My wounds cries for the grave,
My soul cries for deliverance,
Will I be denied Christ,
Tourniquet,
My suicide,
Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.)
Summery
ONE SHOT – Suicide fic. It's all become to much, it feels like there's know reason left to live so I've decided to end it all. Like all of my work this is just something that happened to float through the empty void inside my head. I was feeling very depressed for reasons that I'm not going into and the best thing to do seemed to be to sit at the computer and see what happened. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed.
Lamanth: As always sorry for any bad spelling and if you feel the need to through thing at me please wait until I've hidden behind the sofa kay?
Muse: On with the fic!
It's Time To Say Goodbye
Flashback (Two days ago)
I looked at the small white box that I held in my hands.
Was this the answer?
Was this my way out?
Was this the freedom I'd longed for?
YES
You know it's true what they say 'when you give up on life, death comes to the rescue.'
End Flashback
It's strange, if you think about it. What rational person sat down and planed their own suicide? Yes I know everyone plans it a bit, for example how they would end it. But I sat down and planed the whole thing. Screwed up huh? And when I say the whole thing I mean the whole thing:
WHAT
WHEN
WHERE
HOW
I bet you think I'm a complete freak don't you. Well what can I say, guess I just am. Yep that's me The Freak, hahaha, and just to prove it I'm going to explain it all to you. But first thing first, were to start why at the beginning of course. Where else?
WHAT
Well I think this is a bit obvious don't you? At least it's obvious unless you completely stupid. But just in case you are the what that I'm planning is my suicide. It's something I've been considering for some time now but only resonantly have all the….hmm, not quite sure how to say this, hmm. Fuck it, only resonantly did I get my hand on what I needed to do the job.
OK? Got that? Good, we can now move on to the next point, which is:
WHEN
In precisely, we'll say about ten minuets, which should give me enough time to finish explaining everything to you. At least that's when my part will be over, how long it will take to work it's dark magic, your guess is as good as mine.
Anyway moving on:
WHERE
Not at home that was for sure. I didn't even consider it for several reasons. One: when you live with your team mates that way that I do, it's hard enough to find five minuets to yourself never mind finding enough time to knock yourself off. Two: I didn't want it to be one of them that found my body. I couldn't bare that. That it would be one of them who would walk in on my cold, lifeless corpse. No. I couldn't do this at home. Which is why I'm here sat on the single bed in a cheep motel room. It is a place I have come several times, the staff are discreet and mind there own business. Two things I appreciate. I like my privacy and for a person in my position it's good to be able to find space out of the public eye.
And finely:
HOW
I thought long and hard about this. Slashing my wrists? No. To time consuming, even in a motel I might be found before I could finish my work. Shooting myself? No. To messy, I am a very neat and organised person, apparently even in death. Jumping from a roof or a bridge? No. To public, come on I've already said I value my privacy. Do you really think I'd pull a stunt like that? Thank-you. Hang myself? No. To fucking theatrical. This is my death I'm planing not an opera. So what is there left? Drug overdose? Yes.
No pain. No blood. No mess. No crowds.
I have the pills, an antidepressant which I don't think I should name, andnot as much of it as I would have liked but if I take the painkillers as well then I have plenty. Yes those two washed down with liberal amounts of the vodka that I have if fact been drinking since I got here.
See I've got it all worked out, haven't I. And that's it all points gone over, everything explained so if you don't mind I've got something –
What was that? Why? You want to know why I'm doing this? Oh. Um, well, I wasn't going to say anything about why I was –
Please? Are you really asking please tell my why you're killing yourself. Strange. I suppose it can't really hurt for my to tell you, can it? Very well then here's:
WHY
Have you ever been so close to someone that it felt like they were your whole world? That you felt that you couldn't breath without them? That you were only really alive when you were together? Yes? No? Well I had someone like that. They were the first thing I thought about when I got up in the morning and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep at night. They were the soft voice that called out my name when I was lost. The gentle caress that soothed me when I woke from nightmares. They were my past, my present, and my future. And then they where gone. I let them go. I lost my best friend. The only one who had always been there for me. When we were together I was alive, now we're apart I merle exist.
There. Are you happy now? Now that you know why I have come to this end? You can spent you time safe in the knowledge that there was nothing you could have done to stop me. I always was a very strong-minded person, and will continue to be in both life and death. Think of it like the I am brave enough to take my own life, rather than to weak to live a life that no longer holds any meaning for me. And so my friends I will leave you with these words of advice, and I prey you remember them so that they may help before, like me it becomes to late.
If you are blind you can feel. The worst disability is not being able to love, because you feel nothing. That is the worst. The fire inside you can be kindled by anything: grief, pain, compassion, anger. But the brightest fire is always the one made by love.
I once had a friend who tried to teach me this, but for me it was all too little too late. So now it's time for me to say goodbye.
"In our top story tonight, It was reported that Kai Hiwatari former captain of the beyblade team The GRevolution was found dead in a motel room late yesterday evening. It appears that he died of a drug overdoes, police are not treating the death as suspicious. Our next top story - " Someone flipped the TV off and silence filled the room. Each occupant rapped up in his or her own privet grief.
Tyson: The brave don't live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Kai you were the bravest person I ever knew.
Rei: A star on earth, a star in heaven. Goodbye my friend I hope you find the peace that you longed for.
Kenny: There is only one story, but infinite ways to tell it. Kai you will always be centre stage.
Max: May you get to haven half an hour before hell knows you're dead. You always arrived in your own time and we will always be waiting for you.
Daichi: The hardest battle you ever fought was the battle to just be you. But I couldn't have asked for a better captain or friend.
Hilary: Love can make you fly or brake your wings and you'll always be my angel. Kai, I miss you.
The untouchable phoenix was free at last.
Lamanth: OOC maybe. But what's in character that close to the end? Can anyone really say?
Muse: I just don't understand you! In your last fic you made Kai an inbred, then in this fic you kill him, what are you going to do to the poor boy next time?
Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.
Big luv see ya
Lamanth