Notes: Thank you so much, GothGirl04 and Minko Miharu! (wipes brow)
Wayward Ransom, chapter 15.
Akiko came out of the adjoining room and stood by the door. "Your shirt...it's pretty unsalvageable."
She studied her personal guard. He sat on the floor facing away from her, his right side illuminated by the candle to his right as he leaned against the wall, his built arm and torso reflecting the glow of the fire in reddish curves of dense muscle. His left side, the side toward Akiko, looked even darker than usual in the bluish shadow. He sat with his knees bent upward, his wrapped arm and wrist drooped tiredly over one of them. His head was supported by the wall he was leaning against. His jet black braid was brought to the front, and hung attractively over a shoulder, its length reaching the floor. He was studying the flame arising out of the lamp on the little cupboard aside of him. Or maybe, that's what he was looking at, but not what he was seeing.
He grinned slightly, saying quietly that it was no problem. He told her that he and his men were paid so well they could probably afford to go into battle in nothing but pure silk every day if they wanted to. Akiko looked away from him. She could easily believe that. Mercenary work, especially really reliable mercenary work, was probably the highest paying job of their time.
After a rather comfortable brief silence, she looked at him again. "You know...what you did earlier? I was thinking about it. It was all pretty amazing."
He said nothing. Instead, he shifted uncomfortably. He surprisingly closed his eyes, turning his face ever so slightly toward the candle.
From what she could see of his face, he wore a pained expression instead of the cocky grin she expected him to have. She could have sworn one corner of his mouth turned down and his brow furrowed further. Just the slightest bit. He wasn't too interested in her compliment for some reason.
She looked away from him for a moment, and crossed her arms underneath her kimono again. "Well, I think it was," she said, quietly breaking the short silence. "But I'm sure it all also came to you at a very high price." She slid down to softly sit with her back against the threshold and folded her knees down. "Didn't it?" she whispered.
That observation really hit where it hurt most. He paused for a long time, trying to decide whether to explain himself.
He fidgeted around a bit more before speaking again. "The military...when I was trained...they used spells that were to make me more submissive. I was stronger than all the rest of their men, so they figured they needed a tighter leash on me." He drew in a quiet forced breath, remembering it all in horror. "It worked, and for the longest time. That's why I have my banryuu now. It was a gift from the daimyo who was so pleased with my skills...and especially, my cooperation. But I knew something was wrong when I found out that the man placed second after me in skill, who called himself Jakotsu, never heard of such spells. He just did what he was told, with no conscience and no argument. So they never needed to use any controlling spells on him. And everyone else wasn't strong enough to make the effort of magic worth it. They had other methods of dealing with people like that. Especially when they didn't live up to expectation.
"When it got to the point where they tried not just to subdue me, but to brainwash me...I had enough. I told my plans to Jakotsu that I was leaving and getting away from there. I told Jakotsu that if I had to kill half the daimyo's men to get out, I would have." His perfectly arched brows knitted and his jaw firmed. "They would not be using me any more...soon enough, I would start using them." He sighed and his jaw loosened.
"I vowed that if I ever ended up leading a group of men...that I'd never treat them like I or anyone else was treated in the military. They regarded their men like nothing more than pawns. Like dirt under their feet." His eyes shone hot with fury in the low light. "They never mourned for their men, they never felt anything when they were gone. Their men meant nothing to them except how many others they could take with them when they were eventually killed off. I said to myself that I will never do that to my men. Never."
"Very admirable," she said. But she couldn't understand what made him join the military in the first place, having no idea he was forced to go, of course. Maybe, she figured,what he expected was very different from what he got?
"Jakotsu chose to follow me instead of staying. So I took banryuu and Jakotsu and we left for the east. When I had my men assembled, we made our way back west here. The old man was surprisingly still around, and happily used us to fight his wars, since the seven of us were so much better and more efficient than his own army."
"But..you seem to love combat so much-" Akiko said.
He took a deep breath, then whispered. "I do. But it's hard to explain. It's not something that I do. It's more like...something that's always there, a slingshot always tensed and ready to snap-" With that, Akiko noticed his left hand clenched tight on the floor. "...and when I have to...I let it go. And it feels...incredible...to just...let it all go," he said with his eyes closed meditatively, and relaxing his hand, reliving that addictive feeling of being in the middle of combat. "That would have been there if I had beenmilitary or not."
After a long pause later, he said, "But I guess what Maemi said so many years ago is true," he continued, opening his eyes again. "I'm a monster. Or I'm something other than human. I've even fought many, many inhuman things which were no match for me. And I've taken hits that would have vaporized all my men at once." His eyes opened again, gazing at the light. "Maybe I'm something even worse than demonic."
"I'll never believe anything like that."
He was incredulous. Of course he was a demon...or at least, inhuman.
"I certainly didn't laugh at what she told you, did I?" She thought about being pinned against the tree earlier that evening, and how maybe, it really wasn't so bad. She couldn't get him being so close to her out of her head. Musk and fine incense. That's all she could think about. Just remembering it was overpowering. She longed to be that close to him again, but her tendency to shrink away from him in fear and confusion gave her enough fear to stop herself. "I didn't laugh for two reasons. One, if I laughed, I'd have been like everyone else, ignorant of how amazing you can truly be sometimes. And secondly, I never saw anything demonic in you. When you stepped in front of those boys for me...well, monsters don't do things like that."
He thought about the things they had discussed since he arrived. He always knew that his defense of Akiko when he was three somehow had a lot to do with where he was now. But he couldn't bear the thought of telling her that. It wasn't her fault. And...how selfish of him not to consider her own fortune the old woman gave her when they were both young. "I think your prediction is still entirely possible." He said quietly, still not looking at her.
She laughed softly. She looked upwards, as if dreamily looking into the sky. "Yeah. One of these days some wonderful man is going to completely sweep me off my feet, support me with everything and take me traveling to all kinds of exotic places." She laughed again.
"It can always happen." When he was reminded of the unfairness of it all, a stab ran through Bankotsu's chest. His happened, and it was terrible. Hers did not. Things should have been wonderful for her. It was wrong.
"Bankotsu...those are just words. Don't put so much heart in them. Mine didn't come to pass, and it doesn't look like it will. And yours certainly didn't either."
He was quietly listening, trying to absorb what she was saying.
She brought her hands out of her sleeves and twined her fingers together. She slightly leaned toward him to emphasize her words. "You see, Bankotsu...it's just as silly for you to have this constant dread over what one person said fourteen years ago...just as it would be equally as silly for me to think my life is going to be absolutely fairy-tale perfect, just as she said it would. It wouldn't be right, because I would always have this resentment within me, and I'd never be able to truly enjoy what I have already. My friends back at the...the house for the girls, for starters. That got booted around with me, and because of me. And just because they had some rough things happen to them and live there, doesn't mean they're not human, too. I'm surprised they don't hate me by now."
"If you didn't truly believe what Maemi said, you wouldn't have been so worried about what impression I had of you when I found out you were here," he said, turning his head toward her slightly. "I know you can't stand what you do now."
She snapped her head away from him for a moment. He was so remarkably insightful. It made her furious.
He grinned again slightly. Most likely, she said the things she did because she had given up any chance of them ever happening. But, as he said before...some things just couldn't be helped.
Either way, he had nothing against prostitutes. Most of the ones provided to him by the daimyo for a quick victory were nothing short of wonderful. Whether they were young and relatively new, or much older than himself and experienced, it didn't matter. He knew everything he knew now because of them, and almost laughed remembering how his first one ever so gently broke him in. However, he refused to discuss them with his men, threatening to crack their heads open if they tried, as some of them had a different take on how they should be treated. But that was their own problem. He was their leader, not their babysitter.
And he had to agree with Akiko. They were all real people, with real lives and real reasons as to how they ended up where they did. Sometimes he was more interested in hearing that than doing anything. He was always interested in what made certain people tick. And in the end, he found that he had no reason to fault them. All he had to remember was how much of a dirty pleasure it was to cut through dozens of soldiers at a time using the banryuu on the battlefield.
With his face falling again to static seriousnes, he did remember that in spite of how wonderful the womenall were...they weren't his own. They refused to kiss, and in spite of it all, the only kiss he had ever received was that silly, awkward one given to him by Akiko when they were three. Which is why he longed so badly for her to do that again. He was definitely not the man foreshadowed in Akiko's fortune, but one kiss would have been enough for him to move on in relative peace. Before she found whoever she needed to make her fortune a reality, of course.
But his lifestyle didn't accomodate for that. Once that first target was eliminated, and that first enemy is made, that was it. You were chained to the lifestyle of a mercenary, and it was a lifestyle you couldn't very well easily quit. They will always come back for you. And that was why it was so important to stay with the game. Keeping up your strength and your skills so you can take down those who would come looking for your own head in return for another's. Hah...not that he couldn't handle whoever was sent after him...it was that it was just a pain. It was constant, and, he had to admit, too draining to try and establish something long-term with someone. It was like mosquitos ruining an outdoor gathering, so badly that the entire party has to run inside to escape them.
Gathering up the nerve to look at him again, she finally spoke. "She told people so many times that she only gave a hint at what could happen, too. Nothing she ever said was written in stone. I've always remembered that."
He took in a deep breath. He couldn't really understand a lot of her thoughts, if that's what she truly believed. But in spite of all the internal conflict on both sides, it was still interesting to discuss them. He found himself to be immersed in thought, desperately wanting to agree with her to make his own fortune go away, but not allowing himself, because it would negate hers. His head leaning back against the wall, she continued to gaze at him until she turned her shoulders to get up, ready to leave the room.
She wondered what was going on in his head, but it was better off right now to let him be. She sighed. "I'm ready to go to sleep. Good night." She was going to her mat in the adjoining room. Slowly she turned, after giving his heavily muscled arms, and his darkened profile, one last long look. She began closing the screen that separated the two rooms.
"Akiko..," he started to say after a long silence.
She turned back toward him, her nearly floor-length hair slightly flowing with her head motion. "Yes?"
"You need to stay close to me tonight."
Well...that did made sense. The threats on her life were real; the opposing daimyo could have another set of hitmen dispatched to the cottage at any time. "I guess so. You're right." She walked back over towards him, sat down a little way away to his left, and leaned on the wall, folding down her knees.
"No, I mean you should stay close." He held out his right palm up to her, and she obliged. He started gently pulling on it which made her sort of crawl along the floor in order to keep up with her arm. Her hand was cold. Her long, long hair slid across the floor in a shiny, orange-tinted blanket.
He drew her close to him, pulling her almost roughly to his chest, and she let out a little gasp. It seemed he really wasn't quite used to doing things like this after all. Getting over the initial shock, she rested her head in the valley between his neck and shoulder. His legs surrounded her. They were relaxed, but still bent so his knees were almost at his shoulder-level. Again the irresistible scents of musk and fine incense enveloped her. It was intoxicating.
She didn't know what to make of it and felt her entire body getting all tense again. Her face would have been embarrasingly red in stronger light. The things she saw at her various jobs doing accounting work for brothels didn't mean she didn't get flustered when something like this happened off-hours. Especially with someone she hadn't seen or thought was even alive after fourteen years. And had to admit, was interesting...and, in spite of all she knew about him now, heartbreakingly attractive. The musk and incense were definitely playing on her mind. That and the kindness he did for her when they were children were what truly kept her from being paralyzed in dread of him most of the time. His reputation, his skills, his comrades, his way of life...they were all so frightening.
"I mean, I need to know every move you make. I need to know exactly where you are. I need to be right here in case you're found again."
She forced herself to look into his eyes. His perfect, rough-hewn cobalt eyes.
"The assassins earlier on today came way too close." He leaned back and temporarily hid his cobalt eyes by closing them again. "If they manage to get that close again I'm not taking any chances with your life. I'd rather have arrows or katanas in my arms than in your neck."
"Alright." She leaned on him and he encircled her neck with his arm again. Everything about him seemed to be made of solid steel. She tried to fumble for some words to say. "I guess...you really don't do this very often for the people you guard, huh?"
He sighed again. Akiko's head was spinning from the motion of his chest rising and falling. "I'm never paid to guard people." He lowered his voice almost to a total whisper. "I'm paid to kill them."
Those words made another shiver of terror run through her, just as intense as the thrill she felt when he drew in a deep breath. His saving grace was that she sensed the words were tinged with a trace of sadness. If she had been anyone else and hadn't known him as someone who fearlessly and selflessly defended her in the past, she probably would have ran out of the room and taken her chances with any hitmen who could still have been lurking outside.
Akiko had as sharp a sense for irony as Bankotsu. "And...now I get paid for..." She turned her face toward him, and her lips were on his breast. She brought the other cold hand up to his chest. She sighed, and the effort from the breath took away her desire to finish her sentence. He didn't know what to say, but after gathering himself together again, brought his right hand up to meet her left, and pressed it against himself. It was very, very cold. He brought his other forearm closer to her neck. No one was touching her tonight.
Soon after, it was obvious Akiko was sleeping. He took the liberty of ever so gently turning her face, and gazed angrily again at the pindot mark near her eye. That mark disturbed him. It infuriated him. Arriving at an idea made him smirk, however. It was well within his power to fix all that for her...for a little while. He'll do just that.
As the girl slept, he continued to ponder why he found her so interesting. Would he really do this for anyone else? Or any other pretty girl?
Or was all this attention the rsult of knowing her when they were both small children? Yeah. That certainly was a big part of it. She was always so loving and patient and beautiful as a child...due to the fact that she had wonderful people taking care of her at home. How different she was now, or at least at first impression, when he first stumbled upon her. Though she was still beautiful. And smart. Even when he first laid eyes on that nodachi tassel, he wasn't any longer fooled by her tough act. But life does that to a person. It hides who people truly are. It makes one hard and coarse. Just like it did him.
That's what he was pondering so heavily in the candlelight while Akiko was trying to mend his shirt. He thought about how many times people were just plain assholes. The men dragging him off to live the life of a killer at age three. His parents, who didn't seem to want to deal with their much-wanted little demon for putting him there, completely unannounced. The military men, who, in his training years, tended to gang up, hold him down to the ground and either beat him or try to force themselves on him; he sometimes ended up fighting them off or shedding tears, especially when he was first recruited. And then those horrible controlling spells they used. It all was supposed to make him "stronger".
Yeah, it did make him stronger. It made him one of the strongest, if not the strongest, fighters in Japan. But he knew he'd never be able to start all over and give anyone new the benefit of a clean slate ever again. Never again. His profession even prevented that...always traveling, always making new enemies, always creating even more people that hated his guts and wanted them on a silver platter. He learned that one of the best defenses is to keep to oneself, and another is not to expect too much. Of course, it went without saying that if anyone, including his men, wanted to follow along, that was great, and he'd most certainly die for any one of them in an instant. But his men also knew the price of what they got into when they made the choices they did, and even with them, most of the time, that barrier was always up.
But he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time when he beat those assassins to the ground earlier on that day. That "something" he felt was sort of similar to when one of his men were in immediate mortal danger on the battlefield, and he threw himself in front of them. But this was more refined, more pure, and more delicate. He couldn't say he had any particular attachment to Akiko, only having known her again for so brief a time period...but that scar...continued to anger him so deeply. It was wrong. It was wrong to spoil someone so...lovely. When he had Akiko up against the tree so she'd not make any sudden movements and get herself killed, he briefly looked at that tiny pinprick scar near her eye. When he knew the archers were going to attack, he wanted them dead, for a reason he never had an excuse to use before. Because this was not just a job, and she wasn't just a comrade. Because he knew, as he ran toward them and grabbed their arrows even as they shot them at him, that the girl was something important to defend. She was a link to something kinder and sweeter in his past, coloring his present and making that sweeter, too. He realized how much better his job would be if he could have that much real purpose every time he was hired to kick someone's ass besides the simple sheer pleasure of being able to do it, and being able to do it better than anyone else in the country.
And so, he realized that he desperately wanted to see her again. Even when his men completed their all-too-easy task of smacking down that opposing daimyo, and he technically had nothing to do with this place anymore. He wanted to see her again. And again, and again. The ties to anything he found comforting and familiar had been forcibly ripped from his hands at age three and replaced with a steel blade; he was so infuriatingly busy fighting for his very life, even as a trainee, to seek out anyone he knew from his past. And now, she was dropped in the palm of his hands, instead himself dropping a defeated opponent's gory head on a pike. He had every intention of taking this opportunity of haphazardly "rediscovering" Akiko to its fullest, feeling that it would have been sheer stupidity to let it go. He wanted those ties re-established. For a little while.
Maybe she could teach him some things about writing. He was, in fact, dead serious when he told her he wanted her to teach him earlier that evening. After all, he really didn't like depending on the literate Renkotsu so often for any communications his group needed. Not that he resented his literacy; he just always felt a crushing responsibility to be as able as possible, and his struggle with writing was always painfully embarrassing. He could hardly hold the brushes without crushing them to splinters in his hands.
And he grinned as he thought. Maybe he'd even get a kiss in. Before, of course, he had to give her away to that...gentleman...Maemi referred to in her childhood fortune.