Nocturnal Vengeance
By: Wordsworth 13
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Hamtaro
Special Thanks: Ringa ham, cappyandpashy4ever, Arisu Tsuranu, and sparkleshine101! Good news! I'm removing all toxic and corrosive substances from my kitchen. All my culinary creations are now acid free. Or are they? Mwahahahahahaha!
Chapter 6: Good Morning
Hamtaro was sucking his thumb, if he has one; it's hard to say with hamsters. He was also tucked away in a corner. Everyone else was knelt on the floor, trying to come up with a solution to their current dilemma, and that was being trapped in a dream world controlled by the rodent embodiment of evil, the name of whom they repeatedly got wrong. "Like, whadda ya think Spret's trying to do by trapping us here?" Sandy asked the others; if they knew why he brought them here it may be easier to escape. "Was his name Spret? I thought it was Slatt," Panda inquired "anyway, think about it, Splett's trapped us here because in the real world, our bodies will slowly waste away to nothing." "So he's trying to kill us?" Pashmina said questioningly
"Well this isn't just some practical joke!" Panda replied. Sandy sighed
"If Maxy were here he'd know what to do."
"Ookyoo, ookwee!" Penelope agreed in her indecipherable dialect
"Hey, where d'you think Maxwell is anyway?" Pashmina asked
"I dunno, for all we know he might've got hit by a cannonball." Panda joked. The irony of what he said was that Maxwell actually had been hit by a cannonball, despite how unlikely that seems in the middle of the desert. Sandy stood up "Huh, Sandy where are you going?" Pashmina enquired
"I'm gonna go jump down that hole over there;" Sandy replied, pointing to the same pit that Boss and Howdy had fallen down "it's not like we can just wait until we get struck by lightning." Ironically enough she was at that moment hit by exactly eighteen-thousand-five-hundred-and-fifty-six volts of electricity in the form of a bolt of lightning. All that remained of the tiger-striped hamster was a wisp of dark lavender smoke. "Woah…" Panda whispered in astonishment. Everyone else was just staring in surprise, and the event seemed to faze Hamtaro slightly. "Well," Panda said finally "I agree with Sandy's plan!"
"Getting struck by lightning?" Pashmina asked
"Uh, no. Jumping down the hole." Panda replied, walking out of the cave "I mean, it's not like a meteor's gonna bash me in the skull, is it?" At that very moment, a chunk of red-hot space rock came hurtling towards him at incredible speeds and almost collided with him, before it had a chance to make contact, however: he vanished in a cloud of purple smoke; Hamtaro's eye began to twitch. "Hmm," Pashmina said "this gives me an idea!" She grabbed Penelope by the paw and led her out of the cave, leaving a rather unhappy Hamtaro and a not-quite-so unhappy Bijou in the shade provided by the rock formation.
"Oh, mighty God! I beseech thee! Bring forth to us oblivion, and thus salvation! We pray to thee, oh mighty creator and destroyer, please answer our call!" Pashmina was stood with her hands in the air, a tumbleweed rolled across the desert and the sound of chirping crickets could be heard, despite the lack of plants and crickets anywhere in the desert. After a few more seconds of silence and Pashmina sweating anime style, a disappointed Penelope said "Ookwee, ookyoo," and as usual no-one understood a word of it, however they could tell by her tone. Hamtaro seemed impartial to the fact the attempt had failed.
"No, wait, I've got a good idea!" Pashmina said nervously, "We tried being polite, let's try being rude!" She looked up and started shouting "Oy, you! You stupid deity, yeah you, you'd better fry us right now or I'm gonna march right up those, uh… clouds, and whoop your candy ass! You heard me! Smite me O mighty smiter!" Nothing happened, Hamtaro and Bijou were sweating anime style, "Well it could've worked." Pashmina said defensively. The two of them fell over.
Pashmina turned around and began to pace away from them, stroking her chin in thought, but before anything hit her, her foot hit something, and she tripped over, and something hit her face. Apparently she hadn't noticed a small flat stone on the ground, picking it up she looked it up and down and had an idea. Penelope skipped up behind her "Penelope, I've got an idea." She told her, raising the stone in the air, and then she brought it down on her head, but vanished in a cloud of purple smoke milliseconds before it made contact, and then it fell on Penelope, who just stood there, not having expected anything. "Ookw-" was all she had time to say. And then it was just Hamtaro and Bijou.
Hamtaro, as it happens, was sitting confused, bound and gagged at that point in time, remembering only Cappy and Dexter about to be eaten by a giant bird, then dizziness, and then being where he was. He tried to talk again but 'Can someone please untie me?' came out as "Cb thbub pb uhg du?" Bijou meanwhile sighed. She turned to Hamtaro "Well, I guess it is just us now, 'Amtaro…" He looked up at her and smirked "'Amtaro? 'Amtaro? Guess again Frenchie!" He said maniacally
"Frenchie?" 'Hamtaro' closed his eyes and re-opened them, revealing them to be in the shape of crescent moons. He gave her a devilish smile as his features twisted and his orange fur morphed into a cherry red devil costume. He began to laugh uncontrollably and said in a terrifyingly sinister voice "And now I've got you where I want you!"
"Skett?" Bijou gasped in horror, Spat's expression changed from one of insane joy to one of irritated dismay, his eyes reduced to dots. "No! My name is Spat! Spat you stupid French plonker! And I've got your little orange boyfriend too! All tied up and helpless; I bet he's tryin' to say 'Can someone please untie me?' and it's comin' out as 'Cb thbub pb uhg du?'!" He laughed at his weirdly accurate and meant-to-be-but-not-actually-that cruel quip.
The sand below Bijou began to fall in as a pit opened beneath her "I've got both of you here and I'll ensure you don't escape! In the real world your bodies will waste away and your stupid little friends won't be able to do anything about it! I may have lost them, but you two; you're the one's I was really after! You'll pay for ruining my little heartbreak scam!" The falling sand stopped and Bijou lost her footing, but managed to grasp right onto the edge. "Well, well, looks like I win," Spat said demonically
"You will never succeed at zis!" Bijou retorted
"Come now, the only way that would happen is if right now I were struck by a nuclear missile, which I doubt!" Then an unfamiliar, but extremely pre-recorded sounding female voice came loudly, seemingly from the sky. "Warning, a ten megaton nuclear missile is about to be tested in this area, if you did not begin evacuation five hours ago you are doomed to an extremely painful death, have a nice day." There then came a whistling sound like something very heavy was falling from the sky, Spat looked up to see a large, dark grey object lat looked like a huge stubby bullet with a logo reading '10 Megatons' on it. "What the f-" Spat said, but was blasted out of the desert before this story could contain major profanity. The explosion also caused Bijou to lose her grip and fall down the pit she was desperately clinging to.
She awoke quietly mumbling and looked around, everything was dark, in fact she wasn't even sure her eyes were open, she turned around. Either they were open or she was hallucinating, probably the latter, because she saw a bare light bulb hanging in midair in a place that could easily have oh-so-conveniently had it's roof forgotten by the contractors, who did however, remember to include it in the bill. Underneath the bulb, was something she did want to see, but not in the way she wanted to see it. She did want to see Hamtaro, but she didn't want to see him bound and gagged.
She ran up to him and began trying to undo his conveniently loose bonds, probably a result of continuous struggling on Hamtaro's part. After a short while she had his ropes and gag off, "Hamtaro what 'appened?" He shrugged than looked to his left
"Hey, I think I see a light over there!" Bijou turned
"Oui, I see it too," and indeed there was a bright light coming from their far left, the two hamsters began running towards it and soon saw it was a door, cut out of what appeared to be a rock face. As soon as they went through, the two of them skidded to a halt; they were now stood on a decent sized rock face, overlooking the dark green meadow the Ham Hams had found themselves in at the beginning of their somewhat pointless adventure.
"Wow," Hamtaro whispered under his breath. He glanced at Bijou and said "well now what?"
"I don't know," Bijou said weakly, then she looked up "wait, I 'ave an idea!" she ran over to the cliff edge "You know Maxwell's plan, where we 'ave to get ourselves killed?"
"You mean the really weird one? Uh, Bijou, I don't think that edge is high enough to jump off of." Hamtaro said quietly
"I'm not going to silly, watch zis," she said turning away from the cliff edge "I very much doubt zat a huge terrifying dragon will come and attack us, and zen feast on our succulent flesh." She yelled out to no-one
"Heke?" along with a tilted head was Hamtaro's only reply. He became only more confused when the floor began to shake rapidly, and still didn't catch on when a large green reptilian head shielded by a solid gold mask, showing only the lizard's burning red eyes rose up from under the cliff edge. The creature opened its jaw and let out a roar that only those who have watched a Godzilla movie can imagine. Bijou was cowering, wishing she'd said a rain of fire or being turned into pillars of salt. "'Amtaro, I'm scared," she managed to whimper. He turned to her.
"Bijou this could be our only way out, we have to just stand here and take it!"
"Zat's easy for you to say! You're not scared of anysing!"
"Yes I am. I'm scared of this, cats are different from this!"
"'Ow?"
"Cat's don't breathe fire!"
"What?" Bijou screamed in confusion, but her state of ignorance was shattered when she looked up to see the dragon generating a violently sparking ball of fire in its mouth. She could see Hamtaro was visibly shaking, but his face was locked in a n expression of undying determination. The beast reared back it head and a huge, swirling stream of infernal flames burst from its jaws. Bijou screamed. Their eyes burst open and they sat bolt upright. They looked around, they were in the clubhouse.
Everyone else was awake too, groaning and rubbing their brows. "Dude, what hit me?" Stan groaned
"That would be us." Boss replied "Come on! Skelt must be in here somewhere!"
"Hey wait, I thought his name was Sven."
"It doesn't matter if his names flipping Sturgeon!"
"Good point."
Spat, the hamster they were referring to, was sat cross legged on a purple cushion with gold lace, drinking a small cup of green tea. He chuckled to himself "I finally have those two meddling hams that ruined my plans to break up all the Ham Hams' friendships. This day couldn't get any better." Then a hefty paw tapped him on the shoulder and he heard a gruff voice clear its throat. He turned around to see Boss stood there, along with a crowd of other hams, aside from Hamtaro and Bijou who were stood at the back of the room, Bijou with her hands over her eyes and Hamtaro having placed a bucket over his head. They were never ones for violence. Boss punched his hand, a common indication of 'I'm about to break every bone in your body.' Or 'You are about to experience an extended period of unbearable pain.' Spat whispered under his breath; "Oh, crap."
"Hello Scert." Boss said with a cruel happiness in his voice, to receive the whining reply "It's Spat!"
The events that followed are best described with Spat's words at the time so here they are: "Ow, aah! Oh, god! Oh, Jesus! Yeowch! Aah! My spleen! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
After much painful torturing of a hamster in a red devil costume Hamtaro set off for home. As he trotted away from the park and neared his front garden, he heard Laura's voice and indistinct footsteps, Kana was coming over, which meant Oxnard would have easy passage home. Some people had all the luck. He yelled cries of distress as he hurried up the drainpipe, through the knothole in the planks on the side of the house, traversed the inside of the drywall and scrambled into his cage, as usual barely managing to get through the door intime.
Laura opened the door of the room and she and Kana entered, Hamtaro breathing heavily at his just-in-time re-entry. And then he surprisingly enough, before Laura even had time to say hello, fell asleep.
Hooray! After much pain and agony this story is finally complete! Please read and review and check out my Legend of Zelda fic: The Pirate and the Hero! Go on, please!