"YIN AND YANG"

Part II- Still Apart

By: Princess Sassafras

Anakin hears his Master calling, even from far away, even while the din of the debates of Politicians rages around him. Anakin hates political ceremony, but not as much as he knows Obi-Wan hates it. That is why he is here, and his former Master is elsewhere, probably meditating. Anakin can bear the heat of so many eyes and opinions for far longer than Obi-Wan can, before it begins to become draining. He smiles at another Senator, wishing he could find even Ja-Ja to take his mind off of the tightening crick in his neck. Weariness. Absolute all-encompassing weariness washes over him all of a sudden. Sadness, blackness, and a slow fight against utter despair.

It takes Anakin a few moments to realize that it is not his own emotions he is feeling, but his Master's. He is so used to being in tune with Obi-Wan's every thought and impulse, he can feel them acutely even across a very great distance. I should go to him…

Even as he decides, another painted face and pair of smooth hands grasps his in a handshake. Even the men here have such smooth hands…he thinks to himself. The hands of a Jedi are not so smooth.

He fondly remembers his days as a young Padawan, nearly falling on the rocks of the wasteland and having Obi-Wan scoop him up with very careful, very rough hands. The urge to see his Master intensifies, so that he is left looking for an escape route. He catches Padme Amidala's gaze from across the room—she is conversing with a feather-clad lady Anakin does not know—and she winks at him, and motions secretively behind her back. An uncrowded archway. Anakin uses all of his stealth training to move towards that bit of freedom as naturally and inconspicuously as possible, winking back at Padme in thanks on his way out.

The night air of Naboo is sweet as he crosses the stone bridge between buildings. The only sounds are the distant chatter of the politicians and the lap of the purple waves on the rocks not far away. He walks quickly, barely enjoying the night air; his goal is several more minutes from here, in the Quarters building.

He finds his former Master, finally, after searching several rooms, in an empty one across from his own quarters. He opens the door as silently as he knows how, and closes it just as silently behind him.

Obi-Wan is bathed in the light of the twin moons, which slants in from the high and very sheerly curtained windows. The white of his Jedi uniform is pale and pure, mirroring the moonlight. His fair head is bowed slightly in concentration, his brow characteristically tight. His legs are crossed and his hands are cupped, one on top of the other in his lap, as is his wont in meditation. Anakin knows that Obi-Wan must have sensed his presence by now, but he folds his arms behind his back and politely waits for him to come out of his reverie.

It is several long moments before the man speaks. He says softly, abruptly, "I am sorry, Anakin."

"For what, Ma- Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan smiles, ruefully again, at how hard it is for Anakin to call him by his name instead of by "Master."

"For disturbing you. Dealing with the politicians can be quite a chore."

"Yes," says Anakin, a trademark smirk now very clear behind his tone, "and that is why you calling me was not quite a disturbance."

Obi-Wan, now smiling more genuinely, raises his head to look at his friend. "You are still alive, I take it?"

"If I weren't I would have joined the Senate by now."

Obi-Wan lets loose a short silvery peal of laughter. "And that would be true death!"

Anakin, still smirking, steps further into the room, the dark leather of his boots glinting like obsidian in the moonlight. "I wish I could have left earlier. I would much rather have spent my time in dual-meditation here with you than in being sucked dry by so many politicians."

"I know that, Anakin, but once again…"

"…Someone has to be the Poster Boy!" Anakin finishes the old phrase for him, his smirk dimming. "It is usually me."

"Well, you're the hero, aren't you?" Obi-Wan says this as if he truly means it, but there is a darkness behind his words that troubles his former Padawan.

"What is it, M- Obi-Wan?"

"I am only tired, Anakin. It will pass, I'm sure. I'm much more concerned with your progress in the eyes of the Council…"

Here bitterness creeps not softly into Anakin's voice. "Ah, yes, the Council. Tell me, have they given you any new pointers as to how to contain me?"

"Such words Anakin!" Here his old Master rises out of his friend abruptly, scolding him with tone and expression. Anakin instinctively lowers his head in momentary shame. "You know the Council only wants what is best for you…and for us as a team. The fact that they have let us continue to work together so closely even after your Knighthood still baffles me! We've been lucky."

Anakin's shoulders untense, but slowly, and he nods. "Yes, we have been." He raises his eyes to meet Obi-Wan's, and they are almost too intense to look at. "It would have been wrong…for them to take you from me."

Take you from me. The words ring in Obi-Wan's head like so many bells. His expression is one of pure shock and amazement, "Take me…Anakin, where in the name of the Force do you expect they could have taken me?"

"They are the COUNCIL, Master. They have their ways." Here for a brief moment Obi-Wan sees his old Padawan in Anakin's eyes, glowering with rebellious fire. Not since his braid has been cut has Obi-Wan seen such an angry and resentful spark in his gaze.

"The Council does not conspire Anakin…"

"Don't they?" Here his voice drops heavily like lead, and the implied truth of his words makes Obi-Wan's stomach follow suit.

Anakin is not willing to be tempered. "Aren't they just as controlling as some of the politicians we avoid? Do they not plot, and plan, and spy, and coerce, and manipulate?"

"Anakin…" For this, Obi-Wan has no argument. He knows that it is true. The Jedi Council has grown very powerful, and has used many methods that he himself does not see the merit of. They have been using the quick way, the easy way… they claim that this is a path to the Dark Side, yet they tread upon it themselves for just enough space and time to accomplish what they want.

The Means to an End.

"Sith logic," Anakin hisses under his breath. His former Master cannot deny it.

After a few tense moments, Obi-Wan breaks the silence. "Let's not talk of the Council, then, for now. I am more concerned with your well-being."

"My well-being? How so? I am in good health, Master. Or perhaps, you, like so many others, question my mental state?"

"Absolutely NOT! Anakin, I have known you longer than any member of the Council or the Senate, and the last thing I question is your mental state. I am more worried about the state of your…emotions. Tell me, Anakin, what do your feelings tell you about all of this? About this new presence of the Sith? About the rising Dark?"

"It has been looming in my mind like a great Shadow. Sometimes I dream of it, I…" here Anakin seems to choke, and falls silent.

Obi-Wan sighs and runs long fingers across his amber beard. "Shall we keep so many things from one another, even now?"

"I am sorry, Master. It is hard for me to speak of it."

"Obi-Wan! Really, Anakin, we've been through enough for you to level with me as an equal, and to call me by my name. It won't be long before they've given you a seat on the Council, you realize, however much that may threaten to make you lose your dinner."

"Obi-Wan…" Anakin corrects, "It is just that it is very difficult for me to speak of the dreams I've been having of late."

"I see. Well, perhaps you'd rather discuss something else. Anything in particular on your mind?"

Anakin thinks for a moment, pursing his lips, "Not on my mind, but on my heart."

Obi-Wan feels a tremor run through him at these words—on my heart—but is not sure why. He waits silently for his friend to continue.

"I have this fear…a fear of losing you. I was your Padawan for many years, and I have been your partner for several more since then. I don't know what I would do…if the Council, or circumstance, took you from me. You are all that I have!" Obi-Wan stares in shock as tears gather in those fiercely emotional eyes, and one streaks down a pale and scarred cheek. The desperation, the fear, in Anakin's voice and in his eyes is enough to break his heart.

"Oh, but Anakin…I have told you. Nothing could tear me from you, save my passing into the Force."

"Is it wrong then, to fear that also?" Now tears are running freely down his face, now his hands clench powerfully, and now the durasteel frame that is in place of his missing one screeches against the tightening leather. The fire rises in his voice, roils to the surface of his very being. "Is it wrong then, to hate whatever might take you from me! Is it wrong to want to kill it, just as I killed them for taking Her?"

Obi-Wan knows of what and of whom Anakin speaks. His mother was taken, and broken, by the Sand People on their home planet of Tatooine, while Anakin was keeping watch over Padme here on Naboo. He had ignored his dreams of her in pain, and had arrived too late to save her. In an all-consuming rage, he had demolished the village, killing every last creature that inhabited it. They were not human, these Sand Dwellers, but life forms nonetheless. It is a permanent scar on Anakin's soul. Both the loss of a loved one, and the new shock and fear he feels at his own rage. Obi-Wan does not know how to fix it for him, to erase it, so he only says softly, "The Force does not take life Anakin, it accepts its energy. Creatures—humans or other—take life. Circumstances take life."

"I know that it is the Truth, the Natural way of things, but it doesn't stop me from fearing it!"

"My passage is inevitable, Anakin, as is yours. We are but mortal." Obi-Wan reminds him, sounding very much like his old teacher, but still leaving out the Order-imbedded opinion that Attachment is also a path to the Dark Side. He is afraid to say it aloud, because he knows that he is also guilty of the sin of Attachment.

As if reading his mind Anakin calms somewhat, but presses, "Why are we here, Obi-Wan? Why is there a Council, or an Order, or a government, or any civilization at all if it is wrong to attach to anyone or anything?"

"You're becoming very good at reading my thoughts, Anakin."

"You always leave them open to me."

"Yes, I do, don't I? But Anakin…as Master Yoda has always taught us, attachment…"

"I'm weary of hearing what good things lead to the Dark Side!" Here Anakin towers over his former Master suddenly, a dark man in billowing leather, no longer a boy. "I'm weary of deliberations about attachment, and love, and marriage! These are unions! The joining of the Senate and the Council is a union! The bond of Master and Padawan is a union! Why should we fear these unions when they are what we most rely on, when they are what our entire existence is built upon?"

"I don't know, Anakin. I wish I had an answer for you…for myself. All that I know is that Attachment does lead to fear, and fear to anger, and anger to hatred. I have seen it happen, and so have you. You feel fear now because of your attachments, and it makes you angry…and not even at a person, but at nothing."

It seems to Obi-Wan that Anakin is shattering somehow, now. His presence shrinks, and he falls to his knees a few feet from his Master, in the chokehold of a new and powerfully dark emotion: despair.

"Do not tell me these things…" he quakes. Obi-Wan sees the small boy within him then, who has not disappeared but has only been hiding behind new power, knowledge, responsibility, leather and pageantry. And against all his better judgment, Obi-Wan does what he has longed to do since the early days when Anakin was a small boy. He opens his arms.