Chapter 4 : The French Theft
As the sun rose Zhang Liao got up out of bed to begin the new day. He got washed, dressed and ate french toast breakfast. After awhile he got his Celestial Wyvern and left his house. He went into the fields and started to practice fighting. He chopped down some wheat. The handmaids sweat dropped at him as they were trying to get the wheat to make food. After a half hour of practicing Liao heard a voice shouting.
"Hey Frenchie!" Lu Bu's voice came across from the other side of the field. Lu Bu laughed as he walked over, Maelstrom in hand. Zhang Liao glared a bit at Lu Bu for that comment.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not French? You know that I am Chinese!" Liao stuck out his tounge at Lu Bu. Lu Bu looked at the handmaids and asked them what they are doing.
"We are picking the wheat Lord Lu Bu; it is for Zhang Liao's food." The handmaid told him as they continued to pick the wheat. Lu Bu laughed.
"Oh? Making some french toast for Zhang Liao?" Lu Bu said mockingly. Zhang Liao didn't find it funny. "No? Maybe french fries? French bread? Are you also going to get him other foods he likes? You know like French dressing for his salad, french vanilla ice cream, french onion dip, french mustard, french cut green beans, or maybe make him some french dip sandwiches?"
"Shut up Lu Bu! I told you a hundred times I am not French!" Zhang Liao shouted at him. Lu Bu laughed and started to walk away.
"Sure you aren't… frog." Lu Bu laughed as he hopped on his Red Hare. Red Hare then hopped away with Lu Bu as he continued to laugh at Zhang Liao. Liao glared at the handmaids and he left the field. After Liao left Lu Bu went off his own direction.
Zhang Liao turned around and watched as Lu Bu left. When he was far enough out of sight, Liao quickly made his way to Diao Chan's house. As he was going towards her house he heard a loud screaming coming from the sky. He stopped and looked around to see Empress He falling down from the sky. Zhang Liao's eyes went wide as she landed two feet next to him. She laid there dead as he heard a voice from the tower where she fell from.
"You stupid wh-- err…Oh no! Empress He committed suicide… yeah…" Li Ru looked around nervously hoping Zhang Liao would buy it.
"Did you just push Empress He out the window?" Zhang Liao shouted to him.
"Err… no? Like I said she committed suicide?" Li Ru looked around.
"No, I think you pushed her out?" Zhang Liao stuck out his tongue.
"Hey! She deserved to be pushed out the window, the idiot kept trying to not let me kill her son or anyone else! What else was I supposed to do?" Li Ru shouted at him.
"You seriously pushed her out the window? What kind of stupid way to kill someone is that? Really though, I'm sure there is some kind of knife or sword around, couldn't you have used that? Poison her? Drown her? Anything but throwing her out a window… you could have hit me with her body?" Zhang Liao mocked Li Ru.
"Hey! Shut up you stupid Frenchie!" Li Ru threw a banana at him. Zhang Liao got angry and climbed up the tower. He then grabbed Li Ru and threw him across the city crashing into, and killing, Guo Jia.
After killing Li Ru Liao continued on his way to Diao's house. He got to her house and knocked on the door. She shouted that the door was opened and he went inside. Diao greeted him with a big hug knocking him onto the ground. She covered his face with kissed then finally got off him. She smiled happily at him and helped him up.
"Did you get me anything?" Diao asked with a cute smile.
"Err… Yes! Oh wait, I must have dropped it outside, I'll be right back." Liao ran outside and took the necklace off of Empress He's neck then quickly ran back to Diao Chan. "Here you go! I got you this necklace!"
"Oooooh! I LOVE it! But wait… What is this red stuff on it?" Diao blinked. He looked at it and quickly wiped it off.
"Oh, that must have been ketchup… yeah… Well I hope you like it." Liao gave her a half smile. Diao hopped to the mirror and tried it on. She spun around giggling at her new jewelry. She then hugged Liao and kissed his cheek thanking him for the gift. Liao and Diao went into the bedroom and did things. After awhile they came out and saw the time. Liao knew Lu Bu would be coming home soon so he decided to sneak out the back.
Diao Chan sat in her bedroom playing with her hair. She waited for Lu Bu to return from where he left for. After waiting a few minutes she started to get very hungry. She got up and looked around the house for food. Unfortunately she could not find anything worth eating. Lu Bu finally came back and had with him some McDonald's food. Lu Bu went into the kitchen and Diao followed him. Diao gasped as he took out a huge thing of fries, a big burger and extra large drink. Her mouth started to water at the sight of them. Then Lu Bu pulled out a small salad, a yogurt and small milk. Lu Bu handed her the salad, yogurt and milk then happily stared at his food. Diao Chan's lower lip began to tremble as Lu Bu ate the burger. She sadly ate her food, which she finished quickly. She stared at him as he ate his burger all up. Lu Bu looked around and saw he had no ketchup. He got up and said he would be right back. Diao Chan gasped at his fries. She grabbed them and ran out of the room. Lu Bu happily came back with ketchup and sat down at the table. He put some ketchup on his plate and went to get his french fries. He looked around and saw they were gone.
"WHO STOLE MY FRENCH FRIES!" He shouted loud enough that France had an earthquake. Lu Bu ran out of the house with his Maelstrom looking around for the person that did the crime. He saw Zhang Liao walking towards his field and started chasing him. Zhang Liao turned around to see Lu Bu running at him with his Maelstrom pointed right for him. Liao's eyes went wide as Lu Bu was screaming at him.
"Where are my French fries you French frog!" Lu Bu shouted at Liao. Liao looked around and raised his eyebrows.
"What are you talking about you fool? I didn't take any French fries!" Zhang Liao sweat dropped at Lu Bu's anger. Lu Bu didn't believe him. Lu Bu started spinning around his Maelstrom over his head. Xu Shu overheard the conversation.
"French fries? I love French fries!" Xu Shu ran over to them to get some fries but ended up getting his head chopped off by Lu Bu accidentally. The two of them both stared at his head as it rolled past them. The Yellow Turban Yeti ran over and picked head. He shouted that the Yellow Turban would use this to create peace and then ran off again. Lu Bu and Zhang Liao sweat dropped. Lu Bu went back to threatening Liao. Liao looked around and saw Lady Dong eating some French fries and pointed to her.
"Look Lu Bu! Lady Dong obviously took them!" Lu Bu quickly turned and saw her with the fries. He ran at her with his Maelstrom pointed at her to kill her. However, when he was right about the stab her through the heart she lifted her cane and smacked Maelstrom out of his hand. Lu Bu stared with wide eyes as Lady Dong wiped the floor with him, throwing him into the wall and through windows. Lu Bu crawled away. Zhang Liao laughed at the scene and went to thank Lady Dong. He smiled and took one of the fries from her and ate it.
"Did you just eat one of my fries…?" Lady Dong's eyes glowed red with fire. Zhang Liao blinked and looked around nervously. Lady Dong went into Musou rage and slaughtered Zhang Liao right then. She also destroyed 4 houses accidentally, killed 14 peasants, a dog, the mailman and 13 llamas. The Yeti ran back and smashed Lady Dong in the head killing her instantly. He looked around to see if anyone saw what happened, then dragged her body away with him.
Lu Bu crawled back to Diao Chan's house and saw her lying on the ground. He crawled over to her and saw his French fries box in her hand. He looked inside the box and saw it was empty. Lu Bu then checked her and saw she choked to death on the fries.
"Diao Chan! My love… you ate all my fries! How could you... you could have at least left me a few. How selfish of you to think of only yourself. Lu Bu sadly took his things and left the house. He then walked down the road and faded in the horizon. Zhuge Liang walked over with his armchair and sat down with some French fries.
"Now my friends, as you can see, putting Zhang Liao and Diao Chan together can not possibly be a good thing. It will cause Zhang Liao and Lu Bu to call each other names and blame each other for anything. Which will lead to Diao Chan taking something that Lu Bu has and Lu Bu will instantly blame Zhang Liao and both Diao and Liao will end up dying… what? You don't expect someone as mighty as Lu Bu to actually die do you? Look at him? He is 'The Mighty Lu Bu', he can't die? Anyway… that is also why you shouldn't make Lu Bu mad, or you will die one way or another. Join me next time as we see the Ice Queen going from man to man trying to figure out who she really wants. Quite a disgrace if you ask me…" Lu Bu walked back and pulled up a chair next to Zhuge Liang. "French fry?"
"Don't mind if I do!" Lu Bu said happily as Zhuge Liang handed him his own box of French fries. The two of them sat back as the sun set and ate all of their fries up. Lu Bu then got up and went down the road into the horizon again.