought, letting loose an irritated growled, "He's caught on. Better get out there."

She got to her feet, grabbed Iruka by the wrist and dashed across the street, narrowly avoiding being hit by several oncoming cars.

"OI! Kakashi-perv! Sorry we're late!"

Kazune-Kakashi glanced up to see Hotaru decked out in her usual black eyeshadow, eyeliner and clothing (all of which is exceedingly baggy), and chains, dragging a very flustered Kei-Iruka along behind her.

"Sorry for being so late!" she grinned, "Traffic was murder."

"Getting to work already I see." He said scathingly, sitting back down.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Hotaru asked innocently as the waiter (absolutely flaming and gazing at Kzune-Kakashi's rear fondly) brought her and Kei-Iruka menu's, "This café makes the best coffee in New Haven."

She placed her order and smirked up at Kazune-Kakashi.

"Unless…your mind is wandering elsewhere." Hotaru sneered wickedly, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Kazune-Kakashi almost fell out of his chair.

"Naughty boy." She smirked evilly.

Kei-Iruka was smiling now (regained his composure, if only slightly)

He watched in disbelief as the two before him received their orders and began to calmly sip their coffee.

"Oh…my…god…" Kazune-Kakashi thought in horror, "Iruka would NEVER go along with something like this! ThisISN'T a trick? Then…what was up with those hot guysjust-AAAAAAAUGH! STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I LIKE BOOBS! TA-TAS! HONKERS! Shlongs? YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! NOOOO!"

Hotaru saw the turmoil working it's way across his face and smirked behind her mug.

"Ho-yeah. Winning this bet is gonna be easier than convincing a retard the floorboards are white chocolate." She snickered internally.

"Huh…so that's what's she's up to." Hajime thought to himself (Kanna's off shopping for those who care), "Kakashi doesn't have a prayer. I think maybe he needs some outside assistance. Better call th' guys."

He pulled out his cell and hit the speed dial for Taka-Naruto.

"Yo." A voice on the other end line said cheerfully.

"Hey, Naru-bozu." Hajime smirked.

"Why do you still insist on calling me that?" Taka-Naruto moaned.

"It fits, that's why." Hajime replied with a snicker, "But anyways, Kakashi's in truh-bull."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Taka-Naruto responded, concern traveling over the line, "How so?"

"Hi-chan's got'm on the ropes." Hajime chuckled, "Looks like she's tryna turn'm to the matching-draperies-and-pillow-shams side of the force."

"She's tryna turn'm GAY?" He screech over the line, nearly making poor Hajime go deaf.

"Cha." Hajime said, smirking, "And so far it looks like she's doing a damn good job."

"GAH! NOOO!" Taka-Naruto shouted over the phone, "WE CAN'T LET WHAT HAPPENED TOLEE HAPPEN TO HIM! WE HAFTA SAVE'M!"

"Duh." Hajime drawled, "Round up the guys and meet me in the park in twenty."

"ROGER!" Taka-Naruto cried.

Hajime chuckled, he could almost see the boy saluting over the phone.

"Later dude."

"Later Hajime!" Taka-Naruto said officiously, "This a matter of utmost importance! We WILL save Kakashi-sensei! We will NOT let the tragedy of Gai and Rock Lee be repeated!"

"I get it dude. I get it!" Hajime said exasperatedly, wondering now if saving Kazune-Kakashi was all that big a deal anymore as he hung up the phone.

Later, after he had left the café, Kazune-Kakashi couldn't believe he had allowed such thoughts to enter his mind.

Hotaru was good at psychological warfare.

Very good.

However, he would make her his steady by the end of the month as he promised.

Now…how to start his attack.

He had learned the night before where all her sensitive spots were.

He had the upper hand in that respect (pun intended)

But what else?

How else could he win her over?

Little did he know, he had an entire silent army watching his back.

"Remember, watch for anything remotely suspicious!" Taka-Naruto hissed.

"Right." Shigure-Sasuke muttered, "We don't want another-"

"Shhh!" Ginta-Shikamaru shushed him, "Neji's right there idiot!"

"I always thought their behavior was more than slightly suspicious." He mumbled, looking slightly traumatized (he had been the one to find them out; he walked in on them; scary image, ne?)

"Whatever. Just focus." Hige-Kiba growled.

"Who put you in charge, dog boy?" Ushio-Kankuro growled.

"Kankuro…" Gakushi-Gaara murmured warningly.

"Yeah Kakashi. With us behind ya…" Hajime thought, "…you turn faster than a Montecarlo doing 120 on a downhill hairpin."

(A/N: Kazune-Kakashi makes his move. Hotaru counters. Who's winning? Who's losing? R&R to find out!)