A/N: I forgot to mention something last time. I want to thank everybody who offered to beta my stories very much! Most of the stories on FF wouldn't be as good, if there weren't people like you who are willing to help! group hug

I'm sorry it took me a little longer this time, but I guess I was and still am so caught up in watching the olympics that I hardly had any time left (GO GERMANY!)

Thanks Kathleen for making it better once again!

Waiting Area

Carson was more than perplexed by the silence he was greeted with. He had expected Rodney to bombard him with questions as soon as he set foot into the waiting area, but everybody – including Rodney – was only staring at him in anxious silence, the room filled with tension.

Realizing that they must be fearing the worst, he decided to get right to the point.

"He's alive," Carson exclaimed, earning a universal sigh of relief. "But it was a close call, and he's not out of the woods yet."

"How bad is it?" Colonel Caldwell was the first to recover. The surgery had taken more than 4 hours, and considering Beckett's haggard appearance, it hadn't been an easy one.

"Well, we had ta take out his spleen, and it took me some time ta stop all the bleeding. In spite of the transfusions, we're still having some trouble keepin' his blood pressure up. The next 48 hours will tell if his body is strong enough ta recuperate."

"He might not wake up?" Teyla asked fearfully.

"It is really too early ta tell, but we all know Colonel Sheppard. It takes more than one bullet ta drag him down."

"Sure does…" Ronon mumbled, catching the doctor's attention. He was starting to lean on Major Lorne heavily.

"You're getting back into that bed now!" Carson ordered. Before Ronon could protest, the major was already leading him away from the group and back into the infirmary.

"And all of you, get some rest, too! Ya can't do anything here."

Colonel Caldwell gave the doctor a reassuring nod before he turned to leave, joined by a quiet and contemplative McKay. Carson made a mental note to talk to Rodney later – the scientist was uncharacteristically quiet.

Teyla, however, did not show the slightest inclination of leaving.

"Is something wrong, love? Are ya not feeling well?"

"Can I see him?"

Carson frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea, lass. I'm keepin' him sedated for the time being, and he really needs to rest now."

"Please. I just need to see with my own eyes that he is still with us." The despair in the Athosian's voice made Carson's heart melt. He realized that her road to recovery would probably take nearly as long as the Colonel's. If there was one for him at all.

"Alright, but only for a minute," he said softly, giving in.

"Thank you, Dr. Beckett."

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Recovery Room

Teyla opened the door with mixed feelings. On one hand, she was certain that she would feel better if she saw him with her own eyes. On the other hand, she recoiled at the sight.

No matter how many times she saw the Colonel in such a state, after one of his many encounters with death, she could never get used to this. Seeing him attached to various machines to keep him alive still made her shudder.

But this time was different. This time, it was her bullet that had torn through his skin, her face that he had seen when his world exploded into nothing but pain.

She stopped just inside the door, causing Carson to bump into her. She couldn't force herself to go in any farther.

It was because of her that he was lying there right now, attached to all those machines.

Teyla wondered if he could ever forgive her…if he ever woke up, that was.

"He said ya did the right thing," Carson said quietly, patting her arm.

"Excuse me?"

"Just before he lost consciousness…he told me ta tell ya that you did the right thing."

Teyla's head dropped, tears forming in her eyes. "I should have waited."

"Ya didn't have a choice," Carson tried to reason.

"If I had waited one more minute, he would not be lying here."

"Teyla, listen ta me." He turned her around to face her teary eyes. "If ya had waited one more minute, hundreds of people might have been killed. He knows that. Everybody knows that. Nobody's blamin' ya!"

"I am!" she said bluntly, broke away from his grip, and ran out of the infirmary without looking back.

"I can see that, lass," Carson said to himself.

He walked over to the only bed, checking the settings of heart monitor and ventilator. The last unit of blood was still running, as well as an IV with fluids.

The doctor looked down at the pale and unconscious figure. "You need ta get better, son. For all our sakes, don't give up now!"

Carson knew that it could go either way. It was a miracle he'd gotten this far with the massive blood loss, but his team had repaired all the damage in the surgery. It was all up to the Colonel now; they couldn't do much more to help.

"Dr. Beckett?" He hadn't even noticed Kelly come in. "I just wanted to let you know that Dr. Weir just woke up. She seems to be back to her normal self," she explained.

"I'll be right there." Kelly nodded and left.

The news had taken him a bit by surprise. He had been too busy with Sheppard to think about Dr. Weir in the last few hours, but he knew he'd have to deal with her eventually and doubted she'd take the news any easier than Teyla.

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Before Carson approached Elizabeth's bed, he waved Kelly – who was standing next to Weir, noting something on a chart – over to his side.

"Yes, doctor?"

"I haven't been able to have a look at her when she was unconscious. How is she?"

"She has a mild concussion and a few cuts and scrapes, which I cleaned and bandaged while she was still unconscious. Otherwise, she's fine – physically. I still have her restrained, because I wanted you to have a look at her first, but I'm pretty sure it's really her."

"Thank you, Kelly."

"No problem…you should go over there now. She seems pretty depressed. And you should get some sleep afterwards too – you look like you need it!" she added sympathetically.

Carson nodded and slowly made his way over to Dr. Weir's bedside. He wasn't looking forward to this discussion, and Kelly was right – he was bone-tired.

Elizabeth didn't even look up when he came to a halt next to her bed. She was looking at the ceiling with expressionless eyes.

"Elizabeth, how are ya feelin'?" Carson asked, already loosening her restraints. One look into her eyes had been enough to convince him that it was really their expedition leader.

"You should leave them on…" she replied, her voice broken.

"There's no need, I know it's you!"

"Did I kill him?" Carson didn't think he had ever seen Elizabeth this sad.

"Excuse me?" he asked unbelievingly.

She turned to look him in the eyes. "Did I kill him, Carson?"

"No, he's alive. And ya had nothin' ta do with what Phebus did. She was just using yer body and nobody's blamin' ya." Carson was aware of the deja-vu, he had just told Teyla the same thing only a few minutes ago, and it hadn't worked too well with her.

"He's alive? That doesn't sound so promising." She had completely ignored the part about Phebus but succeeded in distracting Carson into going over more details about the Colonel's condition. She did not want to hear that it wasn't her fault right now, it did nothing to lessen her guilt she was feeling.

"Well, he's not completely out of the woods yet, but he's a strong lad, he'll make it."

Elizabeth couldn't tell by Carson's look whether the doctor was telling the truth or just sugar-coating things for her.

"Is he awake?"

"I'm keepin' him sedated for now, so his body can heal without disturbance."

Elizabeth nodded. She knew it was no use asking Carson to be allowed to visit John, so she didn't even try.

"OK, I want ya ta get some sleep now, it has been a hard day for all of us. Maybe I can tell ya more about Colonel Sheppard in the morning."

Elizabeth agreed, mostly so she would be left alone. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. This was a totally new feeling to her. She had been a negotiator all her life, always trying to work out the best solution for everyone involved. Overwhelming, consuming guilt had never much of been an issue for her.

After Carson had quietly left, she laid back, preparing herself for a long, sleepless night.

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The next morning

When Carson entered the infirmary at 9 o'clock, Rodney was already waiting for him. He was obviously arguing with Kelly about something. The normally unflappable nurse looked about ready to explode.

"Good morning."

"There you are, finally! I hope you had a good-night's sleep," he said sarcastically.

Carson frowned. The last thing he needed right now was Rodney bitching at him. He felt guilty enough as it was. He hadn't expected to be able to get any sleep at all, but must have been more exhausted than he thought. As soon as his head had hit the pillow last night, he was fast asleep, waking up just half an hour ago.

"She won't let me visit the Colonel," Rodney added, pointing at the spot where Kelly had been standing. The nurse, however, had taken the first opportunity of Rodney's distraction and made a bolt for it.

"Rodney, I told you yesterday…" he started to explain impatiently, but was interrupted by Kelly's yell.

"Dr. Beckett!"

He didn't waste any time and burst through the door with Rodney hot on his heels.

Both were fearing the worst, but as they rushed towards the only bed, Carson could make out the Colonel struggling weakly.

"He's awake!" He was more than surprised to see his patient awake already. The sedative he had given him last night should have been enough to knock him out for a few more hours.

Carson bent down and flashed his penlight into his patient's eyes, only succeeding in making him struggle even more.

"It's OK, John. Yer in the infirmary," he said soothingly. "Don't try ta speak, we have ya on the ventilator," he added.

Colonel Sheppard calmed down immediately. Carson figured that he'd woken up to a tube down his throat so many times in the last few months, it was hardly reason for him to panic anymore.

"Are you in any pain?" he asked, receiving a mild nod from Sheppard before he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Alright, I'm gonna give ya something ta put ya to sleep." Kelly already had a syringe of morphine ready. Carson quickly emptied its contents into the IV and took the chart from the nurse.

It only took a few seconds until the Colonel's eyes fluttered shut.

"Why'd you put him back to sleep already? I wanted to talk to him." Rodney asked, leaning on Carson to get a better look at the Colonel.

The doctor was rapidly losing his patience. "For God's sakes, McKay! He was in a lot of pain, and it's not exactly comfortable waking up on a respirator, either. Which is also the reason why ya couldn't have talked ta him, anyway. Just give him a break for once, will ya?"

Rodney looked like a scolded child. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…is he out of the woods yet?"

"No, he's not. He wasn't even supposed ta wake up, yet and I'm still not liking his vitals." He stated while writing something on the chart.

"We just want ta spare him as much pain as we can. If he makes it, he's gonna be in enough pain during the recovery, we don't need ta start that now."

"No, we shouldn't." Rodney caved in. All he had wanted was to see his friend's eyes possibly one last time. He knew he'd regret it if the Colonel didn't make it.

I promise there'll be more conscious Shep in the next chapter, I hope you enjoyed this one...

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